Chicken Soup...

[tuky]

CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE BEER DRINKER

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed.

Then I

look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all

of

their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out

of

work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is

better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be

selfish

and worry about my liver."

~ Jack Handy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the

morning,

that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "

~Frank Sinatra

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

~ Henny Youngman

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."

~ Stephen Wright

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"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we

fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.

Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"

~ Brian O'Rourke

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

~ Benjamin Franklin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is

beer.

Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel

does

not go nearly as well with pizza."

~ Dave Barry

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!

~ "Unknown"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.

One

afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to

his

buddy Norm. Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as

fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the

slowest

and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural

selection

is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of

the

whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest

members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the

slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills

brain

cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells

first.

In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain

cells,

making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you

always

feel smarter after a few beers."