Do you wai?

[zeichen]

Though I commend Khun Per for his enthusiasm, you are making a fool of yourself. A part of being respectful is learning the when and why and how of things. A lot of your examples are similar to a 60 year old calling a a 20 year old "Sir"

Thai people smile and laugh usually when they are uncomfortable. So most likely you are assuming that they are smiling at you as a sign of friendliness but most likely they are just too polite to tell you that they think you are silly and may even make them feel uncomfortable.

When I first came to Thailand, I met a student outside of class and I wai'd her but her facial reaction was distinctive that I did something wrong. I just made her feel uncomfortable because she didnt' expect it and though I was trying to be respectful I was doing the opposite. I made her feel old.

Learn the culture and the rules or just be a tourist.

[Fookhaht]

No, never. It's not my culture.

Leave it to the Thais.

Agree, foreigners look stupid when they wai.

The troll is just doing the expected wind-up. Ignore him.

[bangon04]

Yes but not the security guard or the house maid.

You only wai unimportant people?

Isn't that the basis of the Thai wai? You wai people who are / may be important / useful to you. They wai you if you are / may be important or useful to them.

Easy.

Otherwise you smile.

There are many degrees of wai, just as there are many degrees of smile. The real skill is knowing which wai or which smile.

Edited October 23, 2013 by bangon04

[theblether]

I think the reason a lot of TV members don't wai is because there aren't any Thais older than them. If you are as old as dirt, then you don't have to wai. For us that are of an average age and have real relationships and have roots in the community, then giving a wai is appropriate.

The lame argument that it is Thai culture and not yours is really lame. Living in someone elses native country and not showing respect appropriately is just wrong. I love when my daughter shows respect to people. Other Thais always comment on how proper and polite she is. If you have children with a Thai and don't respect the cutlure and practices of the people, you are hurting the growth of your child.

I am not a total Thai apologist, but I do think that those that don't respect Thai culture and their way of life should not live here.

Och come on, the dont live here line. There are far more serious issues at hand than to wai or not to wai. Its not a if you dont like it go home subject. Thats just ridiculous.

ps. Apologies for my typos, I cant work out the keyboard on the airport computer.

[anon8]

The lame argument that it is Thai culture and not yours is really lame. Living in someone elses native country and not showing respect appropriately is just wrong.

Not doing the wai does not equal not respecting Thai culture.

[tingtongteesood]

I wai people I know, why not ? They do to me and I am polite so I do likewise...

[HeijoshinCool]

I think the reason a lot of TV members don't wai is because there aren't any Thais older than them. If you are as old as dirt, then you don't have to wai. For us that are of an average age and have real relationships and have roots in the community, then giving a wai is appropriate.

The lame argument that it is Thai culture and not yours is really lame. Living in someone elses native country and not showing respect appropriately is just wrong. I love when my daughter shows respect to people. Other Thais always comment on how proper and polite she is. If you have children with a Thai and don't respect the cutlure and practices of the people, you are hurting the growth of your child.

I am not a total Thai apologist, but I do think that those that don't respect Thai culture and their way of life should not live here.

Och come on, the dont live here line. There are far more serious issues at hand than to wai or not to wai. Its not a if you dont like it go home subject. Thats just ridiculous.

ps. Apologies for my typos, I cant work out the keyboard on the airport computer.

Airport computer?

My God, you're an addict!

[dave_boo]

Hawker9000....if a wai is not an option at the time a 'sawadadee waan jai' with an older lady who minds a store you are a regular at will either have her rolling in laughter or very flattered. Speaking from experience it's a win or win both ways. You either come off as talok jai dee or pak waan.

Sent from my GT-N7100 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[anon8]

Thai people smile and laugh usually when they are uncomfortable. So most likely you are assuming that they are smiling at you as a sign of friendliness but most likely they are just too polite to tell you that they think you are silly and may even make them feel uncomfortable.

You are correct, that is why Thai will never tell you your wai isn't wanted, they think you want to wai, and they let you. They even tell you how cultured and almost Thai you are, they will tell you waht a wonderful person you are, and how you are nothing like other, lesser foreigners. Truth is, they never tell you how they really feel about you, including your wais. If you are very lucky, you will make Thai friends who will tell you uncomfortable things, things that foreigners usually never learn about Thai culture and their views of foreigners and other things. It will take long time and luck to make Thai friends who open up about things that are very sensitive for all Thais.

[AYJAYDEE]

Thai people smile and laugh usually when they are uncomfortable. So most likely you are assuming that they are smiling at you as a sign of friendliness but most likely they are just too polite to tell you that they think you are silly and may even make them feel uncomfortable.

You are correct, that is why Thai will never tell you your wai isn't wanted, they think you want to wai, and they let you. They even tell you how cultured and almost Thai you are, they will tell you waht a wonderful person you are, and how you are nothing like other, lesser foreigners. Truth is, they never tell you how they really feel about you, including your wais. If you are very lucky, you will make Thai friends who will tell you uncomfortable things, things that foreigners usually never learn about Thai culture and their views of foreigners and other things. It will take long time and luck to make Thai friends who open up about things that are very sensitive for all Thais.

thais dont want you to wai? nonsense

[kevozman1]

I was a little confused and tired when I read this thread yesterday. I thought the OP was referring to initiating wai's to Thai people, which I do not do. However, when appropriate returning a wai is really the nice thing to do here and I will do so, just so I am not being an ass. I just do not want to be that western guy who walks around wai-ing Thai people and making them feel uncomfortable and at the same time not feeling comfortable myself, which is why I personally never initiate a wai.

[theblether]

I think the reason a lot of TV members don't wai is because there aren't any Thais older than them. If you are as old as dirt, then you don't have to wai. For us that are of an average age and have real relationships and have roots in the community, then giving a wai is appropriate.

The lame argument that it is Thai culture and not yours is really lame. Living in someone elses native country and not showing respect appropriately is just wrong. I love when my daughter shows respect to people. Other Thais always comment on how proper and polite she is. If you have children with a Thai and don't respect the cutlure and practices of the people, you are hurting the growth of your child.

I am not a total Thai apologist, but I do think that those that don't respect Thai culture and their way of life should not live here.

Och come on, the dont live here line. There are far more serious issues at hand than to wai or not to wai. Its not a if you dont like it go home subject. Thats just ridiculous.

ps. Apologies for my typos, I cant work out the keyboard on the airport computer.

Airport computer?

My God, you're an addict!

Am not.

I finished reading the Economist, had a few glasses of Moet then got bored.

I got here too early. Even the Business Class lounge can get boring you know.

Sniff.

[AYJAYDEE]

I was a little confused and tired when I read this thread yesterday. I thought the OP was referring to initiating wai's to Thai people, which I do not do. However, when appropriate returning a wai is really the nice thing to do here and I will do so, just so I am not being an ass. I just do not want to be that western guy who walks around wai-ing Thai people and making them feel uncomfortable and at the same time not feeling comfortable myself, which is why I personally never initiate a wai.

not even to family and close thai friends??

[Thai at Heart]

At the end, pretty much I waid as much as any Thai person did.

[David48]

Airport computer?

I finished reading the Economist, had a few glasses of Moet then got bored.

I got here too early. Even the Business Class lounge can get boring you know.

Sniff.

Any Pretties?

.

[theblether]

Airport computer?

I finished reading the Economist, had a few glasses of Moet then got bored.

I got here too early. Even the Business Class lounge can get boring you know.

Sniff.

Any Pretties?

.

As always, plus I have a couple of photos for the Plane Spotting thread.

By the way no one wai'd me at the airport.

[David48]

I finished reading the Economist, had a few glasses of Moet then got bored.

I got here too early. Even the Business Class lounge can get boring you know.

Sniff.

Any Pretties?

As always, plus I have a couple of photos for the Plane Spotting thread.

By the way no one wai'd me at the airport.

Thanks for the photos ...

I'm sure there was a weigh-in at the Check-in counter ...

Yep, I can hear the groans from here ...

I'll get my coat ...

[thaibeachlovers]

Would you expect a Thai person to shake hands in your country? What would you think of those who said, "I refuse to shake hands, it's not my culture"? I'd probably say, "piss off back to your own country then".

Of course I wai. It does take a while before one can do it properly and know when to and when not to wai.

I've got more important things to worry about than if a foreigner shakes my hand or not. Doesn't come anywhere on my list of to do's.

If I had to wai in Thailand, I'd expect them to give me a "how to" booklet at immigration.

I used to say sawatdee khrap to my Thai relatives when they came to visit, till my wife said that if I did that I had to wai, so now I just say hello.

i prefer to make my relatives proud of me

Perhaps your relatives don't look on you merely as an ATM. If I repected them, I'd make an effort too.

[AYJAYDEE]

Would you expect a Thai person to shake hands in your country? What would you think of those who said, "I refuse to shake hands, it's not my culture"? I'd probably say, "piss off back to your own country then".

Of course I wai. It does take a while before one can do it properly and know when to and when not to wai.

I've got more important things to worry about than if a foreigner shakes my hand or not. Doesn't come anywhere on my list of to do's.

If I had to wai in Thailand, I'd expect them to give me a "how to" booklet at immigration.

I used to say sawatdee khrap to my Thai relatives when they came to visit, till my wife said that if I did that I had to wai, so now I just say hello.

i prefer to make my relatives proud of me

Perhaps your relatives don't look on you merely as an ATM. If I repected them, I'd make an effort too.

you reap what you sow

[thaibeachlovers]

I think the reason a lot of TV members don't wai is because there aren't any Thais older than them. If you are as old as dirt, then you don't have to wai. For us that are of an average age and have real relationships and have roots in the community, then giving a wai is appropriate.

The lame argument that it is Thai culture and not yours is really lame. Living in someone elses native country and not showing respect appropriately is just wrong. I love when my daughter shows respect to people. Other Thais always comment on how proper and polite she is. If you have children with a Thai and don't respect the cutlure and practices of the people, you are hurting the growth of your child.

I am not a total Thai apologist, but I do think that those that don't respect Thai culture and their way of life should not live here.

Hmmmmmm, so you respect the culture of corruption, exploitation of the masses by the hiso's, appalling driving habits on the roads and lack of infrastructure maintenance resulting in such fiascos as trains frequently falling off the tracks, all of which are part of the Thai "way of life"?

[AYJAYDEE]

I think the reason a lot of TV members don't wai is because there aren't any Thais older than them. If you are as old as dirt, then you don't have to wai. For us that are of an average age and have real relationships and have roots in the community, then giving a wai is appropriate.

The lame argument that it is Thai culture and not yours is really lame. Living in someone elses native country and not showing respect appropriately is just wrong. I love when my daughter shows respect to people. Other Thais always comment on how proper and polite she is. If you have children with a Thai and don't respect the cutlure and practices of the people, you are hurting the growth of your child.

I am not a total Thai apologist, but I do think that those that don't respect Thai culture and their way of life should not live here.

Hmmmmmm, so you respect the culture of corruption, exploitation of the masses by the hiso's, appalling driving habits on the roads and lack of infrastructure maintenance resulting in such fiascos as trains frequently falling off the tracks, all of which are part of the Thai "way of life"?

thats not what he said at all

[thaibeachlovers]

No, never. It's not my culture.

Leave it to the Thais.

This reminds me of a time back in the states when I came out to meet our new gardener. He had been doing a great job and I wanted the chance to come out, meet him and thank him for what he had been doing. As I had extended my hand to shake, he hesitantly extended his. Now once our hands met and I fined up my clasp, his remained soft, limp, cold and lifeless. It flat out creeped me out. Now keep in mind, this fellow was from south of the border. Mexico, I believe and it I suppose is not customary to shake hands when meeting somebody. Now on the other hand, this gentleman had been living in the States for quite some time as he had grown quite a reputation with my friends who had been using his services for quite a few years. Surely many have gone to shake hands with him over the years and he's had plenty of opportunity to learn this very common gesture. So was it that he simply didn't know how to shake hands or maybe he just did not have any respect for the culture in which he's now chosen to live ? I left that greeting with a much different feeling than when I entered it. Maybe you ought to reconsider your thought of this new culture in which you've chosen to live? Or maybe you prefer to be seen as a disrespectful mooch?

Sent from my Atari 2600

Don't go worrying yourself, I get along just fine the way I am.

There's nothing disrespectful about not wai'ing. It may have not occurred to you but the Thais are perfectly aware it's not our culture.

I often get tickled by guys lecturing me on this cultural stuff that can't speak a word of Thai after living here for years. If you really want to talk about something that is disrespectful and irks Thais, that's a far more important issue.

I'd rather speak Thai than wai. Seriously.

That can't be right, can it? To flip it over, if back in farang land a Thai (or non handshaking nationality) was introduced to you and said hello and you offered your hand and they left it hanging, would you not feel it was a bit awkward or maybe rude?

Surely, if someone has taken time to learn a language they would also be aware of the customs, so ignoring the custom is quite odd, no?

Do you wai if someone wai's you first?

Not passing judgement, just asking. :-)

<Do you wai if someone wai's you first?>

So according to you, if a child wais me, I should wai back?

It's not that simple, is it?

[thaibeachlovers]

No, never. It's not my culture.

Leave it to the Thais.

This reminds me of a time back in the states when I came out to meet our new gardener. He had been doing a great job and I wanted the chance to come out, meet him and thank him for what he had been doing. As I had extended my hand to shake, he hesitantly extended his. Now once our hands met and I fined up my clasp, his remained soft, limp, cold and lifeless. It flat out creeped me out. Now keep in mind, this fellow was from south of the border. Mexico, I believe and it I suppose is not customary to shake hands when meeting somebody. Now on the other hand, this gentleman had been living in the States for quite some time as he had grown quite a reputation with my friends who had been using his services for quite a few years. Surely many have gone to shake hands with him over the years and he's had plenty of opportunity to learn this very common gesture. So was it that he simply didn't know how to shake hands or maybe he just did not have any respect for the culture in which he's now chosen to live ? I left that greeting with a much different feeling than when I entered it. Maybe you ought to reconsider your thought of this new culture in which you've chosen to live? Or maybe you prefer to be seen as a disrespectful mooch?

Sent from my Atari 2600

Don't go worrying yourself, I get along just fine the way I am.

There's nothing disrespectful about not wai'ing. It may have not occurred to you but the Thais are perfectly aware it's not our culture.

I often get tickled by guys lecturing me on this cultural stuff that can't speak a word of Thai after living here for years. If you really want to talk about something that is disrespectful and irks Thais, that's a far more important issue.

I'd rather speak Thai than wai. Seriously.

I agree about the language point. Not about your refusal not to Wai which surprises me given your posting history.

There are many aspects of Thailand which are outside of our culture yet we adapt, accommodate and make some effort:

i.e. not going into peoples houses with shoes on, not touching other adults on the head, not pointing with feet etc etc plus many more...

Whoever told you there is nothing disrespectful about not returning a wai is wrong.

The difficulty for people in this situation is they don't know what they don't know. Thai's would be too polite to tell you when you are wrong. They'll keep it quiet, but that doesn't mean they won't think its impolite.

Of course - Wai'ing is not forced, its not the be all and end all of greetings, its possible to be polite and amiable without wai'ing. However, the wai shows effort to be respectful. For people who know better, by not wai'ing the are simply 'not showing the effort to be respectful' and that in itself will be interpreted. It can be a dash insulting to the potential recipient or person who initiated the wai.

A Thai person is likely to be too polite to tell you that you've insulted them by not wai'ing them or returning a wai, but they'll notice and remember. Now, not all Thai's would take offence, but many who know you've been here a while and 'should' know the culture by now would take some degree of offence even if they don't show it.

Example:

If my friends were to meet people I respect; say my Wifes Parents, and my friends didn't wai, my Inlaws would notice but shrug it of, I'd be mortified - my friends live here, know the culture and know better. It would reflect poorly on me.

Equally so, if my Inlaws didn't return the wai my friends would shrug it off, but I'd be embarrassed. It would reflect poorly on my Wife and I.

Fortunately the reality is different - Upon meeting my friends wai my Inlaws, my Inlaws return the wai and we all have a lovely dinner, chat, joke and get along well.

Edit: My friends and I are a generation younger than my Inlaws.

So YOU are responsible for what other people do???????????

[thaibeachlovers]

No, never. It's not my culture.

Leave it to the Thais.

Agree, foreigners look stupid when they wai.

You have a gf / wife ?

How do you greet her parents?

... assuming that they are younger then you ...

.

I donno about Lensta but I find saying hello with a big smile does the trick. The exes mother would always give me a cuddle so that was fine. I don't remember ever being vilified for not wai'ing, except here on TV.

Just sayin'

My MIL just ignores me, and there are people on here that think I should make an effort for people that made it clear from the first moment they met me that the only thing they wanted from me was baht.

[TheRedlines]

[quote name="thaibeachlovers" post="6957531"

So YOU are responsible for what other people do???????????

So you aren't responsible for deciding who to keep as friends ?

Sent from my Atari 2600

[thaibeachlovers]

... foreigners look stupid when they wai.

You have a gf / wife ?

How do you greet her parents?

... assuming that they are younger then you ...

.

I donno about Lensta but I find saying hello with a big smile does the trick. The exes mother would always give me a cuddle so that was fine. I don't remember ever being vilified for not wai'ing, except here on TV.

Just sayin'

Did you ever consider that they were being polite to you?

Sure, you won't be vilified ... Thais are more polite then that.

Your big smile is an open invitation ... and I understand that.

But I think you are glossing over the subject.

Just saying like ...

.

<Thais are more polite then that.>

That statement makes me wonder just how well you actually know Thais.

It's right up there with the TAT propaganda that Thais never get angry in public, and always, always smile ( where I live, light years away from tourism, hardly any Thais smile ).

[AYJAYDEE]

well they sure smile in my village. but then thais are shy of smiling at a farang first and from what I've seen here, i can understand why you think they rarely do in yours.

[David48]

... but I find saying hello with a big smile does the trick. The exes mother would always give me a cuddle so that was fine. I don't remember ever being vilified for not wai'ing, except here on TV.

Just sayin'

Did you ever consider that they were being polite to you?

Sure, you won't be vilified ... Thais are more polite then that.

Your big smile is an open invitation ... and I understand that.

But I think you are glossing over the subject.

Just saying like ...

.

<Thais are more polite then that.>

That statement makes me wonder just how well you actually know Thais.

It's right up there with the TAT propaganda that Thais never get angry in public, and always, always smile ( where I live, light years away from tourism, hardly any Thais smile ).

I think you have thoroughly misunderstood my post. The person offering the Big smile is the Farang, the poster of the comment ... not the Thai person.

As for hardly any Thais smiling around you ...

I don't know the exact words to reply to that remark ...

[thaibeachlovers]

Though I commend Khun Per for his enthusiasm, you are making a fool of yourself. A part of being respectful is learning the when and why and how of things. A lot of your examples are similar to a 60 year old calling a a 20 year old "Sir"

Thai people smile and laugh usually when they are uncomfortable. So most likely you are assuming that they are smiling at you as a sign of friendliness but most likely they are just too polite to tell you that they think you are silly and may even make them feel uncomfortable.

When I first came to Thailand, I met a student outside of class and I wai'd her but her facial reaction was distinctive that I did something wrong. I just made her feel uncomfortable because she didnt' expect it and though I was trying to be respectful I was doing the opposite. I made her feel old.

Learn the culture and the rules or just be a tourist.

<or just be a tourist.>

No matter how long I live here, the Thais consider me to be "passing through". When I moved in with my wife, I had to notify the authorities where I am living and every 90 days I must trek up to the immigration office.

When the Thais treat me like a resident ( which they will never do ) I'll learn how to be a falang Thai.

[thaibeachlovers]

... but I find saying hello with a big smile does the trick. The exes mother would always give me a cuddle so that was fine. I don't remember ever being vilified for not wai'ing, except here on TV.

Just sayin'

Did you ever consider that they were being polite to you?

Sure, you won't be vilified ... Thais are more polite then that.

Your big smile is an open invitation ... and I understand that.

But I think you are glossing over the subject.

Just saying like ...

.

<Thais are more polite then that.>

That statement makes me wonder just how well you actually know Thais.

It's right up there with the TAT propaganda that Thais never get angry in public, and always, always smile ( where I live, light years away from tourism, hardly any Thais smile ).

I think you have thoroughly misunderstood my post. The person offering the Big smile is the Farang, the poster of the comment ... not the Thai person.

As for hardly any Thais smiling around you ...

I don't know the exact words to reply to that remark ...

<I don't know the exact words to reply to that remark>

If all the Thais you see around are smiling, either you live in falang Thailand, or you have never lived in a Thai town without tourists.

I'm not saying that they never smile, but they certainly don't more than people would in, eg, London.

BTW, I'm not talking about ones interacting with me, just those passing by.