Self defense for an abused woman.

[P1994]

Where to start......my fiancee ( going for 18 months) is being stalked by a man and sexually molested. I don't live in Thailand but I am visiting her this week and want to discuss options of self defense.

She has a temporary position as a teacher at a technical college. He is in the "diplomatic department" of the college and friends of the college director and local police commander (drinking buddies). She has complained to the police in the past about a year ago when it was not so serious, but her complaint just got lost. She is terrified that if she goes higher in the police that he would use his influence in the college to make her loose her job.

Quick summary of the situation....

Whenever she needs money he bugs her and wants s_x for money, which she does not want. At the moment teachers have holidays. Since the start of the holidays he has been trying to visit her inside her home, which she refused. 6 weeks ago he did enter her home and pushed his attentions on her, when she refused he started hitting her with his fists in the stomach. Luckily her 17 yo son came to her aid. She had to spend 2 days in hospital with tests. He came to the hospital and stayed with her telling everybody he is her husband. Her son stayed with her to protect her.

3 weeks ago her son was away with family. This time he gained entry into her apartment and waited for her. when she returned home he tried to rape her, hitting her body all over with his fists, however he is crafty enough not to hit her face. When she messaged me, he took her phone off her and smashed it beyond repair. Luckily the neighbors came to her aid. This time she ended up in hospital for a week with internal bleeding. And he came to hospital again as the supposing caring husband, even staying overnight.

Since then I have helped her get an apartment with better security. Now however he started abusing her in public on a daily basis. The other day in public in the market hitting her with his fists in the stomach and nobody came to her aid as they don't know her and this man keeps telling people she is his bad wife. He stalks her and grabs her b__sts whenever there is nobody around and when somebody comes then he hits her in the stomach and say she is his bad wife. And he keeps on offering her money as he knows she is in a difficult financial situation because she could not work as she was so injured.

Her only defense is to try to run away. She is a small 41 yo woman and he is a big man. What are her options for self defense?

1.) I bought her a small personal panic alarm, which she can activate at the start of the attack, hopefully it buys her time to get away and draws attention.

2.) I got her a small alarm for her home, which she could activate should someting happen at home.

3) what to do in public??

a.) don't want to escalate things, however she has bruising all over her b__sts and got UTI again because of the stress and hitting in the stomach. Sometimes I think a stun gun would do the thing, but it may escalate things. Problem is that he is a bully and he knows she has no teeth to bite back or any male relatives except her son to protect her.

b.) do I just try to turn off and let her handle things? Problem is that he caused her so much injury that she could not work and as a result she lost her car. She is in financial trife now. It is getting serious.

Any positive and wise suggestions will be appreciated.

[wow64]

Just send her some money it will fix it,

Sent from my c64

[Robert24]

Sounds like a fictional story indeed. if some of this is true, very simple, just go to the police. If they not take action, take a lawyer. Even in Thailand such criminal behavior is not tolerated.

[Crazy chef 1]

Hire a hit man cost about 5000thb....

[P1994]

Thanks for the answers. If only it was fiction. I saw her in hospital. I saw her on video call the evening he tried to rape her. I got her to record things on her phone as evidence. Maybe this is why he destroyed her phone.

I am no troll. I have been on TV for 2 years under a different name and I knew the answers I would get. But thanks for one good answer.

Over the time I have cross examined her many a time and everything lined up.

She is terrified that she will loose her job as she tells me a 41 yo woman can't get work easily.

I do read domestic violence is quite prevalent in Thailand. She tells me that people don't want to get involved in man/wife disputes. Even once when she called the police he grabbed the phone and told them it is just a husband/wife dispute. Is this true??

However I will talk to her about going to a lawyer as I cannot believe that he can continue doing it. Problem is if she loose her temporary teaching job then she is destitute. I may have to stop the relationship if she does not want to go to a lawyer and the police. This is just to stressful.

[HeijoshinCool]

If my fiancé were in another country even so much as being stalked, let alone beaten and raped, again and again, I wouldn't be on a forum asking what to do. I'd be doing it.

[AlexRRR]

Your best option since your so stressed about it all is to relocate her well away from that area and for her to throw in her job, to be honest no one needs a job that bad that they got to put up with even mild harassment as a teacher she would get a job somewhere eventually mean while you can pick up the tab.

If your the vindictive type, people know people know people wouldn't be to hard to get someone to have a quite word with him in some quite Soi late at night.

[P1994]

If my fiancé were in another country even so much as being stalked, let alone beaten and raped, again and again, I wouldn't be on a forum asking what to do. I'd be doing it.

I am in NZ and a working man, so not that easy to get over to Thailand but....

What would you do?...rip in there like Rambo and shoot em up.... Me a foreigner??

I don't know the culture that well. I have asked for evidence all the way and all stacks up and nothing beats Wechat video call when things are happening, but this escalated things and her phone got destroyed. So the situation is delicate. I totally understand the skeptics as I have been too. But I've seen the black and blue marks on her chest and legs, I have seen the Thai man in her home and I have seen her in hospital on Wechat video call and I have seen her destroyed phone.

I did want to go and see if I could sort out the situation, but she feels that I will just make her situation worse. I know the Thai man is not her husband as I saw her son fighting with the man to get him out of the house.

She has a big debt with the school. They can get loans as teachers and she has a loan dating from a bad business deal she and her ex-husband were in. So I don't know the implications of relocation and there are the elderly parents.

But thanks all for your kind replies, HCool even your skeptic ones.. I see her hopefully on Thursday and we'll have some serious discussions.

[n210mp]

Why dont you contact some of the Thai TV media especially Those that seem to specialize in covert videos

Name and shame seems to stimulate the local police into action when other means fails

As far as any direct action on your part, its too late for that now as you have made the problem and yourself highly visible.

Its hard to know what to do but if your story is true and I'm not saying its not then if it was my relative , wife or girlfriend being attacked, well lets say the person would NEVER have a second chance to abuse or even contact his victim.

There is a time in your life when you have to do what you have to do, I think that it's too late for that now in your case so the best of luck, as I said the Thai TV stations could be your best shot

[CharlieH]

As a bare minimum, go see a lawyer and discuss legal options, I dont know the system but probably have similar to a "restraining order".

If the "local" Police wont or appear not to be doing anything then go up to the Provincial Police HQ.

Get the lawyer to put it in writing the complaint to his superiors.

BUT be warned this could also escalate his behavior too.

[P1994]

Thanks for the answers. Much appreciated.

[metisdead]

Maybe get in contact with the Paveena Foundation and see if they can help:

Address:
Pavena Foundation for Children and Women
1047 - 51 Pon Luang Complex
Soi AmpornPhan 12, Moo 7
Phaholythin Road, Klong Tanon, BangKhen
Bangkok 10220
Thailand
Contact Information
If calling from Thailand:
Tel: 972 5489 90
If calling from overseas:
Tel: +66 972 5489 90
Website: http://www.pavena.thai.com/emain.html
Email: [email protected]
Activities
Pavena Foundation for Children and Women - founded by Mrs. Pavena Hongsakul, Bangkok Member of Parliament - is a non-profit organization that was established to help children and women who are in need of help.

Objectives:

- To help children and women who have been abused by providing a suitable physical and mental rehabilitation program for victims
- To help children and women who are poor, unfortunate OR homeless, to be able to live normal lives
- To help to promote and develop new income opportunities for victims through skills training
- To promote Thai cultural activities throughout the world

[jvs]

She has a temporary job,tell her to quit and get the hell out of there!

You should be able to help her with finances and tell her to go somewhere he will not find her.

change simcard,close facebook and just be smart.If she is not willing to do this for herself then you can not help her.

Does she have any family?Thai people will tolerate a lot but i know of families who would put an end to this very fast!

There are rther things she could do for self defense but get out of the situation and survive is the first step,lawyer up later.

[DP25]

I do read domestic violence is quite prevalent in Thailand. She tells me that people don't want to get involved in man/wife disputes. Even once when she called the police he grabbed the phone and told them it is just a husband/wife dispute. Is this true??

Yes, many people will ignore violence in a husband wife dispute unfortunately. So why isn't she telling people this is not her husband? People would not ignore a woman being attacked by a strange man at the market. The police wouldn't ignore a home invasion and rape. Why didnt she tell the hospital that man is not her husband? That that man is a stranger who attacked and tried to rape her?

This story makes no sense at all. Why would she put up with a stranger invading her house, raping her, beating her, etc for some crappy temporary job? Are you sure this man isn't her husband?

[HLover]

Of course it's her Thai husband.

[Gecko123]

Sounds like an elaborate ruse to me.

The "big school debts" and "I just lost my car" are red flags.

The story that the police, her son, the hospital nurses and doctors, her fellow teachers, the school principal, her extended family, her ex-husband, and no one in town is lifting a finger to help her is highly improbable and a huge red flag as well. The scandalous harrassment and sexual assaults you are reporting would never be tolerated at any school in Thailand, no matter how powerful or connected the perpetrator was.

It sounds to me like you are being positioned to come to her financial rescue, big time.

[Robert24]

Agree with the red flags. The circumstances and lack of action of her environment and police do indeed point to the fact that this might be her husband. Otherwise there would be plenty of people taking action and for sure the police doesn't turn a blind eye to such criminal offenses.

[claffey]

its obviously her husband.how did you meet this lady?she has a 17 year old son too and probably one or two others..the police would not ignore her claims.there are actually some real policemen here who do their jobs right...your the one who needs to dissapear..if her claims were true the guy is obviously a pyscho.he wont like the foreign sugar daddy interfering...Btw how old are you? i bet your way older than her.just another western guy thinking with his wrong head...

[P1994]

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She has a temporary job,tell her to quit and get the hell out of there!

You should be able to help her with finances and tell her to go somewhere he will not find her.

change simcard,close facebook and just be smart.If she is not willing to do this for herself then you can not help her.

Does she have any family?Thai people will tolerate a lot but i know of families who would put an end to this very fast!

There are rther things she could do for self defense but get out of the situation and survive is the first step,lawyer up later.

She only has elderly sickly parents who live quite a distance away, she can't involve them. She loves her job as a IT Microsoft product teacher.

I do read domestic violence is quite prevalent in Thailand. She tells me that people don't want to get involved in man/wife disputes. Even once when she called the police he grabbed the phone and told them it is just a husband/wife dispute. Is this true??

Yes, many people will ignore violence in a husband wife dispute unfortunately. So why isn't she telling people this is not her husband? People would not ignore a woman being attacked by a strange man at the market. The police wouldn't ignore a home invasion and rape. Why didnt she tell the hospital that man is not her husband? That that man is a stranger who attacked and tried to rape her?

This story makes no sense at all. Why would she put up with a stranger invading her house, raping her, beating her, etc for some crappy temporary job? Are you sure this man isn't her husband?

She tells people he is not her husband but he disputes it and people do not know if it is true or not, so they don't get involved. He just tell them she is his bad wife.

She has made a minor complaint last year at the police but the file just got "missing" and she later heard the Police commander who is this man's drinking buddy took care of the "problem". After that she was warned that he is a drinking buddy of her college director too, this makes her worry about losing her job.

The first time she went into hospital he played the caring husband, stayed the night while her son stayed to protect her. Next morning she got ready to discharge herself as she was not going to put up with it. He promptly paid for the hospital like the "caring husband" before she could contact me to help her pay. I told her it is right that he should pay as he got her there in the first place, but she was adamant that we should give his money back him to stop future problems. Second time round in hosp[ital now they think he is her husband, because he paid the hospital the first time. Crazy, crazy. This time again he played the caring husband, gifts, food but only for a day then he left her alone. I paid for her to get out.

Why doesn't she tell people? She is a very traditional woman, I had to go through the whole chaperon thing the first time I visited her. When I dragged the story out of her why she is injured, you know what she did? she apologized to me profusely as if it was her mistake that it happened to her. I took quite a while to get it across to her that it is not her mistake. She is ashamed to mention it. I think some of the responses here have had no experience of traditional Thai women and their values.

She does not put up with it, he hasn't raped her because she put up a fight which caused her internal bleeding. She does the best she can with no support only the support of her son. He has fought and kept the man away from her on many occasions.

Her job is not a crappy job, she enjoys her teaching immensely. Last year after I helped her sort out her short term debts she was so upbeat that she even enrolled for her masters in order to help her get a permanent position.

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

Maybe get in contact with the Paveena Foundation and see if they can help:

Thanks for this, much appreciated. I will pass it on to her.

[thesetat2013]

If the police and school are losing her paperwork then you only have one choice. Go to the army and have your fiance explain everything to them. Especially what that man did and how your reports to the police are disappearing. Nobody except the army will have any power yo help her and you.

[Robert24]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

She has a temporary job,tell her to quit and get the hell out of there!

You should be able to help her with finances and tell her to go somewhere he will not find her.

change simcard,close facebook and just be smart.If she is not willing to do this for herself then you can not help her.

Does she have any family?Thai people will tolerate a lot but i know of families who would put an end to this very fast!

There are rther things she could do for self defense but get out of the situation and survive is the first step,lawyer up later.

She only has elderly sickly parents who live quite a distance away, she can't involve them. She loves her job as a IT Microsoft product teacher.

I do read domestic violence is quite prevalent in Thailand. She tells me that people don't want to get involved in man/wife disputes. Even once when she called the police he grabbed the phone and told them it is just a husband/wife dispute. Is this true??

Yes, many people will ignore violence in a husband wife dispute unfortunately. So why isn't she telling people this is not her husband? People would not ignore a woman being attacked by a strange man at the market. The police wouldn't ignore a home invasion and rape. Why didnt she tell the hospital that man is not her husband? That that man is a stranger who attacked and tried to rape her?

This story makes no sense at all. Why would she put up with a stranger invading her house, raping her, beating her, etc for some crappy temporary job? Are you sure this man isn't her husband?

She tells people he is not her husband but he disputes it and people do not know if it is true or not, so they don't get involved. He just tell them she is his bad wife.

She has made a minor complaint last year at the police but the file just got "missing" and she later heard the Police commander who is this man's drinking buddy took care of the "problem". After that she was warned that he is a drinking buddy of her college director too, this makes her worry about losing her job.

The first time she went into hospital he played the caring husband, stayed the night while her son stayed to protect her. Next morning she got ready to discharge herself as she was not going to put up with it. He promptly paid for the hospital like the "caring husband" before she could contact me to help her pay. I told her it is right that he should pay as he got her there in the first place, but she was adamant that we should give his money back him to stop future problems. Second time round in hosp[ital now they think he is her husband, because he paid the hospital the first time. Crazy, crazy. This time again he played the caring husband, gifts, food but only for a day then he left her alone. I paid for her to get out.

Why doesn't she tell people? She is a very traditional woman, I had to go through the whole chaperon thing the first time I visited her. When I dragged the story out of her why she is injured, you know what she did? she apologized to me profusely as if it was her mistake that it happened to her. I took quite a while to get it across to her that it is not her mistake. She is ashamed to mention it. I think some of the responses here have had no experience of traditional Thai women and their values.

She does not put up with it, he hasn't raped her because she put up a fight which caused her internal bleeding. She does the best she can with no support only the support of her son. He has fought and kept the man away from her on many occasions.

Her job is not a crappy job, she enjoys her teaching immensely. Last year after I helped her sort out her short term debts she was so upbeat that she even enrolled for her masters in order to help her get a permanent position.

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

Maybe get in contact with the Paveena Foundation and see if they can help:

Thanks for this, much appreciated. I will pass it on to her.

Agree the Paveena foundation is a good point of contact. They can help her even if it turns out he is the real husband. I recommend you go to the Amphoe office when you come to Thailand to double check she is really not married to him. Also the police officer can't ignore her complaint even if he is the drinking buddy. If you come, I recommend you go with her to the police.

[P1994]

Thanks for all the answers, even the ones who thinks I am thinking wrong.

Only police lost her file. Who in the army can I contact? I live in NZ, however I am in Thailand for 3 days from Thursday.

Anyway thanks for the responses. I will not bore you more with the details as I'm seen as a troll.

[P1994]

Agree the Paveena foundation is a good point of contact. They can help her even if it turns out he is the real husband. I recommend you go to the Amphoe office when you come to Thailand to double check she is really not married to him. Also the police officer can't ignore her complaint even if he is the drinking buddy. If you come, I recommend you go with her to the police.

Yes that is what I thought too. I want evidence too that she is still married to her ex-husband.

I will go with her to the police too.

Anyway enough of this, I have the info I need.

Thanks for all the replies.

[arjunadawn]

Sounds like an elaborate ruse to me.

The "big school debts" and "I just lost my car" are red flags.

The story that the police, her son, the hospital nurses and doctors, her fellow teachers, the school principal, her extended family, her ex-husband, and no one in town is lifting a finger to help her is highly improbable and a huge red flag as well. The scandalous harrassment and sexual assaults you are reporting would never be tolerated at any school in Thailand, no matter how powerful or connected the perpetrator was.

It sounds to me like you are being positioned to come to her financial rescue, big time.

I am well aware of the notion that Thai people do not get involved in personal disputes but if what you say is true, and this is not a relationship, it is beyond my ability to accept that Thai people collectively would pass on acting on this. I am unsure where the story meets hyperbole or she sensationalized but the subtext here cannot be overlooked- an entire cultural conspiracy is complicit in this woman's duress. I dont accept it. I do not believe this. I suspect your story is true, there is just some key ingredient lacking, or added.

[AlexRRR]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

She has a temporary job,tell her to quit and get the hell out of there!

You should be able to help her with finances and tell her to go somewhere he will not find her.

change simcard,close facebook and just be smart.If she is not willing to do this for herself then you can not help her.

Does she have any family?Thai people will tolerate a lot but i know of families who would put an end to this very fast!

There are rther things she could do for self defense but get out of the situation and survive is the first step,lawyer up later.

She only has elderly sickly parents who live quite a distance away, she can't involve them. She loves her job as a IT Microsoft product teacher.

I do read domestic violence is quite prevalent in Thailand. She tells me that people don't want to get involved in man/wife disputes. Even once when she called the police he grabbed the phone and told them it is just a husband/wife dispute. Is this true??

Yes, many people will ignore violence in a husband wife dispute unfortunately. So why isn't she telling people this is not her husband? People would not ignore a woman being attacked by a strange man at the market. The police wouldn't ignore a home invasion and rape. Why didnt she tell the hospital that man is not her husband? That that man is a stranger who attacked and tried to rape her?

This story makes no sense at all. Why would she put up with a stranger invading her house, raping her, beating her, etc for some crappy temporary job? Are you sure this man isn't her husband?

She tells people he is not her husband but he disputes it and people do not know if it is true or not, so they don't get involved. He just tell them she is his bad wife.

She has made a minor complaint last year at the police but the file just got "missing" and she later heard the Police commander who is this man's drinking buddy took care of the "problem". After that she was warned that he is a drinking buddy of her college director too, this makes her worry about losing her job.

The first time she went into hospital he played the caring husband, stayed the night while her son stayed to protect her. Next morning she got ready to discharge herself as she was not going to put up with it. He promptly paid for the hospital like the "caring husband" before she could contact me to help her pay. I told her it is right that he should pay as he got her there in the first place, but she was adamant that we should give his money back him to stop future problems. Second time round in hosp[ital now they think he is her husband, because he paid the hospital the first time. Crazy, crazy. This time again he played the caring husband, gifts, food but only for a day then he left her alone. I paid for her to get out.

Why doesn't she tell people? She is a very traditional woman, I had to go through the whole chaperon thing the first time I visited her. When I dragged the story out of her why she is injured, you know what she did? she apologized to me profusely as if it was her mistake that it happened to her. I took quite a while to get it across to her that it is not her mistake. She is ashamed to mention it. I think some of the responses here have had no experience of traditional Thai women and their values.

She does not put up with it, he hasn't raped her because she put up a fight which caused her internal bleeding. She does the best she can with no support only the support of her son. He has fought and kept the man away from her on many occasions.

Her job is not a crappy job, she enjoys her teaching immensely. Last year after I helped her sort out her short term debts she was so upbeat that she even enrolled for her masters in order to help her get a permanent position.

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

Maybe get in contact with the Paveena Foundation and see if they can help:

Thanks for this, much appreciated. I will pass it on to her.

[/quote

Enrolled for her masters degree after you paid some small depts?

Is indebted to the school for some reason?

Around 200,000B to do a masters degree mate....something starting to smell.

[TheFishman1]

Sełf Defense is Not going to work it takes Years of study to react with out thinking like auto pilot on a plane. She could call that foundation that could help she could go to the Army.its difficult at best to really believe ur story or her story but As I have Learned Up to You

[P1994]

Thanks for all your replies. Thursday we'll get to the bottom of this..one way or the other.

Please moderators can you lock this topic as enough has been said.

[mesquite]

You may have to hire someone in Thailand to "deal" with the guy. Be careful if you go that route

[benalibina]

Sounds like an elaborate ruse to me.

The "big school debts" and "I just lost my car" are red flags.

The story that the police, her son, the hospital nurses and doctors, her fellow teachers, the school principal, her extended family, her ex-husband, and no one in town is lifting a finger to help her is highly improbable and a huge red flag as well. The scandalous harrassment and sexual assaults you are reporting would never be tolerated at any school in Thailand, no matter how powerful or connected the perpetrator was.

It sounds to me like you are being positioned to come to her financial rescue, big time.

I am well aware of the notion that Thai people do not get involved in personal disputes but if what you say is true, and this is not a relationship, it is beyond my ability to accept that Thai people collectively would pass on acting on this. I am unsure where the story meets hyperbole or she sensationalized but the subtext here cannot be overlooked- an entire cultural conspiracy is complicit in this woman's duress. I dont accept it. I do not believe this. I suspect your story is true, there is just some key ingredient lacking, or added.

Have experienced it myself at the school of my children and at the policestation last year. They do not care thus not act upon wrongdoing. In fact they support the wrongdoer. Connections and money....its about nothing else. I will not even start to mention the fact that I was a foreigner. An extra handicap. Thailand is a society based on fear and face.

To the OP.....if all is true, help your gf to see the difference betwern right and wrong and support her all the way to end this evil charade. Good luck !

[metisdead]

The OP's questions have been answered and some good advice has been offered. Hopefully there will be a good outcome.

At OP's request this is now closed.