Becoming a Father

[YeahSiam]

2 hours ago, Cyclone88 said:

Silly Idea? 

Who is anyone to judge?

 

If he's happy, why not.

 

Because it's not all about him, is it?

 

[vivasamui]

1 hour ago, sakaew said:

About 15 years ago, I agreed to have a baby with my then long time partner.

Having had a vasectomy 20 years earlier, I trotted off to what is touted to be Thailand's BEST Hospital. A Specialist  Fertility Doctor assured me I was not to old to father a child. They anaesthetized me, and harvested 3 sperm, which they kept in the fridge at their fertility centre. At a cost of 60,000 baht.

 

No more than a week later, some new research from a VERY reputable centre in the US was published. At the time, it was believed that sperm transfer from men below the age of 40 was safe.

(YES  40  NOT 60 or 70.)

 

AS A RESULT OF THAT NEW RESEARCH....the maximum age for sperm donors was lowered.

Why?

Because all the research showed that although the baby may--and often does--emerge as a perfectly normal beautiful child....the chances of that same baby developing several mental defects, mainly autism or schizophrenia, are UNACCEPTABLY HIGH. This tends to happen in a childs' late teens. Not every child is unlucky enough to go this way.

 

So.... long after the father has passed away, the Mother has an unacceptably  high chance of having to raise a mentally deficient--and currently incurable--child.

All on her own.

 

That research was so compelling , that Australia lowered the age at which sperm transfer was recommended, to 35.

I cancelled my fertility treatment.

And blew the   6,000 baht it cost me to harvest those sperm.

EACH AND EVERY TIME sperm transfer is attempted, the cost was 300,000 baht. That was years ago, and I imagine the cost would not have remained the same.

The chances of success is VERY VERY low, even with a young couple.

 

There would have been no doubt the Dear Old Doctor knew perfectly well the dangerous game he was assisting his patients to play...but HEY !!!!! TIT  This is Thailand, as Bernie Trink used to say in his Night Owlcolumn. Anything goes, so long as money changes hands. Who needs  Medical Ethics?

 

Do yourself a favour. Type Elderly men's Sperm Degradation...Fertility Treatment.   into Google

Get the latest research info.

 

When I see a decrepit old codger proudly carrying his new born around Big C....I ALWAYS wonder  (a)  Would he have gone ahead with the treatment, had he bothered to read about the clear dangers associated with the procedure? (b) Can his wife cope with an intellectually disabled child?

There's an old French guy on Samui who's daughter turned out autistic. He went ahead and made another baby with his 30-something year old Thai wife, and the son turned out autistic too. That is just ignorant. Or madness. Are you going to support two autistic kids for the rest of their lives? Are they supposed to look after you and your wife when you're infirm?

[williamgeorgeallen]

if you dont have kids then it is never to late in my opinion. most important thing is to make sure the mum is set up after you die, that means an income not a lump sum. missing out on having kids is a wasted life in my opinion. my life would be pointless without my kids. i have drunk enough beer and banged enough girls for 2 lifetimes already. i know plenty of older guys with kids and they seem to be having a great retirement, better than some of the guys i have seen who go to sit in a bar at mid day every day.

[williamgeorgeallen]

36 minutes ago, Americano555 said:

So the kid will be a fatherless kid at 8 years old. 

should fit in with half the kids in thailand then.

[gmac]

1 hour ago, brewsterbudgen said:

As a first-time father myself, at 55, I'd recommend it. 

 

As a first time (accidental) father at 57 I wouldn't.   Each to his own!

[DKNY77]

What an incredibly selfish self centered thing to do.. he'll be dead by the time the child enters high school..or prob. before ,,,not to mention the health risk for the baby.

[holy cow cm]

Seems common as see it all of the time here in Chiang Mai. I even have to think about 50 year old men in that position having a new kid. Most every time I don't think it is planned or even thought could happen to him, but it is certainly a calculated act by the girl. It is the old Thai way to get your man on the hook. Hey, but most of them look happy, just might be odd for the kid saying this is my dad as he looks like a dinosaur.

[Rorri]

3 hours ago, Shot said:

Ask your friend if he is prepared to run up and down the street at 70 teaching his kid how to ride a bike. Ask your friend if he is prepared at 75 to spend endless hours coaching/teaching/participating with his child in sports. Will he be ready at 80 to fend off the dipsticks his child might encounter as a teen?

Assuming  he'said medically fit enough, or even alive. Before trying to prove how virile he is, he should be thinking of the kid, have a grand dad as dad. Do'es  he want his kids bought up being poor, uneducate with no really future.

Edited October 10, 2016 by Rorri

[Deepinthailand]

Good luck to him hope it goes well. I wonder if your friend reads tv I wouldn't be too happy if I confided in a friend and he slapped it all over thai visa that's for sure. A friend for not much longer if it was me.

[lensta]

3 hours ago, Cyclone88 said:

Silly Idea? 

Who is anyone to judge?

 

If he's happy, why not.

 

"If he's happy, why not. " Maybe some consideration for the kid that he is planning

on fathering would be a good start. What kid wants a grandfather to be their father

and not only that, how long will he be around to care for the kid. Selfish inconsiderate

ass IMHO

[natway09]

Oh Dear,,,,, go tie a knot in it . (79 when the kid becomes a teenager,,,,, no way)

[sandemara]

I used to work as a counsellor in another country's socal service system.  A common distress situation I was asked to deal with was that of families where both parents were in their second or more marriage and had been determined to have a child with their new "last forever" love partner.  Because of their ages, the resulting shared proof of their love had several physical or mental impairments.  The parents, of course, loved these children but neither were capable of dealing with the physical demands of dealing with the various challenges arising when their children became snotty-nosed, self-centred, rebellious and demanding teenagers. Physical restraint or appropriate discipline of a strong 15-year-old by a 60+ yrs old father or mother is impossible. Often, mothers knew that sexual assault at the hands of their curious, uninhibited and untrainable child was inevitable, or had already occurred.  Many had also realised that despite all planning, their handicapped, difficult to handle children would be left defenceless, totally reliant on strangers by age 30yrs in group care facilities, because the only two people who could tolerate their habits and behaviours with any sense of loving care and understanding would be already dead.  The heartache and despair of loving, distraught parents in such situations was unbearable, terrifying;  each  'love child' had no idea of the futures they faced - through no fault of their own.  Heartbreaking experiences for everyone involved.

[little mary sunshine]

1 hour ago, williamgeorgeallen said:

should fit in with half the kids in thailand then.

 

 

So so just add to the problem ....real mature!

[smotherb]

4 hours ago, overherebc said:

What is he trying to prove and who is he trying to prove it to.

Silly idea at 65 when he should be sitting back and taking it easy.

Having children is a matter of choice or chance. I think it depends on the man and his relationship with the woman. Certainly things will be different--probably daddy will not be able to play ball with his son, may never see his child grow-up; but can be a part of the child's upbringing and value transfer. And, if the aged father can leave sufficient financial support for his child, the child may be better off than many others.

[little mary sunshine]

1 hour ago, gmac said:

 

As a first time (accidental) father at 57 I wouldn't.   Each to his own!

 

Big difference 55-65. Life  expentencyn in Thailand 72 for males

[Familyonthemove]

1 hour ago, Americano555 said:

So the kid will be a fatherless kid at 8 years old. 

 

Lots of sensible comments in this thread - but I think we're all looking at it from a 'Western' point of view.

 

In Thailand it's not uncommon for local men father a child then run off with their latest 'gig'.  So the kids are fatherless from the day they are born.  The extended family then help to support the new mother.

 

From the Mother's point of view - they get a Father who may be around for a few years and who will probably be faithful - and then they hope to inherit the means to look after their son/daughter - who will in turn look after them in their old age. 

 

Having a child is like investing in a pension scheme in Thailand.  The future is not easy for older women in Thailand who do not have kids - unless they have independent wealth.  This is why the pressure to have a child often increases as the falang husband gets older, and why we see older men pushing prams around the malls.

 

Not saying it's right or wrong - but our thoughts of an 80 year old teaching their kid to ride a bike it's a very Western viewpoint.

[williamgeorgeallen]

8 minutes ago, little mary sunshine said:

 

 

So so just add to the problem ....real mature!

many guys just cant find a decent woman back in their own countries. myself included. my relationships with western woman are something i just want to forget. many of my friends are in the same situation and they may never have kids despite wanting them. i was lucky i moved to thailand earlier than most and got to start my family  in my forties. for many guys it is not possible to move here that early so having kids has to be left till later in life. even in their fifties or sixties they will be around for most of their kids childhoods. the kids will still have a good up bringing as long as the mum is left a decent income for the inheritance. i dont see any problem.

[Emster23]

I see it as immensely irresponsible and egotistical. It's not like there is any shortage of people on this planet. Even if wife and kid seen for regarding finances after dad dies, lack of father role in family cannot be seen as a plus. Look around at all these Thai women who have to raise kids without father for a variety of reason, most of which is due to irresponsibility of father to be there for the upbringing. Like I told my students "You're only young once, but you can be immature forever".

[claffey]

4 hours ago, Cyclone88 said:

Silly Idea? 

Who is anyone to judge?

 

If he's happy, why not.

 

The issue shouldn't be about him. His potential offspring will have an elderly parent at a young age. It's not fair on the child to see their parents so old and frail when they are only young kids..Quite selfish to even consider it, in my opinion..

[elgordo38]

5 hours ago, overherebc said:

What is he trying to prove and who is he trying to prove it to.

Silly idea at 65 when he should be sitting back and taking it easy.

The urge to merge the reproduction rage never seems to tone itself down regardless of ones age. The idea of reproducing an image of oneself is just to great. Its a male thingee and of course the female part to seek out the strongest handsomest of the male species to father it goes without saying. Her desire to mother and spoil a child does not help things. At age 78 I still have it its one of the reasons I got a knot in yea old vase. I can now urge and merge as much as my little ole heart desires. Each to their own I guess. 

Edited October 10, 2016 by elgordo38

[elgordo38]

2 hours ago, Americano555 said:

So the kid will be a fatherless kid at 8 years old. 

But the blood line will continue. If a male he may go forth one day and be another savior of the fatherland. Protector of the poor and downtrodden or it could work the other way around. One thing I have found with fatherhood you do the deed wait 9 months and then wait another 18 years of toil and sacrifice for the flower to bloom or it might turn into a Amorphophallus titanum

 

[ChrisKC]

Trying for a baby is not the preserve of the man alone. This is a discussion that should be between the man and the woman involved. Their own unique circumstances and philosophy of life will help determine the wisdom of having a child or not.

 

[khunpa]

Had a unplanned kid 3 years ago. (wife was told she could not get pregnant, after an operation). We are both in our mid-40s and to say the least, it is really hard work.

 

If I was 65 years old, I would defiantly not want a kid. Honestly, I think it is selfish and crazy.

[kingstonkid]

As mentioned in another thread this is something I am sure that his wife wants.  

 

For all those that say he is crazy or misguided.  WHO THE F ARE YOU TO JUDGE.

 

He and I am sure his other half want to have a child.  Will he be around to watch him/her grow up maybe, but, I am sure these are things that they have looked at.

 

For all those young guys that think he is crazy the same could be said for you what happens if you get killed by a taxi?

 

If I am the OP then there is only one thing I can do and that is give him all the support I can as a friend if you really are one.

Edited October 10, 2016 by kingstonkid

[Autonuaq]

65 and becoming a daddy

- Regardless is the father is 20 or 90 or even older. many kids around the world grow up without a father.

-if parents divorce in general, it is the mother, who makes it impossible for in general the father to have contact with the children and be there for his children.

- Regardless the fathers age the current life expectancy of most western higher and around 78. And when 65-year-old father is at home the child has more father time with his father than other children do have with the younger father that is not there or has no time.

- the changes of life expectancy of a father around 30 are higher than the of a father of 65 when the baby is born.

-Death does make no distinguish between people so a man of 30 does have the same changes to die as the 65-year-old man.

The 65-year-old man will not be a young as the 30 years old man, regarding being a father r the 65-year-old man can be a better father with the same change the 30-year-old father can be.

-the 65-year-old father will leave the house and make study foundation to look after the child.

 

- The child will have a father that probably not will be around when he is 20. Never the less the most lessons of life are learned in the first six years of a child. The age 7 to 18 is expanding the foundation made in the first six years.

 

- overall you see that nature is not stupid and makes that father with a young child will live longer than without.

 

-in the past, before the modern anti-conception as we know it now, there were more old fathers and very young mothers 

 

-so let him have the fun of a newborn as long as he is aware of the care he needs to do as well the creation of the things needed after he died and his child still need support.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 10, 2016 by Autonuaq
change a word problem into probably

[AsianExport]

What I am sure is that it is not your problem and that people should do what they want when they want, especially if they have money.

 

 

[Retiredandhappyhere]

I had a son when I was 65 and he is 10 now, so some of you may be able to work out my current age.  We have a fantastic relationship and he will be at least 25 years old when I depart this mortal coil.  So my doctor tells me (at a cost of course!).

[Beats56]

I have a son 4 and half years old. I am now 62. My Tgf is 42. She never had a child before and loves him so much as well as her family. I raise two children before back home. Both successful and independent. I worked so much before I didn't really get to be with them that much even though I put my boy in hockey and.my daughter in baseball but was always there to support them.

My new son is joy and a smart funny boy. So great to have time to watch him develop and play with him. Thais want someone to help and support them later in life so don't have a issue with her having a child even if I will be long gone when he is older. I laid foundation for him for him to make right decisions latter in life.

[4MyEgo]

6 hours ago, Pungdo said:

Friend of mine with a Filipino wife has a baby due next month, he is 68 and in my opinion mad, I am 10 years younger and have an unplanned 5 yr old daughter here in Thailand, very challenging at my age.

 

That's what you have a younger wife for, as long as you have the $'s to support her for her future, just, and take all the time out in the world that you need 555

[khunPer]

I was 56 when becoming father – for first time – in Thailand (I know I'm slightly under OP's requested 60-level).  My father was 50 when I was born, and my grandfather was about 40 when my father was born – which was considered "old" at that time – so perhaps it's in the family genes..?

 

Some 15 years back, about the time when I started to consider Thailand as an option, a Danish TV-program followed a Dane, a retired medical doctor, who moved to Thailand as 80 year old, and and got married to an 18-year old hill tribe girl; he became "planned" father when he was 82.

 

If you feel you're young enough in hearth and mind to become father – and have the health and physical strength – I see no reason "why not". Some kid with a young father can loose their father at young age, and some kids with an elderly father can keep him for many years – I had for example my beloved "old" father for 54 years, and he was (very) active to the last...