Show Me The Way

[nomoreusababe]

Peter frampton has a song "Show me the way"..I need that for my life in Thailand, and no idea about anything there or what to expect..I can tell you i think the women i met onliine who lives in Thailand can change my life for the best..My life has been a sad one for the last 3 years..I lost my wife of 23 years, 3 years ago and started this year to get out there and look for a babe..I joined match.com, and emailed a ton of women..(awful they are so picky and oh my the emails i got)Went a few dates and even after working harder on that site then my real job found one gal who i dated for about 3 months only to findout its tennis,and other things then then me..Like me being with her was not that important to her..Then i had my thailand women friend who i have enjoyed emailing even web cam sometimes and i know she would not put tennis infront of being with me..I see how happy and excited she gets when we chat and how happy she looks like..I would be a fool not to try to do this......With all that said i am going to marry this lady and could careless what the family thinnks(another problem) I am 45 and she is 32..She will go along with whatever plans i have(need your help there)..I told her maybe its best i come there and marry this gal and stay one month to feel things out(then go back to usa and come back a few months later to stay or go home with her)up to me !..I need to heavy advice brothers..I would live there in thailand i think? No idea how but i would for her..nothing really keeping me here in the states..I do have one major problem is my work..I deal with alot of online offshore sportsbooks that can't be log on in thailand(any way to get around that>?)

Ok i marry this lady and then what? Thats the advice i need guys..I am clueless what to expect and where to live..I want to live around english people and can't speak one word of anything other then english..Could i be happy liiving there? can i do my work there? what to do..lol

Well the plan is to go there in Oct..I have a few months to hang here and hope to meet some nice brothers here that have walk this walk... and now want to talk that walk..

Thanks guys

Dave

Please understand i am cluelss about everythiing other then i like this lady a awful alot..lol she would say if i said that you don't like me and think she is awful..Oh my i am going to love to teach this women a bunch..She is no bar girl guys..a outstanding women who lives and works in a hospital and makes $300 a month and gives 80% of that for her family..I think she is a outstanding women

Edited May 14, 2006 by nomoreusababe

[Valjean]

You never know how these things work out. Sometimes they do and many times they don't. My advice would be to go slow and take your time to get to know her. Use common sense, don't ignore warning signs, keep your eyes open and wits about you but in the end follow your heart. Understand that you are in a zone where love, relationships, values are very different from what you know. Neither is better than the other just very different. If you view what she says and does via your lens you won't see a clear picture. Not easy but you have to consider that there is another view to reality. I recommend you take some time and read books about Thai culture. I think “Thailand Fever” is a good one on relationships. She should read this also. Then there are the ones like Culture Shock and such that are also good. Just try to open your eyes a little to where she is coming from. Again it’s probably not a bad place – just different.

Go slow, spend time in Thailand, spend time with her and did I say go slow?

Good luck,

[Neeranam]

I've met lots of guys in similar positions, but most are older than you.

My advice is to try out living here for a while and don't get married straight away. Wait at least 2 or 3 years. At least 50% of the guys I know/have known, live to regret it(financially or otherwise), although they were madly in love when they first met. When I first came here 13 years ago, I thought that Isarn dark women were exotic and beautiful. Now, I don't at all. If I had married the first woman I met, and I thought beautiful at the time, I wouldn't have realised the social problems it would have caused.

edit - I better not mention names, but PM me about the sportsbooks.

In Thailand there are ways round everything.

Edited May 14, 2006 by Neeranam

[GuestHouse]

I think my advice would be, do not put too much store in this first relationship with a Thai woman, you have a great deal to learn about Thai culture and I believe you are probably very vulnerable to being mislead.

You mention coming second to Tenis, you have yet to learn your place in the Thai hiarachy, tennis is nothing compared to pressure from families, and particualarly mothers and brothers.

Take a holiday in Thailand, but be very careful not to jump into promises and commitments. Hang out on this website for a while, read and take part in the discussions.

There is a lot to learn and I think learning as much as you can before you start can't be a bad idea.

[OlRedEyes]

You will be taking a very high risk. You may be able to lower that risk somewhat by spending a while here before committing though. Read up on other's stories, educate yourself about the (many) pitfalls.

Life is a tradeoff, I'm sure you are willing to adjust and pay a certain price for an improvement in the company/relationship side of your life. I'd be sure to be clear in my mind what the maximum price is I am willing to pay before I make any final decisions. What if all goes wrong, will you be left with any options to restart? If not, you'll be in desperate trouble. Have an exit strategy.

Oh my i am going to love to teach this women a bunch..She is no bar girl guys..a outstanding women who lives and works in a hospital and makes $300 a month and gives 80% of that for her family..I think she is a outstanding women

I'd not look forward to teaching a Thai lady too much, there could lie madness.

[nomoreusababe]

wow thanks guys!!

I am going to learn a bunch here !! One small tiny thing i forgot to say (She is a virgin) No testing the waters unless that ring gets put on her finger..I was told if you really want to meet women in thailand just walk down the street..really?? This women is very much a family girl and i have not even talk about that funkid up gift stuff..Yes i do think she is a virgin because of the family ties..I understand i need to get alot of yes from her family to even marry this gal..Oh man!! I am one sad dude for even go this route..

[OlRedEyes]

I'll adapt what I said a little. I think you are heading for disaster, unless you first learn a lot more.

Spend a few months on the forums, and much time here first.

[GuestHouse]

If she earns 300 a month and gives 80% to her family, understand that she'll want to continue giving 80% of her income to her family. That might get to be 80% of your income.

How you come to discuss virginity with a regular Thai girl over the internet is beyond me.

Can I ask a question.

How is her English?

[Sir Burr]

In my limited experience, you never find love if you look for it. It finds you.

[snoophound]

Point one is a Very good point

Most understimate this.

If she earns 300 a month and gives 80% to her family, understand that she'll want to continue giving 80% of her income to her family. That might get to be 80% of your income.

How you come to discuss virginity with a regular Thai girl over the internet is beyond me.

Can I ask a question.

How is her English?

[The Skipper]

.

Dave ,

Did you know there are thousands of Thai bargirls posting on the internet?

Yes, and every one of them claim to work in a bank or hospital.

OK?

[t.s]

.

Dave ,

Did you know there are thousands of Thai bargirls posting on the internet?

Yes, and every one of them claim to work in a bank or hospital.

OK?

I'll adapt what I said a little. I think you are heading for disaster, unless you first learn a lot more.

Spend a few months on the forums, and much time here first.

Bugger the forums.

You are heading for a world of hurt, pure and simple. Slow down, come out here, be yourself and see what happens. Get to know the culture of the woman before you decide on the woman herself.

Notwithstanding the actual character of a potential mate, taking a Thai girl out of Thailand, especially one with a less than stellar education and world view will result one bored and lonely lady who cant even find a meal she considers decent, let alone the type of community and freindship she is dependant on.

Thais are highly social creatures who essentially don't like to be alone. They are dependant on their phones and freinds far more than you can conceive. They are contanly surrounded by family and friends, and basically only to sleep and bathe in solitude. I know of many Thai women who cannot sleep alone, if they are unattached, there is always a freind or family keeping them company.

Remove the support stucture at your own risk.

Ironically that same support struture can cause you many problems if you decide to live here, because of that same importance placed on community and family. Should you stay here, you will likely become a provider for the entire extended community. At best, there will always be someone around your home hanging out. At worst, you will be a human ATM for her and her boyfirend, (brother), parents. They will remain her prime responsibility. you will be tennis.

All that said, if in time you actually come across someone who really is genuine, educated wants to be with you, is willing to maintain an independent life job/career, can seaparate what you share form family obligations, and can generally stand on her own two feet. grab her. That is not to say you cant supplement her lifestyle, but she must contribute in some way.

I think the point is find someone who isn't looking for a free ride. Someone with an education, independant family etc. Basically find someone who was willing to do it on their own before you showed up. Find out if your nurse is willing to keep pulling her 10 hour shifts, and remeber if you take he out of Tthailand, here medical education is essentially worthless.

No matter how sweet the girl is, you will not be doing yourself any favours if you end up with someone who sees you as a way towards a better life for her and her family, and, unfortunately in many rural areas of Thailand that is the way both the girls and their family see it.

also, Thailand is filled with professional girlfirends who are unwilling to work on a relationship or while they are in one, and you know the whole bit about the devil and idle hands.

You are not going to replace your wife of 23 years with the first "virgin" you meet on the internet.

For that matter i do not think you will find one behind a computer screen. when you are back on your game, that is when things will happen. Not happy with your own life, dont try and drag someone else down in the hopes of improving your own lot. Sort yourself out first.

sadly i doubt you will actually heed a word of any advice anyone on the forum gives you, but i have been here for 10 years now. My sanity and my "fortune" are intact, I had alot of fun, and the right person found me, but not after having known each other for a few years.

Truth be told i didn't have a chance and im still kicking and screaming, but she simply wont have any of it.

Edited May 14, 2006 by t.s

[Jockstar]

I think the advice so far has been pretty good. Tread carefully my friend. You wont be the first sucker to be done over. Virgin? Really? Because she told you? Take it easy man. Dont commit to anything. Come live here and get to know her better. Also to add to some thing you said. There ARE beautiful Thai women everywhere. From the local minimart to the hi-so clubs. Don't go for the first the woman who spins you a line. But if you decide she is the one. GOOD LUCK!

[naka]

I agree with your self-diagnosis ... you are indeed clueless.

Just dump the self pity and get on with your life while you still can.

Naka.

Edited May 14, 2006 by naka

[Dakhar]

.

Dave ,

Did you know there are thousands of Thai bargirls posting on the internet?

Yes, and every one of them claim to work in a bank or hospital.

OK?

I'll adapt what I said a little. I think you are heading for disaster, unless you first learn a lot more.

Spend a few months on the forums, and much time here first.

Bugger the forums.

You are heading for a world of hurt, pure and simple. Slow down, come out here, be yourself and see what happens. Get to know the culture of the woman before you decide on the woman herself.

Notwithstanding the actual character of a potential mate, taking a Thai girl out of Thailand, especially one with a less than stellar education and world view will result one bored and lonely lady who cant even find a meal she considers decent, let alone the type of community and freindship she is dependant on.

Thais are highly social creatures who essentially don't like to be alone. They are dependant on their phones and freinds far more than you can conceive. They are contanly surrounded by family and friends, and basically only to sleep and bathe in solitude. I know of many Thai women who cannot sleep alone, if they are unattached, there is always a freind or family keeping them company.

Remove the support stucture at your own risk.

Ironically that same support struture can cause you many problems if you decide to live here, because of that same importance placed on community and family. Should you stay here, you will likely become a provider for the entire extended community. At best, there will always be someone around your home hanging out. At worst, you will be a human ATM for her and her boyfirend, (brother), parents. They will remain her prime responsibility. you will be tennis.

All that said, if in time you actually come across someone who really is genuine, educated wants to be with you, is willing to maintain an independent life job/career, can seaparate what you share form family obligations, and can generally stand on her own two feet. grab her. That is not to say you cant supplement her lifestyle, but she must contribute in some way.

I think the point is find someone who isn't looking for a free ride. Someone with an education, independant family etc. Basically find someone who was willing to do it on their own before you showed up. Find out if your nurse is willing to keep pulling her 10 hour shifts, and remeber if you take he out of Tthailand, here medical education is essentially worthless.

No matter how sweet the girl is, you will not be doing yourself any favours if you end up with someone who sees you as a way towards a better life for her and her family, and, unfortunately in many rural areas of Thailand that is the way both the girls and their family see it.

also, Thailand is filled with professional girlfirends who are unwilling to work on a relationship or while they are in one, and you know the whole bit about the devil and idle hands.

You are not going to replace your wife of 23 years with the first "virgin" you meet on the internet.

For that matter i do not think you will find one behind a computer screen. when you are back on your game, that is when things will happen. Not happy with your own life, dont try and drag someone else down in the hopes of improving your own lot. Sort yourself out first.

sadly i doubt you will actually heed a word of any advice anyone on the forum gives you, but i have been here for 10 years now. My sanity and my "fortune" are intact, I had alot of fun, and the right person found me, but not after having known each other for a few years.

Truth be told i didn't have a chance and im still kicking and screaming, but she simply wont have any of it.

T.S.

SPOT ON!

Your comment about Thai women not even being able to sleep alone. My wife suffers from the same ailment. It was hard to kick her niece out our bed when we first moved here. My son sleeps with us too. He is 12 months old now. Luckily we have a king size bed. "King" how ironic.... Husbands in Thailand are far from kings.

OK back to the sleeping habbits of Thai women. My wife slept with her mother at least until she was in her teens. My niece sleeps with her mother and she is 7 years old.

If you think tennis is bad..... Oh you have a lot to learn. I hope you have wads of cash, because you will be supporting the family. At your age, you will be expected to do so. As for me, my mother-in-law is wealthy. So for the time being, she has that covered. My sister-in-law has never worked for a pay check in her life, and does not even drive a car. She has a daughter, which if she follows her mothers ambitions.... will not amount to much either. My father-in-law, I already have given him a unit in our town house complex. All this, and I am 33 years old.... you can bet it will get worse as time goes by. Basically, these problems will one day be my son's and then his son's etc.

So Dave, think it over. Rather than saving for you retirement, you will be paying for other's, and maybe if you are lucky, you will have something for yourself.

The funny thing is, I am really not bitter about my situation. I am just telling you the reality of it all.

Dave, you best visit Thailand, stay for at least 4-6 months, heck make it a year before you decide to get into a long term relationship with this girl.

Good luck

[Jockstar]

My wife suffers from the same ailment. It was hard to kick her niece out our bed

Could have been fun as long as she is over the legal age.

[britmaveric]

Need significant time to spend with someone and I don't think online counts mate.

Be very careful and go slow because like many who have done this before you don't want to end up in a disasterous situation. Very easy to meet and have a relationship in Thailand - however meeting the right one is where the problem lies.

[chaiyapoon]

There are good ones out there.

Its just not that easy to spot them first time around.Nearly everybody has been burnt to some degree.....its part of the learning process.

Go slowly.Minimise any financial arrangements.There has been some excellent advice given.Please take note of it.Don't go'The mines different route' because mostly they are not,especially if from Isaan.

[nomoreusababe]

Guys,

Thank you so much for the responce i have got so far..I need to change the name of the thread to "Going to get married in oct what to do" I can't do anything other then go there and marry this lady..Not for her i might of put that gun to my head (NO BS) She has been there for me in her on way..I know she is a good clean women because of my talks with her..Infact call me a idiot i sent her $500 Western union days ago and she has yet to pick up the funds..I sent her that money for the hel_l of it..I sent it to her to show her i am sincere in my wants to marry her..I as i have said i am a sad person and she is the best thing that life has to offer to me..So with that said "Show me the way brothers" Help me learn things i might need to know if i do infact wind up living in Thailand..I can live there or here in the states..Just not sure if i want to live in Thailand..No going to Hollypark, and Vegas..No going so many places i like to go..WOULD I WIND UP SHOOTING MYSELF THERE BEING SO BORED..Who know! I was thinking heck i can marry this doll and live in Thailand 1 month every 6 months..she is ok with whatever works..I can't go into this scared and with a 3 feet back atitude..I am going there full steam and can only hope this works out..I have enough coin to give her $300 a month for her family, and can provide her with home and more in Thailand for us if we rent a place..I am just looking for idea guys on what is the best way to plan my life after i marry this women..

Thanks you guys are great and i hope to become freinds with some of you guys and meet in Oct..Make sure you have alot of tissues for me..

Dave

[khall64au]

Geez Dave, while you're sending cash to your online friend .... I could do with an extra $300 a month!

[britmaveric]

Geez Dave, while you're sending cash to your online friend .... I could do with an extra $300 a month!

Ask yourself this.. would you send money to a bird in yankland, you never met? (sorry to be a cynic, but this situation is rather cliche)

[Nawtilus]

Come in spinners

Wheres the police when you need em...oh, they looking for their sense of humour still.

[GuestHouse]

TOO LATE - HE'S COOKED

This woman, her boyfriend, brothers and family are about to make a killing. The $500 will be seen as a down payment and spent on a weekend party down the village.

Wonderful stuff.

[Valjean]

You are clearly not a man ready to listen so best of luck to you. Overall I find too many outstanding gentlemen on this site cynical beyond belief. I myself having come here often and living here now have found that there are plenty of super solid Thai women to date and maybe marry. Hi-so. lo-so, so-so take you pick. I am happy here and don’t doubt for a second that there’s a wonderful Thai woman I’ll settle down with. But along the way I’m learning a lot and have found that all is not what it seems at first. The more women I meet and date the more I feel like taking things slow. But what the heck – jump in, be crazy go for it. You’ll be wiser in the end.

Good luck.

And for the record I met a 40+ year old virgin on the net. She was pretty frank about her situation and how it worked out this way. We’ve gone out some, she’s very interesting person, just not my type to deal with that situation. You know many good girls have BF but wait, then get busy taking care of mom and dad, maybe one is sick, maybe they are working hard all week and taking care of parents on the weekend, they get their masters, they do well at work and wake up one day alone – with their parents. Check out the successful white collar working women of Thailand. There a pockets women where maybe all aren’t virgins but many close to it. This particular friend opened my eyes to it, then I looked around the company I work at – almost all Thai and I see it. When I sit across the table from my Thai teacher I see it. It happens.

[sriracha john]

Marrying someone in 5 months that you have yet to even meet...

Sending money to someone that you have yet to even meet...

Saying suicide is the only alternative to marrying someone you have yet to even meet...

Is your real name Drew Carey? He, at least, gets a lot of money for these similar fanciful ideas...

[OlRedEyes]

[monsieurhappy]

Am I the only one on here who thinks this guy is winding us up?? Where does he come from - Disneyland?

He meets a girl on the internet and beleives she's a virgin! Proposes marriage and offers her $300 a month for her family. Sends her $500. She sounds more like one of them Nigerian scammers to me and this guy as taken the bait or he's got everybody else to!

He's either a TROLL or an idiot.

[OlRedEyes]

Am I the only one on here who thinks this guy is winding us up?? Where does he come from - Disneyland?

He meets a girl on the internet and beleives she's a virgin! Proposes marriage and offers her $300 a month for her family. Sends her $500. She sounds more like one of them Nigerian scammers to me and this guy as taken the bait or he's got everybody else to!

He's either a TROLL or an idiot.

Possibly. Or he's lost it due to his life falling apart, and the subsequent loneliness etc. In which case he might end up in a newspaper report...

[laxman1960]

I've met lots of guys in similar positions, but most are older than you.

My advice is to try out living here for a while and don't get married straight away. Wait at least 2 or 3 years. At least 50% of the guys I know/have known, live to regret it(financially or otherwise), although they were madly in love when they first met. When I first came here 13 years ago, I thought that Isarn dark women were exotic and beautiful. Now, I don't at all. If I had married the first woman I met, and I thought beautiful at the time, I wouldn't have realised the social problems it would have caused.

edit - I better not mention names, but PM me about the sportsbooks.

In Thailand there are ways round everything.

PM me and I can tell you a lot that I have learned over the years of coming to Thailand and now mainly living in Thailand.

One piece of advice from my lawyer (he is actually an Immigration attorney mainly) was go ahead and have the Thai Social Wedding (buddhist ceremony, party, etc.) but do NOT register the marriage or be legally married unless you have to in order to get her a visa to live with you in the US. He said beyond the Thai wedding there is virtually no upside beyond that.

D

[nomoreusababe]

Guys ,

Pleasee hear what i am saying..I am a lost cause man..My wife died 3 years ago and i still cry daily over her..I spent 16 hours a day at match.com and got dumped for a tennis racket..I waS READY TO PULL THE TRINGER ON MY GUN I SWEAR MAN..Then this sweet nice women talks to me and looks at me with such excitement..I then fall in love and don't want to kill myself anymore..Sure i might be kidding myself and i might be going about this all wrong..I can tell you i don't give a rats ass about $500 a month if i think she is sincere in me and my wants and her wants..I plan on spending a wonderful month with this babe and if it does not work out then bye bye rich man from usa..if it does work out what to do and where to live..can you guys understand me?

Big Dave