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Queries about divorce....my 'wife' turned out to be a total crackpot


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Posted

So I wonder does the day come when I get hit up for money? Should I expect that? Because from what I know of them now it doesn't seem very likely. But that may be my naivete.

Most Thais send money to their parents. If you part of the family, you are expected to help at least somewhat. Average Thai salary is 13200 Baht so if they give a thousand here and there, it is not that big deal for you to do the same.

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Posted

Rob

Shame that things didn't work out but just put it down to experience , hopefuly you will have better fortune next time. Things could be far worse mate , you could be bitter and delusional like a few of the naysayers here, keep on rocking !

Thanks Joe, yeah I don't even read the garbage they write as most of it is grammatically equivalent to the English ability of an average farm animal, as well as being nonsensical.

  • Like 1
Posted

I think she suddenly realized her support system aka large family was not around anymore. So she got very bad culture shock and wanted to return back to "safety". It can be really bad for some people, resembling a mental breakdown. Thais are used to have a lot of people around, coming, staying and going, being part of ant colony.

Yes I think that was part of it Tim as the problems only started not long after I went back to work full time. Your point is good because it did appear to be some sort of mental breakdown, it was so sudden and completely out of character with the way she had been the previous 10 weeks or so. There was no rationale to it, not even enough to discuss a suitable return date when flights were cheaper, ie in 2 weeks time. She had to go now or as soon as possible. A possible ticket for 2 or 3 weeks time did absolutely zero to reduce her general agitation and state of mind, which resulted in an expensive plane ticket being bought at short notice. There was no option really. I was getting worried if I didn't get the ticket she would crack completely and about what might happen next.

Posted

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Paying money to your wifes family.Why? I have had a Thai girlfriend for 6 years and I have not paid her family one penny. Who makes these rules up? The Thais, and it is just a way to con money out of people.Tell her family to clear off!

I give 3k a month to my aunt, when she isn't living with me.

Nothing when she does live with me, but she eats for free.

She did sign her farm over to me though, so not exactly money for nothing.

They don't get much in the way of pensions over here, only fair to help out a bit, if you can afford it.

(15k a month seemed a bit excessive though)

If you got a farm that isn't that bad of a deal. Its one thing to take care of family when you get a farm out of the deal.

--------------

How much English did this Isaan Girl speak?

the avg thai family farm aint worth s h i t!

From what I've seen online I'd say they are worth Thousands of Dollars US apparently...

There is something about sending money to the parents that the daughters seem to want to do. My wife's parents are rather well off and yet my wife sent some of her money home and was very proud of it when she did it.

Then her parents sent a considerable size of money over here and we bought a house...Funny how it goes.

Posted

Rule Number 1 ,if a Divorce is inevitable : then do it in Thailand

Rule Number 2 and 3, the same as Rule Number 1.

Good Luck!

Posted

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

Paying money to your wifes family.Why? I have had a Thai girlfriend for 6 years and I have not paid her family one penny. Who makes these rules up? The Thais, and it is just a way to con money out of people.Tell her family to clear off!

I give 3k a month to my aunt, when she isn't living with me.

Nothing when she does live with me, but she eats for free.

She did sign her farm over to me though, so not exactly money for nothing.

They don't get much in the way of pensions over here, only fair to help out a bit, if you can afford it.

(15k a month seemed a bit excessive though)

If you got a farm that isn't that bad of a deal. Its one thing to take care of family when you get a farm out of the deal.

--------------

How much English did this Isaan Girl speak?

the avg thai family farm aint worth s h i t!

There is a saying where I'm from.

"Land is land and they aint making any more of it"

Posted

Do not believe anything she says,,She is now trying to sweeten you up ,in the hope of getting some money from you,,My best advice is,,buy a cheap phone card for thailand,,Go on the internet,,find a farrang lawyers in thailand,,Phone many of them asking for advice,Do not listen only one,remember,that they are after money.Then you have to make your mind up,,I dont know your finances,,But,,LIE LIE LIE poverty to her,,Tell her you have been hit with a big tax bill,,and she ,because your wife ,will have to pay half,,That kind of thing.She will cry at you for a quicky devorce,Play them at there own game,,Best of Luck,,,

Posted

Good on you. I always BlaMe the man in these situations. Signs are ignored-yet they still go through. And then blame the girl and the greedy family(usually mother)

Why should you always blame the man ? Right is right, wrong is wrong. I agree with you regarding ignoring the signs, albeit it is more...not acting upon those signs.

Posted

So I wonder does the day come when I get hit up for money? Should I expect that? Because from what I know of them now it doesn't seem very likely. But that may be my naivete.

Most Thais send money to their parents. If you part of the family, you are expected to help at least somewhat. Average Thai salary is 13200 Baht so if they give a thousand here and there, it is not that big deal for you to do the same.

While the average university educated Thai working in Bangkok may well be 13k/month

The average poor farmer income is 3,000bht/month or less.

Posted

Many posts here and elsewhere referring to Thai girls sending money home. Wouldn't this typically be for younger, bar working age girls? If I see a 60 year old fat dude with a twnety or thirty something I figure she's probably siphoning money from him. Probably a very fair exchange.

I'm coming to Thailand this week for a month. I've been chatting and skyping with several women that seem to be very solid middle class with grown children. I being 61 am only considering a long term relation with a lady I consider age appropriate and attractive. Say around 50.

So I wonder does the day come when I get hit up for money? Should I expect that? Because from what I know of them now it doesn't seem very likely. But that may be my naivete.

This guy needs his own thread!

I see tons of entertainment value!

  • Like 1
Posted

most westerners don't get the family thing.

Thais Indians Asians in general love the their families

What went wrong in the uk was firstly the welfare system.

Then the building of flatlets.

If you look at the uk. In general not all. Kids move out of the family house and forget about mom and dad.

It's easy in UK to go on your own. If you don't succeed. No probs.

Get welfare housing benefit.

But in se Asia and India. You need that fallback on family if things go wrong.

Because there's no government help.

It's easy for us to say get a job.

But for most thais with no education. Your getting peanuts. For a hard days work.

You can not compare the West with the east

Posted

Guy still blaming the girl.

Takes no responsibility at all for choosing a woman no decent thai man would touch. If these silly farangs would only follow in the footsteps of these good thai all would be good......................lol.

PS agaian....another thought. What kind of man takes a woman to live with him in another country-thereby the girl is abandoning her pre-teen kids? I know its thai style but why would you want any part of that. Its bargirls style thinking girl you got there................lol.

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Posted

Western countries tend to have that effect on normal people, especially when living on a budget - they come to Western countries expecting total bliss, but they see the reality is that everything is either forbidden or too expensive and shops offer no service in addition of being closed most of the time...

I wish it had been that simple Manarak, but really she had ample of everything, without necessarily spending a lot of money, including sending money home every month which was not far from double what she made from her job before she came here.... albeit sent to a family who got rid of money faster than you and I could on a roulette wheel. Whilst there were numerous factors involved, one which didn't help at all was them telling her almost daily down the phone they've no money. With hindsight I would disconnect my cheap Skype phone package so these type of calls couldn't be made except maybe once a week. The sensible thing for them to do would have been to lay off her and give her 6 months to find a job to reduce the pressure on her, but firstly they appeared to have zero common sense to think past tomorrow and secondly their budgeting skills were on a par with a chimpanzee with learning difficulties. Example: when we left Thailand to come to UK in March, I gave them 12,000 thinking that will at least keep them out her face to give her 2 or 3 weeks to settle in the UK. Outcome? Day 7 after our plane landed.......NO MONEY. I explained to her that 12k is £250 and that people here where everything costs about double or more than what it does in Issan could eat and pay minimum bills off that for longer than they managed. She didn't seem able to explain why they shipped money like a casino gambler apart from repaying debt to other people, but it stressed her out and she'd been here only 1 week.

I certainly blame them partly for what happened, unfortunately I think there were more problems inside her head as well as these ridiculous money demands. I've been to her home and village 3 times, nobody was sitting on wooden boxes in threadbare clothes with nothing to eatbiggrin.png . One local guy around 40 who was lying in a hammock told me he didn't bother working apart from helping out on a farm 1 or 2 days a week, because the city was too far from the villagebiggrin.png . It's actually about 40 minutes away and 30 baht each way on the bus. It takes me more than 40 minutes to get to work in the UK some days. It's laughable.

Welcome to the classic Thai mentality concerning foreigners.....not all, but certainly most.

You were a source of money and not much else to her family.

Putting the pressure on the daughter(s) to get money is a common scenario.

Most Thai girls or Thai Women would never say no to their Mother or Father or Siblings demands for money to the point of being suicidal if they could not obtain the money somehow or some way to give to their family...without question.

When you get involved with a Thai Girl or Thai Women, that has a somewhat of a "poor person" background, you have a 70 to 80 percent chance you will be continually hounded, relentlessly all too often, to give your money to her to give to her family.

That would be her designated job task within the family circle...get money ...any which way she can including lying and cheating and just being a major pain in the ass continually demanding money in a variety of ways....and it is never enough.

They do not care at all if you were to go broke and end up in the gutter yourself after getting as much money as they can from you....through their daughter and her clever scheming ways on their behalf while you are at the lowest order of the totem pole in their hierarchy.

Believe me when I say you are lucky to be free of her and her money grubbing Thai family.

Move on and do not look back...or try to move on and do not look back.

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Posted

This topic was meant to be about amphur divorces 555. Whilst I appreciate the many supportive and sensible responses, some people as usual are degenerating the thread and trying to turn it into a Private Dancer 2. Sorry to extinguish your paranoia but it was never about trying to scam me. Only small amounts were sent before she came to UK and there were no requests from her in 10 months to pay for new roofs, motorbikes or sick buffalos. I chose to send more when she came to UK as it was only going to be for a few months until she got a job. She didn't ask me to send more. Her motivation behind everything was not to scam me, sorry to disappoint some of you. The explanation given by All American One earlier on is almost certainly the correct one, it isn't any more complicated than that. It isn't pleasant, but it's the reality. The theories of multiple farangs, her scamming me for 50,000 for a new roof, having boyfriends in the village (she didnt even live there, she worked in another city nowhere near anywhere where there are farang or bars) are all a load of cobblers, although they provide amusement for those with negative imaginations.biggrin.png She didn't even work in a bar and lived hundreds of miles away from the nearest beer bar. Don't bother with the 'oh but maybe she used to work in Soi Nana' zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.biggrin.png

As I said in the first post about your situation and or implied.

You are fortunate to get away from this Thai Woman.

Near guaranteed she would make your life miserable while the money issues would, sooner or later, become the center point of contention between the 2 of you.

If you can divorce her amiably then do so while recognizing that this Thai women is actually typical of Thai women.

The overwhelming majority of them do not do well at all when they leave Thailand and everything Thai.

The learn very fast that they need to be immersed in everything Thai and all that they have ever known to be happy....sabai, sabai...........

If they are taken away from the only environment that they have known their whole life, they go stir crazy and you, the husband, will always take the brunt of their frustrations.

Better you leave her in Thailand and come visit her sometimes and refer to her as your wife rather than actually have her as your wife living with you in your country and everything being alien to her and very little if anything Thai about your country.

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Posted

A lawyer will be a total waste of money. He might even collude with her to get more from you. You said you don't plan on marrying again. Wait her out. She will want a divorce more than you in the near future. Then tell her to pay you 50k.

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Posted

"Laughably enough, at the moment she's sending texts suggesting she might want to come back to the UK. Crazy?"

Not crazy at all. When she was there her family got money every 7 days now how much are you sending? Her "wanting to come back" can best be translated as "wanting for the weekly baht infusion to continue". Her family just doesn't want the money spigot to stop and they'll send her back to beg from you in person because that's more effective.

Understand you are dealing with Thais. How do they think? A little history... so it's medieval Europe and you decide to sell your seed for next years harvest in exchange for mead/whiskey/hooch or whatever will you get you drunk - what happens? You DIE. You don't plant and decide to be lazy? Death. It's hot/cold/rainy/foggy and you don't want to work in the fields? Death. Now what was life in Thailand like in comparison? Nobody plants anything. Harvest season is all year round and the last time someone froze to death it was the last ice age. You walk around in the hot sun all year round and when you are hungry you kick a tree and food falls out. Your biggest concern is getting killed by criminals or being impressed into some army. Future planning? What the hell is that? If you have something EAT IT NOW USE IT NOW as tomorrow isn't important. In Europe if you thought this way you died and such people were quickly culled out of the population but in Thailand those that saved were simply objects of begging, taxing, raiding, criminal theft, etc. and nobody cares about starving in winter because it doesn't exist.

So you get idiotic stories like this with Thais demanding way too much way too quickly and their lack of patience kills the golden goose after a single egg. Its stupid to us because the people we grew up with have a future mind set - the Thais DON'T. Drop them in Europe circa 1000 B.C. and subject them to 3,000 years of pummeling by nature and maybe they'll think differently (or die). Her family is acting as a spoiled child acts - everything must be NOW NOW NOW NOW. The only thing a person can do is make it very clear that there will be a set amount of money at a set point and this will not increase nor will you be moved by whatever fake emergency they come up with. The sun sets and will not come up until morning - all the screaming, shrieking, guilt, manipulative attempts, and lies will not change this. Be as immovable as the heavens, there is no other way when dealing with this.

Nicely summed up . . . +1 :)

Posted

Many posts here and elsewhere referring to Thai girls sending money home. Wouldn't this typically be for younger, bar working age girls? If I see a 60 year old fat dude with a twnety or thirty something I figure she's probably siphoning money from him. Probably a very fair exchange.

I'm coming to Thailand this week for a month. I've been chatting and skyping with several women that seem to be very solid middle class with grown children. I being 61 am only considering a long term relation with a lady I consider age appropriate and attractive. Say around 50.

So I wonder does the day come when I get hit up for money? Should I expect that? Because from what I know of them now it doesn't seem very likely. But that may be my naivete.

very funny stuff. age appropriate 50 year old thai girl aint gonna be attractive.

Say you found an attractive thai girl- what do you have to offer?

PS 1.these girls that skype may not work in bars but i bet you all i got they think like bargirls.

2. solid middle class girls arent interested in one month flings with what prolly is a sex tourist..................lol.

Then again you might be full of sh*t too.

  • Like 2
Posted

I disagree with the people who say do not bother getting divorced. In 20 years you may want to and it will be a lot harder if the partner cannot be contacted or reached, It will multiply the time, headaches and cost considerably. Cullture shock is an issue and if you can make a go of it here it may be worth a try.

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Posted

Western countries tend to have that effect on normal people, especially when living on a budget - they come to Western countries expecting total bliss, but they see the reality is that everything is either forbidden or too expensive and shops offer no service in addition of being closed most of the time...

I wish it had been that simple Manarak, but really she had ample of everything, without necessarily spending a lot of money, including sending money home every month which was not far from double what she made from her job before she came here.... albeit sent to a family who got rid of money faster than you and I could on a roulette wheel. Whilst there were numerous factors involved, one which didn't help at all was them telling her almost daily down the phone they've no money. With hindsight I would disconnect my cheap Skype phone package so these type of calls couldn't be made except maybe once a week. The sensible thing for them to do would have been to lay off her and give her 6 months to find a job to reduce the pressure on her, but firstly they appeared to have zero common sense to think past tomorrow and secondly their budgeting skills were on a par with a chimpanzee with learning difficulties. Example: when we left Thailand to come to UK in March, I gave them 12,000 thinking that will at least keep them out her face to give her 2 or 3 weeks to settle in the UK. Outcome? Day 7 after our plane landed.......NO MONEY. I explained to her that 12k is £250 and that people here where everything costs about double or more than what it does in Issan could eat and pay minimum bills off that for longer than they managed. She didn't seem able to explain why they shipped money like a casino gambler apart from repaying debt to other people, but it stressed her out and she'd been here only 1 week.

I certainly blame them partly for what happened, unfortunately I think there were more problems inside her head as well as these ridiculous money demands. I've been to her home and village 3 times, nobody was sitting on wooden boxes in threadbare clothes with nothing to eatbiggrin.png . One local guy around 40 who was lying in a hammock told me he didn't bother working apart from helping out on a farm 1 or 2 days a week, because the city was too far from the villagebiggrin.png . It's actually about 40 minutes away and 30 baht each way on the bus. It takes me more than 40 minutes to get to work in the UK some days. It's laughable.

Obvious she only married you for you GENEROSITY(show her the munney AND BY GOLLY you did.. wake up MAN!'

Theres a RumoUr in the AIR that 1000s if not 10s of 1000s hi so thai chines women are looking for kind farangs to marry. Why you pick an old lady from issan with 2 almost teenagers in tow?

I read the whole thread and i must conclude this is a troll. Sends 15,000 a month to family coz they need it................lol.

"WHY WHY WHY"... And that remains the question or should that be a host of question, here's 2:

Why marry them at all.. [of course, it's because they want to [get the sin sod] & you want to respect their customs and cultures. Good percentage of guys here marrying these woman come from broken marriages, yet they dive straight back into the thick of it all.. ]

Worse still, WHY choose a partner with kids - [now you've signed up to support multiple people - this one has got me beat!]. Then we wonder WHY there is no end to money demands.

  • Like 1
Posted

Western countries tend to have that effect on normal people, especially when living on a budget - they come to Western countries expecting total bliss, but they see the reality is that everything is either forbidden or too expensive and shops offer no service in addition of being closed most of the time...

I wish it had been that simple Manarak, but really she had ample of everything, without necessarily spending a lot of money, including sending money home every month which was not far from double what she made from her job before she came here.... albeit sent to a family who got rid of money faster than you and I could on a roulette wheel. Whilst there were numerous factors involved, one which didn't help at all was them telling her almost daily down the phone they've no money. With hindsight I would disconnect my cheap Skype phone package so these type of calls couldn't be made except maybe once a week. The sensible thing for them to do would have been to lay off her and give her 6 months to find a job to reduce the pressure on her, but firstly they appeared to have zero common sense to think past tomorrow and secondly their budgeting skills were on a par with a chimpanzee with learning difficulties. Example: when we left Thailand to come to UK in March, I gave them 12,000 thinking that will at least keep them out her face to give her 2 or 3 weeks to settle in the UK. Outcome? Day 7 after our plane landed.......NO MONEY. I explained to her that 12k is £250 and that people here where everything costs about double or more than what it does in Issan could eat and pay minimum bills off that for longer than they managed. She didn't seem able to explain why they shipped money like a casino gambler apart from repaying debt to other people, but it stressed her out and she'd been here only 1 week.

I certainly blame them partly for what happened, unfortunately I think there were more problems inside her head as well as these ridiculous money demands. I've been to her home and village 3 times, nobody was sitting on wooden boxes in threadbare clothes with nothing to eatbiggrin.png . One local guy around 40 who was lying in a hammock told me he didn't bother working apart from helping out on a farm 1 or 2 days a week, because the city was too far from the villagebiggrin.png . It's actually about 40 minutes away and 30 baht each way on the bus. It takes me more than 40 minutes to get to work in the UK some days. It's laughable.

Obvious she only married you for you GENEROSITY(show her the munney AND BY GOLLY you did.. wake up MAN!'

Theres a RumoUr in the AIR that 1000s if not 10s of 1000s hi so thai chines women are looking for kind farangs to marry. Why you pick an old lady from issan with 2 almost teenagers in tow?

I read the whole thread and i must conclude this is a troll. Sends 15,000 a month to family coz they need it................lol.

"WHY WHY WHY"... And that remains the question or should that be a host of question, here's 2:

Why marry them at all.. [of course, it's because they want to [get the sin sod] & you want to respect their customs and cultures. Good percentage of guys here marrying these woman come from broken marriages, yet they dive straight back into the thick of it all.. ]

Worse still, WHY choose a partner with kids - [now you've signed up to support multiple people - this one has got me beat!]. Then we wonder WHY there is no end to money demands.

Why ask Why? maybe they do it so we can ask WHY they do what they do.

Posted

I think I'll stick to your first post which was the nearest to the truth. What I saw of her family was real as was their home. I know this because I have Thai friends who had to visit her home for something when I was in the UK. Nothing was any different from when I was there. She herself faked things as you said, and she even said that to me, but this is all about her not her family, in this instance anyway.

Thai friends?

Nope, they would have lied too, not wanting to upset you with the truth.

I lie to my foreign pals about their women too, nobody wants to know the truth really.

AOA,

You have either lived it or have friends going through it, either way, sounds like you talk from experience.

I have a friend now who is on a merry-go-round with his bird. Like a Thai TV soapie. I just know what will happen but he fails to take one bit of advice on board or see the truth.

People only believe what they want to hear or see.

Why am I seeing stuff he isn't???

I

  • Like 1
Posted

I think I'll stick to your first post which was the nearest to the truth. What I saw of her family was real as was their home. I know this because I have Thai friends who had to visit her home for something when I was in the UK. Nothing was any different from when I was there. She herself faked things as you said, and she even said that to me, but this is all about her not her family, in this instance anyway.

Thai friends?

Nope, they would have lied too, not wanting to upset you with the truth.

I lie to my foreign pals about their women too, nobody wants to know the truth really.

AOA,

You have either lived it or have friends going through it, either way, sounds like you talk from experience.

I have a friend now who is on a merry-go-round with his bird. Like a Thai TV soapie. I just know what will happen but he fails to take one bit of advice on board or see the truth.

People only believe what they want to hear or see.

Why am I seeing stuff he isn't???

I

You are a HATER thats why. im being fecetious, btw!

  • Like 1
Posted

The single biggest mistake you made was marrying her after knowing her only 3 months! Why were you in such a hurry? You have the rest of your life to work with. You cannot get to know someone in three months. Remember these words of wisdom I was told many years ago, when it comes to marriage.

Time is your ally. Use it. It the relationship is good, it is only going to get better. If there are problems and issues, they are going to manifest themselves over time. So, take you time getting to know someone, prior to committing yourself to them.

It is a great system. One year minimum. I guarantee that within a year you would have discovered these issues, and you would have walked.

  • Like 1
Posted

the "wanting come back" part, might be another scam, to ask him for money for a plane ticket.... preferable with THAI, so in the 30.000 baht at least price range

so be wired to the trusty "dad" bank account, never to see her show up anyway ...

but if the OP is horny enough and wanting some, he might think it is worth the try ?

some years ago (10+) , the scam of "I want to come to (state your country) but my passport is held by immigration + can you buy me the ticket" scam was an hot item ...

Posted

It is a great system. One year minimum. I guarantee that within a year you would have discovered these issues, and you would have walked.

op said there were RED flaggs yet he didnt walk.

Seriously i thnk its the men who have IN THE NOGGIN(head) problems.

True that. One of the issues here, is that so many men come here from emotionally turbulent backgrounds, to say the least. They are so used to having to jump over such high hurdles to maintain a relationship in the west, that they kind of lose their minds once they arrive here. Some do not realize how different the world is here, and allow the woman to start dominating them from day one. Others do not make that grievous error, but do not set their sights high enough. Still others, who have little to no self esteem, allow themselves to get involved with extremely poor choices, that are carrying around heavy amounts of emotional baggage, and are very needy both emotionally, and financially. The reality is, that if we come from an emotionally healthy background, have good self esteem, are intelligent, have some wisdom, and have some vision, and are willing to take out time, we can find really exceptional gals here to devote ourselves to. If not, well what can one say?

Posted

True that. One of the issues here, is that so many men come here from emotionally turbulent backgrounds, to say the least. They are so used to having to jump over such high hurdles to maintain a relationship in the west, that they kind of lose their minds once they arrive here. Some do not realize how different the world is here, and allow the woman to start dominating them from day one. Others do not make that grievous error, but do not set their sights high enough. Still others, who have little to no self esteem, allow themselves to get involved with extremely poor choices, that are carrying around heavy amounts of emotional baggage, and are very needy both emotionally, and financially. The reality is, that if we come from an emotionally healthy background, have good self esteem, are intelligent, have some wisdom, and have some vision, and are willing to take out time, we can find really exceptional gals here to devote ourselves to. If not, well what can one say?

There are no great girls 30+ available in Thailand (or anywhere else).

If they are single at that age, there is something already horribly damaged/used/wrong about them.

I would go so far as to say, if you haven't met the right girl by (her) age 25, it ain't gonna happen.

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