Thai women..the Thai way..?

[LaraC]

I met with my friend yesterday ( a professional Thai lady. She takes no BS, and i admire her personal ethics).
However, whilst we were enjoying a catch up over coffee..an older lady that she knows sees her and comes over to have a chat.
The conversation was all in Thai and was frantic..so although i followed it for the most part, i still asked for clarification from my friend to be 100% sure i am understanding right.
This Thai lady (the one i do not know) was telling us of her frustrating situation.
Her long term boyfriend, from England, is messing around on her.
Its not even hidden.
She is an older Thai lady but still takes care of herself and looks good for her age. He is in his late 50's.
On top of it all, the lady is well known in the community, so people are letting her know they saw her boyfriend with x lady, y lady, z lady etc.
YET..she is saying how she takes care of him..such as making him dinner, showering him (apparently he has a severe disability!!) and making sure he is ok.
She is worried to leave him because first of all she loves him (even after all this) and second of all, she is concerned that he cannot take care of himself well enough due to the disability (welll he seems capable enough of going out with other women..!).
He is not wealthy and doesnt take care of her financially (she owns her own home and has a small business).
Im left scratching my head as to why a woman would allow this to happen to her.
When she left i asked my friend why she would stay with him..and her reply is that sadly many Thai women will accept this as the "norm", even when they are unhappy and treated with so little respect.
...no wonder so many men like it here, when they can walk all over a woman and be selfish, without any repercussions. However...i do wonder how a man can look at himself in the mirror with any sense of pride after treating another human being so unfairly.
Any thoughts...???

Edited May 25, 2014 by LaraC

[Orac]

Spend less time gossiping about others???

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[Neeranam]

How can you look at yourself in the mirror after being so judgmental and frankly quite insulting to all the men here

[AYJAYDEE]

How can you look at yourself in the mirror after being so judgmental and frankly quite insulting to all the men here

all the men here??

[larsjohnsson]

There are also thousends of farang men in the same position as her. And keeping their women/girls that have other boyfriends. Sometimes multiple boyfriends.

It's really just gossip from you. Your friend told you what her friend told her;)

[HeavyDrinker]

If you didn't understand her 100% why didn't you just ask her for clarification or brush up on your Thai?

If you're going to post this nonsense as a thinly veiled attack on males (expats) and their adulterous behaviour at least make sure you understood her first.

[Banzai99]

Obvious Troll, you went over the top with the, he's not wealthy, doesn't take care of her, she owns her own house and has a business, he is severely disabled and in his late 50's, she cooks for him and showers him, and he still treats her like crap.

Then you ask a bunch of bitter and twisted Alpha males what they think about it ....

If such a man existed I'd say he's doing good.

Edited May 25, 2014 by Banzai99

[american12bthai]

that sounds like a serious problem.... for her. thank goodnss iem not her.

many people come to thailand to take advantage of the natives. and in turn the thais takes advantage of the tourists.

the best way to get into the good graces of a THAI gf. is by helping out her friend. if shes thai, then her friends are more important than you. but shell try not to let you know that. .. the question is... what are you going to do about it?

find her a real man or something?. she may have wanted advice. in which i would have said... dump the bastard. or maybe she just wanted a sympathetic ear. good men have hard times finding a good woman you know.

All westerners have this Scumbag radar. we can observe a westerner and know if hes a scumbag within a few meetings. thais... dont have this. there are no scumbags in thailand cause all they have to do is Wai a pra. and are forgiven. hmm.. who knows, you may end up saving HIS life. not that i care.

[LaraC]

If you didn't understand her 100% why didn't you just ask her for clarification or brush up on your Thai?

If you're going to post this nonsense as a thinly veiled attack on males (expats) and their adulterous behaviour at least make sure you understood her first.

I can speak and read thai. I was asked once if i was born here. How good does my Thai need to be?? She was speaking so fast and frantic that i wanted to make sure that i am really hearing what i think i am hearing (as sounded so unbelievable to me). My friend confirmed.

..sure, its obviously a thinly veiled attack on male expats..im obviously just trolling (<--i am being sarcastic, for clarification)..for nothing like this ever happens here, right.

Thank you all for your take on this.......

Should have posted in Ladies forum instead.

Edited May 25, 2014 by LaraC

[HeavyDrinker]

How good does my Thai need to be??

Obviously better if you can't follow a conversation or ask them to slow it down and clarify.

[Banzai99]

If you didn't understand her 100% why didn't you just ask her for clarification or brush up on your Thai?

If you're going to post this nonsense as a thinly veiled attack on males (expats) and their adulterous behaviour at least make sure you understood her first.

(sounded so unbelievable to me).

Exactly.

[american12bthai]

Obvious Troll, you went over the top with the, he's not wealthy, doesn't take care of her, she owns her own house and has a business, he is severely disabled and in his late 50's, she cooks for him and showers him, and he still treats her like crap.

Then you ask a bunch of bitter and twisted Alpha males what they think about it ....

If such a man existed I'd say he's doing good.

maybe he is doing good ... for now.

but her thai mentality wont take it for long. hope he lives on the bottom floor.

people on this forum are alpha males? hahahohohehe.

talking sh*t doesnt make alfa anything.

nor does half ass advice.

[LaraC]

that sounds like a serious problem.... for her. thank goodnss iem not her.

many people come to thailand to take advantage of the natives. and in turn the thais takes advantage of the tourists.

the best way to get into the good graces of a THAI gf. is by helping out her friend. if shes thai, then her friends are more important than you. but shell try not to let you know that. .. the question is... what are you going to do about it?

find her a real man or something?. she may have wanted advice. in which i would have said... dump the bastard. or maybe she just wanted a sympathetic ear. good men have hard times finding a good woman you know.

All westerners have this Scumbag radar. we can observe a westerner and know if hes a scumbag within a few meetings. thais... dont have this. there are no scumbags in thailand cause all they have to do is Wai a pra. and are forgiven. hmm.. who knows, you may end up saving HIS life. not that i care.

It is up to her what she accepts. I dont know her personally, just sitting listening the the story being spilled out to my friend.

But..i cant actually work out WHY someone would actually accept it.

She wasnt crying. She was speaking fast and frantic. But its almost like normal woman talk when upset with their partners in lesser ways..like if you were to talk about how irritated/frustrated you are that your partner isnt pulling his weight by ..i dunno..mowing the lawn or something! If this discussion (what he is doing) was in many places elsewhere i the world the reaction would be more horrified..but my thai friend was just like ..tsk ok, yes.. like its the norm more than not. Pretty sad imo.

[Spoonman]

How can you look at yourself in the mirror after being so judgmental and frankly quite insulting to all the men here

All Men ?

Speak for yourself buddy but Iam quite capable of showering and cleaning my own ass.

[AYJAYDEE]

perhaps your friend is wrong about thai women

[LaraC]

If you didn't understand her 100% why didn't you just ask her for clarification or brush up on your Thai?

If you're going to post this nonsense as a thinly veiled attack on males (expats) and their adulterous behaviour at least make sure you understood her first.

(sounded so unbelievable to me).

Exactly.

The thing is, if i wanted to "troll"..do you think i would be dumb enough to put disabled etc? I would actually make it MORE believable.

The fact that he is doing this to her despite being disabled would be bad enough..but then my mind boggled at him being even less of a catch as such (not helping her out and his age and disability on top). As mean as that sounds..its true. Its not like he is taking care of her and so she feels trapped etc. She is staying with him out of some sense of i dunno..worry/loyalty..love?

Pff. ..many of you guys have lived here of years, im sure you have heard much worse. To call this unbelievable is what is unbelievable.

Anyway, im not going to defend myself any further..i was looking for feedback, not dumb accusations.

Edit: the reason i found out he is disabled is because i asked why she showers him everyday. I thought that was a bit extreme on the "caring" front in a normal relationship. I can understand showering together..but she said she would shower/bath him. I at first thought she was just overly motherly to an able bodied guy. So made more sense when she said he is disabled so has trouble doing this himself.

Edited May 25, 2014 by LaraC

[HeavyDrinker]

Have you never had a Ar*ehole boyfriend whom your friends have told you to get shut of but not done so yet wish you had done so when you get further down the line? Sometimes one can't see the woods for the trees.

The routine and emotions of other people's everyday lives can make aberrations therein seem the norm to those living them. Things which stand out like sore thumbs to those on the outside looking in often seem perfectly normal to those on the inside.

Edited May 25, 2014 by HeavyDrinker

[Jasun]

If his disability is so sever he can't even shower himself, then he's doing pretty good to be fooling around with all these other women.

[LaraC]

How good does my Thai need to be??

Obviously better if you can't follow a conversation or ask them to slow it down and clarify.

that would be extremely rude of me.

She was blurting out to my friend first and foremost.

Obviously needed to vent it out.

I would consider it extremely inconsiderate to ask her to slow down purely for my benefit, particularly if she is in a highly emotional state.

..honestly, you would ask this of someone...???

EDIT: this is beside the point. The point is i understood, but had clarification in English too..as the conversation flow was fast.

The POINT is why would a woman allow it..not my comprehension of Thai when spoken fast..

Edited May 25, 2014 by LaraC

[LaraC]

If his disability is so sever he can't even shower himself, then he's doing pretty good to be fooling around with all these other women.

EXACTLY! If he is able to screw around on a woman loyal enough to take care of him, then she should feel no sense of worry or loyalty.

But she does!!

Honestly, if i were her i would have told him to get one of the girls he is messing around on to clean him up.

HOw can she shower a guy only for him to take that clean body and spread it over someone else.

MInd boggling!!!

[AYJAYDEE]

How good does my Thai need to be??

Obviously better if you can't follow a conversation or ask them to slow it down and clarify.

that would be extremely rude of me.

She was blurting out to my friend first and foremost.

Obviously needed to vent it out.

I would consider it extremely inconsiderate to ask her to slow down purely for my benefit, particularly if she is in a highly emotional state.

..honestly, you would ask this of someone...???

EDIT: this is beside the point. The point is i understood, but had clarification in English too..as the conversation flow was fast.

The POINT is why would a woman allow it..not my comprehension of Thai when spoken fast..

why are you so surprised that someone in a relationship allows themselves to be mentally or physically abused? its quite common in every culture.

[american12bthai]

i have personally quit dating thai women. because their mentality is that guys will cheat. I have been cheated on twice because she thought i was cheating, yet she doesnt bother to check the facts. does that even make any sense? that mentality is because THAIS are weak. well... thais raised in thailand are weak. weak morals, weak will, weak, weak,weak. they all have trust and confidence issues. crap.. it goes on and on.

it was just a few generations ago when thais were slaves. so they are young culture. look at the language. it is designed for giving commands. description in the language are far and few. listening to a thai conversationis like listening to my 6 yo cousin talk. its cute... but i wouldnt use it officially.

i speak thai, mandarin and english.

i also work with management training at a rope course. everyone at my job knows this problem in the culture. thats why we try to raise their confidence and trust in each other. you can tell almost instantly the difference between a thai with western influence and .. well.. a thai thai.

[Spoonman]

If you didn't understand her 100% why didn't you just ask her for clarification or brush up on your Thai?

If you're going to post this nonsense as a thinly veiled attack on males (expats) and their adulterous behaviour at least make sure you understood her first.

(sounded so unbelievable to me).

Exactly.

The thing is, if i wanted to "troll"..do you think i would be dumb enough to put disabled etc? I would actually make it MORE believable.

The fact that he is doing this to her despite being disabled would be bad enough..but then my mind boggled at him being even less of a catch as such (not helping her out and his age and disability on top). As mean as that sounds..its true. Its not like he is taking care of her and so she feels trapped etc. She is staying with him out of some sense of i dunno..worry/loyalty..love?

Pff. ..many of you guys have lived here of years, im sure you have heard much worse. To call this unbelievable is what is unbelievable.

Anyway, im not going to defend myself any further..i was looking for feedback, not dumb accusations.

Edit: the reason i found out he is disabled is because i asked why she showers him everyday. I thought that was a bit extreme on the "caring" front in a normal relationship. I can understand showering together..but she said she would shower/bath him. I at first thought she was just overly motherly to an able bodied guy. So made more sense when she said he is disabled so has trouble doing this himself.

My guess he either has a massive penis or foot long tongue.

Edited May 25, 2014 by Spoonman

[LaraC]

How good does my Thai need to be??

Obviously better if you can't follow a conversation or ask them to slow it down and clarify.

that would be extremely rude of me.

She was blurting out to my friend first and foremost.

Obviously needed to vent it out.

I would consider it extremely inconsiderate to ask her to slow down purely for my benefit, particularly if she is in a highly emotional state.

..honestly, you would ask this of someone...???

EDIT: this is beside the point. The point is i understood, but had clarification in English too..as the conversation flow was fast.

The POINT is why would a woman allow it..not my comprehension of Thai when spoken fast..

why are you so surprised that someone in a relationship allows themselves to be mentally or physically abused? its quite common in every culture.

I agree really..in many ways you are right. yes, happens in every culture.

I think its because in her situation it is so overt..and she has nothing really to gain (that i can see) by staying with him (and everything to lose).

I cant imagine that in other cultures/countries if it was SO open and obvious and known, that a woman would carry on accepting it as she does.

Maybe i am wrong in thinking this way though.

[AYJAYDEE]

i have personally quit dating thai women. because their mentality is that guys will cheat. I have been cheated on twice because she thought i was cheating, yet she doesnt bother to check the facts. does that even make any sense? that mentality is because THAIS are weak. well... thais raised in thailand are weak. weak morals, weak will, weak, weak,weak. they all have trust and confidence issues. crap.. it goes on and on.

it was just a few generations ago when thais were slaves. so they are young culture. look at the language. it is designed for giving commands. description in the language are far and few. listening to a thai conversationis like listening to my 6 yo cousin talk. its cute... but i wouldnt use it officially.

i speak thai, mandarin and english.

i also work with management training at a rope course. everyone at my job knows this problem in the culture. thats why we try to raise their confidence and trust in each other. you can tell almost instantly the difference between a thai with western influence and .. well.. a thai thai.

and yet many of my aquaintances dont fit your simplistic generalizations at all.

[LaraC]

The thing is, if i wanted to "troll"..do you think i would be dumb enough to put disabled etc? I would actually make it MORE believable.

The fact that he is doing this to her despite being disabled would be bad enough..but then my mind boggled at him being even less of a catch as such (not helping her out and his age and disability on top). As mean as that sounds..its true. Its not like he is taking care of her and so she feels trapped etc. She is staying with him out of some sense of i dunno..worry/loyalty..love?

Pff. ..many of you guys have lived here of years, im sure you have heard much worse. To call this unbelievable is what is unbelievable.

Anyway, im not going to defend myself any further..i was looking for feedback, not dumb accusations.

Edit: the reason i found out he is disabled is because i asked why she showers him everyday. I thought that was a bit extreme on the "caring" front in a normal relationship. I can understand showering together..but she said she would shower/bath him. I at first thought she was just overly motherly to an able bodied guy. So made more sense when she said he is disabled so has trouble doing this himself.

Ny guess he either has a massive penis or foot long tongue.

Haha..yes..well maybe he is awesome in bed.

However, i personally would lose all sexual desire for a man who would treat me this way.

She would be better off with a vibrator!!

[transam]

OP, up to the lady. Her decision for her life. Many farangs here, whether knowingly or not, are being messed about by a bird. Many put up with shit because of love, for many love comes into their equation. Don't get involved, in fact forget it, cos every guy or gal has their thoughts on "their" life..

[Banzai99]

Obvious Troll, you went over the top with the, he's not wealthy, doesn't take care of her, she owns her own house and has a business, he is severely disabled and in his late 50's, she cooks for him and showers him, and he still treats her like crap.

Then you ask a bunch of bitter and twisted Alpha males what they think about it ....

If such a man existed I'd say he's doing good.

talking sh*t doesnt make alfa anything.

Correct, as you so eloquently demonstrate.

[CharlieH]

The difference is she is Asian and brought up differently with different priorities and outlook,

You are western and are applying your western rules, outlook etc to an Asian.

Not same same.

[AYJAYDEE]

it is common in western cultures to find women that keep going back to men that beat the crap out of them and break their bones! men that drink their paycheques, cheat on them, abuse drugs etc etc . and men that keep going back to women that mentally abuse them and in some cases physically assault them.