Married a Thai and appear to do nothing right !

[joshstiles]

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Maybe a farang wife would appreciate your being the house husband, but believe me, Thai women ... no matter what they may say ... will not respect you as a man when you're doing what they culturally believe to be woman's work. Actually I had to re-read your OP to make sure I hadn't misread and you were actually a woman. No offense meant here, just saying what it looks like to me.

You did mis-read, OP is a woman, see:

hmmm....the profile says 62 yo male....

I work from sun up to sun down doing washing, washing up, repairs around the home,cooking

[bigbamboo]

What was it Samuel Johnson said....... 'every woman should marry but every man shouldn't.'

He also said that a man's life is incomplete until he marries and then it's finished.

Sometimes I swear he must have swung by Siam at some time in his life!

[myluckythai]

Act more like a Thai man. get home drunk every night. Sleep around more and occasionally slap her when being rude to you..... She might respect you more

[Phoenix1312]

You are a man right?

highly unlikely

Just because some people sit around all day drinking piss and expect their wife to do everything doesnt include me

Maybe a farang wife would appreciate your being the house husband, but believe me, Thai women ... no matter what they may say ... will not respect you as a man when you're doing what they culturally believe to be woman's work. Actually I had to re-read your OP to make sure I hadn't misread and you were actually a woman. No offense meant here, just saying what it looks like to me.

I'm a farang woman. And I most certainly wouldn't appreciate a house husband unless I was a lawyer etc with small children. Where do you get off generalising us farang women. Don't think that we are beneath any race. We like our men to be men just like any woman. If she is always angry at him then there are issues and he needs to sort them out with her.

[arjunadawn]

I forget the study and the right way to search it out escapes me right now, but studies have been done that suggest some basic cues from one or another spouse that suggest the likelihood the marriage will succeed. Where do you find the tools to figure out exactly what is going on with her if she may not even understand the changes taking place in now she interacts with you; clearly, one or both of you are changing. Your mission, should you decide to save your relationship, is to figure out how much has changed, and whether a few key things are present.

For example (and I know it's somewhere online): when one spouse is noted to roll the eyes when the other talks this is a sign of contempt, and it is a very bad sign. Perhaps a spouse feels the need to always "explain" you to others, or what you've said, even though others are not unclear. Perhaps at bedtime a spouse fakes already being asleep on the couch, so the other gives up and retires alone. Comedic jokes that seem to have a theme of low level degrading are indications of contempt, I'd think. "Oh, I'm just kidding..." and "can't you take a joke" responses when you imply something said was hurtful...

Look for these various cues from some sources that can tell you more ably what they mean. But they can empower you to understand the degree to which change may be happening, and maybe why. Good luck!

[Maroon Watcher]

...she man is just taking her tensions out on the little wo-man at home.

Do you wear a Tutu too!

Man up - be more clever than she is - they hate that even more...

but she will see you as a MAN, they get over that.

AND just because she's got a degree and/or a bit of money - she still lives in a poverty stricken country

that reminds me of Kingston Downtown! (Jamaica)

[RtotheC]

I'm sorry to hear that your wife is hurting your feelings. I don't mean for this to be insulting but are you embarassed at all by posting this on a forum? Personally i could never accept the thought of being a stay at home husband.

[ChrisKC]

Tell me about it.

My difference is we were never married.

I had several long and intense conversations with her about that point.(I suppose you could call them arguments)

I warned her a few times that if she kept disrespecting me I would simply leave.

All her children were grown, working and living on their own. No need for me to take care of anyone (including her).

I helped raise those children and supported that family for 30 years. Don't get me wrong, there were some good times also.

And yes, I loved her ...really still do.

Just can't live with her now.

One day, she insulted me again, so I just kissed her goodbye and left.

Maybe, sometime, I'll go back and see how she's doing now.

Or maybe not.

I'm perfectly happy being MYSELF, and always have been.

And there is me thinking I am the only one!! Your account couldn't be more same same, as mine.

[davo2212]

I love my girl.

Sent from my GT-I9507 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[hidavey]

In America they would say that your wipped son.

[NoshowJones]

Another post where I would like to hear the other sides view before passing judgement.

That's very true, but we can only go by what the OP is saying. My wife is also university educated and is the very opposite. Just can't do enough for me, but I try and do the same for her and it works.

[NoshowJones]

Act more like a Thai man. get home drunk every night. Sleep around more and occasionally slap her when being rude to you..... She might respect you more

Are you serious? No your not.

[smileydude]

They say when we get married we marry 3 people:

The first person is the person we'd like them to be.

The second person is the person they actually are.

The third person is the person they will become after they marry us.

Your wife thinks she married the first person but she see's the third.

Tell her she needs to marry all 3 of you and that if she nit picks she'll never be happy.

[arjunadawn]

I'm sorry to hear that your wife is hurting your feelings. I don't mean for this to be insulting but are you embarassed at all by posting this on a forum? Personally i could never accept the thought of being a stay at home husband.

You've only used three sentences and one can be construed as insulting, another as supporting; why be disingenuous to suggest your "sorry to hear" he hurts in the first sentence?

A man does not require the collective opinion of others to define the qualities that make a Man; it is self evident. When a "man" would even consider the notion of "embarrassment" for revealing something of the nature of his life, he is by definition leading an illegitimate life. Nothing manly about that! It's obvious and a reasonable inference, that your inability to "accept the thought of being a stay at home husband" is also constructed from the opinions and mores of others; how utterly absurd. Had I revealed so much of my "man-ness" on this "forum" I would be "embarrassed."

[Xonax]

Also in Thailand, relationships / marriages tend to work, only when the man is wearing the pants and making the most money.

If you don´t make the most money, at least start to wear the pants in your marriage! Just do like the Thai men do (go out drinking and screwing around) and she will maybe learn.

[seancbk]

You are a man right?

highly unlikely

Just because some people sit around all day drinking piss and expect their wife to do everything doesnt include me

Somethings don't quite make sense in this thread.

You refer to your wife as 'Hi-So" in the title of your thread and then say she is university educated.... but you don't say what social class you come from.

You also say you are doing cleaning, washing etc....

First of all going to University here does not make someone Hi-So....

Secondly Hi-So women rarely (if ever) have anything to do with anyone who isn't also Hi-So, so one would initially have to presume that you yourself are hi-so...

Yet the mere fact that you claim to do housework means you don't have servants and no Hi-So person would ever consider doing housework.

My definition of a Hi-So girl would be that her father would have at least 50 million baht in cash.

[thaicookingchef]

Become a control freak and she will just shut up and like it. Thai are better to "manage" women than most westerners, just learn from them and tell her THAI MEN DO LIKE THIS SO SHUT UP !

[slipperylobster]

Take her to Tesco, and when she is not looking, load her cart up with boxes of condoms and tampons. Then fart loudly, point at her and hold your nose.............

[ChiangraiTony]

Most Thai women can't handle raising your voice or yelling. They like soft speaking. This seems to be an area where the foreigner and Thai woman have a problem. This can ruin the relationship. Many women tolerate this but generally only if you continue to support her and her needs. Once you muddy the water, it is extremely difficult to make things right again. Best of luck to all those foreigners that are in this simular situation.

[SOTIRIOS]

....and everything you had is now hers...

...so before long...you will no longer be needed around....and the pretense will stop totally....

...then be careful even......

[tracker1]

You are a man right?

highly unlikely

Just because some people sit around all day drinking piss and expect their wife to do everything doesnt include me

Somethings don't quite make sense in this thread.

You refer to your wife as 'Hi-So" in the title of your thread and then say she is university educated.... but you don't say what social class you come from.

You also say you are doing cleaning, washing etc....

First of all going to University here does not make someone Hi-So....

Secondly Hi-So women rarely (if ever) have anything to do with anyone who isn't also Hi-So, so one would initially have to presume that you yourself are hi-so...

Yet the mere fact that you claim to do housework means you don't have servants and no Hi-So person would ever consider doing housework.

My definition of a Hi-So girl would be that her father would have at least 50 million baht in cash.

so called University Educated not Hi So. I stated so called University Education because many Thais have University Education at an early age

[AnotherOneAmerican]

You are a man right?

highly unlikely

Just because some people sit around all day drinking piss and expect their wife to do everything doesnt include me

Your wife can't cope with the 'unmanly' (in her eyes) way you behave.

Go out more, don't do domestic chores.

Treat her as she expects to be treated and things will be different.

She will never have any respect for a foreign man who behaves like a Thai lady.

Never ask for her opinion, never shout.

You tell her what you are going to do, and she goes along with it.

For example,

"Where would you like to go tonight?" Incorrect.

"We are going to see spiderman at the movies" Correct.

Start being a man, and let her be a woman.

Edited May 28, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

[ggt]

If you do not have a pair of ball...go out and buy some...use them often...

[wvavin]

Mate, nobody forces you to do what you are doing.

[Strangebrew]

Look simple solution my man go out buy a dog. When dog barks make sure wife is watching too go up to the dog and say loudly that's one dog, when the dog barks again got up to dog in a loud and stern voice say that's two dog, when the dog barks the third time grab a club and beat dog to death. if wife says why did you do that just say in a stern voice That's one woman. She will get the message and shut up.

[fxe1200]

I suppose your wife is suffering from the Dunning Krueger Effect, sorry this is incurable.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect

[Squeegee]

OP is not interested in working out any problems here or truly finding any solutions. He simply came to let off some steam and will continue down his path towards indignity, divorce or heart attack.

Otherwise, he would have answered questions related to the fuller picture, such as who has paid for the house or is paying for things and he would have given more info on their respective backgrounds.

My impression is that the OP would consider such information to be none of our business (and possibly not in his interest for us to know) and he would be right if all he came here to do was rant and let off some steam.

In answer to the topic though, I would say a previous poster who advised AGAINST being like a Thai man was offering the most sound reasoning. If she wanted a Thai husband she wouldn't be with a foreigner. Therefore, the OP should look at other ways to turn this around, such as reducing his input into domestic work and finding a room of his own, as Virginia Woolf would have put it, in other words, get a life by taking up golf or some other activity that doesn't revolve around her or the house.

Frankly though, I feel the relationship is doomed because I get the impression communication is not good and there's not enough love or respect to sustain the relationship whilst it's under repair.

Sorry OP, but you either need to be a bit more forthcoming in this thread so we can suss out where the issues are coming from or you need to put up and shut up.

[Krataiboy]

OP.Does she work?

sure does 5 days a week thats why I dont mind helping out up to a point

Sounds like a classic case of the traditional role reversal - and with you feeling like lots of Western women felt before they got "liberated" - and how a lot of Thai women supported by better-off foreigners probably feel.

Well, at least you know what it's like to be on the other end of the stick. Meanwhile, in more conventional Thai-Falang relationships, thousands of men will carry on carping about the little woman who sits at home all day watching TV and eating somtam with her mates while we work our fingers to the bone.

It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.

[bander]

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To my mind, and I may be biased, but the words "Thai" and 'hi-so' simply do not go together.

My ex wife sounds exactly like op's wife but she is "lo-so" without any education at all, she have never worked a day in her life and still complained on everything even if I supported her and her family, I got tired of her bs and left her, no use to try to change they'r attitude, they (Thais) are right and we (Falangs) are wrong. Now she living with a bunch of poor "lo-so" Thais, nobody work or do anything than drink and watch Thai soap operas on TV. (Still living from funds, house and land i gave her, I bet the bank owns everything by now.)

Don't waste your life on this bitch dude, pack your bags and leave

Edited May 28, 2014 by bander

[tracker1]

So go on OP.... Give us the rest of the story.... Whose house? Land? Condo? How much Sinsod? And what does her old man do?

Add to that does she have a car? And where does she shop, and how old are the two of you?

her home and land, Sinsod 1 million baht Father is a farmer we both have a car she is 46 and in a high position Government job im 62 early retirment living on my super,she has never married before Shopping anywhere Central, Big C Town whatever takes her fancy Bangkok where ever we are mmm anymore info required