My first proper date with a Thai girl - What's your thoughts?

[CharlieH]

The fact she is being "sponsored" by her sister and has positioned herself in Pattaya and learning English suggests she is on a "fishing expedition" to find a "ferang" husband etc and you have taken the bait.

She is on a mission, not saying that's good or bad, just saying how I see it.

[Loptr]

Weeeeeeeell it just don't happen in Thai society. It is a means of getting you in a state of "heaven" for her future cash supply. Trust me on that.........

If Thais saw her doing that they would . But some birds don't care cos of future "millionaire" taking care of stuff.

Sorry if I sound a bit "off", but have seen similar stuff and the outcome....

yeah that's what worries me, I don't want Thai birds to see me as a walking wallet.

As for what Thais thought, I don't think she gave a shit, we were seated in an open plan restaurant surrounded by Thais and she was feeding me.

It's a bit funny though. "lose some weight, stop smoking and only THEN will I start taking your money"

wut?

I am sure you know what a fishing lure is....It is something that is not "real" but catches fish.............

Some are just more patient than others in their tactics... All the dating website ladies are fishing, although some use a hand-tied lure to attract their prey delicately, others use a stick of dynamite and a net...

I was chatting with an attractive thai lady on one of the dating sites recently... After a day or two of this, she dropped the bomb... "How much for a nice lady like me"? A bit aghast, I replied, "How much would make you happy"? Her reply, "100,000 baht per month would make me happy"... Given her tactics were about a subtle as a slap in the face, I had to politely decline her kind offer and wished her well finding a farang worthy of her company...

It's a jungle out there, be careful...

[Spaniel]

I think at the very least you should have a few more "dates" with her since I would say your first encounter with her went well. You certainly need to get more info about her, particularly what she has been doing for the past 10 years. Wonder why she didn't stay in Chiang Mai to learn English? Of course if she is on a "fishing expedition" to find a farang husband, as suggested by poster CharlieH, then their would be many more choices in Pattaya, although not a lot of quality there. Go for it!

[diginomad]

May I add, I have NEVER yet met a Thai bird that has rejected a farang on a first date...NEVER....

what type pof rejection are we talking? Sexual or otherwise and what's your take on what happened with me in this scenario? Given that she was also a bit hesitant to kiss me.

I should also add that even though she didn't want to initially kiss and said that there was not going to be any sex, she wanted me to stay another day.

If this is a long game, it's a good one.

[diginomad]

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The fact she is being "sponsored" by her sister and has positioned herself in Pattaya and learning English suggests she is on a "fishing expedition" to find a "ferang" husband etc and you have taken the bait.

She is on a mission, not saying that's good or bad, just saying how I see it.

I think at the very least you should have a few more "dates" with her since I would say your first encounter with her went well. You certainly need to get more info about her, particularly what she has been doing for the past 10 years. Wonder why she didn't stay in Chiang Mai to learn English? Of course if she is on a "fishing expedition" to find a farang husband, as suggested by poster CharlieH, then their would be many more choices in Pattaya, although not a lot of quality there. Go for it!

All women fish. All men fish. We are all looking for someone.
Which is the point I was trying to make with one of my previous posts suggesting that Thai women are no different to western women in regards to what they want.

Of course first prize for me is a woman with all this girl's good qualities that I have seen so far and a good job.

I know what I DON'T want and that is a woman that expects that I am going to foot the bill for everything or that she is going to give up her job.
Fat chance.

[Squeegee]

There's not a single issue here that's worth any further discussion, because:

As for what Thais thought, I don't think she gave a shit, we were seated in an open plan restaurant surrounded by Thais and she was feeding me.

[Thongkorn]

Lost interest in the first few words, on a dating site, did it for me. Remember they are at work

[marko kok prong]

You have to be kidding me,you are going on this diet,to change yourself for some bint,who probably will do you up like a kipper,get a grip pal,tell this is me take it or leave it,but then again you are probably not a very hansum man like me,and rich,so i can get away with it.

[CharlieH]

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The fact she is being "sponsored" by her sister and has positioned herself in Pattaya and learning English suggests she is on a "fishing expedition" to find a "ferang" husband etc and you have taken the bait.

She is on a mission, not saying that's good or bad, just saying how I see it.

I think at the very least you should have a few more "dates" with her since I would say your first encounter with her went well. You certainly need to get more info about her, particularly what she has been doing for the past 10 years. Wonder why she didn't stay in Chiang Mai to learn English? Of course if she is on a "fishing expedition" to find a farang husband, as suggested by poster CharlieH, then their would be many more choices in Pattaya, although not a lot of quality there. Go for it!

All women fish. All men fish. We are all looking for someone.

Which is the point I was trying to make with one of my previous posts suggesting that Thai women are no different to western women in regards to what they want.

Of course first prize for me is a woman with all this girl's good qualities that I have seen so far and a good job.

I know what I DON'T want and that is a woman that expects that I am going to foot the bill for everything or that she is going to give up her job.

Fat chance.

You are missing the point, yes of course both sexes are "fishing" but she has positioned herself in a tourist centre, supported by someone else, and learning the English. Its clear by her "moves" what she is doing, why else of all the places in Thailand do you think she has chosen Pattaya !!

She isnt Thai, and if it was simply fishing she could do that from anywhere on the computer, she could also learn English in many places, but she has a definite agenda and has set out to catch someone in what she has heard or been told is the best place to go to catch what she wants.

I'll put money on the fact she is now giving a performance, and telling you what she thinks you want to hear, or even maybe what she has been taught/advised to say & do by others.

[brewsterbudgen]

What are you looking for? If it's sex, there are far easier and quicker ways to get it. If it's a wife or serious relationship I wouldn't rely on internet dating.

Companionship and someone to help me improve my Thai.

I'm not going to go pay a bar girl.

Call me old fashioned but there's more than a moral dilemma when it comes to prostitution - my biggest concern is disease.

Someone told me the best girls will come from referrals, so and so meet so and so.

Problem is that the small handful of expat friends that I have living here don't know many Thai people bar 1 who has a Thai gf with some friends, I'll try go that route.

One of the reasons I did not is because if anything goes wrong, it can affect multiple friendships - hers and hers, hers and mine, his and mine.

Fair enough, but you should make this clear to her, or anyone else, from the outset. If you're only interested in companionship and help with language, make sure she knows this and don't lead her on.

Edited May 4, 2015 by brewsterbudgen

[diginomad]

Bit difficult not to be in denial, but then again she was the first girl I went to meet.

hoping that subsequent meetings will show me a wider range of choice.

Thanks for all the input.

[Cypress Hill]

You have to be kidding me,you are going on this diet,to change yourself for some bint,who probably will do you up like a kipper,get a grip pal,tell this is me take it or leave it,but then again you are probably not a very hansum man like me,and rich,so i can get away with it.

Maybe he could do the diet thing to increase his chances with other women, not just this one.

I know a lot of you will say a man's looks don't matter in Thailand but they absolutely DO.

No woman, given the choice, prefers a fat man over one in decent shape.

[scoutman360]

On the plus side though, sad as it is, it's a plus for me seeing as this girl's parents have passed away - just means there's no one for her to be sending my money to.

The one weird thing that also rang my bell a bit was that she is 35, learning English, is unemployed yet told me that her sister sends her money for her studies, food and board.

Don't walk, run. All the red flags are in front of you. Maybe the parents aren't around, but you will soon own the debt to her sister, brother, aunt, uncle, etc...if in fact that is actually how she is making her money. In Pattaya? Really?

On the other hand, you can just enjoy the moments with a nice girl, and don't get attached. That works too. She has politely told you a few things she doesn't like about you. Obviously it bothered her enough to say it to your face. Think with the correct head and you will be OK.

[green job]

On the plus side though, sad as it is, it's a plus for me seeing as this girl's parents have passed away - just means there's no one for her to be sending my money to.

The one weird thing that also rang my bell a bit was that she is 35, learning English, is unemployed yet told me that her sister sends her money for her studies, food and board.

Don't walk, run. All the red flags are in front of you. Maybe the parents aren't around, but you will soon own the debt to her sister, brother, aunt, uncle, etc...if in fact that is actually how she is making her money. In Pattaya? Really?

On the other hand, you can just enjoy the moments with a nice girl, and don't get attached. That works too. She has politely told you a few things she doesn't like about you. Obviously it bothered her enough to say it to your face. Think with the correct head and you will be OK.

RUN she will take you for all your worth, Thats what the do here

[Blackfox]

Don't discount the dating sites albeit most girls are on the fishing expedition.

I know 2 guys that met, fell for, and married girls from a Thai dating site.

My wife and I know them well.

I was actually surprised by these lovely girls.

The guys are slim, good looking and 30-35 years.

Note: as previously mentioned, the girls like the guys in shape.

They are naturally lithe, so best get in shape also.

[FritsSikkink]

Weeeeeeeell it just don't happen in Thai society. It is a means of getting you in a state of "heaven" for her future cash supply. Trust me on that.........

If Thais saw her doing that they would . But some birds don't care cos of future "millionaire" taking care of stuff.

Sorry if I sound a bit "off", but have seen similar stuff and the outcome....

yeah that's what worries me, I don't want Thai birds to see me as a walking wallet.

As for what Thais thought, I don't think she gave a shit, we were seated in an open plan restaurant surrounded by Thais and she was feeding me.

It's a bit funny though. "lose some weight, stop smoking and only THEN will I start taking your money"

wut?

Burmese and Thai isn't the same.

[thrilled]

Being she's in Pattaya would bother me.She can't find an English teaching school near Chiangmai Mai?As far as feeding you

I believe that's something to try and reel you in.I'm no expert.But I'm suspicious of Thai Puings.Maybe it's just me.Be Careful.

[elgordo38]

I would have made a quick exit as the spoon feeding started...........You ever see a Thai bird "feed" a Thai bloke...?

I disagree Thai ladies are very attentive. If having a meal and a bit is stuck on the side of my mouth they will take a tissue and clean it off. Its a cultural thing looking after a man. Kind of threw me when I first ran into it accept it now. Your not in North America now.

[elgordo38]

Seems you have your eyes "open", use your instincts........Very important...

Always ask if they have been married and if they have kids..........If they say yes (kids) BUT mum takes care of them............Walk away, cos YOU WILL be taking care of them, I KNOW, and it is my NOW problem.......

This.

This is the pinnacle of my fears.

The girls that I have been shying away from are those that say they have kids and those that come from farming communities (Issan) where I KNOW they want to send my money home to Mom n Pop so that they can take a rest from working the rice paddies at my expense.

On the plus side though, sad as it is, it's a plus for me seeing as this girl's parents have passed away - just means there's no one for her to be sending my money to.

The one weird thing that also rang my bell a bit was that she is 35, learning English, is unemployed yet told me that her sister sends her money for her studies, food and board.

I know I am never going to meet a girl that checks all the boxes.

I think its more a case of

Employed, Easy on the eye, No kids, No family to interfere, Speaks a bit of English - pick 3

I would definitely pursue this one if your looking for a relationship. She seems to care about you.

[elgordo38]

What are you looking for? If it's sex, there are far easier and quicker ways to get it. If it's a wife or serious relationship I wouldn't rely on internet dating.

Don't listen to this guy I met my g/f on a dating site and she is a real jewel. They are there but you must shift through the chaff. The good the bad and the ugly are there but then finding the right lady is no cake walk anywhere. There was a lot of negotiating with my g/f and me before we settled in together and this is common for here. Ladies want to know what they are getting and security is number one. I am much older than her and asked her why me an older man. She stated " The problem with a younger man is after you make a commitment they soon tire of you and look for greener pastures and kick you to the curb" We have been together for over 3 yrs. now never regretted it.

[Blackfox]

What are you looking for? If it's sex, there are far easier and quicker ways to get it. If it's a wife or serious relationship I wouldn't rely on internet dating.

Don't listen to this guy I met my g/f on a dating site and she is a real jewel. They are there but you must shift through the chaff. The good the bad and the ugly are there but then finding the right lady is no cake walk anywhere. There was a lot of negotiating with my g/f and me before we settled in together and this is common for here. Ladies want to know what they are getting and security is number one. I am much older than her and asked her why me an older man. She stated " The problem with a younger man is after you make a commitment they soon tire of you and look for greener pastures and kick you to the curb" We have been together for over 3 yrs. now never regretted it.

"...security is number one."

Security is number one mate when you are significantly older than your partner but...

There are girls here just like elsewhere that truly seek a loving compatible relationship foremost. Security is part of it but not number one. That's reserved for the older gents...including all the negotiation.

That's a partnership based on $$$'s.

Find a compatible girl who has drive, values, honesty and integrity.

They are out there. Soak up as much of life here before making a relationship decision.

If money is at the forefront, then happiness will be second. Don't make concessions.

[Cypress Hill]

What are you looking for? If it's sex, there are far easier and quicker ways to get it. If it's a wife or serious relationship I wouldn't rely on internet dating.

I am much older than her and asked her why me an older man. She stated " The problem with a younger man is after you make a commitment they soon tire of you and look for greener pastures and kick you to the curb" We have been together for over 3 yrs. now never regretted it.

Hardly a declaration of love, was it?

To each his own but I'd rather be alone than have a woman settle for me because she couldn't find a younger man to commit to her.

[wow64]

If she wont have sex on the first date it's because she usually likes sex before the date or after.. read between the lines.

She doesn't want to do it on the table in the restaurant only does that with long term boyfriends/customers.

[Stan42]

To summarize the majority of replies:

[slipperylobster]

Sorry....

Never met a girl who liked her "man" smelling of alcohol and/or cigarettes.

Overall, she sounds like she is putting you in your place. Feeding you on the first date and making personal remarks on your appearance and habits. Sounds like she already has the upper hand, and pretty soon will be looking at "your money situation" and making references to cars and houses.

It may well be that she is "working" the farang scene..... perhaps freelancing on the internet. Braces and the fact that she is comfortable giving you "suggestions on your habits/appearance" may mean she is "sizing" you with with competition...... it may also be that she considering that you are not in her "pricing range".... not quite a keeper....

Those final words were more like...."funny guy...but I think I am going to pass this up"

Careful......you may come across her facebook pages

[timtscott]

Sounds worthy of a follow up date. I could write a book on bad first dates. Sounds like you had a good time and I think she sounds ok so far. Feeding you in public is a little weird...next time tell her if she wants you to lose weight she should stop feeding you!

Met this Chinese lady in Phuket once. On our first date At dinner, she grabbed a menu out of another customers hands (a complete stranger sitting at a different table)while he was trying to decide what to order. Never said a word to him, just grab it from him and started reading it. Oddest and rudest thing I had ever seen. Her name was Yi Mo. My friends a tease me

About her. What a nightmare.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[fey]

My take: glad you asked me, Mr Bond.

[loloal]

Reminds me of an ex Thai Gf.

My post will look very caricatural but is actually scarily accurate about some girls from any nationality. I wish none of you gets in such a nightmare.

Common points with your story :

Feeding me : cute until I realized she wouldn't stop even if I ask nicely.

Sign of attempt to control me and sign of brain stuck in the childhood time feeding her doll.

Asking me to do sport : well that's a good and friendly advice in any normal situation. But if the aim is to have a sexier man, wonder if you would ask a girl in a first date to get breast surgery.

Stop smoking : again, good advice.

But when we talked on the Internet, she knew I was a smoker. So her plan was simply to make me stop smoking, and that plan existed before we even met. Do you personally often plan to change lifestyle of people you have not met yet ?

This 3 little things are either nothing, either big signs of disrespect of what others people are, and natural tendency to control other people to make them do anything. Like a doll.

The other combined thing that rings my bell is the, 35 y/o but student and living on family's money thing. Not really a sign of an accomplished adult who has mentally left childhood.

I have one question ; beside attempting to get control of your eating / sporting / smoking lifestyle in just a few hours, did she take the time to listen, appreciate, understand what you shared about YOU, showing empathy, positive observations ...

OR

Did she easily criticizes anything about you and about what you said (in a way you might think she's just teasing), and eventually always lead back the conversation topic to HER ?

If you answer #2 please be very careful. If not, enjoy this caring girl.

There's a thin limit between taking care of others and actually totally controlling them.

With people with narcissistic disorders, it can take years to realize you're being manipulated.

I stopped with this ex Thai gf the day she threatened me with a knife.

Everything started with a situation very similar to OP so I couldn't not share my warnings

I wish I got such advices before so I would recommend everyone to google about narcissistic disorders - might avoid problems, and not only regarding romantic relationships ; applies to work, friends ... A few percent of the population they say.

I'd like to add I'm not being paranoid. All the things I listed, alone, are totally normal things. It's the combination of all of this things that may start to raise warnings.

I actually hope that I'm off topic and that The OP girl is a good girl.

[SantiSuk]

Weeeeeeeell it just don't happen in Thai society. It is a means of getting you in a state of "heaven" for her future cash supply. Trust me on that.........

If Thais saw her doing that they would . But some birds don't care cos of future "millionaire" taking care of stuff.

Sorry if I sound a bit "off", but have seen similar stuff and the outcome....

yeah that's what worries me, I don't want Thai birds to see me as a walking wallet.

As for what Thais thought, I don't think she gave a shit, we were seated in an open plan restaurant surrounded by Thais and she was feeding me.

It's a bit funny though. "lose some weight, stop smoking and only THEN will I start taking your money"

wut?

Not much risk of that Diginomad - we noted that you carry your stuff around in a rucksack. 'Thai birds' (sic - you must be a child of the 60s!) are pretty good at reading the runes .

[lanng khao]

Are you sure you lost 10lbs?, maybe you just got on the scales without your rucksack on..