Am I too old to have more children and do it all again?

[Wasa]

Some medical stuff ...

 

If you do deicide to commit to having a Family ... where are the 3 of you going to live?

 

If that's Thailand ... do you have enough coin to support the Family?

If that's going to be the West ... has she visited your Country ... she may not like it there.

 

If you have decided to stay in Thailand ... have you asked where your gf will want to live once the child is born?

A move back to her home village or surrounds might be a request by her.

Again, not by every woman ... but a common occurrence.

 

Ignore the naysayers who say that you are to old to have kids.

My Dad was around your age when I was born ... and boy ... was I glad for that decision ... 

 

That's the technical stuff I can help with.

 

The question is then you have to look into your Heart and see what the answer is in there.

 

My Partner and I had Twin boys earlier this year ... and I / We are over the moon with joy.

 

 

If you want to take part of this conversation into a PM ... my doors open for you.

 

It's such a big decision, it's always good to chew the fat.

.

 

Hi David48, thanks for the welcome and also for the great replies, the medical stuff is interesting but it's the life issues you raise in this post that I find I grapple with most.

 

I've really got some thinking to do.

 

When I get back to Thailand next week I'm gonna show my girlfriend your reply (she's 30 by the way) and go through it with her point by point and discuss each issue in detail. I'll write it out and also how each of us feel about each point. Then I'll bring it out a few weeks later and see if we still feel the same......sounds ridiculous I suppose but it's probably a better approach than I've taken to other important decisions in my life. 

 

We have discussed it in the past, but only in a half-hearted manner, because I never really entertained having children. But now I know and understand it's important for her, because she doesn't have any kids yet........ so we have to confront it head on now. 

 

Thanks for the PM invitation also, I'll do that when I can figure out how to.......

 

And your kids look awesome!! Cute photo and I can only imagine how happy you and your partner must be.

[ebean001]

No matter what age you are if you have you have a child your life style changes hugely. That is hugely!!! I sincerely believe you will not be able to handle it. You will not go out at night. Your wife will worship the baby and you will be #2. She will raise the child totally different than you would ever believe. you will see the negative results of her child rearing methods. you will have no say in changing it. She will consider the child is developing perfectly well. you will be scared to death where the child is headed.

your sex life with your wife will almost end.

up to you but i doubt the child will be as happy as you think.

Do you have a lot of money? the child will have go out of thailand for college. the problem - even with private school the child will probably not be prepared for out of country college.

[godden]

old guys having kids, i think it's a very selfish thing to do

[bushwacker]

As the OP stated, he has had many many ladies in Patts and can easily find more.  Therefore, IMHO, it boils down to what you want to spend your time doing.  It is that simple.  At your current age, do you want the freedom, flexibility, and ability to try new things.  Or, do you want to enjoy the raising of children and family life that you have already done with two different wives. 

 

You can go for new experiences and freedom .... or .... make 3 laps around the track .... And who knows maybe the 3rd time lucky and it will be a lasting marriage with kids.  Maybe not ... But the good news is you are still young enough that if #3 does not work, you can go and try lap 4 and even lap 5.

 

For me, being older than you, I am going for the first option.  Freedom, fun, excitement.

 

Just saying ...

 

 

[ggt]

Take your friends advice...if you do not...then you may end up with a child to raise...all the expenses and issues for which older people are not usually well equipped to deal with...in their twilight years...

 

If your GF asks...tell her you had that taken care of after your last child...

[crazykopite]

Your never to old but the question is " Do you have enough lead in your pencil " To make babies !!

[JAFO]

My story. I personally set an expectation for myself. No young girls for me. Young meaning 35 or so or younger This would reduce pressure of children. I also decided on no woman with previous children. I had a vasectomy at 40 to eliminate any issues later in life where I might be worn down and convinced to drop a seed. I know I sound picky but I was hoping to meet a woman to share life with. In my 8 years here I worked and did alot of stuff with Thai friends. 3 years or so back I met a wonderful older gal. 40. Perfect match. I was clear no children. She was happy as she did not want any. My only comment is to really think about it. Many have done it and later living here changes or schooling and education become an issue. Many move back to their home country as pressurs rises

I personally xould ne er do it. This 3rd segment of my life is for me to go off and relax with my wife and not be changing diapers, pushing strollers. Having to visit family all the time taking the naby and having the family intervene.

Best of luck. I offered up my opinion.

[rtco]

I was 62 when my daughter came into this world. My wife is 34. It was not a deliberate act ... well not on my part (not sure of it was deliberate on my wife's part) although I was party the the deed ... LOL. I was shocked when my wife informed me that she was pregnant. I have 2 grown up kids in the UK (one son and one daughter) from my first marriage and one stepson from my 2nd marriage (no longer in contact) so you can imagine the thoughts that were going through my head. The situation did cause some major isses with the daughter from my first marriage (not  my son but he is so laid back he is always horizontal) but they have been resolved now. My daughter has given me a new lease of life and the need and recognition for me to keep fit, active and healthy so that I can spend as many years with her as possible. Now I wouldn't have it any other way.  

[freebyrd]

When I did live in TL, it saddened me to see toddlers with fathers who were into their golden years who wouldn't be around long enough to see the kids grow. It's not something I would do, but we are all in charge of our own destiny.

 

When I see Clint Eastwood for example, robust as he may be it irks me that people of his ilk are so irresponsible. His youngest is I believe 18, while he's 84 and will possibly be gone before she's 25. She still has a lot of growing up to do, with no father to turn to.......?

 

All that said, as with everything, one man's meat......

[Topdeck]

I have been in Thailand 7 years now but work out of the country for months area rime and have been with the same women for all but 4 hours of that time. (I met her walking in my soi and followed her home and asked her out and no I am not a stalker, just saw what I liked and went for it). Anyway we have 22 years between us I am 53. In my prime, not old we have a beautiful little boy 2 years old now. We also have extended family of 4 children whom I pay for their upkeep. 2 in UK who are 10 & 13 and 2 here in Thailand 10 & 12. I wouldn't change a thing other than to have more.
My life hasnt changed that much I still travel alot ride a big bike and love my wife, most nights. So make up your own mind what is best for you and bo#@?cks to the sinics on here.

[Chicken George]

Best time of my life was having kids. And I'm pleased to say it still is. Most Thai women indeed most eomen want kids as fo their partnets. Not all I know. You enjoyed having and bringing up your children and you would again.. Not always easy often hard work but always worth it..

[usasia8888]

Lets see. You are mid 50s, have a kid and they finish High School you will be mid 70s (almost 80). What about your financial responsibilities to yourself and family (including new TBD child)? what about the ability to do things with the new child (like playing with a grandfather)? what about future health issues (yours? new wife? new child)? Look can you have a new child, technically yes. but why? I just don't get it. I am 53.

[jvs]

A lot of girls are fine with not having children but as they get older they realize the clock is ticking and

most women have a wish to have a baby.I consider this a fact.

The question is not should an older guy have a child,no it takes two people to do that.

Ask her what she really wants and take it from there,if she does want kids you have a decision to make.

Stay with her or let her find someone who does want kids.

No other person can make up your mind and maybe secretly you already did.

Why is it so damn important to have an education in a far away country?These are our views ,many Thais are perfectly happy never having left here.

Most babies are not planned,they are just the result of certain actions and the result of that is that you adapt to whatever comes next.

I am your age OP and i will not have any more children,Ann has a girl from a previous relation and we are both fine with that.

Kids will give you many headaches and also will cause a lot of laughter.

Just make sure if you do have kids they are well provided for after you check out.

[ozsamurai]

An issue here that no one has brought up, is Waza, do you like being a Dad?  If you do, then there is no problem, you will be (have been) a good one.... if you are doubting yourself already after having 'been through it all before', this is already indicating your true feelings.  I was told outright by a family member that I was a flaming idiot for having kids at 40. I love being a Dad...period.  If you don't want to do it again, your other half should understand this clearly.  Unfortunately, as the dynamics of the relationship change over the years and you move on, she will be left alone, and you must make her aware of these choices and outcomes, as younger people dare I say Thai women don't have a knack for looking at the big picture in general, spell it out for her.

 

Oz

[mokwit]

What about the other risk i.e. as you get older (beyond late thirties) the change of the baby being born with problems such as autism increases.

[Waffle]

I think that it's quite variable. I know of several foreigners married to Japanese women. Two couples are childless by choice. I don't know the women's true feelings but they appear to be happy. Some women love their husbands so much that they are willing to forgo having children. One friend who is dead now married at the age of sixty and had a wonderful relationship with his twin daughters until he died of liver failure and pneumonia at the age of seventy-four. He was a painter and was aware that the end was coming so he painted lots of oil paintings before he died that his wife and daughters are gradually selling off. His paintings have gradually increased in value so that they now sell for $40,000 to $50,000 each. I still have lunch with the daughters occasionally and they are grateful that they had fourteen years with such a wonderful father. Of course he also had children from his first marriage who were living independently when he remarried. So to sum up, it is my observation that each couple has a unique relationship depending on their personalities. If you love the woman that you propose to marry, the viability of your relationship would depend on either her willingness to not have children or your willingness to have children and love them but you should both be certain that you truly accept the choice that you make. Wishing you much happiness.

 

What's that dog in your avatar? looks like an akita?

 

Good looking dog.

[Pii Kate]

If you have to ask the question, you already know the answer is yes, you are too old.

[Just1Voice]

You can listen to all the advice and comments here, some of which are good, some of which are not, but in the end, it all boils down to you and g/f sitting down, discussing all the possible options, and then deciding.  When I met my wife 6 years ago, I was 58 and looked younger, she was 48 and looked a whole lot younger.  When I brought up the subject of kids, she shook her head and said "No way! No more babies for me!"

 

She had a son who was 25 at the time, and I had some concerns as to how he would take to me.  He made that clear one night we the 3 of us were having dinner with 3 of my wife's friends at a restaurant and one of the woman asked him, in English, if he ever missed his father.  He looked her straight in the eye and told her: "How can I miss my father?  I see my father every day.  Dean is my father."  Later I legally adopted him, to which he was happy to do.  After the adoption he asked his mother and I to wait outside.  When he came out later he showed me the paper where he had legally changed his last name to mine, with his new ID card showing it.  I couldn't ask for a better son.

 

But getting back to you. Sit down with her and discuss all the pros and cons - age, finances, living, etc., in an intelligent matter and then make your decisions.  Let her know what your thoughts are exactly, pro or con, and listen to hers. 

 

And good luck, whatever you decide. Remember, it's your life with her, and forget all the negative crap of all the from the Keyboard King Kong's who always have a negative outlook on just about everything, and think they know all the answers to everyone's problems.

 

 

[larsjohnsson]

Why would an old man that already have two children with two different mothers and one stepchild, have more children? Every day here in Thailand I see some proud old farang walking with his baby carriage and 30+ year younger Thai wife. And everyone around them talk and laugh at them. Both Thai and foreigners. When you are 75 your child is a teenager in school.....

[abhaya]

There are too many children without fathers (especially in Thailand)in this world so if you feel the need to be one, marry a woman who already has kids and fill the vacuum. 

[rtco]

Why would an old man that already have two children with two different mothers and one stepchild, have more children? Every day here in Thailand I see some proud old farang walking with his baby carriage and 30+ year younger Thai wife. And everyone around them talk and laugh at them. Both Thai and foreigners. When you are 75 your child is a teenager in school.....

 

No one laughs at me and my wife and daughter when we are out together. In fact it's exactly the opposite. Yes when I am older my daughter will be a teenage ... so what!!!

[villagefarang]

I really feel like the odd man out here.  I have never had nor wanted children.  I spent the first twenty years in Thailand as a very happy single man.  

 

At 43 I met my wife to be, who was 23 at the time.  We married two years later.  We recently turned 60 and 40 respectively and have a great life with no children.  We are both active and healthy with barely enough hours in the day for us, let alone taking care of an infant.

 

Clearly our life does not represent the norm but I offer it as an alternative.  There is more than one way of doing things, and those who insist on only one way, are wrong in my opinion.  Just be honest with your partner and be aware that it helps if you have an active lifestyle which would leave little time for children.

[mikehock]

 

My wife came into the room a few minutes ago and I showed her a couple of the posts on this thread.  After she rolled her eyes and asked why anyone would think to know better about her/our choices than her/us, we shared another one of those knowing glances.

Many men have a wife that lies to them, and they never know.
I do know that, because I had such a wife.
Is your wife honest and faithful to you?
Only time can tell (not you, and not me).
 

 
 
As far as I'm concerned, you've crossed the line of acceptable forum etiquette with your question about my wife.  Worthy of a banning or suspension I would think.

I agree ,..... 'up country' has gone too far...an apology would be in order

[Pattaya Pat]

Not sure why you would come on here to discuss this with a bunch of strangers, but anyway my advise would be do NOT do it (assuming you are capable and you meet the right person) it is a huge responsibility, it will tie you down hugely and you will probably end up regretting it. Just enjoy your life man, kids are a MASSIVE hassle, even if they are cute.

[Pattaya Pat]

 

 

 

My wife came into the room a few minutes ago and I showed her a couple of the posts on this thread.  After she rolled her eyes and asked why anyone would think to know better about her/our choices than her/us, we shared another one of those knowing glances.

Many men have a wife that lies to them, and they never know.
I do know that, because I had such a wife.
Is your wife honest and faithful to you?
Only time can tell (not you, and not me).
 

 
 
As far as I'm concerned, you've crossed the line of acceptable forum etiquette with your question about my wife.  Worthy of a banning or suspension I would think.

I agree ,..... 'up country' has gone too far...an apology would be in order

 

 

Hahaah...you have to laugh at some of the hissy fits people have on here...oohhh look, someone is dissing my wife, how very dare you, that's my wife you know, lol.

[TheFishman1]

Don't bring up the subject most likely she will forget about it for a while. Life is short enjoy yourself you been there done it more or new baby will totally change what you can do. Girls here are like Fish in the sea. Get a grip man

[transam]

Don't bother enjoy your free years, any child coming into your life would be a tie, either now or in the future...

 

Especially in LOS regarding the "future" bit..........

[AdamRich]

Why?  I'm 42 and had a vasectomy this past January.  My kid will be 18 in 2 months.  That phase of my life is over.  Leave that for people in their 20s and early 30s.

[Varangkul]

Was in the supermarket the other day. Mid-50s man, with two young children in tow, watched me put a couple of boxes of cornflakes in my trolly. Enviously he said "I can't afford them!" Think on!

[bangkoklasse]

Nothing looks more silly than seing the old retired farang on the BTS skytrain with his young baby and 30-40 years younger wife. And yes people laugh and talk. At least here in Bangkok. Especially when his children from his home country are a lot older than his wife. And his grandchildren are 10 years old