Random Thoughts!

[Daffy D]

Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet!

I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks!

I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off!

Old age is coming at a really bad time!

When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment ... now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!

The biggest lie I tell myself is ... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights".

My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees

.

The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".

I like my middle finger best because it always sticks up for me!

I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second week

I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure my kids took it!

Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Lord, Give me patience and give it to me NOW.

Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.

At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.