Mothers rights over Thai Child

[rick75]

Hi my wife has a child from a previous Thai-Thai marriage, Her son is 12 years old and lives with his father up country. We reside in Australia and we would like the boy to come to Australia for his high schooling. Its not about punishing the ex husband but about giving the child a good education that will give him choices in life. The father refuses to allow him to get a passport or travel to Australia.

What are our options legally to ensure he can come to Australia.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Zero,

Thai courts don't like Thai kids out of the country, unless there is an overwhelming reason.

They also prefer the kids to go through the Thai education system.

The Thai father is perfectly within his rights to deny the kids passport.

Edited September 20, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

[laolover88]

You need to read this:

http://www.mfa.go.th/main/en/services/1415/21479-Requirements-for-the-Ordinary-e-Passports-Applicat.html

[hansnl]

Of course, you want to give the boy a good education.

But....

Can you at least try to imagine what the change would do to the boy?

Besides, what he has learned (oh well) will be absolutely not enough or suitable to continue his education in the western world.

Forget it!

[benalibina]

Of course, you want to give the boy a good education.

But....

Can you at least try to imagine what the change would do to the boy?

Besides, what he has learned (oh well) will be absolutely not enough or suitable to continue his education in the western world.

Forget it!

What an ignorant and negative comment without knowing all the details.

All changes are difficult initially but children when received lots of love and attention will adapt quickly in a new setting.

On your point regarding education.....reason the more to get him in Australia....dont you think ?

Best of luck OP and hope you succeed with convincing the father that for the future education of his son this is a chance he better takes.

[Mario2008]

As has been said, chances are very remote that a judge will allow it. Only if the child is in danger might there be a real chance. But if the father takes care of the child and he is not on drugs or mentally unstable there is no reason to take the child away from the father, who has taken care of the child for so long. And the longer he has taken care of the child the less likely it is a judge will change the situation without a compelling reason to do so.

Want to help the kid, help pay for a good education in Thailand.

[rick75]

Hi thanks for the posts, the father does not neglect the child per se, but he is also not being brought up in a loving family. The ex husband is still pretty bitter about the fact she has moved on and has a life that is a little easier than what it was back in Thailand. We would both like to give the boy the tools to improve His life, He is s soft soul and that is why we would prefer Him over in Oz as opposed to looking at maybe a boarding school in Thailand for Him. If we can't convince the father to allow Him to travel we may see if he will allow Him to go to an international school in Thailand.

When the son grows up he is going to resent the father for taking away this opportunity, its a shame as everyone loses in a situation like this.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Hi thanks for the posts, the father does not neglect the child per se, but he is also not being brought up in a loving family. The ex husband is still pretty bitter about the fact she has moved on and has a life that is a little easier than what it was back in Thailand. We would both like to give the boy the tools to improve His life, He is s soft soul and that is why we would prefer Him over in Oz as opposed to looking at maybe a boarding school in Thailand for Him. If we can't convince the father to allow Him to travel we may see if he will allow Him to go to an international school in Thailand.

When the son grows up he is going to resent the father for taking away this opportunity, its a shame as everyone loses in a situation like this.

Or alternatively (worst case scenario), he will grow up hating mom, for running off with a new customer and deserting him.

(Very few Thai boys I have met appreciate mom taking up with a white foreigner)

[huawei]

Hi thanks for the posts, the father does not neglect the child per se, but he is also not being brought up in a loving family. The ex husband is still pretty bitter about the fact she has moved on and has a life that is a little easier than what it was back in Thailand. We would both like to give the boy the tools to improve His life, He is s soft soul and that is why we would prefer Him over in Oz as opposed to looking at maybe a boarding school in Thailand for Him. If we can't convince the father to allow Him to travel we may see if he will allow Him to go to an international school in Thailand.

When the son grows up he is going to resent the father for taking away this opportunity, its a shame as everyone loses in a situation like this.

Or alternatively (worst case scenario), he will grow up hating mom, for running off with a new customer and deserting him.

(Very few Thai boys I have met appreciate mom taking up with a white foreigner)

Agree because she left him behind whatever the reason , the father did not.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

One more thing,

IMHO you are best with the boy in Thailand, at 12 years old he knows what you and mom are doing together, and he won't like it.

He will be a constant cause of strife and disharmony in your home, while doing everything he can to split you up.

Essentially, he will try and make your life hell on earth.

Mom will always side with him against you, you will always resent that.

Best thing you can do for your marriage, is agree with whatever mom wants, while blaming the former Thai husband for keeping the boy in Thailand.

In other words, look like you are trying to get him to Oz, but don't actually do it.

"Darling I would love to have your son with us, but his Evil Thai dad is just ruining everything"

[rick75]

You <deleted>, while she is not a university grad like most Thai Visa wives, she did not work in a brothel.

She did not run off, the father only granted a divorce on the grounds the boy stayed with Him.... This happened many years before we met.

<deleted> on this forum, just because your wives earned there wages horizontally doesn't mean every Thai woman stoops to such lows.

[rayongchelsea]

The boy must have been very young when the divorce went through.

This makes your case almost impossible.

Regardless of why your wife gave up her son, the courts will see it as such.

As said previously, send money so he can have a good education. Learning English should be a pre- requisite so that when he is of age he can join you for university education, time goes quick.

Try boarding school, if he doesn't thrive then change. Kids are resilient.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

You <deleted>, while she is not a university grad like most Thai Visa wives, she did not work in a brothel.

She did not run off, the father only granted a divorce on the grounds the boy stayed with Him.... This happened many years before we met.

<deleted> on this forum, just because your wives earned there wages horizontally doesn't mean every Thai woman stoops to such lows.

There's no helping some people!

Do what you like.

[Sena Dave]

If he says no it will take you years to get permission through the courts, Do a deal money, visitation ect. If i was his old man I wouldn't want to let him go either

[rick75]

The boy must have been very young when the divorce went through.

This makes your case almost impossible.

Regardless of why your wife gave up her son, the courts will see it as such.

As said previously, send money so he can have a good education. Learning English should be a pre- requisite so that when he is of age he can join you for university education, time goes quick.

Try boarding school, if he doesn't thrive then change. Kids are resilient.

Yeh He was about 4 years old

If he says no it will take you years to get permission through the courts, Do a deal money, visitation ect. If i was his old man I wouldn't want to let him go either

We are trying to give Him a better life, we are not stealing Him away, if you were dirt poor and had a chance to send your boy to get a good education for a few years would you stop Him?

It just annoys me that someone would ruin there own childs future prospects. He stays up country he will have a life of drinking, gambling and maybe drugs earning a minimum wage on a farm ..... or with a good western education and fluent English who knows.

[rayongchelsea]

The boy must have been very young when the divorce went through.

This makes your case almost impossible.

Regardless of why your wife gave up her son, the courts will see it as such.

As said previously, send money so he can have a good education. Learning English should be a pre- requisite so that when he is of age he can join you for university education, time goes quick.

Try boarding school, if he doesn't thrive then change. Kids are resilient.

Yeh He was about 4 years old

If he says no it will take you years to get permission through the courts, Do a deal money, visitation ect. If i was his old man I wouldn't want to let him go either

We are trying to give Him a better life, we are not stealing Him away, if you were dirt poor and had a chance to send your boy to get a good education for a few years would you stop Him?

It just annoys me that someone would ruin there own childs future prospects. He stays up country he will have a life of drinking, gambling and maybe drugs earning a minimum wage on a farm ..... or with a good western education and fluent English who knows.

I have worked with many upcountry folk..they are not as you describe..if the father is like that then that is altogether a different matter.

In principal you are right, he does seem incredibly selfish , but if he was to let him go he may not relate to him when he is older..the father has feelings and it must be difficult for him.He has looked after the boy for 8 years and then a farang comes along and knows better..

If the father is uneducated why would he see any importance in education himself.

As stated do a deal money wise with the father. Courts - no chance.

Good luck you clearly have very good intentions.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

She did not run off, the father only granted a divorce on the grounds the boy stayed with Him.... This happened many years before we met.

MIssed this earlier,

100% custody for the father by mutual consent on divorce.

Seems mom has no parental rights, never known a 100% custody given voluntarily to ever be overturned.

ZERO chance, of any legal challenge.

[richard_smith237]

OP - After reading your posts it seems you really care that the boy receives a better education than you did.... (after your <series of deleted> outbursts I'm still being sympathetic)

Many expats educate their children at international schools in Thailand... Is that an option ? (maybe there aren't any in the area he lives).

OP: Are you 100% sure you want whats best for the child or are you looking to see the mother recovers a huge past regret ?

Where is the young man located in Thailand ? With limited options you may still be able to afford him great opportunities otherwise unavailable to him had you not been there to care. If you truly care it doesn't matter if he lives with his mother, you will do what else you can and maintain a positive family environment for him.... This could also come in the form of private tuition etc...

Maybe you can't change a life, but you might be able to improve it with a positive and balanced outlook....

[randyoon]

When I was in the process of getting visas for my Thai wife and her children to come to the USA, the father had to give the mother sole legal physical custody in order for the children to come with her. I had to pay the father a "dowry" for the children.

[nickcar]

I would not recommend taking the child away from his father after 8 years. If i was the father I would fight tooth and nail to prevent it. Further i know manŷ thai parents who deeply regret allowing their children to grow up in a non Thai culture. Wait until He is at least 18 years old and then maybe university overseas. No matter how much the mother loves him she must have have had an overpowering reason to give up the boy. If no local international school try and find a good local school , if possible with an english track. Some thai schools can give a very good education. See that he can get special tutoring if needed. Try and find a way to make sure the money is used for his education, but difficult. I raised three european daughters inThailand, took them out of international school after six months because the social part was awfull. In good Thai school and got a good education. Easy in Bangkok though.

[Sophon]

You <deleted>, while she is not a university grad like most Thai Visa wives, she did not work in a brothel.

She did not run off, the father only granted a divorce on the grounds the boy stayed with Him.... This happened many years before we met.

<deleted> on this forum, just because your wives earned there wages horizontally doesn't mean every Thai woman stoops to such lows.

There's no helping some people!

Do what you like.

So you expected him to thank you for calling his wife a hooker?

Sophon

[BrooklynNY]

Hi thanks for the posts, the father does not neglect the child per se, but he is also not being brought up in a loving family. The ex husband is still pretty bitter about the fact she has moved on and has a life that is a little easier than what it was back in Thailand. We would both like to give the boy the tools to improve His life, He is s soft soul and that is why we would prefer Him over in Oz as opposed to looking at maybe a boarding school in Thailand for Him. If we can't convince the father to allow Him to travel we may see if he will allow Him to go to an international school in Thailand.

When the son grows up he is going to resent the father for taking away this opportunity, its a shame as everyone loses in a situation like this.

Would your wife be willing to help pay for tuition if her son would attend an international school in Thailand? Because I assumed that she has a job in Australia and she could financially provide her son to an international school.

Edited September 22, 2014 by BrooklynNY

[scorecard]

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One more thing,
IMHO you are best with the boy in Thailand, at 12 years old he knows what you and mom are doing together, and he won't like it.
He will be a constant cause of strife and disharmony in your home, while doing everything he can to split you up.
Essentially, he will try and make your life hell on earth.
Mom will always side with him against you, you will always resent that.

Best thing you can do for your marriage, is agree with whatever mom wants, while blaming the former Thai husband for keeping the boy in Thailand.
In other words, look like you are trying to get him to Oz, but don't actually do it.

"Darling I would love to have your son with us, but his Evil Thai dad is just ruining everything"

Way too many assumptions in this post.

[cherrylee2512]

i have a daughter half thai her dad is thai although he doesnt bother seeing her he too wont let me get a passport making it very difficult for me so i got a lawyer and currently in proceedings to get full custody this is the only way you are able to get a thai passport for the child with custody documents otherwise both parents must agree.

[greenchair]

My mother left me when i was four. Not hear from her 9 years. Calls up dad. Want only daughter back. Girl should be with mother. One year later she realize having teen agreement to raise not so fun after all. Leave again. This happens to thai kids all the time ,when foriegners come poking their nose in. Leave the boy with his father. He is fine and does not need all the window dressing that you think.

[FritsSikkink]

One more thing,

IMHO you are best with the boy in Thailand, at 12 years old he knows what you and mom are doing together, and he won't like it.

He will be a constant cause of strife and disharmony in your home, while doing everything he can to split you up.

Essentially, he will try and make your life hell on earth.

Mom will always side with him against you, you will always resent that.

Best thing you can do for your marriage, is agree with whatever mom wants, while blaming the former Thai husband for keeping the boy in Thailand.

In other words, look like you are trying to get him to Oz, but don't actually do it.

"Darling I would love to have your son with us, but his Evil Thai dad is just ruining everything"

Very nice, blame the "evil" father, the only one who takes care of his kid.

[CapFarmer]

I would not recommend taking the child away from his father after 8 years. If i was the father I would fight tooth and nail to prevent it. Further i know manŷ thai parents who deeply regret allowing their children to grow up in a non Thai culture. Wait until He is at least 18 years old and then maybe university overseas. No matter how much the mother loves him she must have have had an overpowering reason to give up the boy. If no local international school try and find a good local school , if possible with an english track. Some thai schools can give a very good education. See that he can get special tutoring if needed. Try and find a way to make sure the money is used for his education, but difficult. I raised three european daughters inThailand, took them out of international school after six months because the social part was awfull. In good Thai school and got a good education. Easy in Bangkok though.

OT from original post, but would you mind sharing what school your children attended and whether the language of instruction was in Thai or English? I have three elementary school age children with my Thai wife. They attended school in Nakhon Phanom for two years, but only pre-k, kindergarten and 1st grade. I would be interested in finding good schools without having to pay private school tuition prices. Education and health care were our main concerns in NKP. Thank You!!!

[nickcar]

I would not recommend taking the child away from his father after 8 years. If i was the father I would fight tooth and nail to prevent it. Further i know manŷ thai parents who deeply regret allowing their children to grow up in a non Thai culture. Wait until He is at least 18 years old and then maybe university overseas. No matter how much the mother loves him she must have have had an overpowering reason to give up the boy. If no local international school try and find a good local school , if possible with an english track. Some thai schools can give a very good education. See that he can get special tutoring if needed. Try and find a way to make sure the money is used for his education, but difficult. I raised three european daughters inThailand, took them out of international school after six months because the social part was awfull. In good Thai school and got a good education. Easy in Bangkok though.

OT from original post, but would you mind sharing what school your children attended and whether the language of instruction was in Thai or English? I have three elementary school age children with my Thai wife. They attended school in Nakhon Phanom for two years, but only pre-k, kindergarten and 1st grade. I would be interested in finding good schools without having to pay private school tuition prices. Education and health care were our main concerns in NKP. Thank You!!!

This was about 35 years ago. My youngest was 4 and the oldest 8 and i was a single father. I first put them into the local thai school, all Thai. They had language difficulties at first but soon ok. If I remember rightly at this point the youngest was at a kindergarten. I then managed to get them into Mater Dei school in central bangkok by pulling religious strings in NZ. All Thai, the oldest used to laugh about her english lessons. They loved it. School finished at about 3:00 pm, i used to send the maid to collect them at 5:00 pm and often had to give a telling off because they loved playing there with their friends (all thai) and didn't want to come home.

Finding a good school in Bangkok is much easier now. I still support my stepson from my last marriage to a Thai that lasted for about 8 years and ended about 5 years ago. He is 17 now and in the English track of a school close to his family home. Provided you speak english at home you should not worry about the children's english to much. I nearly always forgot and spoke Thai at home ( too much abuse from my daughters) . But his english is pretty good now. His school is Sarasas Pittaya school tel +66 2 674 0297. (It is a private school) about 60,000 a year in the last 3 years, much less in the lower years. There are government schools with a very high standard of education but very hard to get into.

[greenchair]

My mother left me when i was four. Not hear from her 9 years. Calls up dad. Want only daughter back. Girl should be with mother. One year later she realize having teen agreement to raise not so fun after all. Leave again. This happens to thai kids all the time ,when foriegners come poking their nose in. Leave the boy with his father. He is fine and does not need all the window dressing that you think.

[khunPer]

Have a friend (Australian/British) whose wife had the same problem, a son from a previous Thai marriage staying with the father, who did not wish to ”let go”. Mum had many meetings with officials and maybe court, and after some years “fighting” it ended with a (smaller) lump sum of money to the father and he signed the papers, so mum has full custody. Don’t know if her new foreign husband has adopted. The kid, about 10 years old now, got passport, but so far study in boarding school in Bangkok.

Sometimes little money can help clear a problem…