Pressure From Long Time Gf

[bkkandrew]

Nam Kao, who's about as well adjusted as a cat in the bathtub.

, but that doesn't make him always wrong................

But is a strange nick for a bloke... Nine bob notes and such...

[a2396]

I agree with your position pretty much. It is amazing - all these moralist posters on here giving you what for, because because you don't want to roll over and play Farang stupid like many of them. Marriage to me is a worthless piece of paper, unless it is held together by the bond of the couples commitment to each other. Commitment can exist with or without a marriage certificate. It seems most women don't realize this and think they will get some "security" via a marriage. Oftentimes, this "security" exists in the form of a house, car, gold, etc and other material possessions you will provide to them, of which the lady will be the sole owner and walk away with when she decides she is finished with you. So, where's your secuity in such a case? I don't see any. Many Farang "nitwits" here seem to love to hand over their assets and then cry foul when the lady walks away with them.

I think the 15,000 per month you give her is plenty, and in my view excessive. If you have been with her 5 years, you must have some level of stability and commitment to this relationship. Tell her to quit rocking the boat. I recently had a G/F who wanted to move her two infant children in a one room apartment that I was providing, and when I said that this was not practical, she moved out taking the TV, DVD player & other items I had purchased for her, to parts unknown. I had know her for about 3 months. This only one of many similar experiences I have had here in LOS with the "lovelys". Other friends I have here, have had similar situations of being ripped off or attempted rip offs.

If I were you, I would sitck to your guns and explain to her that you have a long term commitment to her, but are not comfortable with marriage (some people are not). Don't get railroaded into a situation you do not want. In the end, nobody will be happy with it. BUT, the bottom line is: If you are with her for long term, you should love her and tell her you do.

[taxexile]

It is amazing - all these moralist posters on here giving you what for, because because you don't want to roll over and play Farang stupid like many of them.

i dont think its about playing a stupid farang , its about decency and its about the girl having some security after 5 years.

living with a man who apart from giving her a monthly wage gives little away as to the future of the relationship will only increase her fears and insecurities and will lower her standing in the eyes of her family and peers in her village.

is the op not curious as to where his girlfriend comes from , to see the village that she was brought up in , to see her background for himself.

whilst a relationship like this may be very convenient for the o.p., who holds all the aces here , it does smack of being totally in control and wanting to continue that way. i wonder why ? why cant he express his feelings for her?

the family must think it very strange that after their daughter being with a man for 5 years they have yet to meet him .

although she could just walk away , its not really the Thai way for a woman to walk out after 5 years.

again , i think the op is wrong and he should either show more commitment by taking the relationship one stage further , which although to you might not mean any more commitment , but certainly would to her and her family , or you should take positive action to set her free.

[David Duke]

Let me clarify that I have met the parents. They have visited BKK twice in the 5 years

[Nam Kao]

I urge all you guys to check yourself and check your position with your TG with my

Nam Kao TM GoldDigger Litmus test from Ronco, err make than Lon-co

Tell them you had bad luck and lost your $$$, you need to make it believable, PM me

for ideas. Like say you got hit with back taxes from your home country and they went into

your bank account and just took the $$$. (Am i brilliant or what lol) and tell her you cant

even go back to your country now because of this, this will check her if she had dollar

signs in one eye and a future greencard in the other. Make it clear she cant go back either

subliminally. I should start my own TV show, Ask Dr Nam. Then create a new bank account

with only say 9,952 baht in it. Not sure why this number works for me. Hide your normal account. Then act all sad and

say "Sorry we going to be small $$ now" "Do you still love me tirak?" Then immediately

cut way down on your spending. Start borrowing money off her friends and family and dont

pay it back. Ask her if she would like to go out for dinner and put on your best clothes and

take her to the cheapest food court or soi cart you can think of. Then when you order try

to haggle down all the prices for 5 mins then give in and look disgusted. If you see someone

feeding a soi dog leap onto the ground on all fours and start growling like you are challenging

the soi dog for the food. If you can - grab the food and put it in your pocket and get up like

nothing happened and keep on walking. When you go visit her family bring a wallet full

of Monopoly money and pass it out acting like its real money. If the mom figures out its

fake then use real money with fishing line attached to it and and try to pull it out of her

pocket SLOWLY after she puts it in, make sure your TG is watching. Ask her dad how many

pairs of old socks you would have to sell to buy 1 Chang beer. I think you get the idea now.

Just keep this up for 1 month and you'll find the truth, either she will be gone and you can consider you just dodged a major bullet in your life or she will stand by you without any fuss and you

can put it out of your mine. I pulled all kinds of crap like this on my wife and it worked so far.

Other girls were long gone in a few days of this.

Do it for yourself, for your future.

regards

nam

[taxexile]

thats actually very good advice.

[Nam Kao]

Seriously, i am serious

[a2396]

Seriously, i am serious

SERIOUS? You mean scarcastic don'y you? Let's assume this guy is asking for reasonable advice.

[Rajah]

I met her when she was 18 and (...) she has a daughter who lives up in the village and is 6 years old.

Strange...

[Head Snake]

Very good read from Nam Kao.

I got a good laugh at that.

[Nemo.]

i dont think you know too much about the culture of relationships here.

you have kept this girl dangling around for 5 years , with no commitment and keeping her separated from her child.

its tantamount to cruelty.

i personally think you should be ashamed of yourself.

I agree with "i personally think you should be ashamed of yourself." David Duke should be ashamed

But disagree with culture of Thailand thing. ANYWHERE in the world you tell a girl "I understand if you leave me to marry someone else" to a girl after 5 years living together is a NO NO

<flame removed>

Edited November 12, 2006 by Totster

[thedi]

Dear David Duke,

When I read the replies from the regular posters, I thought at first that there are all possible extremes here. But when you come to think of it, they all tell you the same: there are basically two ways of relationships here in Thailand, and you mixed them up.

Short time one night stands: take one from any bar, keep her a night or two and then look for the next one. Nothing wrong with that: you both get what you want: it is a fair deal. You will never have to take any responsability and can keep your freedom: both of you - or rather you as well as all your girls. You both satisfy your current short time needs.

On the other hand, if you go the way like looking for a friend/partner/wife, you should be ready for a friendship/partnership/marriage: both of you. The target is a future with secutity for both. You must be sure to agree on the main points of live.

The point is: One night stands should last not more than a view days, only long time relationships should last.

Your problem seems to be, that you mixed this two ways now. It just developped in a way that it is not a short time relationship any more, but you can not find an agreement for a longtime partnership which works out for both of you.

From your posts I think you are an intelligent gentleman. You may find it time to do some analysing of your and her live and then decide which is the best way to go. Many others have pointed out that you accepts it really is 'Game Over'. Look at it realistically.

If you see it that way too, you may have to take things at hand: Thais are often to emotional in such situations. An ending with horror is better than a horror without ending. Organize a future for her first and then organize a end with the minimum of horror that is possible.

In the more sympatic case, when you come to the conclusion, that there is a common future for the two of you (or rather three - lets be realistically: you and her whole family, grandparents, parents, aunts, brothers ...), I am sure that you will enjoy living in Isarn much more than wherever you are now - with the additional attraction of a daughter to take care of.

Regards Thedi [email protected]

[VanZam]

The problem is not as complex as you make it out to be, you just need to ask the right question of yourself.

You have been with this girl for 5+ years, don't want to marry, and wont say you love her...

What do you want from this relationship?

[alexth]

It's just math, 15,000 THB/month is much more then she will ever earn while employed. A house in the boonies costs less than 500k.

A friend of mine leased a 1.1mb vehicle paying 10000THB for the next 4 years. From my calculations, she would be able to pay for this house in less than 2 years. What's wrong about that? Suddenly buying a house for your family with your own money is considered unfair??? What's wrong with you? She's got more than she needs and probably more than she deserves.

Guess you'll all be going on flaming the guy if he would have been the one already ripped off by his fortune and call him a &lt;deleted&gt; and starting with that novel quoted lessons

[GuestHouse]

I suspect, indeed believe, the whole idea that the guy should 'do the right thing' is based on the presumption that the woman is in some sense incapable of taking charge of her own life.

It's an odd way of looking at it, especially since many here would argue that women in the West have the cards stacked in their favour sine, in the same situation they would be able to clear the guy out for half his wealth.

If the guy does not want to marry, and the woman does want to marry. Then the guy is with the wrong woman AND the woman is with the wrong guy.

GAME OVER.

I also like Thedi's post regarding mixing things up, there is a lot in that.

[svenivan]

I just wonder what you are doing in BKK and not working? And what is your gf doing?

I am out there in middle of nowhere and me and my lady for the last 2 years are working with our house, our garden and a farm. My lady take care of cleaning, cooking and laundry and I take care of computer plus golf 2 days a week.

My lady is studying in Ramkhanmhaeng university, open university so she goes to internet to listen to lessons and to university in weekends for exams and listen top teacher.

So what I say is that we both learn a lot every day about something. And our relation is developing and we create something together. That makes us happy. What makes you happy?

[Noel]

If the guy does not want to marry, and the woman does want to marry. Then the guy is with the wrong woman AND the woman is with the wrong guy.

GAME OVER.

I have to agree with this view in principle, as on the face of it each of the referred to individuals' objectives are seemingly diametrically opposed, yet both selfish 'twould seem, as is usually the norm.

One only has to question the motives behind a desire to be married and, of course, not to be married.

I do believe that 'divorce' translates into many different languages, so the concept must be widely understood, suggesting that the only way to avoid it is not to get married.

It appears patently clear to me that the less secure partner is usually the one pushing for marriage, the oft touted but not said reasons put forward by the proponent being 'security' or 'commitment'.

Marriage gives no effective security or commitment of which I am aware, as prenuptial agreements have or should have largely taken care of that.

Only love and trust can provide a basis for a successful, ongoing and lasting relationship in my view.

For those that feel more comfortable by being legally married, good luck to them and may they be happy.

In my view having your relationship 'legalized' means more to others or what the partners think others might think, but so be it.

Just my not so humble opinion, but do feel free to flame away...

[a2396]

If the guy does not want to marry, and the woman does want to marry. Then the guy is with the wrong woman AND the woman is with the wrong guy.

GAME OVER.

I have to agree with this view in principle, as on the face of it each of the referred to individuals' objectives are seemingly diametrically opposed, yet both selfish 'twould seem, as is usually the norm.

One only has to question the motives behind a desire to be married and, of course, not to be married.

I do believe that 'divorce' translates into many different languages, so the concept must be widely understood, suggesting that the only way to avoid it is not to get married.

It appears patently clear to me that the less secure partner is usually the one pushing for marriage, the oft touted but not said reasons put forward by the proponent being 'security' or 'commitment'.

Marriage gives no effective security or commitment of which I am aware, as prenuptial agreements have or should have largely taken care of that.

Only love and trust can provide a basis for a successful, ongoing and lasting relationship in my view.

For those that feel more comfortable by being legally married, good luck to them and may they be happy.

In my view having your relationship 'legalized' means more to others or what the partners think others might think, but so be it.

Just my not so humble opinion, but do feel free to flame away...

I agree with you. Very well put. Marriage is not the "cure-all" that some people think it is. It works for some people and not others. Not everyone needs to be marched down the railroad track of conformaty. This kind of stuff is popular sport here with the local ladies and the OP has done well to last 5 years without it. But, he should offer some visable evidance of emotional commitment to her. Refusing to say I love you is a bit "off the map" to me. I would not tolerate that for 5 years or even 5 months.

[Grover]

My advice to the (smug sounding OP), just be honest and open with her. And tell her to be open and honest with you. Tell her what you really want. If you say you 'dont know', ill puke. From this basis of honesty you can make a clear desicion on the best course of action.

Edited November 12, 2006 by Grover

[alexth]

Just give her everything you have and then all TV members will be happy.

Reality check...unless she hasn't finished university and got lucky with a very good job, she's never going to get 15k/month (assuming she won't be going for prostitution). If she doesn't like this relationship, why isn't she just walking away???

[Sheryl]

For what it’s worth this is my take on the situation as a woman and one who has lived in Thailand more than 20 years and has a lot of close Thai women friends:

In understanding where she is coming from you need to understand 2 factors. The first is cultural. Despite the flagrant sex trade, Thai culture is basically very conservative, especially in rural areas. Woman are either “good”, in which case they marry, or “bad”. A good woman is expected to marry and certainly not to live with a man outside of wedlock. In addition, women are supposed to marry fairly young and their prospects for marriage drop considerably as they age. In rural areas, 25 is often the cut off (for urban women, closer to 30). Your GF is under tremendous social pressure to marry you. It is possible she has already presented herself as married (in rural Thailand this is more a social designation than a legal one) in which case she must be being asked why this husband of hers never comes to the village. She is quite possibly the subject of gossip and suspicions of being a prostitute, with her family taking the heat. If she has represented you as a BF rather than husband, there will still be gossip since it would be wondered why the BF hasn’t married her yet. Either way, both her reputation and that of her entire family is increasingly on the line. Her family is probably pressuring her as well. Now, from a modern western perspective this may all sound silly, but it wasn’t all that long ago that it was the same way in the West and as a Thai she has to live in this society. Even if she is prepared to sacrifice social standing and respect for herself, she can hardly be expected to do that to her family, and for better or worse, in Thailand identity is inextricably part of group membership. To worsen matters, she is nearing the age where she would no longer have much prospect of finding a husband should things with you not pan out. Which is probably why the increasing pressure.

The other factor is more universal. Human needs include more than the physical/material. Your GF needs to love and feel loved. She needs and wants a sense of emotional security. In the beginning, the novelty of a better material life style and being able to help out her family may have been enough to overlook the lack of these things but with time, the need is growing more urgent. This is completely natural. Likewise, as the novelty of life her life with you fades it is natural that she would increasingly miss her family and child.

In terms of what you should do – first of all I think you should do some serious introspecting about your own feelings. To me, reading your post, the feelings of the woman were easily understood but yours are unclear. You don’t like to say “I love you” – but how do you feel about her? How much do you want this relationship to continue? How much of an emotional commitment can you bring yourself to make? It seems you are averse to commitment – but are you prepared to pay the price for avoiding it? That will probably be not only the end of this relationship but a similar scenario and ending to any others you enter into. Fact is, the only kind of woman likely to be satisfied indefinitely with the arrangement you seem to want would be a hardened gold-digger/prostitute type, and living with someone like that would bring a host of other problems and unpleasantness. You might also want to consider the fact that you are growing older. Sooner than you think, you are going to be middle aged and then old, with all the physical changes and impairments that this brings. Do you want to be alone then? Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who only cares about the financial arrangements you make for her? Most people would much rather be with someone who truly cares about them – but to have that you have to be ready to reciprocate.

In short I think the time has come where you have to make a move one way or the other. Either bring yourself to commit to her – surely 5 years of living together was enough to find out is she is someone you care enough about – or break it off while she still has some chance of finding someone else.

F you decide on the latter, be fully honest with her and show some understanding of the difficult situation it puts her in. You may not have promised marriage but that doesn’t mean she wasn’t hoping for it, and expecting it more and more as the time you stayed together lengthened. See what you can do to help her start anew, and be prepared for plenty of tears etc. There’s not much you can do about her emotional pain, but at least you can do what you can to smooth the way for her socially and materially.

[GuestHouse]

A good post Sheryl.

But still disagree on the point

If you decide on the latter, be fully honest with her and show some understanding of the difficult situation it puts her in

Not the bit about being honest and understandng, of course not. I totally agree with the need for this, and as I said above, I believe the OP has a duty to help her find her independence again.

But I do not agree that it is a simple matter of the OP's decisions put the girl in a 'position'.

That requires the premis that the girl is passive and unable to make her own choices in life.

They are both in a positoin of their own making. What that means to each and the impact of that on each is of course different.

Find the guy who dumped her with a child and you'll find the person who has reduced her choices and led her into being stuck with the OP and his selfish outlook on relationships.

[fruittbatt]

A good post Sheryl.

But still disagree on the point

If you decide on the latter, be fully honest with her and show some understanding of the difficult situation it puts her in

Not the bit about being honest and understandng, of course not. I totally agree with the need for this, and as I said above, I believe the OP has a duty to help her find her independence again.

But I do not agree that it is a simple matter of the OP's decisions put the girl in a 'position'.

That requires the premis that the girl is passive and unable to make her own choices in life.

They are both in a positoin of their own making. What that means to each and the impact of that on each is of course different.

Find the guy who dumped her with a child and you'll find the person who has reduced her choices and led her into being stuck with the OP and his selfish outlook on relationships.

Guesthouse,

DD's relationship is not exactly a level playing field.

His GF was 18 and a bannork girl when she met him.

He is much older, richer and worldly-wise than the young lady. She is also subject to all the pressures which Sheryl has stated so clearly in her post.

Furthermore, he is the one calling the shots as regards the terms of the relationship. She evidently wants commitment, he does not. It is his decision that will make or break the relationship, as he is well aware.

Whilst I agree that casting DD's GF as a victim is unhelpful, but there are obvious structural inequalities in the relationship which make her less powerful. If she were older, and richer than DD, this thread would never have never have been posted at all, because the young lady would not be in this invidious position.

[GuestHouse]

That's precisely why I say wrong guy with the wrong girl, wrong girl with the wrong guy - Game Over!

[Loaded]

what's this living in sin rubbish. Many Thai couples live together as man and wife without having ever visited the amphur office or a buddhist ceremony. The fact they live together means they are viewed as 'married'.

If she's asking for a more legal connection to your cash, dump her. Besides she's 24 now, plenty more young flowers in the garden.

[a2396]

what's this living in sin rubbish. Many Thai couples live together as man and wife without having ever visited the amphur office or a buddhist ceremony. The fact they live together means they are viewed as 'married'.

If she's asking for a more legal connection to your cash, dump her. Besides she's 24 now, plenty more young flowers in the garden.

I think you are certainly correct about this from what I have seen after 2 + years here. However, the rules seem different when it is a Thai/Farang match. The double standard applies here I think, largely because the (Thai) women are expected to secure a firmer grip on the Farang's cash flow. It is likely true that the lady will be viewed as somewhat of a failure at this, if she does not produce some sort of matrimonial arrangement to satisfy the gossiping locals back home. If the guy values his relationship with her and has some interest in her status, he could hold his nose and do the Buddhist ceremony thing to satisfy the local showboats. As for legal marriage, no way, unless he has intentions to relocate her back to his home country.

[Sheryl]

I do not agree that it is a simple matter of the OP's decisions put the girl in a 'position'.

That requires the premis that the girl is passive and unable to make her own choices in life.

They are both in a positoin of their own making. .

Actually the way I see it, they are both casualties of cultural differences the magnitude of which neither may have fully appreciated when they started out.

But as FB points out, there is a power imbalance and she stands to lose more than he does if, as seems likely, the relationship ends.

With reference to what another poster said, I don't think anyone takes a "living in sin" view of this. ertainly that is not a Thai concept. But it is clear that this man has thus far refused to commit to marriage in any sense, be it social/cultural, emotional or legal. To a rural Thai woman, marriage would usually be defines in the first 2 respects more than the third (the scheming gold-digger type excepted). Having a social/cultural marriage would require among other things a willingness to visit the village occasionally and treat the in-laws with the deference owed to same. Which so far he has not done. And then there is the question of permannecy; marriage in Thailand is traditionally expected to last. A marriage in some non-legally binding form will only cause more problems for this woman if they subsequently break up.

[geronimo]

Let me explain my situation:

I'm 48 and have had a live in gf for 5+ years. We live together in my bkk apt and have been together pretty much daily over that time except for her 4 or so trips to her Issan village per year and my yearly trip to farangland. I met her when she was 18 and she moved in pretty much right away. When we met she had no mobile phone, passport or internet. I provided her with all of these things and take her to neighboring countries on visa runs and the like. Basically we have a good relationship. From the 1st year she has been pushing for me to go to her village with her and each time I have resisted. She gets upset and cries sometimes and it gets worse with each refusal. She has asked me in recent years to give her money to build a house but I have refused. She tells me that we can have a future living in this house on land given to her by her father. I will not budge on this issue as I will never live there because I cannot live in the sticks nor poverty regions.

I have provided her with a set amount of cash to use as she wishes monthly. This amount has been consistently 16K per month but not more. I pay all daily expenses so she never needs to use the cash for this. I tell her if she wants to build her house, it must be done from this money. she has been applying this cash towards that house only in the last year. The other 4 years money was all spent and given to the family as far as I know.

She has in the past year been telling me that she is worried about her future and how I never make sure about her (I'm guessing a reference to marriage). I tell her not to worry as I like her very much and would never dump her. I also tell her that I would understand if she were to dump me to find a partner to marry. One thing is sure, I have no plans to marry anyone but I suppose that could change one day. I tell her I don't want to go to her village as I do not like travel and have to do that enough with 3 month visa trips. My take is that I like the status quo of living together with her and relaxing but have no interest in village visits or marriage. I like things just as they are. She also asks me when I will take her to my country but short of marriage she will not qualify for any visa. Thus I tell her "I dont know", cause I dont.

Another monkey wrench in here is that she has a daughter who lives up in the village and is 6 years old. Neither of us work btw. another thing is that she is always pressuring me to say "I love you" but I never say it. It is one of those things I do not like to say.

My question to the forum is: am I being unreasonable here? Should i be doing anything differently? What should I be telling her?

Tell her the truth and give her the choice of sticking with you as it is .... or breaking it off.

[johnsurin]

Let me explain my situation:

I'm 48 and have had a live in gf for 5+ years. We live together in my bkk apt and have been together pretty much daily over that time except for her 4 or so trips to her Issan village per year and my yearly trip to farangland. I met her when she was 18 and she moved in pretty much right away. When we met she had no mobile phone, passport or internet. I provided her with all of these things and take her to neighboring countries on visa runs and the like. Basically we have a good relationship. From the 1st year she has been pushing for me to go to her village with her and each time I have resisted. She gets upset and cries sometimes and it gets worse with each refusal. She has asked me in recent years to give her money to build a house but I have refused. She tells me that we can have a future living in this house on land given to her by her father. I will not budge on this issue as I will never live there because I cannot live in the sticks nor poverty regions.

I have provided her with a set amount of cash to use as she wishes monthly. This amount has been consistently 16K per month but not more. I pay all daily expenses so she never needs to use the cash for this. I tell her if she wants to build her house, it must be done from this money. she has been applying this cash towards that house only in the last year. The other 4 years money was all spent and given to the family as far as I know.

She has in the past year been telling me that she is worried about her future and how I never make sure about her (I'm guessing a reference to marriage). I tell her not to worry as I like her very much and would never dump her. I also tell her that I would understand if she were to dump me to find a partner to marry. One thing is sure, I have no plans to marry anyone but I suppose that could change one day. I tell her I don't want to go to her village as I do not like travel and have to do that enough with 3 month visa trips. My take is that I like the status quo of living together with her and relaxing but have no interest in village visits or marriage. I like things just as they are. She also asks me when I will take her to my country but short of marriage she will not qualify for any visa. Thus I tell her "I dont know", cause I dont.

Another monkey wrench in here is that she has a daughter who lives up in the village and is 6 years old. Neither of us work btw. another thing is that she is always pressuring me to say "I love you" but I never say it. It is one of those things I do not like to say.

My question to the forum is: am I being unreasonable here? Should i be doing anything differently? What should I be telling her?

hi david. just a suggestion here, but why not next time you have to do a visa run try going to the thai/cambodia border crossing at kap choeng its only 1 hours drive from surin city the capital of issan. you can get a train or bus from bangkok everyday although it is a lengthy journey (approx 8 hours) how ever you can get a 1 hour flight to buriram (satuk airport) then a 1 hour journy to surin so not to bad.upto you if you want to visit the family in the jungle, although it might be nice to experience real thai culture instead of just bangkok,and it would show a little bit of heart to your girlfriend without having to say I LOVE YOU , there is also a modest ex-pat community in surin who are very friendly and welcoming and would be quite happy to talk (and some to give advice). but hey like i say dham jai khun(upto you).

[thaiflyer1]

Short time one night stands: take one from any bar, keep her a night or two and then look for the next one. Nothing wrong with that: you both get what you want: it is a fair deal. You will never have to take any responsability and can keep your freedom: both of you - or rather you as well as all your girls. You both satisfy your current short time needs.

In principle the above sounds easy enough but in practice days turn into weeks , weeks into months and months into years.

I can understand where the OP is coming from, he has an ideal setup at present...............he sees himself as taking care for her immediate day to day needs in excess of what she could earn herself...........and now she is trying to move the goal posts so to speak.

On the other hand she is looking beyond tommorow and there will come a day purely because of the age difference where she will end up on her own.....(i.e the OP dies).

The problem is with a lot of these Thai girls they will not use the money given to them on a monthly basis to buy a house in their village but rather want the boyfriend to buy it above and beyond the money given to them every month............my view on this is, why should he buy a house for her?.........couples in the west struggle for years to buy their first home and she wants one handed to her on a plate.

I do think though that if the OP wants to continue his relationship with the girl then he does indeed need to make some sort of financial committment so that she is secure when the inevitable happens to him..........as someone else has said this could be in the form of insurance etc.

As for losing face in the village...........i/m sure thats just a myth put about to make us part with the readies... ......after all there is not much loss of face when the thai boyfriend gets them pregnant and then dumps them is there?

All the above just my viewpoint of course.

Oh!... one more thing can everybody stop quoting the whole of the OP's post we know what he posted already.