Becoming a Father

[4MyEgo]

5 hours ago, sakaew said:

About 15 years ago, I agreed to have a baby with my then long time partner.

Having had a vasectomy 20 years earlier, I trotted off to what is touted to be Thailand's BEST Hospital. A Specialist  Fertility Doctor assured me I was not to old to father a child. They anaesthetized me, and harvested 3 sperm, which they kept in the fridge at their fertility centre. At a cost of 60,000 baht.

 

No more than a week later, some new research from a VERY reputable centre in the US was published. At the time, it was believed that sperm transfer from men below the age of 40 was safe.

(YES  40  NOT 60 or 70.)

 

AS A RESULT OF THAT NEW RESEARCH....the maximum age for sperm donors was lowered.

Why?

Because all the research showed that although the baby may--and often does--emerge as a perfectly normal beautiful child....the chances of that same baby developing several mental defects, mainly autism or schizophrenia, are UNACCEPTABLY HIGH. This tends to happen in a childs' late teens. Not every child is unlucky enough to go this way.

 

So.... long after the father has passed away, the Mother has an unacceptably  high chance of having to raise a mentally deficient--and currently incurable--child.

All on her own.

 

That research was so compelling , that Australia lowered the age at which sperm transfer was recommended, to 35.

I cancelled my fertility treatment.

And blew the   6,000 baht it cost me to harvest those sperm.

EACH AND EVERY TIME sperm transfer is attempted, the cost was 300,000 baht. That was years ago, and I imagine the cost would not have remained the same.

The chances of success is VERY VERY low, even with a young couple.

 

There would have been no doubt the Dear Old Doctor knew perfectly well the dangerous game he was assisting his patients to play...but HEY !!!!! TIT  This is Thailand, as Bernie Trink used to say in his Night Owlcolumn. Anything goes, so long as money changes hands. Who needs  Medical Ethics?

 

Do yourself a favour. Type Elderly men's Sperm Degradation...Fertility Treatment.   into Google

Get the latest research info.

 

When I see a decrepit old codger proudly carrying his new born around Big C....I ALWAYS wonder  (a)  Would he have gone ahead with the treatment, had he bothered to read about the clear dangers associated with the procedure? (b) Can his wife cope with an intellectually disabled child?

 

Yes, I think we should all believe what is written, the world was once flat, was it not ?

[4MyEgo]

6 hours ago, upside said:

Is he fat? 

 

Is it his ?

[4MyEgo]

4 hours ago, Ulic said:

I am 57, I have no kids and have never been married and I have no intention of having kids.

I am too old, selfish, a flake, and set in my ways. I enjoy seeing my nieces/nephews/and children

of my friends but I have no burning desire to have children in an overpopulated world.

 

Sad IMO

[jacko45k]

There are loads of them, they are in the UK too. Some are still very fit at 65 and can expect over 20 more years so what is the problem. Not my thing but not my business either.

[4MyEgo]

3 hours ago, YeahSiam said:

Because it's not all about him, is it?

 

 

Takes two to Tango, is he the dancing type or did someone else step up ?

[skippybangkok]

I was 50-54......................enjoy every minute.

Advise.?......50 as a  limit.

choice always yours.

Totally agree - I am in the process in my late 40's and enjoying it. Love kids, hate an empty house. As far as I see it, if it brings you happiness - do it

Yes - some kids might discriminate yours in school for having a grand dad as a dad, but, then again kids will find anything to have a go at one another. Learning to deal with this will help them deal with racists and biggots in their later life Learn to deal with it

Go for it !

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

[4MyEgo]

3 hours ago, williamgeorgeallen said:

if you dont have kids then it is never to late in my opinion. most important thing is to make sure the mum is set up after you die, that means an income not a lump sum. missing out on having kids is a wasted life in my opinion. my life would be pointless without my kids. i have drunk enough beer and banged enough girls for 2 lifetimes already. i know plenty of older guys with kids and they seem to be having a great retirement, better than some of the guys i have seen who go to sit in a bar at mid day every day.

 

You hit the nail on the head once again mate, although I can't say I have banged enough girls yet, although I reckon I have exceeded 4 lifetimes, (brag, brag, brag,) but don't know when to stop, maybe when Willy stops working, because I can't take any Viagra or that because of the heart condition, you can blame that on the bloody stent putting my blood flow back to age 21 and up he goes again.....555

[4MyEgo]

3 hours ago, williamgeorgeallen said:

should fit in with half the kids in thailand then.

 

The world.........

[4MyEgo]

3 hours ago, DKNY77 said:

What an incredibly selfish self centered thing to do.. he'll be dead by the time the child enters high school..or prob. before ,,,not to mention the health risk for the baby.

 

Wait, my crystal ball is about to tell me something........

[sanemax]

4 hours ago, connda said:

I

If I lost my dad at a young age, I would have been crushed.  No - it's immensely selfish. 

 

   Would you prefer not to have been born at all ?

Those are the options .

An older Father or to never exist in the first place .

Only two choices available

[Nurseynutcase]

I can think of nothing more ridiculous than planning to become a father at the age of 65.

The world is overpopulated as it is and to bring another human being into this chaotic world in which we live is crazy.

As a child of an 'elderly mother' - she was 45 when I was born I know only too well the problems that kids face with elderly parents.

The chap in question might have his health now but no-one knows what the future will bring healthwise.

 

Why not adopt?  There are very many children throughout the world that are in need of parents and this would give a child a better start in life.

 

For goodness sake don't do it man.

[SGD]

Though some may prove me wrong, I suspect that most of these guys fathering kids into old age are not exactly rich.

 

I doubt they have sufficient life insurance (minimum a few million USD), world class health insurance (a few thousand USD each year), money for school fees (the best of the rubbish in LOS is about Bt1m a year) a house (not a shoebox condo), a vehicle (not a bike) etc. a dnt eh wherewithal to replace and replenish these each year or every few years.

 

So you have a kid, you can't afford a proper international school so the kids goes to the local place and ends up with a dead end job and near poverty. Well done that father !

 

Seriously, it is not right at that age and even if you disagree, you need to have the resources to pay for a good life after you have gone. 

[4MyEgo]

2 hours ago, Emster23 said:

I see it as immensely irresponsible and egotistical. It's not like there is any shortage of people on this planet. Even if wife and kid seen for regarding finances after dad dies, lack of father role in family cannot be seen as a plus. Look around at all these Thai women who have to raise kids without father for a variety of reason, most of which is due to irresponsibility of father to be there for the upbringing. Like I told my students "You're only young once, but you can be immature forever".

 

No Thai father from young without money Vs Falang around for a while, leaving money for the child, appears to win hands down IMO

[SteveSamui6262]

He must look up the stats regardeding babies born with Autism.  The likelihood of the disorder increases with paternal age. When compared to a child born to a 24-year-old father, a child born to a 45-year-old father was 3.5 times more likely to have autism, 13 times more likely to have ADHD and 25 times more likely to have bipolar disorder.  Your friend is 65!  I wouldn't want to be that child, nor the parent.  Odds are also greater the baby would be ugly.  Your buddy needs to do his homework.

[LindsayB]

Look at Rupert Murdoch. hes got a couple more and hes 87 now.

Better to have known a old good father than a useless piece of C..P young alcoholic/meth loser.

Go for it I say.I have a acquantince whos 72 and hes just had a nipper.Hes got more energy and get up and go than most 35 year olds.

Edited October 10, 2016 by LindsayB
typo

[thaibeachlovers]

7 hours ago, Cyclone88 said:

Silly Idea? 

Who is anyone to judge?

 

If he's happy, why not.

 

Very silly idea. The chances of a physically disabled child increase with age of the parent.

It's not his life to be happy about or not, it is the life of the child that he should care about. If he succeeds the child will be 9 when he is 75.

He's just being selfish, IMO.

[upside]

37 minutes ago, Nurseynutcase said:

I can think of nothing more ridiculous than planning to become a father at the age of 65.

The world is overpopulated as it is and to bring another human being into this chaotic world in which we live is crazy.

As a child of an 'elderly mother' - she was 45 when I was born I know only too well the problems that kids face with elderly parents.

The chap in question might have his health now but no-one knows what the future will bring healthwise.

 

Why not adopt?  There are very many children throughout the world that are in need of parents and this would give a child a better start in life.

 

For goodness sake don't do it man.

 

Your whole story is full of inconsistencies. 

[thaibeachlovers]

40 minutes ago, sanemax said:

 

   Would you prefer not to have been born at all ?

Those are the options .

An older Father or to never exist in the first place .

Only two choices available

Seriously. If never born how would you know?

[thaibeachlovers]

1 minute ago, upside said:

 

Your whole story is full of inconsistencies. 

I see no inconsistencies. Adoption is indeed the way to go. No chance of bringing a disabled child into the world, and a child is a child is a child.

Plenty of orphans to adopt in LOS.

[sanemax]

4 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Seriously. If never born how would you know?

 

   The choice is available to the born child .

Would he, or anyone ele, prefer to have an older Father or to have never been born in the first place .

[Deepinthailand]

4 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I see no inconsistencies. Adoption is indeed the way to go. No chance of bringing a disabled child into the world, and a child is a child is a child.

Plenty of orphans to adopt in LOS.

Good luck to him hope it goes well. I wonder if your friend reads tv I wouldn't be too happy if I confided in a friend and he slapped it all over thai visa that's for sure. A friend for not much longer if it was me.

[Deepinthailand]

5 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I see no inconsistencies. Adoption is indeed the way to go. No chance of bringing a disabled child into the world, and a child is a child is a child.

Plenty of orphans to adopt in LOS.

You keep going on about disabled child. What are these figures your basing this on I know plenty of 55+ year old new dad's and the kids are fine. If he only has 10 years with his child then in my eyes it's worth it.

[piersbeckett]

6 hours ago, dereklev said:

I was 54 when my son was born and I it has given me a new lease of life. It has been a wonderful roller coaster of a ride and I have no regrets whatsoever.

 

However I am 66 now and would not want to embark on that ride now!!

There ya go; the voice of experience.

[Tigger01]

• I'm sat in bed next to my 2 month old girl reading this topic, firstly lets get one fact correct, there is no increase in having a "disabled" child as a man's sperm is always being produced, I asked my GP about this as I was somewhat concerned, it is only the female that is at risk as age rises! Now onto opinions, there are advantages of being an older father as well as disadvantages, I've just become a father at the age of 58, I am fit, cycle, go weight training etc, fitter in fact than many 30 year olds, yes I can run around after my child, will I in 5 years time, probably but who knows, walk into Tesco and you'll see plenty of parents half my age that couldn't run for a bus. I can spend a lot of time bringing up my child as I have retired early so parenting is shared and I can watch my child grow up, priceless!! When I was 30, I had to work all the hours to pay my mortgage etc and would have missed my child grow up as do many parents today. And lastly, I am a lot more tolerant now than I was in my 20's and 30's and that probably makes me a better parent now than it would have 20 years ago. Agreed, I may now be around to see grandchildren or perhaps to see my child marry, but as everything in life, we all make decisions, what is right for some is not right for all.
• Best of luck to all parents, young and old(er)!!! 

[daveAustin]

8 hours ago, Cyclone88 said:

Silly Idea? 

Who is anyone to judge?

 

If he's happy, why not.

 

 

Why not? If he's happy and wants to feel good, go rescue a freakin' puppy. Having kids is not really about one's own happiness. Irresponsibility, narcissism and selfishness aside, he is at the very least not thinking this through. Blokes passing their seed on after 50 need their head read.

[ghworker2010]

7 hours ago, dereklev said:

I was 54 when my son was born and I it has given me a new lease of life. It has been a wonderful roller coaster of a ride and I have no regrets whatsoever.

 

However I am 66 now and would not want to embark on that ride now!!

im a new dad in mid 40s and its a great experience. I keep saying though that 1 is enough. 

the issue OP should think about is can the old guy afford it. 

 

Last year I watched a 69 yo farang die from cancer. He had an 8 yr old daughter and a 12 yr old son. The mother is a nut case and thus the kids have been sent off to friends. I will not forget the daughter looking up at the area in that temple when her father was being cremated. I felt sorry for the poor kids. This is what op should be thinking abuot

[Khon Kaen Dave]

Borzandy

I think you mean that in 15 years time,he will need a support for his father

[NoshowJones]

I'm sorry but I think it is unfair to father children at that age, I don't think it is necessary to start

explaining why.

[callaway]

I am 56 and my wife 36. She has never had a child and now she is 4 months pregnant. We are both really happy. I believe I have more patience now and have a lot more time to enjoy than I did when had 3 kids in Aussie when I was younger. Then too busy trying to make ends meet and trying to support a family. I think it is going to be fantastic this time round. So looking forward to it. My wife is young and we have plenty of family and friends support so bring it on.

[Tigger01]

1 hour ago, possum1931 said:

I'm sorry but I think it is unfair to father children at that age, I don't think it is necessary to start

explaining why.

If you were correct, why does nature allow males to father at that age but yet prevents women from mothering at a similar age, you are entitled to your opinion and beliefs but it is difficult to put a strong argument against nature!