Am I just a farang bank to her?

[chiang mai]

This is Thai culture....welcome to Thailand.

Sinsod is required for an engagement? I thought that was given at the wedding.

Anyway, here's to hoping the OP's a troll.

You para phrased and cherry picked words, I didn't state that sin-sod was due at the time of an engagement, shame on you!

[aTomsLife]

This is Thai culture....welcome to Thailand.

Sinsod is required for an engagement? I thought that was given at the wedding.

Anyway, here's to hoping the OP's a troll.

You para phrased and cherry picked words, I didn't state that sin-sod was due at the time of an engagement, shame on you!

Such outrage. I didn't mean to imply you said that, rather meant to have you reconsider the OP's situation before flippantly telling him this is Thai culture. Don't feel like perusing his post again, though I only recall reading that they're engaged, not married. Despite the fact he's already given the family sinsod.

If indeed that's the case, how exactly does this fit in with Thai culture? Did you mean treating foreigners like ATM machines is Thai culture, or the way the OP's relationship has so far unfolded with his "fiancee/wife"?

Edit: Wait a tick. Why are you responding to my reply to "chuang's" post? Have two accounts here, do you?

Edited January 4, 2014 by aTomsLife

[losworld]

run for the hills do you actually think any Thai guy would pay this kind of money? in fact why can she not get a thai guy? because she is older with a kid and he knows it will cost him a lot of money... don't be a <deleted> idiot...

[balo]

OP is a troll until he starts to reply to all the good advice he gets here.

I would pay 100k maximum and then no more money , its very simple, you must be in control of your marriage, not the family .

[chiang mai]

This is Thai culture....welcome to Thailand.

Sinsod is required for an engagement? I thought that was given at the wedding.

Anyway, here's to hoping the OP's a troll.

You para phrased and cherry picked words, I didn't state that sin-sod was due at the time of an engagement, shame on you!

Such outrage. I didn't mean to imply you said that, rather meant to have you reconsider the OP's situation before flippantly telling him this is Thai culture. Don't feel like perusing his post again, though I only recall reading that they're engaged, not married. Despite the fact he's already given the family sinsod.

If indeed that's the case, how exactly does this fit in with Thai culture? Did you mean treating foreigners like ATM machines is Thai culture, or the way the OP's relationship has so far unfolded with his "fiancee/wife"?

Edit: Wait a tick. Why are you responding to my reply to "chuang's" post? Have two accounts here, do you?

My apologies that I misread the name, indeed I responded out of turn. But no, I only have a single account on TV although I do know many that have dual names or new names following banishment, it's the permitted new world order, apparently!

[smokie36]

As a member here once commented to me you should pay family members for work the same as anyone else.....or you risk breaking the chain of profit....and therein ruining your business.

Wise words as usual from this sage....

[khunpa]

From my experience, the best thing to do as a Farang in Thailand wanting to be with a Thai-woman is to clearly from the start define your own expectations, moral and financial limits, when it comes to the relationship.

If you go into things that you do not feel comfortable with (like you are doing now), then there is a big risk that things in the future will turn out bad. If you on the other hand clearly tell your limits and expectations, then everyone knows what to expect of you. It is then up to them/her to decide...

The fact that your girlfriend suggested you paying THB 5. Mill, should tell you a lot about her and her family. For sure, you can conclude that they are money-focused, when it comes to you. And you can also conclude, that you have not told them you are not just another “rich” and stupid Farang, that they can rip off for money. Think about it… Would you like to drain your daughter’s husband for money before a marriage? Would you not prefer for your daughter to live in a relationship that was financially good?

Personally, I would NEVER pay 1 THB for marrying my girlfriend and if we at some point get married, then any money displayed at a traditional wedding, will be pure show. I would also NEVER at any point finance her family in any way. I could care less about Thai-tradition. I am a Farang with my own traditions and not Thai! This is a mixed marriage and therefore requires respect for all traditions. Tell the parents that in your country it is normal that the wifes parents pay for the wedding and then look at their greedy faces... Because you are clearly are dealing with people that are only thinking of you as a money machine.

Now the thing is, that my girlfriend knew this already from the start of our relationship and she also clearly stated her limitations and expectations. She e.g. said she would never leave Thailand and go to my home country to live. So from the very beginning our expectations were aligned and the basic “rules” in our relationship were clearly defined.

Today, 4 years later we are still not married, but live together and are very happy. We both work and have never sent any money to her family and although they are not rich, they have never asked for money too.

I sorry to say… but personally, I would see those parents as nothing but pimps, wanting to rip you off as much as they can. And they are using their daughter as their tool to get what they want.

If they want to follow tradition, then say you will put up 100.000 THB, but demand that the money goes directly back to you and your girlfriend after your are married. Being middle class as you state, they should have no problem with money. If they say no, then turn your back and find another woman. There are plenty of amazing Thai-women, who are not focused on money.

Edited January 4, 2014 by khunpa

[sdshaman]

I feel like I'm being gold dug but when we talk I feel she is sincere?

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[kevvy]

Tell her you have no money left , and lets see what happens next. That will give you an answer. Do not marry her , test the waters first . You are not the only one to ask members about this topic and maybe one day you will telling someone what to do in your same situation.

[suthansman]

I feel like I'm being gold dug but when we talk I feel she is sincere? Sent from my SCH-I535 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

You are being 'gold dug'.

Since when are there only a couple of people at the village wedding? This family with its business that seems to be so good would invite half the population of Thailand. There would be feasting, drinking of whiskey, gambling, dancing, singing, some drunken violence, a wedding night in the sack with your new 'wife'.

of money is at the heart of this. That is why there were only a couple of 'witnesses'. A very deniable 'wedding'.

OP, you cannot be serious. If you are, you are deep in the sh*t.

Have you shagged made love to her yet?

Out in the boonies you can have sex with a woman for <500 Baht for the night. 3,500 a week and 7 different women. Under 15,000 Baht for 31 different women per month. Makes this a very expensive shag woman.

[kevvy]

Tell her you have no money left , and lets see what happens next. That will give you an answer. Do not marry her , test the waters first . You are not the only one to ask members about this topic and maybe one day you will telling someone what to do in your same situation.

[FiftyTwo]

25 year old virgin doctor = 5M

30 year old shop worker with 6 year old daughter = 0

PS

Asking for money on engagement = SCAM

PPS

Con-menwomen don't make money by sounding insincere.

PPPS

Counter offer, 50k after you've been shagging her for a month. Forget the wedding, just rent.

(most houses advertised for sale in Thailand, can be rented)

Edited January 4, 2014 by FiftyTwo

[899cc]

OP clearly you have found a Gem, I think you worry too much & should cut out the middle man & give your new wife to be your 4 digit card number to save any loss of face in the future, all the best on a long & lasting marriage...

[pinkpanther99]

OP, I'm sorry pal but what an earth are you doing? You've met a girl online then the next minute you're giving her and every other Tom, Dick and Harry in her family money and gold at every corner.

If you met a girl in your native country would you give in to her demands of gold and money and paying from day trips out all time, I bet you wouldn't, so why do it in Thailand of all places???

Screw traditions! Why or why is it that soooo many blokes fall into problems like this. It's insane!! You're not the first and you won't be the last.

Hope you manage to work things out and for god sake stop buying gold and keep your money in your pocket, if she really loves you gold and money aren't important, right?

Oh and just to add - for the chance that this is a troll post - it's a decent read, a solid 8/10.

[Scottythai]

At the mention of 5 million Baht I would have laughed and walked down to Loi Kroah Rd got pissed drunk had some fun then marked it up as a lesson learned. Here is a bit O Scottythai advice for free. Think back to when you started talking with her remember all the little things that never quite added up. Nothing to do with money just stories and things used to lure you in. I am not saying she is a town pump at all but there seems to be a motive more than just marrying a nice guy from the western world.

She said 5 Million Baht then its a play at what you have and no offence but if the best you come back is 80k and a bit O gold she will not be in a hurry to jump in bed with you. Now see it this way. Make a second account with a different name on the web site you met her. (you said you met her on the internet) Sometimes these girls have lots of accounts and different names. That's how they get sponsors to support their failing business.

Best thing you can do is step back put emotion to once side and feelings on the other and re look at everything for facts.

Good luck man. If its a troll post then yea fun read.

[taiping]

Suggest you ask a trusted Thai friend to act as intermediary between you and the gf and her family, to negotiate the dowry and exactly what you are paying for. I've never heard of payment for engagement and separately for marriage - the money is usually handed over in cash to the mother on the Thai traditional wedding day.

Get a list of your assets in Thailand notarized in Thai and give it to the Amphur when registering the marriage. Only assets accumulated after marriage count towards a divorce settlement.

That's what I did and it worked out fine in the end - some 19 years ago and still going !!

[Bender]

i hope for this price she has at least 32 teeth...

[ezzra]

My gf gave me 2000 Baht the other day and sent me off to have a few beers for a couple of days.

The money is fast running out though....what should I do?

Mine use to do the same, only I have found later that she was making sure I'll be out

of sight when she was cavorting with the neighbor...

[zeichen]

"25 year old virgin doctor = 5M"

you clearly know nothing about Thai culture.

Actually Sinsod is more to do with the education of the parents and not the child. The value is based on reputation more than education. Someone with a well known family name will have to show more than someone from a farmer family.

I wish foreigners would stop thinking that virginity has anything to do with sin sod. To a parent all their children are virgins unless they actually have children, so they wouldn't be so crass to discuss such a thing as a part of a sin sod negotiaton.

Some factors that do raise sin sod, the man is previously divorced, foreigners that don't have a connection to Thailand other than holidays. The foreigner seems to be a player, much older looking for submissive wife, parents of bride and groom have never met or come from different social/economic backgrounds.

One requirement for my marriage was that my inlaws meet my parents before the marriage.

For those that talk so negatively against sin sod and state that it isn't your custom, do you buy a diamond engagement ring worth 5-10k dollars which is expected from you from western wives? If not it isn't about customs/traditions it is about you being a cheap skate.

[BenCrew]

Keep your money where it is.........that's the bottom line.

[xoxman]

[JulesMad]

To a parent all their children are virgins unless they actually have children, so they wouldn't be so crass to discuss such a thing as a part of a sin sod negotiaton.

Love your statement This means I am still a virgin, as I am never married and have no children

It also means that I am not lying in any way, when I tell a girl:"I virgin with you, for sure"

Nobody would believe that I am a virgin, not even my 86 year old mom

To OP: Classical story; do your research; pay what you can loose if you must! Whatever ur decision: Good Luck

[farang000999]

You said her parents own a prominent business. Then mentioned that it was a shop and that the girl is the #1 employee and works 12 hours a day and are there even any other employees? Then you say her uncle is a tuk tuk driver.

Now I am really starting to understand on Thai Visa why I keep reading over and over again "my wife is upper middle class. Her parents have a prominent business" what that means and what qualifies... I realize now that the farang writing these posts are delusional and create alternate realities to suit their egos.

[kjhbigv]

If you are for real.....you are a muppet! You are being played like a fool!

You honestly believe all the crap you have been fed?

Edited January 4, 2014 by kjhbigv

[thaipod]

You said you only have 6 weeks here so why are you jumping in boots and all .It appears she and her parents are pushing you in also , I think you should think about what is actually going down here , there seems to be the money and gold is more importatnt and you have'nt got your hands on the goods as yet.

I also think she is playing you to get a farang husband .Take her to your hotel and get to know her better.

As for the dowry 5 million is over the top for a low to middle class family . My wife s family accepted 300,000 plus gold but they are well off and they gave us a house to live in and gave the dowry plus back the next day.

[john1000]

After a certain age there is no reason to blow money on Thai families. Walk away, plenty who will not insist on this.

The obsession some Thais have for making their parents rich, " for giving them life" means they will justify doing anything to a Farang if a result is achieved.

Is this post is serious? I doubt, as seen too many like this.

[Alwyn]

Cut your losses and get out now.

80K plus a few zoo tickets is small money compared with what you will lose in the future if you continue along with this relationship.

There are plenty of less mercenary women about - why get involved with one that sees you as a meal ticket for her and her family.

As for getting no time alone - Hogwash.

She's very likely made a promise to a Thai boyfriend (that was introduced as a relative) that she will not do the naughty with this Farang.

agreed

[AlphMichaels]

Without going through all the posts, I suggest you find and read the book "Thailand Fever". It's a day read as one half is in English and the other half in Thai. Sure you'll find numerous references within that mirror your experiences to date and to better assimilate what has, is, and likely will be happening in the relationship, should it continue.

All the best....,

[DoctorHu]

Buy and read Thailad Fever. If you have not been sleeping with "A" then who are you getting frisky with. Soapy massage? It is a known fact that the western man will drop dead if they do not copulate at least twice a week after age 18. Good luck .....

[sdshaman]

If you spent some of your internet time researching Thailand Culture BEFORE you decided to go on a social network site to meet your Bride, you may have found yourself in a different position ..... Look before you leap !! .... ... CHOKDEE ... Now over to the synpathisers .....

I did research but never imagined it would be taken to this proportion! lol