Lorra Lorra Fun. Well I'm A Scouser

[Mr Jones]

Lorra Lorra Fun

Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson, and bragged that despite being 72 years of age, he could still have sex 3 times a night.

Cilla Black, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show, Cilla said, "Sean, if I'm not bein too forward, I'd luv to 'ave sex with yer. Let's go back to my ouse, we could 'ave a lorra fun."

So they went back to her place. After a couple of drinks they went off to bed and had an hour of mad passionate sex together.

Afterwards, Sean says, "If you think that wash good, let me shleep for half an hour, and we can have better shex. But while I'm shleeping, hold my bawls in your left hand and ma wullie in your right hand".

Cilla looks a bit perplexed, but says, "Alright, chuck". He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex than before. Then Sean says, "Shilla, that was wonderful. But if you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. You'll have to..."

"I know, Sean. Yer want me to 'old onto yer bat 'n balls again. No problem, hun." Cilla complies with the routine. The results are absolutely mindblowing.

Once it's all over, they have a drink, Sean lights a cigarette and Cilla asks "Sean, tell me, dis 'oldin yer balls in one hand and yer willie in de other - does it really stimulate yer dat much?"

Sean replies, "No, not at all Shilla, but the lasht time I shlept with a Scouser, the bitcsh shtole ma wallet!"

[IvanLaw]

Absholutly brilliant

Thanks, Made my evening

Ivan

[soap]

a cracker

nice one

[John_Betong]

Reminds me of...

Barry Morris had signed up to a dating company and he had chosen his first date.

He worried the entire week before the date was due to take place and he wondered how he could impress the young lady he would be meeting that night.

The night of the date arrived and Barry went to the restaurant early.

As luck would have it, he happened to see Sean Connery coming into the same restaurant.

As the head waiter fussed over Sean Connery, there was a moment when the big Scot was left alone and Barry seized his chance.

"Excuse me, Mr Connery, I wonder if you could help me. I'm supposed to be meeting a woman here tonight for a blind date and I really want to impress her. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind coming over to our table at some point and strike up a conversation with me. Would you do that please?"

Sean thought about it and, as the head waiter returned, he reached for Barry's hand to shake it, "What's your name? and Barry told him.

About half an hour into the meal, Barry's date seemed very impressed with him. Barry's confidence soared, he was witty, intelligent and debonair.

At this point, Sean Connery came to their table, "As I live and breath," says Sean flashing a big grin, "Barry Morris you old dog, how are you? And who is this gorgeous lady you're with?"

"###### off Sean," says Barry, "can't you see I'm on a date?"

[In the Rai!]

nice one!