I was asked today what I thought about the shooting season in Scotland and absentmindedly answered, "He would need four more promotions just to make it to idiot."

I hope he pops by again...then i can tell him I am in favour of abortion in cases of incest.

Or...you are such a waste. If you were suddenly gone tomorrow, no one would even care. In fact it wouldn't even be noticed.

Or more profoundly...You can change your hat but you will have to wear that face forever.

Or a bit of Python is appropriate I think...

"I don't want to talk to you any more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."

"Oh to be as blissfully unencumbered by enlightenment as yourself."

Followed up with

"You have the soul of a maggot."

"Give me your objective opinion, what do you think of the human race?"

Everybody has the right to be a c### but you're abusing the privilege,

He/she has a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

now come on everyone, your telling me you have never in your life time had a quick..............

five knuckle shuffle or gone off to bash the Bishop ?

and ladies, ever been a time when you have had to fondle the baby Joey in its pouch or stroke the little kitty until it purrrrrrs ?

Not a creative profanity, but thought id throw this in..

The other day an older male friend of mine was telling me what he is looking for in a woman.

I listened intently.

He said: "I want a woman that likes to do lots of things...alone. ..and enjoys sex"

I added: "Alone" and laughed myself silly at his scrunched up expression.

hehehe!

(Oh hes a lovely man btw, brilliant conversationalist, so its the norm to do that kind of thing to each other" ^.^

One of my oft used expressions is "f_cktard", or, if I'm angry, "f_cking f_cktard!"

If I'm only annoyed though, it'll just be "'tard".

My boyfriend mentioned an ex that he thought was attractive initially, but when her clothes came off, she had a body like play-do. He apparently developed a morbid and gross fascination of prodding her skin to see how long the indentation would last.

I had a girlfriend once who was made of play-do, we never had intercourse, but I still made a good impression!!

He/she has a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

Or a Rottweiler licking piss of a nettle.............

Or even a face like a blind cobbler's thumb............

Bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger....................................................

bugger!

there is only one truly great profanity, begins with C ends with unt. FACT

there is only one truly great profanity, begins with C ends with unt. FACT

In terms of offensiveness I concur.

ive always been partial to the phase "tighter than a nun's cun_t on Sunday"

it ticks all the boxes.

"Sweating like a rapist" is another favourite turn of phrase

I use YFK Your F*cking Kidding