Essex Girls

[lamphun]

Essex Girls

An Essex girl goes to the council to register for

child benefit.

"How many children?" asks the council worker .

"10" replies the Essex girl.

"10???" says the council worker.. "What are their

names?"

"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne,

Wayne, Wayne and Wayne"

"Doesn't that get confusing?"

"Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if

they are out playing in

the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S

READY or WAAYNE GO TO

BED NOW and they all do it..."

"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says

the perturbed council

worker.

"That's easy," says the girl... "I just use their

surnames"

An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She

places a garment on

the

counter.

"I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress."

she says.

"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.

"No" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."

Essex Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.

The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."

She says "I'll take the red one."

The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."

An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is

trapped and bleeding.

The paramedics soon arrive on site.

Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask

you some questions?"

Girl: "OK"

Medic: "What's your name?"

Girl: "Sharon."

Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?"

Sharon: "Yes."

Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"

Sharon: "Romford, mate."

An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car

phone rang.

It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Treacle,

I just heard on the

news that there's a car going the wrong way on the

A13. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car!" said the Essex girl, "There's

hundreds of them!"

Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash;

there's blood

everywhere.

The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car

till she's lying

flat

out on the floor.

Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."

Sharon: "Ok."

Medic: "Ok the how many fingers am I putting up?"

Sharon: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"

An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the

Essex girl notices

something strange about the wellies the Irish guy is

wearing.

She says, "Scuse me mate, I aint being fanny or

nuffink, but why doz one of

your wellies 'ave an L on it and the uva one's got an

R on it ?

So the Irish guy smiles,puts down his glass of

Guinness and replies, "Well,

oim a little bit tick you see. The one with the R on

it is for me roight

foot and the one with the L is for me left foot"

"Cor blimey, exclaims the Essex girl, "So THATS why me

knickers 'ave got

C&A

on them. "

[A. BOOZER]

And some people will think that these are all jokes!

[davethailand]

like the c&a one.

are you from essex by any chance

[stevehaigh]

that c&a joke is a doozie but you have to be english to get it, which is a problem for me in the us of a

[dr_Pat_Pong]

I loved 'em Lamphun. Thanks

[Simbo]

A man is sitting reading his paper, when his wife comes in and belts him over the head with a rolled up magazine. " What was that for?" he exclaimed. " Iv'e just found a piece of paper with the name. Mary lou in your pocket!" The man replied," darling, that was the name of a horse someone gave me to back" His wife is shocked and cannot apologise enough for doubting him. The next day,he is sitting reading again, when in she comes with a skillet and bops him over the head, knocking him out. When he comes around and asks her why, she retorts, " your horse just phoned up"

[mspsl]

Whats the difference between an Essex girl and a walrus?

One has a moustache and smells of fish,

the other is a sea mammal!

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Whats the difference between an Essex girl and a walrus?

One has a moustache and smells of fish,

the other is a sea mammal!

Pay this one too.