Sinsod 1 Million Baht

[gerhardveer]

It's always nice to read about the sinsod - my opinion is either a sinsod or after marriage living from the money the husband earns in Europa or USA etc.

Wanna have both is aquisitiveness and should be punished with a "Goodbye"...

[Markaew]

Sin Sod is to be negotiated on, instead you apparently felt the need to insult her mother with an offer of 20 baht. No wonder your relation broke up.

You could have explained that in your culture sin sod is not done and you are not comfortable with it and start from there.

Mario's way is the polite method but anyone that ask for that much let alone 200-300K, I would use your method.

[rgs2001uk]

Sin Sod is to be negotiated on, instead you apparently felt the need to insult her mother with an offer of 20 baht. No wonder your relation broke up.

You could have explained that in your culture sin sod is not done and you are not comfortable with it and start from there.

Mario's way is the polite method but anyone that ask for that much let alone 200-300K, I would use your method.

So its perfectly acceptable for the future MIL to insult the OP by demanding 1 million for second hand goods, the OP blows it off and replies to an insult by replying with one.

Good riddance nothing more than a serial farang chaser and a money grabbing MIL, at times some of these people are their own worst enemies.

Big face in the village in the back of beyond now for the OP, at least they wont view him as some sort of buffalo.

[Markaew]

Surely the oiffer of 20 baht was a joke which got passed on or taken literally, i suspect.

Personally I have never paid a penny, explianed that I was against it and we discussed it, eventually 40k baht was used, 1 baht gold given to wife which she kept, money returned immediately after the ceremony. Family save face, everyone happy.

My mother-in-law really went after me and started a war for the money. I never yielded. Nether did my wife about paying it. I understand about the saving face and giving the money and then returning it. My wife tried that one in order to keep the peace. I couldn't do it because the m-i-l is a scoundrel. I could never trust her to give it back. (Issan)

I have heard of other people doing what you say, but in my circumstance, I couldn't attempt it.

[camo007]

I made a joke and asked the Issan mother of my partner how much I would need to pay. She got upset and said she is not that kind of mother and only wants everybody to be happy. I offered to buy many things and most was refused. I say most as my suggestion for a Water tank and electric pump was accepted after 6 months of me suggesting it.

When I go to the small village in Isaan i am not asked for anything. I bring food from the local market so we can all join together and cook and eat with around 40+ relatives and thats about it. I once purchased some Johnny Walker Black label and nobody drank it. They did not want to get a taste for something they could not afford but accepted 100 Pipers.

The family are not completely poor as the children send money back to help take care of the farm and houses. Its been 3.5 years and I have a very good relationship with the parents. I have discovered a big secret the Thai's don't want you to know.... Become friends with mother and you gain much greater control of everything. I have found this very useful in solving arguments...

[Markaew]

Need to know more information.

Roi Et is a very poor area. If the mother is a rice-farmer, then the 1 million baht + 10 baht of gold is an insult.

What does your gf work as? What's her education? This is important.

I've even heard of guys being asked for 500,000 baht when the girl in question is divorced, 35 years old with kids! This is a blatant insult and the reply offer of 20 baht is not less insulting.

A good point, insulting offers do work both ways. Not sure if i would have come back with a 20 baht offer however

The OP could fill in a few more details for us all.

the offer of 20 baht was made in a private conversation between me and my girl friend in the car.

Initially I accepted.

I have no issue with SinSod, it is alot of people do it, it was later when I discovered the normal fee is 200,000 to 300,000 I was shocked and then declined, I could explain SinSod to my own mother but I had no answer when it came to why I was paying so much more than other people.

After I declined, I would sawadee khap mother but she would ignore me and in front of the whole family.

Thanks for the post!!! We haven't had a good discussion on this in a long time!!!

[asdecas]

Here's a bit of fun if you can read Thai: go here http://www.programcalculator.com/marriage.php. It's a questionnaire that calculates the amount of สินสอด you should pay, based on a number of criteria (age, monthly income, native BKK or upcountry, taking care of family, old folks etc.

It should work out somewhere between your girlfriend's mother's estimate of her daughter's worth (1m Baht), and yours (20 Baht).

[Markaew]

To the OP: I don't have an opinion about paying sin sod or not, it is a cultural difference that you have to deal with together as you have to respect their culture but they should also respect your own culture.

But offering 20 baht was a bit tactless, even if it was only to the GF.

Mario, I respect what you are saying, but I have yet to see the Thais respect a foreigner's culture. They say this is Thailand and that's the end of it. In my personal situation I feel like I do all the respecting.

[473geo]

To the OP: I don't have an opinion about paying sin sod or not, it is a cultural difference that you have to deal with together as you have to respect their culture but they should also respect your own culture.

But offering 20 baht was a bit tactless, even if it was only to the GF.

Mario, I respect what you are saying, but I have yet to see the Thais respect a foreigner's culture. They say this is Thailand and that's the end of it. In my personal siruation I feel like I do all the respecting.

Makes one wonder why choose a Thai lady for a wife at all........oh maybe it is because she is Thai......just needs a bit of Thainess cutting out where a cost maybe involved.....right?

[Markaew]

To the OP: I don't have an opinion about paying sin sod or not, it is a cultural difference that you have to deal with together as you have to respect their culture but they should also respect your own culture.

But offering 20 baht was a bit tactless, even if it was only to the GF.

yes I agree, in general I became un-sure of things.

In our culture discussing this with your gf would be appropriate because we would be unsure about how to handle the situation. I think the gf over reacted by not explaining to you and not assisting. By her reaction I would say the whole thing was to generate money for the family. Who knows how long you would be kept around after the sinsod payment.

[Markaew]

she runs a small resort of 4 bungalows in koh lanta....... Her ex-boyfriend is 76 he funded the resort......

It would be interesting to know how much the last guy got fleeced for? Obviously we all can't buy them a resort!

he paid 800,000 baht for sinsod.

This girl must have been a knock-out with a PhD!!

[Markaew]

she runs a small resort of 4 bungalows in koh lanta....... Her ex-boyfriend is 76 he funded the resort......

It would be interesting to know how much the last guy got fleeced for? Obviously we all can't buy them a resort!

he paid 800,000 baht for sinsod.

Sinsod is paid once! So the fact that your "GF" and her mother is trying to play that card again, talkes very loud about, that she is not a keeper. They would never try that trick with a Thai, who knows the system!

So even the 20 baht is too much for "damaged goods". (with the ex being 76, she might not be that damaged!).

So Mr Arran, wake up. As your "GF" is already siding with her family to fleece you, imagine what it is going to be like in the future!

Are you sure about the "only paid once thing" being Thai culture? I have heard of many women going for sinsod 3 and 4 times and getting it!!

[473geo]

To the OP: I don't have an opinion about paying sin sod or not, it is a cultural difference that you have to deal with together as you have to respect their culture but they should also respect your own culture.

But offering 20 baht was a bit tactless, even if it was only to the GF.

yes I agree, in general I became un-sure of things.

In our culture discussing this with your gf with be appropriate because we would be unsure about how to handle the situation. I think the gf over reacted by not explaining to you and not assisting. By her reaction I would say the whole thing was to generate money for the family. Who knows how long you would be kept around after the sinsod payment.

A little longer it would appear than if he offered 20 baht.......

[robhufton]

When I got married to my Thai wife we agreed to exchange and do a way with a Thai 'tradition' each - so she did not need a sinsod and I did not need a mia noi

[risky11]

Run a mile. If your financial status is all that's important, the rest of the relationship will be a failure.

I had a gf named Jeab in Udonthani. Spent 4 days with the family; liked her alot. But I wanted to get her alone, so I suggested we fly to Phuket for a week. She said, "Cannot. Must marry first." Well, I thought about it and replied, "Sure, let's get married - but monks only, not officially." That way her family saves face, she saves face, etc. I figured a ceremony followed by dinner might cost me $400 max.

But then she brought up the "wedding portion." I asked, "Are you talking about a dowry?" "Yes." "How much?" "300,00 Baht." "Whoa... that's $10,000. Who get's the money? What's it for? What guarantee do i have that you will stay with me and be a good wife?" Her: "My uncle get's it. No guarantees. Must do." Me: "Okay, how about this. I will pay your parents the money, but not up front. Rather, for each year of successful marriage, I will pay them 15,000 baht. That's $500 per year - forever - as long as you are a good wife to me, with me as the judge." Her: "No, pay now!"

End of relationship. She never loved me. She was acting the part to get a payday. This was a test. If she really loved me, she would have married me without any sinsod. If her family really loved her, they would want her to be happy. Obviously, i would have paid for our life together. But no - they were using her as bait to make money. Deplorable, greedy people.

Finally, for people who claim honorbale men care more about their financial status than love, you miss the point and are simply helping to promote this piracy. Shame on you!

[473geo]

Run a mile. If your financial status is all that's important, the rest of the relationship will be a failure.

I had a gf named Jeab in Udonthani. Spent 4 days with the family; liked her alot. But I wanted to get her alone, so I suggested we fly to Phuket for a week. She said, "Cannot. Must marry first." Well, I thought about it and replied, "Sure, let's get married - but monks only, not officially." That way her family saves face, she saves face, etc. I figured a ceremony followed by dinner might cost me $400 max.

But then she brought up the "wedding portion." I asked, "Are you talking about a dowry?" "Yes." "How much?" "300,00 Baht." "Whoa... that's $10,000. Who get's the money? What's it for? What guarantee do i have that you will stay with me and be a good wife?" Her: "My uncle get's it. No guarantees. Must do." Me: "Okay, how about this. I will pay your parents the money, but not up front. Rather, for each year of successful marriage, I will pay them 15,000 baht. That's $500 per year - forever - as long as you are a good wife to me, with me as the judge." Her: "No, pay now!"

End of relationship. She never loved me. She was acting the part to get a payday. This was a test. If she really loved me, she would have married me without any sinsod. If her family really loved her, they would want her to be happy. Obviously, i would have paid for our life together. But no - they were using her as bait to make money. Deplorable, greedy people.

Finally, for people who claim honorbale men care more about their financial status than love, you miss the point and are simply helping to promote this piracy. Shame on you!

Look at it from her and her parents point of view, you offered 1000 baht a month......maybe they were not that desperate, I doubt manyThai are ......no significant improvement on the 20 baht offered by the op

[falang07]

 

Agree with everything said but there are still greedy unrealistic Gold-digging parents out there in deepest Isaan ( or should we rename it insane?)

Hope you're not referring to me

I'll be asking for A LOT more than 1 million for my daughters, because of their stunning beauty and good education at private schools.

 

you can ask as much you want, the question is if you can get it Will you provide a lifelong warranty for the girls, too, and in case of failure return the money paid for them? Is not this equal to selling your daughters like in the Arab countries?

[sandhurstmolonski]

Sin Sod is to be negotiated on, instead you apparently felt the need to insult her mother with an offer of 20 baht. No wonder your relation broke up.

You could have explained that in your culture sin sod is not done and you are not comfortable with it and start from there.

You Really Offered 20 Barht ? ... I dont quite understand ... Do you appreciate how offensive that is ? and exactly the message you are Sending ? ..No wonder no one is talking to you . Its a Individual situation .

A series of negotiation .

Be careful by all means , but dont just go out to Offend .

[Pinot]

A nice wedding in the west runs $20,000. I gave sin sot of 200k baht and think of it as money well spent for her poor Issan family. The sin sot amount was a brief negotiation. I've continued to support them recently upgrading their bathroom to western standards. I haven't been asked for anything and never would be.

The OP sounds proud of himself. Has his money and no girl with the rest of the misogynistic dirt bags piling on with him. All in all a pretty sad post.

[DGS1244]

Surely the oiffer of 20 baht was a joke which got passed on or taken literally, i suspect.

Personally I have never paid a penny, explianed that I was against it and we discussed it, eventually 40k baht was used, 1 baht gold given to wife which she kept, money returned immediately after the ceremony. Family save face, everyone happy.

Totally agree, even half a Baht of gold would have been enough. paying more??? they saw the ATM machine coming.

[thaifrelst]

In this case. 20bath was 20 to much.

[rotary]

Luck get away you had. In my opinion, and I have been in Thailand since 1988, pay nothing unless its a give in public for face and get it back tomorrow thing.

[gamini]

Funny, Never heard of a Sinsod in Thailand. This is the first time.

In India a girl told me that if I married her I would get a Hotel and 100 cows and a lakh of rupees.

It must be different here.

[rotary]

Run a mile. If your financial status is all that's important, the rest of the relationship will be a failure.

I had a gf named Jeab in Udonthani. Spent 4 days with the family; liked her alot. But I wanted to get her alone, so I suggested we fly to Phuket for a week. She said, "Cannot. Must marry first." Well, I thought about it and replied, "Sure, let's get married - but monks only, not officially." That way her family saves face, she saves face, etc. I figured a ceremony followed by dinner might cost me $400 max.

But then she brought up the "wedding portion." I asked, "Are you talking about a dowry?" "Yes." "How much?" "300,00 Baht." "Whoa... that's $10,000. Who get's the money? What's it for? What guarantee do i have that you will stay with me and be a good wife?" Her: "My uncle get's it. No guarantees. Must do." Me: "Okay, how about this. I will pay your parents the money, but not up front. Rather, for each year of successful marriage, I will pay them 15,000 baht. That's $500 per year - forever - as long as you are a good wife to me, with me as the judge." Her: "No, pay now!"

End of relationship. She never loved me. She was acting the part to get a payday. This was a test. If she really loved me, she would have married me without any sinsod. If her family really loved her, they would want her to be happy. Obviously, i would have paid for our life together. But no - they were using her as bait to make money. Deplorable, greedy people.

Finally, for people who claim honorbale men care more about their financial status than love, you miss the point and are simply helping to promote this piracy. Shame on you!

Great Post!

[paulmw]

she runs a small resort of 4 bungalows in koh lanta....... Her ex-boyfriend is 76 he funded the resort......

It would be interesting to know how much the last guy got fleeced for? Obviously we all can't buy them a resort!

he paid 800,000 baht for sinsod.

I think you will find that Sin sot basically translates to pure or un touched.

[Kularion]

Well... I'm not so long in Thailand but 1 year and 1/2 year before.

When I came to this country I was thinking to get married with my GF (43 years old with 2 adult daughters, own condo, car, business etc - living in BKK).

Her father want 300.000 THB Sin Sod but I disagree and didn't pay even penny.

We are still together but not married... Personally I'm curious how long will take for her family and her to understand that I'm not going to pay any Sin Sod no mater what...

And I've made everything clear - i'M not investing any money into "family" or house or business as long as we are not married

Well... we will so what comes with future

[risky11]

Well... I'm not so long in Thailand but 1 year and 1/2 year before.

When I came to this country I was thinking to get married with my GF (43 years old with 2 adult daughters, own condo, car, business etc - living in BKK).

Her father want 300.000 THB Sin Sod but I disagree and didn't pay even penny.

We are still together but not married... Personally I'm curious how long will take for her family and her to understand that I'm not going to pay any Sin Sod no mater what...

And I've made everything clear - i'M not investing any money into "family" or house or business as long as we are not married

Well... we will so what comes with future

Bro, good for you. Stay together if happy - otherwise flee. Why ever get married? And why ever PAY for the "privilege" of supporting someone else? And furthermore, why would anyone PREFER the "untouched?" A virgin has no sexual experience, no experience in how to please a man. The only thing she knows is how to say NO. Geez....

[slipperylobster]

If you met your divorced Thai gal online then be prepared to pay the cash. She is looking for financial relief from credit. Double that loss if you are planning to marry a gal recently divorced from a farang. Her first husband probably cut his losses and ran like hell after she took out the third mortgage on the property and car (your signature not required.) !!! Cute gals have Thai boyfriends (who are probably married to decent gals) who support them. Ugly ones need help. If you are going to marry a bar girl....you already paid a sinsod of barfines, as many others have for her...so don't worry about the insults. Her friends are probably all hookers and lady boys who have been plying their trade in Phuket and Pattaya for years. No honorable Thai man would offer them 20 baht to bring them home to mama. Thai men who want to marry gals of status pay hefty honor to the girls families. Dumb farangs pay hefty sinsod to bargals thinking the other girls in the family are too honorable to ever work in Phuket/Pattaya. Reality is, a divorced woman needs your money, but her sinsod has already been paid. Don't pay again, instead support her first husband's children. That is truely an act of charity and honor...and you will gain great face. The mom is ignoring you because she lost her chance for a windfall from an innocent farang. She probably wants her girl to run on down to the bar and get a dumber one. Sorry for the honesty. Insist on a Western wedding outside of Thailand, and pay the sinsod through generous contributions (which you will be doing anyways).

[473geo]

If you met your divorced Thai gal online then be prepared to pay the cash. She is looking for financial relief from credit. Double that loss if you are planning to marry a gal recently divorced from a farang. Her first husband probably cut his losses and ran like hell after she took out the third mortgage on the property and car (your signature not required.) !!! Cute gals have Thai boyfriends (who are probably married to decent gals) who support them. Ugly ones need help. If you are going to marry a bar girl....you already paid a sinsod of barfines, as many others have for her...so don't worry about the insults. Her friends are probably all hookers and lady boys who have been plying their trade in Phuket and Pattaya for years. No honorable Thai man would offer them 20 baht to bring them home to mama. Thai men who want to marry gals of status pay hefty honor to the girls families. Dumb farangs pay hefty sinsod to bargals thinking the other girls in the family are too honorable to ever work in Phuket/Pattaya. Reality is, a divorced woman needs your money, but her sinsod has already been paid. Don't pay again, instead support her first husband's children. That is truely an act of charity and honor...and you will gain great face. The mom is ignoring you because she lost her chance for a windfall from an innocent farang. She probably wants her girl to run on down to the bar and get a dumber one. Sorry for the honesty. Insist on a Western wedding outside of Thailand, and pay the sinsod through generous contributions (which you will be doing anyways).

"pay the sinsod through generous contributions (which you will be doing anyways).".........might be easier to achieve if he didn't get dumped at the first hurdle....how about a reasonable "contribution" up front to show good intention?........you know.....the Thai way.....

[robblok]

@473geo,

Bet you paid sinsod and now defend it at all cost not to look foolish.

How about this one when a mixed couple meets both need to adapt that means its not always Thai way but could also be western way of no sin sod.

In mixed relations both need to sacrifice a bit.

Most foreigners i know did not pay sin sod and also a few of the Thais I know never paid sin sod. I know stories of a Thai friend of the wive who loaned money for sin sod only to see his wife transform and no way to get the money back. Even among Thais sin sod is not always done, so in mixed relations it will be done even less. That is if both parties give up a bit of their ways, not just the foreigner.

Then you got the scams where girls that have been married of have children will try to get sin sod again.. a Thai male would never stand for it.

*edit* I have nothing against the show of money if it is returned the face thing is ok