STOPPAGE TIME
A boy's crash course on Russia, America and China
Tulsathit Taptim

BANGKOK: -- The curious boy who had crossed swords with his teachers over American diplomacy ("Stoppage Time", February 14) and the definition of "xenophobia" ("Stoppage Time", June 18, 2014), came home with that puzzled look again. Knowing that he had attended a lesson on international relations, his father didn't even bother questioning the source of that puzzled look.

He sat his son down and placing hands gently on his shoulders, said: "Russia is just a bitch. Just like America, and, probably to a lesser degree, China."

The following dialogue may not result in the boy coming out top of his class, as he has turned many teachers into his enemies, but it may do him a world of good by getting him to shun a diplomatic career for good.

Boy: You are getting very good at telling when I'm confused, dad. My American teacher said the same thing about the Russians. He said Russia was an opportunist and that it is America that is Thailand's real friend. Russia is just saying what Thailand wants to hear. But why are you calling them all bitches?

Father: Okay, let's think of Thailand as a man and America, Russia and China as women. Let's imagine three sexy ladies, each coming with different baggage. The man was with Miss America, who's gorgeous and all but has recently ended the romance and put the man in the "friends zone". Now, my son, take my word for it, don't ever let a girlfriend put you in the "friends zone." It would cause all kinds of problems, not least shattering your self-esteem. What you must do, my son, is say to hell with the "friends zone" and look for another woman.

Boy: That's where Miss China comes in.

Father: Exactly. But Miss China, sexy as she is, remains rough around the edges. She doesn't know social etiquette that well. For example, when she uses a restroom, she does it quite messily.

Boy: And Miss America is the first to point that out? Will the restroom issue undermine Mr Thailand's relationship with Miss China. Is that why Miss America is a bitch?

Father: We don't know, son, so let's give Miss America the benefit of the doubt. But somehow Miss China's poor restroom manners are being blown out of proportion by many people who are known to be friends of Miss America.

Boy: You aren't quite blaming Miss America for overblown criticism of Miss China's restroom etiquette, so why are you calling her a bitch?

Father: Well, just the way she teases and taunts Mr Thailand, and all the while placing him in the "friends zone" and still bossing him around. Mr Thailand is confused as heck, for sure.

Boy: Miss China seems pretty sincere. She isn't critical and she gives Mr Thailand quite a lot of space.

Father: You're right. Every man likes a woman who doesn't look for lipstick marks on his shirt everyday and doesn't check his mobile phone every time they meet.

Boy: Then why is she a bitch, dad?

Father: She's a bit possessive when it comes to property, many of which may not even be hers. In other words, if she thinks she "owns" you, you can be in a bit of trouble.

Boy: I see. You're talking about the Spratlys, Tibet and all, right? But isn't that a common flaw? Didn't Miss England, Miss Spain, Miss Portugal and many others invade others' homes for fun and stay there for years?

Father: Those women insist they have outgrown their childish possessiveness, but let's stick with our three ladies, shall we?

Boy: Okay, so Miss China can be bitchy. Now, what about Miss Russia? My other question is: Why does every "American reject" go to Russia?

Father: To further boost the male ego, you need to find someone as sexy, if not sexier, after being snubbed. Miss Russia matches Miss America from head to toe. She's equally rich, if not richer, and as powerful. Last but not least, if you're dumped by a girl and want revenge, start a new romance with her enemy.

Boy: You go to another bitch (giggles). But what exactly is with Miss Russia? Why is she a bitch in your eyes?

Father: Like your teacher said, Miss Russia can come across as an opportunist. And moreover, she may want you as a piece of advertisement, a message to Miss America. Which is fair in a way, because a lot of fiction that Miss America wrote did not put Miss Russia in the good light at all.

Boy: I know Hollywood movies that make Russians the heroes.

Father: Those films stick in your mind because they are rare. Anyway, Miss Russia knows a thing or two about propaganda. If Miss America is a bitch for demonising Edward Snowden, for example, then Miss Russia is probably just as hypocritical for taking him in. You see, like Miss America, Miss Russia can be motivated by vested interests. And many of her businesses are questionable.

Boy: So, who is good for Mr Thailand, dad?

Father: His heart and his head are fighting badly, son. That's all I can say.

Source: http://www.nationmultimedia.com/opinion/A-boys-crash-course-on-Russia-America-and-China-30258014.html


-- The Nation 2015-04-15

Father 'Well son, do you know what discriminatory journalism is?"

Son "No father"

Father "Well son It's when a journalist (sic) writes an article that is inaccurate, nonsensical or derogatory towards people or countries. "

Son "You mean like this one father?"

Father "Yes son."

On a grand scale of things it's appealing that a grown up man would think Thailand was a Mr in this relationships , where in reality Thailand is the bitch who sleeps around looking for whoever pays better

Another highly believable interlude in a regular Thai family, I don't think !

We often think that more people in Thailand should learn English but then you read something like this and realize that it might be a blessing if they don't

The boy came home the following week looking perturbed. "Father, I've just realised that the way you've raised me means in the future I've got no chance of getting laid unless I go to a mortuary because I've got the personality and social skills of a mollusc."

" Never mind son just follow my example and have a mia noi from ABAC set up in a studio apartment in Din Daeng but don't tell your mother."

" She left years ago father. She couldn't take our little chats anymore. She's shacked up with her 23 year old personal trainer in Thonglor and says he gave her the first orgasm of her life. "

"Father: Well, just the way she teases and taunts Mr Thailand, and all the while placing him in the "friends zone" and still bossing him around. Mr Thailand is confused as heck, for sure."

Could have picked a number of quotes from this piece of junk writing that show this cave dwellers narrow minded views, but this one will do.

There appears to be no limit to their prejudice, hate and intolerance.

​Women, Foreign states, xenophobia there is nothing they are afraid of displaying and sharing their ignorance on.

It seems It not only US don't understand Thailand it is Thailand don't understand US. Now that kid will grow up and become ladyboy and turn his skin snow white. Son to father dad where is the KY? Top behind the pampers and vasline.

A desperate article, giving self-indulgent pleasure for the man at the top.

A sucker article designed to whitewash the reasons for the distrust shown by international "girlfriends"?

Wonder if the journalists are actually writing this defecating rubbish or having requests put on them?

At the end of the day, Thailand's potential is to be raped by the new comers.

I have read some gammon on this stoppage time before,but this strays into the realm of gibberish.

I see, that the word generating machine at The Nation has been working overtime again!!

Boy: "...but Dad, if all of the prospective girlfriends are bitches, shouldn't Thailand slap them around some and teach them to mind their own business, just as we see it every day on TV dramas?"

Father: "Well son, that's the problem...Miss Russia knows Judo, Miss China knows KungFu and Miss America knows Magnum 357...and even if we gang up on them with all our buddies Mr Burma, Mr Malaysia, Mr Indonesia, Mr Cambodia, Mr Laos - they would still hand us our a$$es in a sling. And that's not good for keeping our face!"

The father should have stayed in school and watched fewer Soap shows, but instead he ended up writing for The Nation newspaper.

Anyway, Miss Russia knows a thing or two about propaganda.

You say, Mr Thailand.

Right now I'm thinking Thailand as a Ladyboy. And that leaves a whole lot of questions unanswered.

The father should have stayed in school and watched fewer Soap shows, but instead he ended up writing for The Nation newspaper.

I used to enjoy reading articles by Mr Pomegranate, but the overuse of metaphors is seriously trying.

Euphemisms next I suppose.

Father 'Well son, do you know what discriminatory journalism is?"

Son "No father"

Father "Well son It's when a journalist (sic) writes an article that is inaccurate, nonsensical or derogatory towards people or countries. "

Son "You mean like this one father?"

Father "Yes son."

I'll have to take your word for it as I simply couldn't be arsed to read past the first couple of paragraphs of that turgid ca-ca...

Words fail me.

Boy: "Hey Dad, can you tell me who Tulsathit Taptim is?"

Dad: "Well son, he's a racist sleazebag journalist who thinks that having a job for a newspaper means that his hate-mongering is 'objective'."

Boy: "Wow, does the same thing happen in Western countries?"

Dad: "When it does the person usually loses his job in disgrace and the newspaper is forced to apologize for attacking countless people around the world."

Boy: "Gee Dad, that sounds like a hypocritical double standard!"

Dad: "Yes son, and that concludes your first lesson in Thai journalism."

Criticizing Miss China, Miss Russia and Miss USA just sounds silly. We all know that Mr Thailand prefers ladyboys anyway.

Are these rhetorical questions?

Right now I'm thinking Thailand as a Ladyboy. And that leaves a whole lot of questions unanswered.

Boy: Then why is she a bitch, dad?

Boy: I have a new homework assignment Paa. My Filipino teacher was very impressed by what you said, but now she wants me to write it from the perspectives of the Russian, Chinese, and the American.

Father: Great! I see that you've already started. Read to me what you've wrote Nong.

Boy: Really! Ok, I started from the perspective a Russian. So let's think of Thailand as a bargirl and Russia, China, and America as handsome foreign tourists here to see our beautiful country. Mr. America is loud, arrogant, and over-sexed but has lots of money. He pays her barfine, has a good romp in a short-time hotel, loses interest, dumps her, and goes back to drink with his buddies. Mr. China walks by the bargirl without a glance as he get in one of 40 tuk tuks driving Chinese tourists around the city, leaving the bargirl in a cloud of smoke and ear-splitting noise. Then Mr. Russia walks by, compliments her on her beauty, and offers her a job at his bar in Phuket. Once they arrive at the Russian's bar, he promotes her to 'Head Bar-girl' and instructs her to teach the 15 gorgeous Russian and Eastern European beauties everything she knows about the tricks of her trade.... How do you like it so far Paa?

Father:

dumbest post i have ever read...yeah you go TV

(barf)

On a grand scale of things it's appealing that a grown up man would think Thailand was a Mr in this relationships , where in reality Thailand is the bitch who sleeps around looking for whoever pays better

Hey, go easy. What's a poor girl with no education to do?....Oh, oops we were talking politics, right?

I think the story goes:

Dad is a gorgeous lady boy and all the other countries are drunken bar room brawlers and when they catch dad reaching for their wallet while kissing them Dad gets punched and knocked to the floor numerous times.

That is one of the biggest crocks of bunk I have ever had the misfortune to read...

Son to Dad...enjoy your day Dad...these things will work themselves out without your participation in due time...

On a grand scale of things it's appealing that a grown up man would think Thailand was a Mr in this relationships , where in reality Thailand is the bitch who sleeps around looking for whoever pays better

Hey, go easy. What's a poor girl with no education to do?....Oh, oops we were talking politics, right?

right

Though not much different

Mr Thailand would just seduce all 3 and then dump on the side of the road.

Father I think you are wrong in this story I think there are 3 men and only one bitch....