"Help Me Boot My Girlfriend Out Of London"

[walg]

there is an element of wanting to get even im afraid.

i will keep reading your replies and think it through carefully before proceeding.

good news though my winter break is coming up and guess where im going.

poor attempt at trying to cheer myself up.

[A_MIKE_U_LIKE]

Its Bin Day Once a week mate just make sure you don,t get her mixed up with the recycling stuff ..Last thing you need is to find her still sitting on the Kerb when you come out in the morning ..I know its hard when you have feelings but look at it this way if you put the money aside you have been spending on her , you can afford something nice like a new pair of shoes and a HiFi and every time you put some music on do it with a smile on your face and a song in your heart ..Knowing full well Karma,s just waiting around the corner for her .No doubt the other guy involved in all this will back out soon as he has to start putting his hand in his pocket ..Then she will be left with only a few options one is to get her dancing shoes back on the other is to get her walking shoes on and Thailands a long way that way >>>>>>>>

Keep hold of those Wage slips as well mate ..as soon as your no longer commited to her as a sponser ..Post em to DHSS or Immigration ..Theres enough Falang who have been knobbled in Business in Thailand so whats good for the goose .... .. Wise choice outing her and better luck next time ..Just mark it up to experiance and move on

[kayo]

your posting fomat is familiar there mike.

Nonetheless.. words of wisdom.

[John_Rambo]

Wise words from A MIKE U LIKE

[GuestHouse]

I'd find out first what she's up to. It may be another guy, it may be the old tricks - pun intended.

If its the latter you need to get yourself distanced from her ASAP. Getting a bad mark at the British Embassy in BKK is one thing, but it pales into insignificance against being accused of bringing women into the UK to ply the old trade.

Exageration? Not at all, it happens.

Eitherway, I'd fire off a question to Scouser on the Visas section and ask him what your options are after relationship breakdown and where you have no idea what she's upto.

If there is nothing you can do through official channels then get what help is available from your local authority 'Black Plastic Bin Liners' stuffed with her stuff and thrown out on the street.

What ever you do, DO NOT get into a fight with her. Wording within the rules for Indefinate Leave to Remain invite women in her situation to claim physical abuse, un proven or not, you get a police record and she gets her visa.

Why do I mention this so often, because it happened to one of my very best friends. Over a year after his Thai g/f disapeared without word, he received a call from the police who charged him with domestic abuse. No Evidence, No Medical Records, No Witnesses and No Police Report at the time of the alleged abuse.

His name is now on the police's file of wife/ girlfriend bashers and she got her visa.

Where did she get that piece of advice from?

No matter - Don't ignore this piece of advice.

[walg]

mike your a wise man. those words have helped me so much. i believe in what goes around . . . ..

i have half a mind to take the wage slip into her work and tell the manager that she is working illegally (in the sense of too many hours) see how she can survive on 80 a week. as you said he will probably not be as fluid financially as myself, not that im rich but she was my future. after 2 weeks i doubt he sees it that way. good luck to him i suppose. she has imelda marcos syndrome and shops incescantly.

keep em' coming guys im sitting here drowning my sorrows and feeling better by the minute.

[Maestro]

there is an element of wanting to get even im afraid.

You want your pound of flesh. Vengeance – a very destructive emotion, you will find in the end.

Other than that, I’m afraid I can’t give you much advice. Hopefully, somebody with knowledgeable insight into the psyche of women in general and Thai woman in particular will come forth. I believe to have read somewhere that, perhaps unlike Western women, a Thai woman is not content to cohabit with an unmarried man for years on end. After a short while, she wants the commitment of marriage and if this is not forthcoming she will attach herself to another man. And apparently again unlike Western woman, a Thai woman does not communicate this desire for marriage openly and frankly to her male friend, feeling that it should be the man to propose marriage.

Perhaps the laws of nature also enter into the equation. A woman, much more than a man, has the natural, inborn urge to procreate, and in today’s society she wants to so as a married woman.

--------------

Maestro

[Mr Jones]

Hopefully, somebody with knowledgeable insight into the psyche of women in general and Thai woman in particular will come forth.

Maestro

[/size]

don't hold your breath

[walg]

your right. i have felt vengeance many times in my life and i dont think i have ever taken it and i wont this time beyond protecting my ass with the powers that be.

[Jersey_UK]

You might want to make a list all the mean minded and petty things you could do, and then work through them until you feel better / or reach the end of the list.

I would fancy putting her Passport in the washing machine, before you kick her out. (change the locks and I would cancel the lease and physically move out soon after).

[Maestro]

protecting my ass with the powers that be.

This is your good right and you should indeed exercise it.

---------------

Maestro

[A_MIKE_U_LIKE]

I think Guesthouse has a strong and valid point Reference getting all bases covered 1st ..Better to ease her out the door ..Just incase she plays the old Abused Spouse card ..But when you have things settled feel free to launch her last few belongings out of the highest window bin day or not ...Those wage slips are still good to go ..Immigration have been clamping down recently where i work .. only reason i say this is because we lost almost half of one of our shifts in a raid ..Most of em were Africans working on false Dutch passports about 6 weeks ago .. ..most had been here 2yrs or more ..they were back in Africa 2 days later .. so with a bit of luck her A,ss could be touching down in BKK before she can say Housing Benefit .. .. But just to be on safe side make sure theres no come backs your end 1st .. Good Luck mate

[Douggie Style]

I'd find out first what she's up to. It may be another guy, it may be the old tricks - pun intended.

If its the latter you need to get yourself distanced from her ASAP. Getting a bad mark at the British Embassy in BKK is one thing, but it pales into insignificance against being accused of bringing women into the UK to ply the old trade.

Exageration? Not at all, it happens.

Eitherway, I'd fire off a question to Scouser on the Visas section and ask him what your options are after relationship breakdown and where you have no idea what she's upto.

If there is nothing you can do through official channels then get what help is available from your local authority 'Black Plastic Bin Liners' stuffed with her stuff and thrown out on the street.

What ever you do, DO NOT get into a fight with her. Wording within the rules for Indefinate Leave to Remain invite women in her situation to claim physical abuse, un proven or not, you get a police record and she gets her visa.

Why do I mention this so often, because it happened to one of my very best friends. Over a year after his Thai g/f disapeared without word, he received a call from the police who charged him with domestic abuse. No Evidence, No Medical Records, No Witnesses and No Police Report at the time of the alleged abuse.

His name is now on the police's file of wife/ girlfriend bashers and she got her visa.

Where did she get that piece of advice from?

No matter - Don't ignore this piece of advice.

Hey walg, the above advice is spot on....I have also seen this occur numerous times [in a professional capacity]..if the law provides an advantage and you threaten her interests [education and lifestyle] the temptation is obviously great to fabricate damaging allegations...these girls are professional liars and can be extremely convincing.

The upshot is, you may quickly find yourself under attack from all sorts of government and non government agencies keen to protect the poor abused 'victim'.

I suggest go slowly and do nothing in the heat of the moment, it may be wise to bite your lip and cool the waters.

Begin collecting evidences, and if possible get written statements and shore up support amongst your mutual friends before any problems. If may even be possible to obtain some sort of written evidences from her (for example, a personal letter, postcards) which can go a long way to disavowing any potential future false claims.

Make no mistake, if things go pear shaped you may find yourself looking at charges for DV, trafficking or even slavery...although most break-ups don’t go that far it certainly happens and regularly! [Obviously there are people who are guilty of those offences who I have no truck with at all]

However the first step is contact a lawyer, who is EXPERIENCED in this area, and seek advice. One in the family/immigration area.

good luck..

Edited November 14, 2006 by Douggie Style

[Nignoy]

I have had many arguments over these type of relationships. All i can say is that you took advantage of the situation in Thailand knowing full well and how easy it is to pick up a bar girl, some being very pleasant i'm sure. It seems to me she has now taken advantage of your situations.

The shoe is on the other foot i would say, and now you want to rid her like trash.

really is it that simple?, you assume she is BG and he took advantage of a situation.

do you realise how difficult it is to get a visa

Whats the visa got to do with anything. Sorry buddy but the majority of fellas going to Thailand go for one or two reasons, he did mention she was a gogo girl, similar line isn't it? The majority of A-Holes i've spoken to on countless flights over here on what there are going to do or intend to do is endless. You dig your own hole as far as i'm concerened.

as your avatar states limited knowledge!! so please keep out of it, if you dont know what you are talking about Nignoy

[endure]

You might want to make a list all the mean minded and petty things you could do, and then work through them until you feel better / or reach the end of the list.

I would fancy putting her Passport in the washing machine, before you kick her out. (change the locks and I would cancel the lease and physically move out soon after).

The problem is that when you've reached the end of the list you won't feel any better - you'll either feel bitter or guilty. Protect yourself as far as you can then walk away and don't look back.

[paulsmithson]

What absolutely amazes me is the shortsightedness of women, both thai and Farang.

And also the shortsightedness of some men too.

The girl told you that she had done nothing wrong.

Maybe he is just a friend after all!

Just because they have talked on the phone does not mean she is screwing him!

First step should be to sit her down and have a talk and find out!

You may be panicking about absolutely nothing and I hope this is the case.

Because she is Thai is she NOT allowed to have friends ?

[englishoak]

If you are sure 100% she is betraying you it's time to use your education and start thinking smart. Bottom line is she ain't gonna change and you need to protect yourself. Do not be a fool and think it will change for the better, it certainly won't,amass as much evidence as possible about her working illegal. Lock up your cards checkbooks,bills etc.

I'd probably wash her passport or certainly her mobile phone. Things can get nasty when they realise the game is up. There's loads of things you can do to ease her out..... have a few parties and let the place become a bit of a tip, leave the heating off during the winter and tell her it's broken. Turn off the hot water and tell her it's broke,eat out before you come home and let the fridge run dry, mabe cancel the telephone and use your mobile, change the locks and go away for the weekend forgetting to tell her, invite a couple of girl friends round and let them know the situation, girls are great at making other girls uncomfortable.If you have a sister give her the girls number and ask her to be very cold to her or your mum if you are close..... anything really to make her feel as uncomfortable as possible but under no circumstances lose your temper. Do not look back or weaken your heart when you start, it's a one way ticket and there is no going back or staying friends after this, accept it and be ruthless.

If things get a bit nasty make a report to the police that money has gone missing ....... it will be a mark on your side.

Oh one more thing ! do not under any circumstances meet her new friend, he is now your safety net and the idea is to get her to go and leech off him ASAP. He is your ticket out of this and should be seen as the mug in waiting. Who knows mabe he is just having a good time and she will be the one getting messed around in the future.

Oh one of the worst things ive heard is swapping the girls hair conditioner for hair removal cream and no I don't suggest you do it but it's a hel_l of a revenge ..........

If of course you rent the place then just arrange to move and leave when she's studying. Do not look back.

[kayo]

Darn English Oak, You've got some ICE cold suggestions, but I can't deny I enjoyed reading them.

I loved this one... So True!!!

invite a couple of girl friends round and let them know the situation, girls are great at making other girls uncomfortable. . Do not look back.

And you as well as a few others have mentioned this; Don't look back!

This is going to perhaps be the hardest part of it all for the OP!

Chok Dii!

[Donz]

I think you need to find out for sure she is cheating, it does seem so. But who knows it might just be a friend, but deleting msg's is a bad sign.

Just find out from immigration what you need to do, dont go trying to make her go back to Thailand as it might get messy, the other guy may get revenge too.

I know you want revenge but its better to just forget and not waste time on something you have no future with.

Hopefully next time you will choose your girlfriend more carefully

[Maizefarmer]

While I do not wish to comment on the relationship one way or the other, and I don’t think anyone can comment on your particular case one way or the other, I can tell you about a case I know of that was very similar – not in respect of a Thai female but in respect of a Laotian female who was sponsored by a UK male.

The guy took his girlfriends passport and plane ticket down to Lunar House in Croydon and explained the situation.

He was asked to put it in writing which he did. He was thanked and told not to worry and that he could tell his girl friend to come and collect the passport and ticket.

When she went to collect it they asked her to confirm that the relationship had irretrievably broken down and that it was no longer suitable for them to be staying together .…. in effect she was confirming that the terms under which the visa was issued had since changed substantially & materially.

Her visa was cancelled. She was given 7 days to leave the UK.

She was here on a short term visitor’s visa – not a student visa with a part time work permit, but the point is: the guy had done the right thing.

If you read the fine print somewhere in the visa rules & regs, Immigration make it clear that they have to be notified if there is any significant change to the visa holders status (all be it I think it is the visa holder who is primarily responsible for this, not the sponsor – but read the fine print please, because you to may also be responsible for notifying them if you are aware of a significant change).

In any event, there was a significant change to the circumstances under which the visa was issued and Immigration decided that such were the changes in this case that the course of action taken was to cancel the visa.

He has since sponsored another female (Thai) with no problems at all.

I think the message here is clear: do not do anything that contributes towards any breech of the rules & regs which governed the issuance of the visa, and if there is a change to the situation, keep yourself on the right side of the fence and report it.

After all, what else can you reasonably be expected to do.

[shaunmiller]

I have had many arguments over these type of relationships. All i can say is that you took advantage of the situation in Thailand knowing full well and how easy it is to pick up a bar girl, some being very pleasant i'm sure. It seems to me she has now taken advantage of your situations.

The shoe is on the other foot i would say, and now you want to rid her like trash.

[/quote

i suppose if she did not act like trash... would not be treated that way... send her ass back..!!!!!!!

[Scott]

I wouldn't necessarily drop the sponsorship--it depends on how close she is to completing her education. You made some kind of a commitment to her and its best that you keep your end of the bargain. The relationship, however, is probably best terminated and she needs to be put on notice that she may need to re-think her situation concerning finances if you are footing the bills.

If she got in on an education visa, I don't think the immigration is going to be too concerned that she has cheated on you. Unless she's selling it, of course. As for the 10 hours over on her working, try to stay on the higher road.

As angry as you may be (and rightfully so), you really don't want to mess up her life. Let her do that too herself--at least she can't blame you.

[dgoz]

i dont think it is fair for you to send her home when some other guy is having his way with her. atleast offer him the chance to sponser her for you. it is not fair for him to lose good sex for nothing. if he sponsers her then you can still sponser more go go dancer in the future.

It's about time somebody came up with something useful. Well said aust1980.

There is an absolute shortage of quality skirt in the UK.

Why not let our brothers in Britain experience what we have already come to enjoy.

Sponsor a few more I say and let the good times roll.

[Ulysses G.]

i dont think it is fair for you to send her home when some other guy is having his way with her. atleast offer him the chance to sponser her for you. it is not fair for him to lose good sex for nothing. if he sponsers her then you can still sponser more go go dancer in the future.

It's about time somebody came up with something useful. Well said aust1980.

There is an absolute shortage of quality skirt in the UK.

Why not let our brothers in Britain experience what we have already come to enjoy.

Sponsor a few more I say and let the good times roll.

I disagree.

Why should some lazy handsome man make out when someone else went all the way to Thailand and did all the groundwork?

Boot her with no mercy!

[Little Black Duck]

i dont think it is fair for you to send her home when some other guy is having his way with her. atleast offer him the chance to sponser her for you. it is not fair for him to lose good sex for nothing. if he sponsers her then you can still sponser more go go dancer in the future.

It's about time somebody came up with something useful. Well said aust1980.

There is an absolute shortage of quality skirt in the UK.

Why not let our brothers in Britain experience what we have already come to enjoy.

Sponsor a few more I say and let the good times roll.

Funny it took an OZ to give the best advise..Do not wash passports etc as that makes you no better than her !!

You need to establish she is in fact having a relationship with someone else then as Dqoz and australia_1980 give him the chance to sponcer her..Thing is you knew where you found her..

as ye sow so ye shall reap I think the big book said, not into it but .. you have been given a lot of good advise, dont do anything silly I know that you're hurting and would like revenge but your a much better person if you dont stoop to that..Good luck young man..The Duck..

[PhilHarries]

i dont think it is fair for you to send her home when some other guy is having his way with her. atleast offer him the chance to sponser her for you. it is not fair for him to lose good sex for nothing. if he sponsers her then you can still sponser more go go dancer in the future.

It's about time somebody came up with something useful. Well said aust1980.

There is an absolute shortage of quality skirt in the UK.

Why not let our brothers in Britain experience what we have already come to enjoy.

Sponsor a few more I say and let the good times roll.

I disagree.

Why should some lazy handsome man make out when someone else went all the way to Thailand and did all the groundwork?

Boot her with no mercy!

Well no, I agree, lets flood the UK with ex gogo girls, the ones nearer the end of their working lives, and maybe it'll keep the low life lager louts out of Thailand.

It's a win - win situation. The UK gets what are considered right little hotties, the girls get an extended chance of latching on to Mr Right and Thailand gets less troublemakers.

[roguegirl]

Oh man...! Not another one!

*slaps forehead and faint*

[terry57]

mate,

i'll give you the good oil.

you were a fool to pull on a bar girl in the first place but thats a whole new thread and you've proved me right once again and thanks for that.

this is very easy to sort out as this is your country and not her's so treat it as such.

just like when we are in los we are only a farang and now she is only a farang in your country.

this girl has just shafted you , disrespected you, humiliated you and rejected your trust by seeing another guy behind your back, but it was going to happen was'nt it.

be a man here and not a wimp, let your emotion go and look at it in a business sense.

1. tell the said girl to pack her bags and throw her out on the street. if she is lucky the new knob will put her up but before long she will do to him what she has done to you as that will be her nature.

if she had respect she would of told you about the new man and moved out. she deserves no mercy.

2. strait down to immigration and tell them the story but be 100% straight up and then your karma will be good.

3. ring up your mate and head strait down the rubbity dub dub for a nice pint, put this whole situation down to experience and never do something that bloody stupid ever again.

cheers mate and good luck to you.

PS. you must be feeling real <deleted> at the moment but remember you are only human and you will get over it.

[terry57]

What absolutely amazes me is the shortsightedness of women, both thai and Farang.

And also the shortsightedness of some men too.

The girl told you that she had done nothing wrong.

Maybe he is just a friend after all!

Just because they have talked on the phone does not mean she is screwing him!

First step should be to sit her down and have a talk and find out!

You may be panicking about absolutely nothing and I hope this is the case.

Because she is Thai is she NOT allowed to have friends ?

i think you been drinking my friend as you cant really believe that little bit of top advice your espousing.

off you go for a nice sleep.

[StateSix]

What ever you do, DO NOT get into a fight with her. Wording within the rules for Indefinate Leave to Remain invite women in her situation to claim physical abuse, un proven or not, you get a police record and she gets her visa.

Why do I mention this so often, because it happened to one of my very best friends. Over a year after his Thai g/f disapeared without word, he received a call from the police who charged him with domestic abuse. No Evidence, No Medical Records, No Witnesses and No Police Report at the time of the alleged abuse.

His name is now on the police's file of wife/ girlfriend bashers and she got her visa.

Where did she get that piece of advice from?

No matter - Don't ignore this piece of advice.

The first part is good advice. Even getting into a loud verbal altercation can result in the police being called and you being flagged on the police computers as having being involved in a domestic incident. There is also heavy pressure put on officers attending to arrest one of the parties in a DV situation. If there is no physical evidence of an assault, then for something like to prevent a breach of the peace. It is all logged in the DV unit and you can bet her lawyer will use it to her advantage.

However I am confused with the second part. Where did this take place? If there is no evidence/witnesses/medical evidence how could they charge him with anything, let alone convict him? I assume it wasnt in the UK as there is no specific offence of domestic abuse, it is assaults that people are charged with, which need evidence.

My advise here is find out for sure what is happening and if she is cheating on you. I would recommend staying apart to minimise the risk of any trouble. When you are sure what has happened then sit down, have a think and make a decision on what you want to do. If you do decide you still want her then try to forget the incident, and try not to be too suspicious of everything she does, or the relationship will not work.

If you do decide to leave her, then don't be a b*stard about it. Speak to a lawyer (or the Citizens Advice) and see what you need to do to protect yourself - advising immigration etc. I wouldn't go trying to ruin her life like some have suggested. Just learn from the experience and get on with your life.

Good luck