A woman decided to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spent $5,000 and felt pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stopped at a news stand to buy a newspaper.

 

Before leaving she said to the clerk: "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"

 

"About 32," was the reply. 

 

"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman said happily.

 

A little while later she went into McDonald's and asked the counter girl the very same question. 

 

The girl said, "I guess about 29." 

 

The woman replied, "Nope I'm 50."

 

Now she was feeling really good about herself. She stopped in a drug store on her way down the street. She went up to the counter to get some mints and asked the clerk this burning question.

 

The clerk responded, "Oh, I'd say 30." 

 

Again she proudly responded, "I am 50, but thank you!"

 

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asked an old man waiting next to her the same question. 

 

He replied, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then, can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."

 

They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity got the best of her.

 

She finally agreed, "OK, Go ahead."

 

So he slipped both of his hands under her bra and began to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounced and weighed each one of her bosoms. He gently pinched them as well. He pushed her assets together and rubbed them against each other.

 

After a couple of minutes of this, she said, "Okay, okay. So how old am I?" 

 

He completed one last squeeze, removed his hands, and said, "Madam, you are 50."

 

Stunned and amazed, the woman said, "That was incredible! How could you tell?"

 

"I was behind you in the line at McDonald's."

 

I thought that he would say 1 day old as she must have been born yesterday.