Do you discipline your own children?

[tukkytuktuk]

Very simple, do you discipline your own children? At home, out shopping, etc. What sort of discipline? Does it work? Tips and strategies, against any form of discipline, etc...

[canuckamuck]

We use the comfy chair.

 

[CharlieH]

 

 

MOVED to appropriate forum, Family and Children

[sammieuk1]

Nothing works for a tantrum in a 2 year old you have said no to. 

[rijb]

Kids will act out.  But, the best way to discourage it, is to give the child responsibilities, at an early age.  In my experience, scheduled chores are the best way to do that.  Many Thai kids believe their only job is to go to school.  That's not enough.

[kingstonkid]

Tantrum  Ignore or laugh at them.

 

For older children i gave my daughter perks in life.  Going to sports bowling going to town once a month (we lived outside toronto.)

 

Punishments were easy she was never sent to her room she was sent down to the rec room or our room.  Nothing toplay with.

 

Whenb she got older she got presents for doing good. that she wanted.

 

ie going to a hockey game or a movie by herself.

 

punishment was that we would leave her with her grandmother while we went to the movie or the game.

 

Never had toi raise my hand toher just set the limits.  Even her teachers feared me if they screwed up and it had nothing to do with force just a forceful presence.  

 

An Army sargeant laying into you is never a good thing.  

 

 

[Destiny1990]

Its about communication just explain the reasons behind something.example just not only say eat all your veggies but also explain why they should eat them.

[Kwasaki]

5 minutes ago, rijb said:

Kids will act out.  But, the best way to discourage it, is to give the child responsibilities, at an early age.  In my experience, scheduled chores are the best way to do that.  Many Thai kids believe their only job is to go to school.  That's not enough.

To answer the OP my kids have been lucky,  my sloppy answer is l've just loved my kids and always tried to be there.

 

Making it Thai related it reminds of the many young Thai lads in school,  one of whom said when asked,  " why do you not want to learn anything,"   he said,  " l get up in the dark morning and have to work on my fathers farm, getting to school l'm tired and bored, when l get home l work the farm until bedtime,  when l'm older and finish school l will have to work on my fathers farm."

 

Some kind of discipline l guess but so sad to me. 

[Ulic]

I don't have kids. I also don't know anybody that disciplines there kids with corporal punishment

anymore. (If that is what you are getting at) Just words. It will be interesting to see how it all turns

out in twenty years or so.  

[williet98248]

Don't have any children but sometimes have to discipline other people's children.

[elgordo38]

33 minutes ago, williet98248 said:

Don't have any children but sometimes have to discipline other people's children.

What method do you use don't leave us hanging

[CharlieH]

Troll post removed.

[Suradit69]

2 hours ago, Kwasaki said:

Making it Thai related it reminds of the many young Thai lads in school,  one of whom said when asked,  " why do you not want to learn anything,"   he said,  " l get up in the dark morning and have to work on my fathers farm, getting to school l'm tired and bored, when l get home l work the farm until bedtime,  when l'm older and finish school l will have to work on my fathers farm."

 

Some kind of discipline l guess but so sad to me. 

So many children around the world never experience what many of us envision as childhood. Many children in the western world also experience similar situations to what you describe in Thai rural areas,  long days of work combined with school and little genuine hope of escaping from their circumstances.

 

On the other hand many children in urban or suburban areas are more or less left to their own to devices by physically or emotionally absent parents ... whether the children have to manage their own survival because of poverty or they receive "love" from their parents with unlimited cash that takes them down an equally bleak path.

 

The western notion of two parent families that spend most of their time together in a cohesive, protective unit that fosters stable child development is  less typical in these days when divorce is common and children experience less parenting from parent(s) who have less time to spend with them.

 

[little mary sunshine]

Isn't that a parents job??  Common sense! 

[khunPer]

"Do you discipline your own children?"

My only child, yes of course...

[ThaiWai]

When I got here my Gfs kid was living with extended family in Ubon. He was complaining they were hitting him to much. I said he could live with us.  Here he has a big house with a new puppy, a pool, all he can eat, video game console,  and never has to shovel the buffalo shit.  We even gave him a motorbike to get back and forth to school. He literally smashed the bike to pieces as fast as possible. Taking off critical bolts and screws and parts like the oil cap as if he was being paid to kill the bike. He recently screwed it up so bad he couldn't start it and left it at his school where it vanished.  What he didn't know is that this second hand bike was a test before we were going to get him a nice KSR if he took care of the first bike and got good grades.  Instead he's getting a one way ticket back to Soi Backhand in Ubon.  Dont forget to pack your shit shovel dumbass!!

[hdkane]

Are you seriously asking if discipline and boundaries work in rearing children?  Wow...good for you to think about these important issues...most people just think they can just improvise with no thought to the matter...

 

short answer...yes, discipline works...but don't hit your kids at any time...corporal punishment teaches evasion, escape, and avoidance...you are an adult and can control the child's environment and behavior without violence...do what is best and loving for your kid...what will serve them as an independent adult...not what they want or what you feel is the easiest action in the moment...try to recall what parenting practices imparted positive outcomes in your life, and you may find a common theme...

 

don't go to a forum consisting of expats in Thailand to ask for parenting advice...as you can see, most people are unqualified to answer thoughtfully...

 

you have to be a good role model...you are setting an example and making memories for your kids...whenever i hear parents say, "do as i say, not as i do" i know i'm dealing with a stupid lazy lout...

 

read some research on the issue that originates in peer reviewed journals...read books by real experts...the principles of behaviorism are simple and easily grasped...and remember that "cultural differences" about parenting are largely bullshit...all kids share common core traits...and yet, everyone is different too...kids are resilient and fragile.

 

seriously...read, study, observe, and you will be surprised at what you will learn...and the good you can do...parenting is the height of humanity.  good for you.

[elgordo38]

3 hours ago, Suradit69 said:

So many children around the world never experience what many of us envision as childhood. Many children in the western world also experience similar situations to what you describe in Thai rural areas,  long days of work combined with school and little genuine hope of escaping from their circumstances.

 

On the other hand many children in urban or suburban areas are more or less left to their own to devices by physically or emotionally absent parents ... whether the children have to manage their own survival because of poverty or they receive "love" from their parents with unlimited cash that takes them down an equally bleak path.

 

The western notion of two parent families that spend most of their time together in a cohesive, protective unit that fosters stable child development is  less typical in these days when divorce is common and children experience less parenting from parent(s) who have less time to spend with them.

 

A lot of bleak parts but then the truth must prevail. 

[elgordo38]

3 hours ago, little mary sunshine said:

Isn't that a parents job??  Common sense! 

I have to agree with the former but the later part is often lacking. 

[whatawonderfulday]

A good trashing sometimes build children with sufficient backbone to succeed in todays world. Far too many do gooders in this world who think they know best for other peoples children. In fact show me a do gooder and I'll show you an under accomplished human being who rather than be competitive in the matured world, attempts to hide their shortcomings by using children as a cloak to gain sympathy.

[4MyEgo]

If you can call warning them 1,000 times, and then yelling at them, discipline, well yes, but I think it has to followed with "why" you are always warning and yelling at them, someone said patience is a virtue, but with 4 kids, I can tell you patience left a long times ago, as for virtue, he left a long times ago too, but all the kids know who's boss, i.e. mum, because she warns them and them yells at them, but also follows up with a big stick, me, I just waves it around and they know, dad's just a screamer at the end of the day, we try though 555, but we stand side by side, not letting any of them play us off.  

[rickudon]

Most Thais are too soft on their Kids. My daughter was very strong willed and a monster at 3 years old. But she became a computer addict and the threat of no computer means compliance is usually assured (she realises no computer means exactly that). Also a bit older means it is possible to reason with her. But totally spoiled by all the Thai relatives ....

[ljd1308]

In my opinion only:

 

An occasional smack is ok if they have had verbal warnings, it shows them if they really push it there are repercussions. Depriving them of things also works as a substitute....but I find after things have subsided I feel bad and give whatever it was back.

 

Although my 5 year old is now at an age where he is starting to understand actions and consequences.

Eg. If i catch him running around the pool i just have to remind him of the time he slipped and took the skin off his face.

Or if he is climbing too high and dangerously, I won't stop him but I will remind him if he falls he may have to go to hospital instead of football tomorrow.

He reacts well to that and usually makes the right decisions.

 

My 3 year old on the other hand doesn't understand actions and consequences so well....she can be a handful and even harder as the baby girl i am naturally softer towards her.

The best thing I have found with her is demonstrate rewards for good behaviour. 

Eg. If she is misbehaving and her brother is behaving himself at the same time, I will stress how good he has been and he can have a sweet. Whereas she misses out because she has been naughty.

 

 

Probably completely wrong....but it works for us most of the time

[realenglish1]

4 hours ago, rickudon said:

Most Thais are too soft on their Kids. My daughter was very strong willed and a monster at 3 years old. But she became a computer addict and the threat of no computer means compliance is usually assured (she realises no computer means exactly that). Also a bit older means it is possible to reason with her. But totally spoiled by all the Thai relatives ....

agreed parenting in Thailand is seriously lacking. They do not give their children serious direction by the time they are in the early 20s they are still without direction

due to lack of parenting

They give their children little or no responsibility and tell them just school so by the time they finish school they too have no parenting skills

 

It is sad Thai parents coddle their kids and there is no thinking out of the box  

Edited February 25, 2017 by realenglish1

[bbbbooboo]

hmmmm..... yes I do ....

[stubuzz]

I usually add or remove privileges depending on behavior, and i always follow through on threats and warnings.  Unfortunately, as a teacher i have first hand knowledge of spoiled brats that have never been disciplined or stopped from doing as they please.  

[piersbeckett]

On 25/02/2017 at 10:23 AM, rijb said:

Kids will act out.  But, the best way to discourage it, is to give the child responsibilities, at an early age.  In my experience, scheduled chores are the best way to do that.  Many Thai kids believe their only job is to go to school.  That's not enough.

Yeah, I agree; I think it's about 'inclusion' - if ya don't wanna include 'em, don't 'ave 'em.

[Rc2702]

The thing I hate seeing is little sprogs hitting their elders. I see it a fair bit and it annoys me. Just waiting for my 1st child to be born now and he is late, so unfortunately the Mrs is getting back on the Pappaya tomorrow to see if perhaps he fancies a bit of fresh air.

[sandemara]

"Discipline" - describes teaching methods used to help a child understand, survive and thrive in their world through to adulthood. It covers techniques from removal of a finger joint for every mistake or rule contravention to the other extreme of love and forgiveness (sometimes even no rules).  I was impressed by a method I've seen in Mediterranean cultures, many ancient indigenous cultures and here in Thailand as well, where parents give children free rein and tolerate the most outrageous loudness and naughtiness. It seems the parents have decided physical discipline is cruel, or oppression of a free spirit and rely on the hope that their children will eventually become aware that they don't like being treated as a child within the family (usually aound mid-teens) and decide foir themselves to adopt adult behaviours in order to be accepted as such.  It seems to work but can still be wearing on parents.  For myself, I didn't need to rely on physical "discipline" with two families, except in one or two instances when the lives of my childen or their friends were at risk due to stupid choices my kids made.

My approach was simple: 1. Be totally honest with your children; speak to them as intelligent human beings who just happen to be small at the time. ("Honest" need not mean "too much unnecessary detail"). 2. I never made a threat or promise I was unable, or not prepared, to keep .  These rules were sometimes hard to live by, especially when I was stressed out by problems, or just plain grumpy. But I persisted. You just gotta love your kids enough. My own childhood helped my understanding, too.  I also encouraged "family meetings"; children had the same rights as parents in the conduct of meetings and had to observe the same rules.  Any discussion subjects, questions, arguments etc were permissible, but everything stayed on the table.  Sometimes this approach required very quick thinking and a non-judgemental attitude, but so  many possible problems got resolved openly, fairly and quickly. Mostly it was good fun and helped us all understand each other better.  Whatever works for you is generally the best method.

[Odysseus123]

On 2/25/2017 at 4:56 PM, ThaiWai said:

When I got here my Gfs kid was living with extended family in Ubon. He was complaining they were hitting him to much. I said he could live with us.  Here he has a big house with a new puppy, a pool, all he can eat, video game console,  and never has to shovel the buffalo shit.  We even gave him a motorbike to get back and forth to school. He literally smashed the bike to pieces as fast as possible. Taking off critical bolts and screws and parts like the oil cap as if he was being paid to kill the bike. He recently screwed it up so bad he couldn't start it and left it at his school where it vanished.  What he didn't know is that this second hand bike was a test before we were going to get him a nice KSR if he took care of the first bike and got good grades.  Instead he's getting a one way ticket back to Soi Backhand in Ubon.  Dont forget to pack your shit shovel dumbass!!

What you are describing is a phenomenon well known to foreigners (including me) around here.At least 5 others have talked to me about the nightmare world of trying to assist Isaan teenagers generally from a previous Thai marriage.The results of this assistance appears to be chronic lying,laziness,truanting,destruction of property,theft and at times,threats to assault.They then generally go on to full time careers in the idleness industry.

 

It appears to me that no-one has ever said no to them and by the age of 14-15 it is far,far to late.So good for you and that you made the decision to send him back.This peculiarly dysfunctional child rearing system seems to be the major cause of the Thai/foreigner marital breakdowns around here and it is quite sad because all of the men involved were interested and prepared to put the time and money into their education and give them opportunities that they would not otherwise have had.

 

Other folks may have had a more positive experience and good for them if they have...