Ex says I'm a father

[fela]

This is complicated. I don't live in Thailand and my then-girlfriend broke up with me when I found out she had a Thai boyfriend, which she at first denied. I later found out from someone else that she was pregnant but didn't know who the father was as she was seeing another Thai guy (not the same one). After the baby was born she said I am the father. The baby looks mixed race. I wasn't sure I was the father but as she said the new boyfriend was going to marry her and be listed as the father I thought it best that the birth certificate state me as the father. She eventually agreed though he seemed reluctant. Now the baby has my surname as well as me being stated as the father. I visited her and the baby last month but It's not confirmed if I can regularly visit. I live in another Asian country. I just read that being stated as the father on the birth certificate doesn't mean legal parenthood. I haven't contacted my embassy. I think for me to be absolutely sure I would want a DNA test though the baby does resemble me in some ways. Please give me any advice on the best way to proceed from here.

[MilesofSmiles]

Get a DNA test done.

[HeavyDrinker]

Erm....congratulations....?

You won't be the first bloke suckered in with the ''meet your child'' scam...get the DNA test done. Only way to be 100% sure. It can be quite a hoot sometimes in Pattaya (and beyond) seeing proud 'fathers' pushing some kid around which clearly has less ''farang'' in it than it's mother has ever had.....

I'd say, you've rumbled her once already for being a liar so I'd not be pinning my hopes on this being true....

[shaggy1969]

Congratulations if it true and it is yours......although I am a little confused about you saying that the baby looked mixed race,you are also Asian aren't you?

[fela]

I obviously can't trust her which is why I need the DNA test to be 100% sure though if I'm not the father she's told all her family and friends to tell me I'm the father. She's fairly dark and the baby has fair skin like mine. I did mention the DNA test before I went to see her and the baby but I worded it so it would be for her benefit and she would be sure if she isn't now as I didn't want any trouble before I had the chance to see the baby for myself. She just said she's sure so she doesn't need the test (unsurprisingly). She hasn't asked me for any money (though I bought some nappies and baby clothes while I was there) and doesn't seem keen to talk about what to do when I ask her which suggests it's not a plan to scam me though I still need the DNA test to be sure. And by the way, I'm not pinning my hopes on this being trueit would make things much easier if it wasn't!

[fela]

Congratulations if it true and it is yours......although I am a little confused about you saying that the baby looked mixed race,you are also Asian aren't you?

[fela]

No, I'm white. The baby is quite fair skinned like me.

[fela]

Congratulations if it true and it is yours......although I am a little confused about you saying that the baby looked mixed race,you are also Asian aren't you?

[fela]

Thanks for the congratulations, though. I do have mixed feelings about it.

[Satcommlee]

DNA test, named on the Birth certificate means absolutely nothing in Thailand unfortunatley... You are only the legal father if you...

1) Marry the mother

2) A court recognises you as father

3) The child (when older) identifies you as the father in front of Amphur officials.

[wooloomooloo]

DNA test first. No bones or there isn't a lot left you can do.

If and when it's proven that the baby is yours [you've avoided mentioning the sex of the child] then you'll naturally want to do your best for your offspring.

[edwardandtubs]

Definitely need the DNA test. Even if the baby is mixed race it could be some other white guy's.

[Deserted]

You need to do the DNA test. Mahidol and Ramathibodi hospitals offer it, it willl cost 15-20,000 Baht. I could be wrong but if that's too much you can try a blood test first. The child should have the same blood group as you. If not, this is a sure sign that its not your child (not 100% sure here). But if the blood group is the same, this doesn't necessarily confirm you are the father. In any event DNA test is best, they will give you c copy of the results in English and in Thai.

[A1Str8]

So why does the birth certificate list you as the father if you are not even sure that you are the father?

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[Gsxrnz]

No, I'm white. The baby is quite fair skinned like me.

Doesn't mean a thing. The kid could be dark as chocolate once he/she starts toddling outside in the sun. How dark/light are the former Thai boyfriend/s and the supposed current boyfriend/husband to be?

Interestingly, you haven't stated if it's a boy or a girl........I thought that rather strange, and just a little suspicious.

[sam sen]

the first thing you should have done is a DNA test, until you do everything is hypothetical and you are wasting your time and emotion on 'what ifs'.

[canman]

Certainly worth checking the blood types. There is a blood type calculator here: http://www.endmemo.com/medical/bloodtype.php

[fifthcolumn]

This is a trollish post but also.to toss into the questions

Did she come out of a bar

Did you meet her online

Does she have a proper, solid job

Did you meet her in Pattaya, Phuket

Is her English better than avg Thai

Can she speak or say any words in addl langs other than English

Have her spend the money on the blood test than dna and send results to you.

I had a scammy slut back in US years ago wanted me to pay for abortion. We slept together once, protected sex. Sure, send me the bill. Never heard from her.

[Mario2008]

1 post removed.

If you have nothing to add, there is the option of not replying.

[hansnl]

You need to do the DNA test. Mahidol and Ramathibodi hospitals offer it, it willl cost 15-20,000 Baht. I could be wrong but if that's too much you can try a blood test first. The child should have the same blood group as you. If not, this is a sure sign that its not your child (not 100% sure here). But if the blood group is the same, this doesn't necessarily confirm you are the father. In any event DNA test is best, they will give you c copy of the results in English and in Thai.

My advice for what it is worth?

Do the DNA-test in a state hospital!

Why?

A state hospital is more recognised in cases like these as private hospitals!

Beside that, it is much cheaper.

[circusman]

DNA test, named on the Birth certificate means absolutely nothing in Thailand unfortunatley... You are only the legal father if you...

1) Marry the mother

2) A court recognises you as father

3) The child (when older) identifies you as the father in front of Amphur officials.

Boggles my mind as to why someone would use such a avatar as you have. Was you second choice Hitler?

[F4UCorsair]

Seems to me she's been a little free with her favors in the past, so a DNA test is the first port of call.

[Bigfarang1948]

You need to do the DNA test. Mahidol and Ramathibodi hospitals offer it, it willl cost 15-20,000 Baht. I could be wrong but if that's too much you can try a blood test first. The child should have the same blood group as you. If not, this is a sure sign that its not your child (not 100% sure here). But if the blood group is the same, this doesn't necessarily confirm you are the father. In any event DNA test is best, they will give you c copy of the results in English and in Thai.

My Thai sister in law has a newborn baby girl. I was quite shocked and proud as a fluffed up peacock when she gave the baby my first name. I am a Farang, fair complexion, blonde hair, before it all fell out. Sure hope the real father steps up before Bill starts calling Bill daddy. LOL Good luck

[Kerryd]

Uh huh - being that you caught her blatantly lying to you about her other relationship(s), and that it is highly unlikely she was using any protection while sleeping with her Thai boyfriend(s), unless the baby had blonde hair and blue eyes I'd be extremely cautious. Even then I'd be skeptical, only because I have brown hair.

The very first thing you should have done was go see a Thai lawyer to find out what possible implications there may be down the road if you have your name on the birth certificate. In some countries that is more than enough to ensure she can rake you over the coals (legally) for all manner of (financial) support. In fact, in some places the fact that you put your name on the birth certificate could make you liable, even if all the tests in the world prove it isn't your kid !

Frik - my mother stood up in court and proudly proclaimed that 2 of her 3 kids (#1 and # 3, I was the middle kid) were with men she'd screwed around with while married to dad. The court STILL ordered dad to pay her child support and alimony for those kids until they were 18, despite the fact she was living with the father of the 3rd one !

Maybe it's different in Thailand but I wouldn't be taking any chances.

Last year I had a girl inform me that she was pregnant and that it was mine. Took me all of 30 seconds to figure out that it couldn't possibly be (unless she had the gestation period of an elephant) and I told her so. She laughed and never mentioned it again (though she is still on the prowl for someone to be the "daddy", preferably a large and easily accessible ATM).

If I'd been a whole lot dumber I might now be the proud "father" of her Thai boyfriend's baby (yes, she had a Thai boyfriend the whole time and yes, she worked in a bar so there were probably hundreds of possible daddies !)

Get a lawyer. Get a blood test done. If that is inconclusive (i.e. a possible match) then go for the DNA test. MAKE SURE you supply your DNA sample and are present when they swab the kids mouth. DO NOT bang her "for old times sake" and then relax while she takes the baby (and your recently deposited sperm sample) to the hospital where miraculously it turns out they match ! (Yes, there have been numerous cases of things like that happening, especially in places where the courts and lawyers love suing men into poverty. One woman even managed to fake a match by taking hair samples from the guy, and getting another sample from his brother. He thought it was his and was a proud (quite old) guy who was bragging about how he could still "get the job done". Later tests proved that he was not the father, she confessed that she'd faked it, and the court STILL awarded her a huge pay-off, because the guy who had been scammed, had been bragging about the kid being his !!)

You're lucky this is Thailand. Just hope it never occurs to her to go to your home country and sue for neglect and support. I guarantee she won't have any problem finding a bottom-feeder to help her, and probably a sympathetic court as well.

[cosmont]

DNA test, named on the Birth certificate means absolutely nothing in Thailand unfortunatley... You are only the legal father if you...

1) Marry the mother

2) A court recognises you as father

3) The child (when older) identifies you as the father in front of Amphur officials.

Yep that is correct, and for the point N°3, seems kid should be minimum 7 years old.

I advise you to make a DNA test at Police hospital in Bangkok (located near Central world).

It take 3 weeks to one month to get result.

You should go with mother and kid.

While you have this document and birth certificate, you must hire a lawyer and proceed to court to become the legal father and get custody.

I guess the court will ask you to pay a monthly child support, around 10,000 Baht to mother

[FlorenceM]

Same advice as everyone, get paternity test!

First of all, I'd like to tell you that I'm Thai and my bf is Austrian. Something like this happened to my boyfriend before.

He was claimed to be the father of his ex-thai date's baby. I knew the story after we are together.

My boyfriend and his family always supported her very well.

I accepted the fact but still, I had been suffering until the baby was born (that girl was a real b_tch, always called me and said sth rude to me and my bf).

The baby looks mixed too.

I really believed that the baby was my bf's son because the girl tried to claim everything from my bf and his family (especially money) but

after we got paternity test, things turned out that it wasn't his. I felt so relieved.

So, get the paternity test or you called it DNA test in a reliable firm even if your ex doesn't want you to.

I'm sure you can't live the rest of your life wondering if the baby is yours or not.

Good luck!

Edited January 20, 2014 by FlorenceM

[rct99q]

So why does the birth certificate list you as the father if you are not even sure that you are the father? Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Truthfully any name can be registered on the birth certificate. As another poster mentioned it does not mean you are a legal guardian.

To the OP; the heck with a DNA test I would be getting an HIV test first. Not judging, just saying!

[bifftastic]

No, I'm white. The baby is quite fair skinned like me.

Babies of two dark skinned parents can be light skinned for quite a long time after they are born. The melanin pigmentation can take months before it darkens the baby's skin.

DNA test is definitely what you need.

[Naroge]

DNA test, named on the Birth certificate means absolutely nothing in Thailand unfortunatley... You are only the legal father if you...

1) Marry the mother

2) A court recognises you as father

3) The child (when older) identifies you as the father in front of Amphur officials.

Are you sure about this? Never heard of before, and my Mrs normally knows her way around here. Except for step no 1 (Marriage) we never did step 2 or 3.

Would this be applicable for mixed/foreign marriages only?

[givenall]

DNA test, named on the Birth certificate means absolutely nothing in Thailand unfortunatley... You are only the legal father if you...

1) Marry the mother

2) A court recognises you as father

3) The child (when older) identifies you as the father in front of Amphur officials.

The Burden is hers. she has to prove, DNA by a reputable hospital (ask embassy). Till them just say no. if true do what is right