The Evil Aunt

[Cpt_M0ney_Sh0t]

Yes BKK your 100% right the kids welfare is the first priority. Fortunetly she is just fine and safely with her sister now at the MIL's house, out of the reach of the aunt, were she will stay. That was addressed right away without any influance from me. The MIL did the right thing.

Fortunely my only desion now is if I will take an open stand. It's so heavily in my core nature just to say F the Aunt and anyone who dosn't like it. But I know thats the exact opposite of Thai culture.

Just were to draw the line...I am adopting everything Thai for her, what about adopting some American values for me?

Oh well I'm sure that anyone here who has had a serious relationship of any kind with a Thai has asked themselves that question at least once.

In the end I guess I will have to fall back to faith, mabey ask the Gods (I'm Wiccan) whats the best way to handle things.

And once again Thanks to you all you really have some good sudjestions. I particuarly like the one were the aunt has the seat next to the bathroom or the kitchen! LOL!

Oh and Kayo,

No no I know your not all bad. I just happen to like conflict! I think it's strengthening at times, it polishes us and forces one to think, sharpens the mind, and gives birth to creativity. Though granted too much or unhealthy conflict is destructive. However good competion and debate is always healthy.

[Cpt_M0ney_Sh0t]

C M S,

I am starting to think the family is too much drama. More than normal.

just my opinion.

Do you want this <deleted> every month or so?

Your honey is beautiful. Take her away and live happily ever after; but if you participate in family affairs, its obvious there is too much <deleted>.

Just my opinion. Ignore or blast me if you want.

I can appreciate that. However, I grew up in drama, it feels right to me, and I have unconsiouly chased it all my life. Her family to me is definetly worth the Drama. And Her Happines is 110% worth the drama. No biggie, my family is small and spread out, I have no brothers or sisters and it's nice to have a place in a big family unit. I just wish I could communicate more, so I could negotiate though things more diplomatically as I could if everyone spoke English or if I spoke better Thai (which I need to do, get my lazy ass in some classes or something)

[drummer]

There comes a time when even a close blood relative, even a son or daughter, can go too far, and supporting them becomes not supporting them.

But you are in Asia, and your wife is Thai. they haev different mores and expectation. ANY time there is a conflict of any sort, both parties lose face. One gains face by dealing with the situation calmly. Not inviting her would be a loss of face for the whole family, and inviting her would be a gain of face for you.

My brother didn't invite our sister to his wedding - they fued constantly - and it majorly harmed his relationship with our parents to this day! IMHo better to put up with her. Everyone who matters sees what a c**t she is...

[jamman]

Most of your relatives-to-be are waiting patiently for this witch to make a really big mistake.... I suggest you do the same.

If criminal abuse, slavery, and death threats are not a really big mistake, then what is? Causing a Thai to lose face?

Jeesus guys, get over yourselves with all your cultural sensitivity.

Edited December 8, 2006 by jamman

[alexth]

Most of your relatives-to-be are waiting patiently for this witch to make a really big mistake.... I suggest you do the same.

If criminal abuse, slavery, and death threats are not a really big mistake, then what is? Causing a Thai to lose face?

Jeesus guys, get over yourselves with all your cultural sensitivity.

That's right, get your ass from Bali and teach thais a lesson they'll never forget...

[jamman]

There comes a time when even a close blood relative, even a son or daughter, can go too far, and supporting them becomes not supporting them.

But you are in Asia, and your wife is Thai. they haev different mores and expectation. ANY time there is a conflict of any sort, both parties lose face. One gains face by dealing with the situation calmly. Not inviting her would be a loss of face for the whole family, and inviting her would be a gain of face for you.

My brother didn't invite our sister to his wedding - they fued constantly - and it majorly harmed his relationship with our parents to this day! IMHo better to put up with her. Everyone who matters sees what a c**t she is...

From my mid twenties to early thirties I spent most of my thought and time chasing money, trying to build an empire. Any gain was seen as something I could invest into a future gain.

After many ups and downs, the whole game became a bit funny. Making money for the sake of it lost appeal, and I looked more closely at quality of life as the measure of "success".

Why do I mention this? I think face is like money. People trade in it, giving it, saving it. I just don't see where it is worth quite that much effort.

So what? Who cares? You get face, they save face. Whatever. Isn't it like children trading playing cards? I lost interest in trading cards ages ago.

But criminally mis-treating a minor, and extreme racism. That does matter. If anything, anything in the world matters, that does.

More than face.

Edited December 8, 2006 by jamman

[dave111223]

Remember that b*tches like that usually get their b*tchiness from having some money and being able to treat people like sh*t.

And naturally being Thai she will want to "show her power", and the only way to "show your power" at a Thai wedding is by a LARGE size payout at the "Rap Why" (sp?).

So atleast if she does come, you may be able to pocket a decent size check.

Obviously i know it's not about the money, but if your d@mned if you do and your d@mned if you don't then you may as well end up with some extra $$ in your pocket.

[backflip]

Never forget, Opie, you are the outsider....the "evil aunt" is not.

[tk47]

I had a prospective mother in law from h_ll. I allowed her to the wedding to save all the aggro and arguments it would have caused by not inviting her. I Ignored her throughout the wedding and she got the message I lasted 20 odd years with that lass and it was her I wa with and not the mother in law.

Thing is, weddings are for the bride and families, not for the groom. Invite her. Ignore her. Make your wife to be know what a favour you are doing for her.

If you really love your bride to be, then bite the bullet for her sake and for future family relations even though it goes against your principles.

Sometimes we have to give way a little now to build for the future.

[alexth]

I had a prospective mother in law from h_ll. I allowed her to the wedding to save all the aggro and arguments it would have caused by not inviting her. I Ignored her throughout the wedding and she got the message I lasted 20 odd years with that lass and it was her I wa with and not the mother in law.

Thing is, weddings are for the bride and families, not for the groom. Invite her. Ignore her. Make your wife to be know what a favour you are doing for her.

If you really love your bride to be, then bite the bullet for her sake and for future family relations even though it goes against your principles.

Sometimes we have to give way a little now to build for the future.

I totally agree...

[ltdknowledge]

My Fiance' and I had a terribly long heavy argument last night about my reaction to a story she told me about her bitch of a aunt. Strangely enough, we didn't argue about the fact that she is a evil bitch, no we argued over my reaction to the news of her latest drama.

Apparently heres what happened. Her aunt is a marginally successful pseudo "Hi-So", divorced, business women in her late 30's early 40's with 2 dysfunctional children, from a previous marriage, that live in a small 2 bedroom upscale condo. She has a 13 or 14 yr old Burmese girl living with her as a maid sleeping on a mat in the living room. I always knew she was abusive and a bigot from the stories I heard about her before. For example the maid is not aloud to sit on the furniture or use the bathroom (she must use a public one down stairs by the pool, the aunt locks the door at night so she just has to hold it till morning) or shower, she showers with a hose outside on a small balcony with a old shower curton draped across the the short length of the deck for a little privacy.

The kid has been begging to be let go so she can maybe find a job for someone warmblooded, however each time the aunt has denied and told her that if she goes she will have the police arrest her, and her older sister (who is about 19 or so and works for my soon to be Mother in Law at the family house). All that changed a few days ago when things came to a boiling point over some baby powder. Yes, thats right baby powder. The girl had put some baby powder on her face with a lil bit of lip gloss that her sister gave her. Apparently this is common make up for Thais as it helps them to stay cool and lightens their features. Well upon seeing this the Aunt asked her "Whats the powder for, are you going to be on your back with some men in my house when I am gone?" Mortified the girl tried to escape too my Fiance's house, to be with her sister who has it very nice (own room treated gently paid well ect), that night. Unfortunetly she was caught by the Aunt who grabbed her and told her "If you try to leave again I won't call the police, I'll call someone and pay them to kill you, and your sister. Run away again and test me, you think I can't buy your life?"

Undaunted the girl broke away and ran for her life. She eventually ended up at my Fiance's house right before the police, that the braying bitch of a Aunt called, arrived. My soon to be father in law intervieened and the police backed off after warning that they would arrest the both of them if they saw them on the street as they don't have the proper visa's or whatever. Enraged the aunt yelled at both of the maids telling them that she will have the both of them killed, and calling them whores and all kinds of other foul shit, in the middle of a very nice housing community (houses are 8mill + in this area) at 3am in the morning.

I told my fiance' that her aunt need not clear her schedual for our wedding day and when we have children, I don't want her within 10 meters of them. My Fiance' agreed that she was evil and vile but said that I could not ban her from our wedding. Over this we agrued for 4 hours streight untill we just stopped not being able to come to a agreement.

My belief;

I am shelling out BOOKOO money for a kick ass 4star wedding for 200 people and only 6-10 or so will be people from my from my family and friends. Not to mention Sin Sot, gold, fat diamond ect ect ect. So that being the case I should have the right to deny entrance to people whom I feel are generally f'ed up. Simply put, the aunt is a evil negative person, I want as little negativity surrounding me on this joyous occasion as possible. I should note however that she is the only person I have a problem with, the rest of her family is Awesome and the treat me like blood kin and better, from the 80 yr old Grandma down to the happy lil children that run to me each time I see them, they are all wonderful to me, especially the parents.

Her belief:

Yes she is evil, but telling her she can't come would force people to address something they have already known for years but have ignored for typical "face" reasons. If forced to recognize it and choose a "side" their will be repercussions for years to come.

I really don't care who likes me and who doesn't there. I feel like life doesn't really through allot of opportunities at you to do something good and selfless. And to be quite honest there have been a number of times that it has and I have failed to rise to the occasion for what ever reason. But this girl has nothing, no voice, no power, just a will to live and find a way to be happy and normal. If I don't stand up and speak out against her abuse, no one will.

Also, if I do tell the Aunt point blank "Your not welcome at my wedding, because your a murderous slaver bitch" and various elements of the family are forced too choose a side, when it's time for the wedding, at least I will know who my friends are and who just came for free cake!

Plus I will probably only have to pay for 100 or so LOL!

What do yall think?

what i find realy odd about this, is at the start you seem to show some conceren about the slave, lets face it that's how she's being treat. Yet you only seem to be concerened about the wedding and the mother not being there. If i was in your shoes i could not live with myself knowing a young girl is being treat and threatened like this. Bugger the wedding and the mother help the girl, you'll feel better for it in the long run.

Edited December 8, 2006 by ltdknowledge

[Jeff1]

You will not win this one by excluding, or, worse, inviting the Aunt but then treating her with open disrespect.

Everyone in the family will already be well aware of the Aunts’ attitude and, to be frank, many will either approve or simply not care. Thais generally dislike Burmese, the reasons go back generations - that’s not an excuse for the attitude, but it’s a fact.

If you refuse to invite the Aunt half the family at least will be on her side and your future relationship with the family will suffer greatly, no-one will understand why you chose to embarrass the Aunt to the benefit of a lowly Burmese maid. You will definitely not be respected for your hard line attitude.

Once you are married you can set your own rules as to who is welcome in your home and who is not, but a major family occasion is not the forum to instigate dissention.

One final point – it’s inadvisable to enter a marriage with the attitude that since you are the one paying for something, your wishes must take precedence; marriage is a partnership, not a Limited Company where the shareholder with the most cash invested has all the rights.

Patrick

This I agree with.

If you do not invite her, it will all be on your wife and you will look bad.

You can preach anti slavery another day. On your honeymoon even.

This does not mean I condon her actions in even the smallest way but concern yourself with your happy day, not her.

[a2396]

I feel sorry for you with that nasty woman, however I am more concerned about the maids. Where are they now and are their lives in danger still? how foul. No matter how hard we try to convince ourselves that this sort of thing doesn't happen, your post shows it does. Still, I am a firm believer in what goes around comes around. How does this woman reconcile her behaviour with (what is almost certainly) her Buddhist religion and beliefs.

What religion & what beliefs?? I don't think there is much connection to what you mention and ethical standards in LOS. It is pretty much of a moral black hole here and in many other countries as well. My Dad always said "when it comes to money, religion goes out the window".

[Chang_paarp]

CMS

It is good to hear that the young girl is safe, and away from the dragon.

You can now plan the wedding with the future family without that niggle in your head, maybe explain to your lady about your grandmother being a maid in similar circumstances. It will help to explain why you feel so strongly.

Just remember the "special dietary needs" list that most big hotels and function centres cater for.

[Mobi]

Here's an interesting thought.

Just suppose you are not a farang but a Thai. OK maybe some of the shit you are having to fork out may not even apply, but let's assume, for the sake of argument, that you are a Thai, and that you have agreed with the Sin sod and all the other stuff.

Let's also assume that you are an "enlightened" Thai - maybe you were educated overseas, but whatever, you are as disgusted with the evil one's behaviour as most farangs are.

So.. as a Thai .. would you let the Aunt go to your wedding? Maybe.. but the male is quite dominant in family matters, and I wouldn't mind betting that if a Thai man said "No - I don't want her there", then that would be that.

Something to think about.

I too am very pleased that the maid is now out of danger - that is by far the main issue. But what's to stop this Aunt doing the same thing all over again with a new maid?

I still feel you should make a stand and see what happens - after all they have a year to get used to the idea. You're paying for all this - assert youself.

Edited December 9, 2006 by Mobi D'Ark