I can't say I know a slew of Farang men who are married to Thai women, but so far, all the Swiss, German and American men whom I have met all seem to have adopted a liberal lifestyle. They have their Thai wives and they have prostitutes that they frequent on the side. (at least they claim the women are prostitutes).

Now these are men who have been living in thailand for more than 5 yrs. The sad thing is their older wives turn a blind eye. They have kids, a family house in their home towns and give their husbands their space.

Now I am sure the same applies to farangs married to farangs.. but in those cases, you can say a certain amount of insecurity and dependance on the husband might keep these women quiet.

I am curious as to why the women would put up with this. This is their country and they have rights that their husbands do not have.

I can't say I know a slew of Farang men who are married to Thai women, but so far, all the Swiss, German and American men whom I have met all seem to have adopted a liberal lifestyle. They have their Thai wives and they have prostitutes that they frequent on the side. (at least they claim the women are prostitutes).

Now these are men who have been living in thailand for more than 5 yrs. The sad thing is their older wives turn a blind eye. They have kids, a family house in their home towns and give their husbands their space.

Now I am sure the same applies to farangs married to farangs.. but in those cases, you can say a certain amount of insecurity and dependance on the husband might keep these women quiet.

I am curious as to why the women would put up with this. This is their country and they have rights that their husbands do not have.

Well I am not speaking from personal experience but perhaps the reason they put up with it is the Farang husband is just behaving like a Thai man.

Thai women, particularly rural ones, seem to accept that their husbands/boyfriends will have a Mia Noi (Minor Wife) and/or a Mia Len/Lap (Play/Sleeping Wife).

Mia Nois are not generally prostitutes although many Thai men pay them an allowance so I suppose accepting money for sex is prostituition.

Mia Len/Lap are more likely to be in the "trade" and Thai men pay them by the visit.

Just what I've heard you understand......

Where is the mystery?

They accept it because it is financial security. The money the husbands do have puts food on the table, a car in the garage and a roof on the house more effectively than the rights they dont.

Edited July 24, 200619 yr by t.s

the "what do you think of a farang and a thai girl" thread actually is giving a lot of answers to my question.

Actually, it hasn't really produced any answers yet.

Actually, it hasn't really produced any answers yet.

Actually, it has. But seeing as how every woman has her own opinion it has produced many different answers. Maybe just some you don't like, is all

I can't say I know a slew of Farang men who are married to Thai women, but so far, all the Swiss, German and American men whom I have met all seem to have adopted a liberal lifestyle. They have their Thai wives and they have prostitutes that they frequent on the side. (at least they claim the women are prostitutes).

Now these are men who have been living in thailand for more than 5 yrs. The sad thing is their older wives turn a blind eye. They have kids, a family house in their home towns and give their husbands their space.

Now I am sure the same applies to farangs married to farangs.. but in those cases, you can say a certain amount of insecurity and dependance on the husband might keep these women quiet.

I am curious as to why the women would put up with this. This is their country and they have rights that their husbands do not have.

Please excuse me if I am wrong, but I am assuming you to be a westerner.

In Thai history it was not unusual, indeed it was common to have more than one 'wife'.

Contrary to western opinion, Thai, indeed most Asian women, are not all quiet, docile, domestic beings, but are in fact the real 'head' of the family. Many of them have a firm grip on household finances, understand how to get things done with the authorities and have a life independent of their husband.

If we look at Islam and the right to have four wives, in the fine print it says that 'if the husband has the means and the ability to treat all wives equally, then it is OK.' The same applies to Thai ladies, if the husband provides a decent living for her and the children (if any) and takes care of the necessary bills and outings then so be it. Let him go.

Sex, is not a strong desire for many Thai ladies. Sure it is, in the initial stages but then the novelty wears off and then there is the daily living and future to look for.

'Love' has a different meaning to Asians that it does to westeners. There is very little of the deep falling in love that many of us confused westeners have, love in Asia is more of a taking care and understanding of each other.

If I, as a lady, were to meet someone who will provide for me and take care of me when I am sick or when I need some solace, that is the person I would choose. If he is a good provider, treats me well and puts food on the table, clothes on my back, I am the better for it.

I don't need a blithering idiot who trips on his tongue everytime he sees me or wants me to jump in the sack at every spare moment, I need a man.

Jeez, that is a great post Swagman (or Swagwoman?). That is similar to how I have understood it but never could put it so well.

This, in part, explains why many Thai woman might be with an older less attractive man (farang or not) which might puzzle a lot of Westerners.

Many cultures haven't come from a history of having the luxury to marry for love, so it is often not the first thing thought of when considering a partner - sad as it may sound to us romantics.

I can't say I know a slew of Farang men who are married to Thai women, but so far, all the Swiss, German and American men whom I have met all seem to have adopted a liberal lifestyle. They have their Thai wives and they have prostitutes that they frequent on the side. (at least they claim the women are prostitutes).

That's funny.. none of the Western men I know who are married to Thai women have *anything* on the side. Some/most look at other women, but this is far different than cheating on their wives (from a Western point of view).

I guess it's the type of people with whom we associate.

It would be the same reason as western women tolerating their husbands cheating on them.Insecrutity, fear of what they would do without the bread winner, not wanting to be on their own with the kids but particuly with thai women, there is no social service to assist them if their husband leaves or they want to leave them, so they stick it out becuase they have no other place to go.

Sad but true. hopefully in the next generation thai women wont have to put up with cheating/abusive husbands & will have the means to go it alone.

Some women wont ever leave a man doing that but you can bet there are a large percent who wishes they could but don't have the abilty or guts to.

I see more Thai men doing it and having secret wifes and girl friends and very few of my western friends.

I know this and that is if my wife has told me she would cut off the old twig and berries if I even thought about it

Thank you Doza.

Many cultures haven't come from a history of having the luxury to marry for love, so it is often not the first thing thought of when considering a partner - sad as it may sound to us romantics.

Indeed most cultures do not have the luxury of marrying for love. Most cultures where conditions are harsher than in the 'priviledged' cultures, considering who to marry (not love - but marry) is based on survival and the future. Will that man be able to provide for me and any family we may have, is he a stable man with good habits, is he acceptable to society, is he charitable and kind. Men may think of will this person be able to support me in my endeavours to provide for her, can we work together to secure a comfortable future, is she of good habits and disposition are we able to talk and discuss issues freely and openly.

In many cultures, and this is distressing to some, arranged marriages still take place. Parents or knowledgable, respected outsiders look at many factors before deciding if two people will make a good 'marriage' There is no initial, love at first sight type of thing, love in many cases grows as they get to know each other.

It would be interesting to compare divorce statistics for arranged marriages and marriages based on love.

I thought the Frogs perfected this, a la Mitterand's mistress attending his funeral.

Many cultures haven't come from a history of having the luxury to marry for love, so it is often not the first thing thought of when considering a partner - sad as it may sound to us romantics.

I think that if you look at it that "history" is not that distant. It was not that long ago most western women would fit the swagman post, for better or worse

I thought the Frogs perfected this, a la Mitterand's mistress attending his funeral.

Actually, if I recall correctly, it was his illegitimate daughter that attended his funeral.

And I agree with ZZZ, in the not too distant past western women didn't always have the luxury of choosing a mate because of love. However, western history is full of "romance" ie the culture of chivalry that flourished in the Middle Ages (albeit it was only for the ruling classes) in which women were idealized and courtly love was the goal.

Also, consider the Victorian era when women (again ruling class and the emerging middle class) were considered incapable of dealing with any kind of logical thinking, hard work and should be protected against anything too upsetting.

Of course, this did not apply to working class women who were seen to not only be laborers but sex toys as well. The number of heads of households who felt it perfectly acceptable to fool around with the help was quite high. This attitude is still prevalent in Asia today, by the way, where maid abuse is so common Singapore and Hong Kong have had to come up with special laws and penalties to deal with just this crime (which often includes sexual assault). In the US a Saudi couple have been found guilty of sexual assault (him), slavery, illegal detention etc etc (both of them) against an Indonesian woman.

So, although the west does have a history of courtly love and romance it really has only applied in an idealized way since even the ruling class made arranged marriages to each ones benefit.

It would be the same reason as western women tolerating their husbands cheating on them.Insecrutity, fear of what they would do without the bread winner, not wanting to be on their own with the kids but particuly with thai women, there is no social service to assist them if their husband leaves or they want to leave them, so they stick it out becuase they have no other place to go.

Sad but true. hopefully in the next generation thai women wont have to put up with cheating/abusive husbands & will have the means to go it alone.

Some women wont ever leave a man doing that but you can bet there are a large percent who wishes they could but don't have the abilty or guts to.

I don't think you'll find many on this board agreeing with that statement if they take the time to really analyze it. On the surface it sounds fine but the reason why Thai women have to put up with rotten husbands is because they lack financial opportunities to go it alone. Giving them those financial opportunities means giving everyone in Thailand those economic opportunities and then Thailand becomes a developed country and prices increase to the same level as in the west and Thailand is no longer a cheap vacation or retirement destination. A large percent of the members here would find another place if Thailand became that expensive, and most of the remaining would find they'd lose most of their status and buying power. I don't wish any woman, Thai or otherwise, to have to put up with an abusive husband, but neither do I wish Thailand's economy becomes similar to that of the west anytime in the foreseeable future.

I can't say I know a slew of Farang men who are married to Thai women, but so far, all the Swiss, German and American men whom I have met all seem to have adopted a liberal lifestyle. They have their Thai wives and they have prostitutes that they frequent on the side. (at least they claim the women are prostitutes).

Now these are men who have been living in thailand for more than 5 yrs. The sad thing is their older wives turn a blind eye. They have kids, a family house in their home towns and give their husbands their space.

Now I am sure the same applies to farangs married to farangs.. but in those cases, you can say a certain amount of insecurity and dependance on the husband might keep these women quiet.

I am curious as to why the women would put up with this. This is their country and they have rights that their husbands do not have.

Well I am not speaking from personal experience but perhaps the reason they put up with it is the Farang husband is just behaving like a Thai man.

Thai women, particularly rural ones, seem to accept that their husbands/boyfriends will have a Mia Noi (Minor Wife) and/or a Mia Len/Lap (Play/Sleeping Wife).

Mia Nois are not generally prostitutes although many Thai men pay them an allowance so I suppose accepting money for sex is prostituition.

Mia Len/Lap are more likely to be in the "trade" and Thai men pay them by the visit.

Just what I've heard you understand......

I should get my gf to take a look at this topic. I am sure that a bomb would be planted, not sure of on my notebook or at the thai visa server location

I just asked my girlfriend if I can have another gf and she gave me a filthy look saying if you do I will cut it off hhehehe

Now I blame this on you guys

It would be the same reason as western women tolerating their husbands cheating on them.Insecrutity, fear of what they would do without the bread winner, not wanting to be on their own with the kids but particuly with thai women, there is no social service to assist them if their husband leaves or they want to leave them, so they stick it out becuase they have no other place to go.

Sad but true. hopefully in the next generation thai women wont have to put up with cheating/abusive husbands & will have the means to go it alone.

Some women wont ever leave a man doing that but you can bet there are a large percent who wishes they could but don't have the abilty or guts to.

I don't think you'll find many on this board agreeing with that statement if they take the time to really analyze it. On the surface it sounds fine but the reason why Thai women have to put up with rotten husbands is because they lack financial opportunities to go it alone. Giving them those financial opportunities means giving everyone in Thailand those economic opportunities and then Thailand becomes a developed country and prices increase to the same level as in the west and Thailand is no longer a cheap vacation or retirement destination. A large percent of the members here would find another place if Thailand became that expensive, and most of the remaining would find they'd lose most of their status and buying power. I don't wish any woman, Thai or otherwise, to have to put up with an abusive husband, but neither do I wish Thailand's economy becomes similar to that of the west anytime in the foreseeable future.

Um, I think that is the point Boo was making?

After a half a dozen failed live in relationships I really thought I would NEVER get married again. Even if I would get married I thought I'd always have the urge for a little strange on the side. I thought the guys who told me they have no desire for another woman were liars.

Then I met my wife. It was no hot torrid monkey sex relationship and still isn't. It is just a feeling of well being and contentment. I guess the other guys were NOT liars. I have no desire to have another woman in my life. Once in a while I go back to Pattaya/Jomtien to see my friends. I would rather my wife go with me but she has her gardens, the dog and an aquarium to take care of and would rather I go alone. She always jokes and tells me that if she goes I wouldn't be able to have a good time with the ladies. After a few days I'm more than ready to go back home up country. My friends ask her if she worries about me finding another lady and she laughs and tells them that the bar ladies can have me short time because she has me long time.

I see more Thai men doing it and having secret wifes and girl friends and very few of my western friends.

I know this and that is if my wife has told me she would cut off the old twig and berries if I even thought about it

Nearly the same here but not ....if I thought about it ... IF SHE FOUND OUT ABOUT IT ...ie I cared so little that I made her loose face !!!!

I have been fortunate in that no girlfriend of mine has ever strayed and gone with other men. If they had I would have been devastated as if I commit then it is 100%. I can't understand why some men take these kinds of risks with the feelings of the people they love.

One 15 minute clinch could possibly destroy the life or mental wellbeing of someone who cares a great deal about you. Such a dangerous game to play.

One 15 minute clinch could possibly destroy the life or mental wellbeing of someone who cares a great deal about you. Such a dangerous game to play.

So, then, 3-4 minutes is ok? Just asking...

One 15 minute clinch could possibly destroy the life or mental wellbeing of someone who cares a great deal about you. Such a dangerous game to play.

So, then, 3-4 minutes is ok? Just asking...

No, its not! Under any circumstances!

I see more Thai men doing it and having secret wifes and girl friends and very few of my western friends.

I know this and that is if my wife has told me she would cut off the old twig and berries if I even thought about it

Nearly the same here but not ....if I thought about it ... IF SHE FOUND OUT ABOUT IT ...ie I cared so little that I made her loose face !!!!

Actually I forgot to add , She trusts me and I trust her totally now after several years of doubt cause by having an ex wife in the Uk cheat on me so I know what is feels like the ....last one was in our house ,our bed , you should never come home early from abroad as a suprise !!!!!! So I would not put any one through that horrible experience ......I am sure there are several guys out there with the similar experiences in Europe / USA .. It affected me so much I doubt I could even raise a smile ( even if I wanted to ) for a westernised women ..I am stopping there as I lack the courage to proceed

I see more Thai men doing it and having secret wifes and girl friends and very few of my western friends.

I know this and that is if my wife has told me she would cut off the old twig and berries if I even thought about it

Nearly the same here but not ....if I thought about it ... IF SHE FOUND OUT ABOUT IT ...ie I cared so little that I made her loose face !!!!

Actually I forgot to add , She trusts me and I trust her totally now after several years of doubt cause by having an ex wife in the Uk cheat on me so I know what is feels like the ....last one was in our house ,our bed , you should never come home early from abroad as a suprise !!!!!! So I would not put any one through that horrible experience ......I am sure there are several guys out there with the similar experiences in Europe / USA .. It affected me so much I doubt I could even raise a smile ( even if I wanted to ) for a westernised women ..I am stopping there as I lack the courage to proceed

That indeed must have been terrible. But to be fair to Western women, I have seen more men reduced to rubble by some of the women out here than I ever saw or heard of back home.

I think anyone who takes one bad experience with any women & judges all women of that race as bad is completly shallow & small minded or else needs some kind of counselling. I hope you dont take out your hang ups on your thai wife rcalscop, but I have to wonder, why bother posting in this seciton where mainly western women, that you claim not to be able to even smile at, post?

Comments like yours completly piss me off, do you not think that women get shit on by men, western or otherwise, I know I have, but fortunatly for me, I am able to NOT judge all on those bad ones.

Edited July 31, 200619 yr by Boo

I see more Thai men doing it and having secret wifes and girl friends and very few of my western friends.

I know this and that is if my wife has told me she would cut off the old twig and berries if I even thought about it

Nearly the same here but not ....if I thought about it ... IF SHE FOUND OUT ABOUT IT ...ie I cared so little that I made her loose face !!!!

Actually I forgot to add , She trusts me and I trust her totally now after several years of doubt cause by having an ex wife in the Uk cheat on me so I know what is feels like the ....last one was in our house ,our bed , you should never come home early from abroad as a suprise !!!!!! So I would not put any one through that horrible experience ......I am sure there are several guys out there with the similar experiences in Europe / USA .. It affected me so much I doubt I could even raise a smile ( even if I wanted to ) for a westernised women ..I am stopping there as I lack the courage to proceed

That indeed must have been terrible. But to be fair to Western women, I have seen more men reduced to rubble by some of the women out here than I ever saw or heard of back home.

That is not my take on it ..I know that many guys screw up because they start a relation ship with a little hotty from the bar with out knowing the rules , so serious errors of judgement are made the guys have no terms of reference and are so extatic they still have it !!!! the little head takes over.

The majority of couples I know in Thailand and other countries where the Thai wife has accompanied her husband seem genuinely more stable than average including guys who have carefully and knowing ly married girls who have worked in the entertainment trade , the land of horizontal refreshment ..some of these girls have had less partners than some of my old western girl friends. Many of the so called free lancers are very selective and suprise suprise not all the guys want sex , it is some times about companion ship, feeling good , sharing a life and many of the free lancers have had long relationships with guys who would not or could not marry them.

Almost all of the farang I know married to a Thai lady do not cheat. I have never cheated on my TW; but I look a lot and she's okay with that.

Why would I want to cheat on my TW? She brings me breakfast in bed every morning while I watch the news.....puts up with my bad habits (actually helping me to lose them) and spends our money wisely. I can't ask for anything more......