understanding thai traditions or being taken for a fool

[munkifeet]

hello people new to this so be kind

will try and be brief and get to the point

I have been with my thai girlfriend soon to be wife. we have been together for best part of two years and have a 7 month old son together majority of the time we get on well like any couple i guess. the only issue that seems to pop up every month is one of money. dun dun duuuun I know what your thinking already i have landed my self in hot water with a bar girl, not quite to all intent and purposes she seems quite a good hearted girl takes good care of family not shy to work when needed. so questions

no 1 is 15000 a month enough for a thai woman with one child and mum and dad to take care of they own there own house only have electric to pay for and food some previsions for the baby her sister works some times so does her dad not always though so some extra money is coming inn

no 2 she is telling me this is not enough and that she needs to go to work baby is still quite young in my western outlook and should be with mother ?

no 3 Am i as a westerner missing the point in regards to how thai women operate i now for most poor thai women they have no choice but she is not poor and has a choice

no 4 Am i being a tight wad in thai falang standards or are they expecting to much ?

I am not the wealthiest man in the world but i do ok i have a few debts to pay off which is making money a bit tight at moment plus i am applying for settlement visa for her which is taking up any spare cash i do not have a problem sending her more money when finances get better but am worried as they seem to have no concept of saving or managing money properly i sent 15000 this month and within 2 weeks phone is ringing we have no money not good in my eyes

If any body could shed some light on the situation would be much appreciated im not looking for a slanging match just some positive criticism thanks for your time

[jeffdunnjob]

I am american happily married with Thai wife and two children. Have you tried to work out monthly budget with her? How much for housing, vehicle, food, formula, clothes, entertainment, etc. What part of Thailand? Prices can vary.

[Gsxrnz]

15k is a good monthly salary for a medium level office employee with a degree.

15k goes a long way in Isaan.....unless the recipients of your generosity wish to sit on their arse all day (not bother working), consume copious quantities of alcohol, share their new found wealth with the extended family, have gambling debts, spend a fortune on the lottery, gamble at dominoes or cards, or want to buy a new Vigo and you're paying for it.

OP - you do the math.

EDIT: Or.....maybe your girl is a stunner and made 50k a month at the bar. So if they're accustomed to considerably more monthly cash from their daughter, then in a subjective comparison they could assume you're a Cheap Charlie if you're only coughing up 15k.

[ExPratt]

15,000 is enough , though not a huge amount. You say she takes care of the family (Don't they all) therefore if she can nick another 15,000 a month working , she will want to..

I am not sure what your wife does to earn money or where she intends to work. But in some professions their shelf life is very short and if she is seeing the rest of her life at 15,000 a month she will probably want more . Don't forget many or them have been brought up with nothing and an opportunity to earn and bank good money is rare.

No offence meant on any of the above. IMO your are fighting a bit of a losing battle unless you can up the ante

[wangsuda]

Looks like your girlfriend has a winning ticket in the guava lottery. Please understand the following:

1. You are a supplier of money. Nothing more.
2. The amount of money will only increase.
3. The longevity of your relationship will probably depend on the steady and increasing amount of money you supply. Money stops, so does the relationship.
4. You ain't seen nothing yet. Just wait until the bride price (sin-sot) is demanded of you.

But if you're okay with all of this, then I wish you luck in the future.

[NeverSure]

The GF is saying she needs to work for more money. It doesn't sound as if she's demanding more money.

I don't know how Thai families get by on 15K per month but they do. I couldn't. We don't know how much others earn on an average but anything here would help.

The OP bit off supporting a GF, child, and family. "How many times, Oh Lord, How many times..."

If the GF wants to work I don't see where the OP has any say in it unless he increases support money.

[BKKdreaming]

Baby stuff is expensive , diapers and baby milk eats up a lot of baht , Do they have a truck or motorbike they are paying on ?

Debts to other people ?

15k baht is not much and sure does not buy any goodies ,

I think you want to help them get ahead , not just stay poor , that is not the life you want for your son

See if there is something she wants to do or her parents , start a small shop or buy a sewing machine,

Understand that if you take your wife and son to your country you will still be expected to support her parents ,

Good luck ,

[munkifeet]

fair comments thanks for the reply's to answer a few questions. she lives is surin. not a bar girl, not great education but i cant talk left school with f all. have lived with her and her family for six months while baby was coming usual set up old mans a piss head wife takes care of daughters kids while she works nothing new there. she has worked for most of her teen years had a few falang relation ships that did not work out fairly honest most of the time. have had relations with a bar girl before so know what there like as long as you know where you stand with them it can be fun and not too expensive. from the time i have spent with her and her family i do not think she is a gold digger maybe a bit ill advised by local thai woman and bar girl friends. ah well time will tell if it gets too expensive i will run for the hills thanks for your time

[munkifeet]

to bkk dreaming payed of all depts last year and built a room on top of house for her and baby they own house no land no pick ups i know 15000 is not a great amount and am aware family will constantly need supporting taking that one on the chin once she is in the UK with boy will be lot easyer for me to take care of them and send enough back for ma and pa to live on i hope

[ExPratt]

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fair comments thanks for the reply's to answer a few questions. she lives is surin. not a bar girl, not great education but i cant talk left school with f all. have lived with her and her family for six months while baby was coming usual set up old mans a piss head wife takes care of daughters kids while she works nothing new there. she has worked for most of her teen years had a few falang relation ships that did not work out fairly honest most of the time. have had relations with a bar girl before so know what there like as long as you know where you stand with them it can be fun and not too expensive. from the time i have spent with her and her family i do not think she is a gold digger maybe a bit ill advised by local thai woman and bar girl friends. ah well time will tell if it gets too expensive i will run for the hills thanks for your time

What does she want to do for a living mate and where ?. You have to protect yourself money wise and that just means you controlling the money you want to keep. A mate of mine , Aussie , got the missus a supplementary CC and she bought herself lots of stuff including a 5K usd handbag

IMO many Thais have no appreciation for the future and its just spend , spend , spend while you have the money and then live like a mollusc when its all gone

[rott]

ExPratt your last sentence is spot on. I see the living proof daily, three houses away. Bled him dry for nearly fifteen years until he wised up and now so skint she can barely pay the water bill.

[ExPratt]

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ExPratt your last sentence is spot on. I see the living proof daily, three houses away. Bled him dry for nearly fifteen years until he wised up and now so skint she can barely pay the water bill.

I think because some are brought up in true poverty living from hand to mouth, working in the fields when they are kids and not going to school they have no real fear of being poor again and enjoy money when they can get it.. Its also "Big Face" to take care of the family. Also living such a hard life means any gift horse is going to get exploited with no sense of guilt from the exploiter

[munkifeet]

she is a pretty bright girl if not very well educated. she taught herself to read a wright english well and seems to have a fairly rational head on her shoulders most of the time. don't think she is too sure what she is capable of but with a bit of education pretty sure she could do most things. She is pretty keen on leaving Thailand and coming to London obviously she can earn a lot more here to help her family and she not shy of hard work. the money issues do seem to be more about her family than her most of the time.

[BKKdreaming]

take her to Lotus tesco , tie her to the meat freezer for 20 minutes , come back and tell her that was a warm winter day in the UK

She has no concept of what she is getting into as far as weather , or food etc

Send her pictures of you in the snow etc

but really many have made it work, just make it easier on her , set up the parents with Internet and skype , have Thai TV for her , find the Asian market she can find Thai food stuff.........and really watch out for the Thai ladies she hangs around with........

[samsensam]

simple, take control; get her to write down what she buys every month and how much she pays for it, then you will know how much she spends on 'essentials', on 'luxuries' how much she spends on 'taking the p*ss'

once you have that information you can decide how much you want to pay her to be part of your life, because for sure if you dont pay you will find no gf, no love, no affection or anything else there for you.

there was a foreigner posting here recently who claimed to survive, with wife on between 3000 - 4000 baht a month, not a great lifestyle i'm sure but clearly doable.

[BKKdreaming]

3000-4000 is living under the bridge money !

15k for 3 adults and a baby does not seem like that much , if he cannot afford that how much do you think it will cost to have her and the baby live in the UK and take care of the parents too ?

and how much can she work in the Uk with a 7 month old baby ? daycare will cost more than she can make

I think he needs a better job , or ask his parents for help

[MilesofSmiles]

All these adults somehow managed to live and survive before you were in the picture paying for everything.

Why don't they all get jobs ?

[fredob43]

Can she manage example.

I have a friend who lives in Phetchabun he gives his wife 12th a month just gone up from 10th she pays for everything. All the bills food for her and the extended family 6 (No Rent) she doesn't pay for all his western food Bacon Butter ETC but most of everything else + still manages to save a bit a perk for her.

There's no Pampers to get or Baby milk that would have to be added but your 15th should do nicely.

You stated that the monies were gone after 2 weeks then she wanted more I think that is well over the top.

What you do about that is up to you but once paid it'll never stop.

[wangsuda]

All these adults somehow managed to live and survive before you were in the picture paying for everything.

Why don't they all get jobs ?

Exactly! The OP needs to keep this in mind as he's being bled dry.

[GotSeoul]

Not sure if this helps but my buddy gives his wife 1/2 the amount on the 1st and the other 1/2 on the 16th of the month to avoid the full amount getting spent in the first 1/2 of the month. He insists this helps a bit.

[swissie]

OP asks for Thai-Tradition and constructive criticism. I try to give him both, to the best of my knowledge.

- Tradition: Any Thai-Husband, simply walking away from a marriage is forgiven as long he claims "I was feeling uncomfortable". His absence may last between 2 months and 20 years. Legal issues come only into play when truly large sums of money are involved upon marriage.

The problem is, that (as opposed to the average Thai-Male), the Farang does rarely abandon his "own flesh and blood" by just walking away from a relationship. Unfortunately and over the years, a certain kind of "Thai-Lady" has understood this very well and acts accordingly.

- Constructive Criticism: Have none. You just walked into the "Thailand-Trap". You are not the first and not the last. Having drawn the number 194'00 or 637'000 in the "Thai-Love-Lottery Game" is irrelevant. Of importance is only the fact that "you have been had".

If Op wants to go the "Thai Traditional-Route" or the "own flesh and blood route" is entirely up to him. Under the given circumstances, I myself would choose the Traditional Thai Way with only one difference: I would not only "walk away" from such a hopeless constellation, I would actually RUN AWAY without ever looking back.

Cheers.

[Mr Somtam]

All these adults somehow managed to live and survive before you were in the picture paying for everything.

Why don't they all get jobs ?

I have told my wife that at least a million times! Spot on ching ching.

[rgs2001uk]

Why doesnt she do what thousands of Thai men and women do, leave the kid with her parents and head to any of the following, Ayyutha industrial park, Pranchinburi industrial park, Bangkok and the Yam yam factory, there she will earn at least 12 k per month, probably get company free accomodation, and live on 150/200 baht per day, the rest she can send back to the village.

If she is anything like the Thais i know that do the above, it will be 2k per month max, with 1k being the norm.

Another farang buffalo ripe for plucking, well heck it is the season of goodwill. LOL.

[rgs2001uk]

PS, not allowed to post Thai text on here, there are four Thai words you should learn.

kaer nee, por laew, the first two aint that important, the second two should be in every farangs dictionary, they mean, thats enough.

Married to a Thai best you learn to think and speak like a Thai (man).

[jcisco]

All these adults somehow managed to live and survive before you were in the picture paying for everything.

Why don't they all get jobs ?

Wow relevant and logical you finally find your medication......

[puukao]

I will marry you for 14k bath a month!!!! I will call you "Another Tourist Married........or ATM for short"

love you very much!!!! routing number 00988823 checking number 242342345343432423

[munkifeet]

ya i expected the p*ss to be taken splitting the money has definitely crossed my mind and is next on the list running away would be an option if there was not a nipper involved will have to clamp down and see how that pans out. its quite easy to find out if its all about the money stop the money see what happens. as for not earning enough money i earn enough just got a few debts to sort so things are tight a present but will sort. nearly pissed my self laughing at the advise to get help from my family i'm not sixteen mate but thanks any way. I think most people have a threshold and once crossed time to call it a day.

[NoshowJones]

3000-4000 is living under the bridge money !

15k for 3 adults and a baby does not seem like that much , if he cannot afford that how much do you think it will cost to have her and the baby live in the UK and take care of the parents too ?

and how much can she work in the Uk with a 7 month old baby ? daycare will cost more than she can make

I think he needs a better job , or ask his parents for help

It is not your job to support her parents financially, you are a mug if you do. if you give her 15.000 Baht per month, make sure it is only for her and her kid, and it should be enough. If not, then find another GF, but remember, you will always be financially responsible for your kid.

[prodriver]

I will marry you for 14k bath a month!!!! I will call you "Another Tourist Married........or ATM for short"

love you very much!!!! routing number 00988823 checking number 242342345343432423

Do you know the difference between an ATM and a farang boyfriend?

An ATM has a daily withdrawal limit!!

[AnotherOneAmerican]

OP hasn't specified location.

Average income for adult Thais in a rural farming village is 2,500bht a month.

So three adults all working (with children) would be living on 7,500bht a month.

I keep my aunt on my farm in central Thailand.

I give her 3,000bht a month to live on the farm alone (+500bht pension from the government).

Up to her if she wants to work it or not.

She doesn't bother to work, says 3k a month makes her one of the wealthiest women in the village.

Plenty of casual farm work at 100-200bht a day if she wanted extra.