Age Shall Not Weary Us

[Mr Jones]

AGE SHALL NOT WEARY US

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Now THIS is funny!!!! Got it on an email and I laughed all the way to the bottom!

AGE SHALL NOT WEARY US:

---Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?

--- Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

--- Don't think of it as getting hot Flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

--- I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

--- I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

--- My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

--- Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

--- I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.

--- I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.

--- It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

--- The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at our boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first.

--- These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

--- I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."

--- Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up!

--- Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.

--- THE SENILITY PRAYER: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now, I think you're supposed to send this to 5 or 6, maybe 10 . Oh heck, send it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are

[niteowl]

Funny stuff!

[suegha]

Excellent!

I think my favourite is --- I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.

[farangsay]

[John_Betong]

AGE SHALL NOT WEARY US

...

Reminds me of:

Precaution

A senior citizen visits his doctor for a routine check-up and everything seems fine. The doctor asks him about his sex life.

"Well..." the man drawled, "not bad at all to be honest. The wife ain't all that interested anymore, so I just cruise around. In the past week I was able to pick-up and bed at least three girls, none of whom were over thirty years old."

"My goodness Jack, and at your age too." the doctor said. "I hope you took at least some precautions."

"Yep. I may be old, but I ain't senile yet doc. I gave 'em all a phony name."

[suegha]

Very funny!