25-year-old student with 40-year-old Thai lady in Chiang Mai

[smotherb]

t has been my experience that Thai women about 40 tend to dispense with sex. Not good for a 20 something male. Not all of course but it is very possible. They think they are too old.

Perhaps it is a personal problem. I am 71 and there seems no end to the late 30's to 50-something Thai women who approach me--of course, I am an extraordinarily hansum man; they all tell me that.

[bamukloy]

You probably need to ask yourself if you consider this will/might be, a very long term relationship.

If so, you should think ahead 10 or 20 years. Not nice to say, but Thai women really tend to age rapidly and go downhill quick after 40..

if you worry about what people think now, how will you be then?

If you make it even 5 years you will probably end up lusting for a new younger kitty.

i am in my 40's now and i would not consider a gf much over 30.

if i look at women 10 years older than me (50ish) errr

well lets just keep it civil and say ..NAH thanks

[theguyfromanotherforum]

i am in my 40's now and i would not consider a gf much over 30.

if i look at women 10 years older than me (50ish) errr

well lets just keep it civil and say ..NAH thanks

rofl, here cums hunsum thai visa man.

I am really puzzled where do certain men get such arrogance and think that the age difference is a one way street.

My god, women in Thailand must be so different because they all desire fat drunk smelly farang over the age of 40

The delusion reigns on this forum and real life unfortunately.

[BangPaInn]

Don't go by what's considered normal here mate. What's considered normal here are the 50+ year old TV members who have some 18 year old bargirl slung around there arm....

1. It is actually more common than you think. I'm in a similar boat to you, and I know of quiet for other guys the same!

2. Locals will talk about it, but mostly in a positive manner. Any negative opinion is generally spoken out of jealously in the fact that your Mrs has strung a younger dude.

3. The family shouldn't have a problem with it, you may find the extended family will ask the usual bullshit to your Mrs in regards to how much your worth is!, But that's not exclusive to the situation you or I are in though.

PM me if you got any worries.

[how241]

If it's working for you, then enjoy and don't worry too much.

Edited July 25, 2016 by metisdead
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[FidelityCheckOnline]

Good luck mate, good point in previous post about the age difference as you both get older... you thirty... her 50 you need to think about it.

[MobileContent]

I was 22 years old when I dated a 36 year old Singaporean woman with children. She was a stunner but when she turned 54 years old I had to let go of it.

My biggest mistake was raising her kids and also they were great at a young age they became nuts at an older age and still expected me to pay up the bills.

I wouldn't do it again in my life.

Now I have my lady which is half my age and we have a 3 year old boy and have been together for the past 5 years. Karma at it best !!

Edited July 25, 2016 by MobileContent

[RBOP]

When I was 30 I dated a 40 year old Thai girl. She held an executive position with a large well known realtor company in Thailand. She would show me off at her company parties like I was her toy boy. I lived it. She made more money than I and had a car too. Our relationship stopped abruptly after I asked he to marry me. Love is blind.

[Stevemercer]

It's not unusual in my neck of the woods for an older woman to hang out with a younger man. However, the relationship is usually in the 'gik' category (e.g. she is married/divorced and has a younger lover who sticks around for the money or social contacts). This is socially acceptable if kept reasonably discreet (e.g. within her circle of friends).

It is difficult for Thais to guess the age of a foreigner (and this also extends to an Asian American) and most will assume you are closer to her age. They might be a bit surprised if you volunteered your respective ages. Her friends will certainly support her/you and her family will if you are a decent guy (they have no choice anyway). As noted by other posters, it might be different when you are dealing with government officials and Thais from other parts of the country. Your wife could cop some cold shoulders and speculation. But no one will know unless you make a big deal about your ages.

If your wife has never been to a western country it would be of great benefit to her and her daughter if you did spend a few years in the USA. It would help open up her horizons and may benefit you as a couple.

[HidyHo]

I'm not exactly that concerned about what people are thinking, but it's a good idea to know how the average Thai middle-class person perceives this.

You speak fluent Thai, dating a person who speaks no English and you come to TV to ask about how culturally acceptable this is ... what can possibly go wrong?

[theguyfromanotherforum]

When I was 30 I dated a 40 year old Thai girl. She held an executive position with a large well known realtor company in Thailand. She would show me off at her company parties like I was her toy boy. I lived it. She made more money than I and had a car too. Our relationship stopped abruptly after I asked he to marry me. Love is blind.

So, why did he dump you?

[MediaWatcher]

Lost interest when Falconator had so many replies, to counter any negative comments, the more I read the more it comes across as a fake story, 25, really mate. If true, then you need a few more years to GROW UP, but wait, I'm sure your reply will be "you're mature for your age."

Edited July 25, 2016 by MediaWatcher

[Deepinthailand]

1. Not common, although I see young men with older hookers all the time.

2. Everyone will think she's a hooker and you're a naive fool. In fairness, they think that about almost any foreigner that dates a Thai girl, so welcome to the party.

3. Anyone who is vaguely related to her will ask you for money.

You need serious help

[khunPer]

Not common to my knowledge – however I know a few with younger foreign men and little older Thai ladies, but just a few years, up to about five years difference, I think.

For your info, there is a very good book about cultural difference, which I will recommend you. It's written in both English (also available in German) and Thai, so you can read together with your partner; it's called "Thailand Fever" by Chris Pirazzi and Vitada Vasant, Paiboon. See more at thailandfever.com.

[1FinickyOne]

Not common, but who cares... there are Thai young guys who latch on to older women with money...

But, you have already adopted a kid - that is as much a commitment.... you may get teased, but everyone gets teased about something here...

What other people think really doesn't matter. Enjoy your wife, take good care of the kid...

[Falconator]

Thanks for all your interesting responses and stories. Thumbs up to all the guys who were willing to buck the trend.

But just curious--have you always been interested in older women, even back home? I envy guys like you that find older women attractive. If I were interested in older women, I'd have the pick of the litter. Not just in Thailand, but in the west as well.

Yes. Because I find it harder to deal with bratty millenials who are my own age.

[Falconator]

It's not unusual in my neck of the woods for an older woman to hang out with a younger man. However, the relationship is usually in the 'gik' category (e.g. she is married/divorced and has a younger lover who sticks around for the money or social contacts). This is socially acceptable if kept reasonably discreet (e.g. within her circle of friends).

It is difficult for Thais to guess the age of a foreigner (and this also extends to an Asian American) and most will assume you are closer to her age. They might be a bit surprised if you volunteered your respective ages. Her friends will certainly support her/you and her family will if you are a decent guy (they have no choice anyway). As noted by other posters, it might be different when you are dealing with government officials and Thais from other parts of the country. Your wife could cop some cold shoulders and speculation. But no one will know unless you make a big deal about your ages.

If your wife has never been to a western country it would be of great benefit to her and her daughter if you did spend a few years in the USA. It would help open up her horizons and may benefit you as a couple.

Interesting insights Steve. She is definitely not in the gik category and she says she just isn't the type of woman who can accept being in flings that last less than a year.

I grew up in the US and so ended up being 6 foot tall, with a more mature face and way of thinking. Upon my first visit to Asia, I was a bit surprised at how Thais and other Asians my age look and act like high school kids in the US. Thais often tell me that 20-25 year-old Thais are often still like high school boys, while Western 20-25 year-olds are often more mature and independent.

Where exactly is your neck of woods by the way?

[Falconator]

Not common to my knowledge – however I know a few with younger foreign men and little older Thai ladies, but just a few years, up to about five years difference, I think.

For your info, there is a very good book about cultural difference, which I will recommend you. It's written in both English (also available in German) and Thai, so you can read together with your partner; it's called "Thailand Fever" by Chris Pirazzi and Vitada Vasant, Paiboon. See more at thailandfever.com.

Up to 5 is basically the same age. I'm talking about 15-20+ age difference, haha.

I've read Thailand Fever before. But it doesn't suit my needs, since it's written for older Western men with younger Thai women. I grew up very familiar with Asian cultural and family norms, so the book doesn't explain many things that I didn't know.

[henry15]

I was 26 and my wife(Thai) to be, was 38, we have been married 32 years.

I hope this answers the questions of the OP.

[swissbie]

OP, what i'm wondering is how can you say you're very fluent in Thai but speak the language only with your partner? The age difference doesn't really matter, neither does what other people will think about it. What will be in 20 years doesn't matter too, as nowbody knows what will happen until then. Enjoy your live as it is now (part of Thainess).

[Falconator]

OP, what i'm wondering is how can you say you're very fluent in Thai but speak the language only with your partner? The age difference doesn't really matter, neither does what other people will think about it. What will be in 20 years doesn't matter too, as nowbody knows what will happen until then. Enjoy your live as it is now (part of Thainess).

I mean I speak only Thai with my partner AND most of my other Thai friends.

I see no problem with having a 55-year-old with a 20-year-old daughter by age 40.

And actually the age difference is just over 15.5 years, so it rounds up to 16.

I am southern Chinese by ancestry (and so do >20% of Thais) and am actually a bit darker than many folks in Northern Thailand. My partner has a more Cambodian / Indian-type look, but our daughter is very white and looks more Chinese-ish. So people keep thinking she's our biological daughter. Once during a hospital visit, after learning that I'm not actually Thai, the doctor asked us if our daughter was born in Thailand or abroad.

[zeichen]

if you have to come on TV to ask relationship advice, you are doomed. Why ask a cultural understanding perspective from this body of reprobates. Just read every post of ignorance on this forums. Very few here have anything but a jaded view of Thai women and culture.

Live your life. If you are happy, then be happy. Personally, I wouldn't date a woman with a child nor would I date someone that much older or younger, but your happiness is not dependent on what I or anyone else would do. So basically you are just going to get the same old typical responses from the peanut gallery.

In this day and age no one cares what you do. Typically shop owners aren't middle class, Unless it is a bustling shop. Most in my area barely earn a living. At least you aren't bragging about how rich or educated she is like most of the nutters on this site.

[Khon Kaen Dave]

I bet he loves his mum.

[eldragon]

1. Not common, although I see young men with older hookers all the time.

2. Everyone will think she's a hooker and you're a naive fool. In fairness, they think that about almost any foreigner that dates a Thai girl, so welcome to the party.

3. Anyone who is vaguely related to her will ask you for money.

You need serious help

Can I change my second answer? If she's hot, everyone will think she's a hooker. If she's ugly, then he'll be the village hero for choosing the girl no one wanted. Of course, that will all be forgotten in 15 years when he trades her in for a younger model.

[Falconator]

I was 22 years old when I dated a 36 year old Singaporean woman with children. She was a stunner but when she turned 54 years old I had to let go of it.

My biggest mistake was raising her kids and also they were great at a young age they became nuts at an older age and still expected me to pay up the bills.

I wouldn't do it again in my life.

Now I have my lady which is half my age and we have a 3 year old boy and have been together for the past 5 years. Karma at it best !!

But biological children are also the same. (great at a young age they became nuts at an older age and still expected me to pay up the bills)

How old were the kids when you started raising them?

[swissbie]

OP, what i'm wondering is how can you say you're very fluent in Thai but speak the language only with your partner? The age difference doesn't really matter, neither does what other people will think about it. What will be in 20 years doesn't matter too, as nowbody knows what will happen until then. Enjoy your live as it is now (part of Thainess).

I mean I speak only Thai with my partner AND most of my other Thai friends.

I see no problem with having a 55-year-old with a 20-year-old daughter by age 40.

And actually the age difference is just over 15.5 years, so it rounds up to 16.

I am southern Chinese by ancestry (and so do >20% of Thais) and am actually a bit darker than many folks in Northern Thailand. My partner has a more Cambodian / Indian-type look, but our daughter is very white and looks more Chinese-ish. So people keep thinking she's our biological daughter. Once during a hospital visit, after learning that I'm not actually Thai, the doctor asked us if our daughter was born in Thailand or abroad.

I mean, you're 25 now, why to think a lot about what will be by age 40. White skin here is a result of avoiding the sun and lots of chemistry, big business. Our daugther is white skinned, because she wants to be, she looks much more like her mother (my wife), but my wife is dark skinned, because she doesn't care and knows that i prefere it naturally. It's more about class thinking than ancestry.

[Deli]

It's not about the difference in age, I myself had a relationship with a Lady who was 18 years old than me ( she looked pretty young for her age, though ) and this was no problem. BUT:

You are only 25, a college kid and in love and therefor somehow blind. Do you really see your future in a life with "wife" and her kid ?
May you do today but you will regret and break out sooner or later. Believe me, man... you will.

[thrilled]

I think you and her are fortunate to have met.Many women in Thailand look young for their age.I would say good for you.

[SiSePuede419]

"Plus she speaks zero English, which is totally untypical of Thai hookers."

Pretty amazing you're 100% fluent in Thai after only 18 months.

You must be a genius!

What do you think about the most important discovery of the 21st century?

I'll give you a hint -- gravitational waves.

555+

[Falconator]

"Plus she speaks zero English, which is totally untypical of Thai hookers."

Pretty amazing you're 100% fluent in Thai after only 18 months.

Just immerse yourself with Thai monolingual speakers, and that will force you to learn the language fast.

I already speak a few tonal Asian languages like Chinese and Vietnamese, so Thai is not that hard for me. It's like how Spanish isn't that hard to learn if you already know French. Sí se puede señor.

It's not about the difference in age, I myself had a relationship with a Lady who was 18 years old than me ( she looked pretty young for her age, though ) and this was no problem. BUT:

You are only 25, a college kid and in love and therefor somehow blind. Do you really see your future in a life with "wife" and her kid ?

May you do today but you will regret and break out sooner or later. Believe me, man... you will.

I don't let passionate blind love carry me away like that. This feels like a stable family life to me now.

There are plenty of practical considerations as well. Most girls my age are just spoiled, selfish brats, especially in Chiang Mai universities. I can't deal with little girly mind games. I even think there would actually be MORE compatibility issues if I were to deal with the average Thai woman my own age.

My partner cooks me good Thai food, is fiercely loyal like a German shepherd dog, and cares about me like how a mother deeply cares for her son. Her 22-year-old daughter does none of that. My 40-year-old lady does not brings me any little girly dramas or other immature BS. And her tubes are tied (which is reversible), so no protection or birth control measures are needed at all.

Older folks can be such kind, authentic people, but the younger millenial generation can be a pain in the neck to deal with - both in Thailand and America. I think you can all agree that women in the 1960's vs. the 2010's are like day and night.

I bet he loves his mum.

Mia Farang must love their dads a lot!

Edited July 25, 2016 by Falconator