Thai family funeral

[Andrew Dwyer]

Well my gf just got a call that her grandmother has passed away at 87.

So, this will be my first time at a Thai funeral, I suspect it will be a long affair as she told me we will probably come back Sunday or Monday ( from Nakhon Sawan ).

I imagine it's an open casket for a few days and then a cremation but am only guessing.

I understand I will taking a back seat in this and that my presence might go unnoticed but I want to show my respect to the old lady as I did meet her a couple of times.

 

Any does or don'ts or any advice in general will be appreciated.

[Dmaxdan]

I have attended many Thai, although none of then family. There is normally a few days wake before cremation day, and there should be food and refreshments laid on during each day and the evenings. I have never seen an open casket. From my experience the coffin is normally displayed at the front of the house of the deceased (or maybe the local temple) and is ornately decorated. There maybe photos and personal belongings there also.

On cremation day in the morning the monks come an do their bit, then everybody eats and after that everybody moves to the local crematorium normally walking in procession and there is another service involving monks and family members there.

 

As for you, just be yourself, Wear black, white or any dark colour shirt but don't wear shorts.

 

I generally think that Thai funerals are a well oiled machine. The whole local community will have done it so many times before.

[Andrew Dwyer]

I have attended many Thai, although none of then family. There is normally a few days wake before cremation day, and there should be food and refreshments laid on during each day and the evenings. I have never seen an open casket. From my experience the coffin is normally displayed at the front of the house of the deceased (or maybe the local temple) and is ornately decorated. There maybe photos and personal belongings there also.
On cremation day in the morning the monks come an do their bit, then everybody eats and after that everybody moves to the local crematorium normally walking in procession and there is another service involving monks and family members there.
 
As for you, just be yourself, Wear black, white or any dark colour shirt but don't wear shorts.
 
I generally think that Thai funerals are a well oiled machine. The whole local community will have done it so many times before.

Thanks for that, I don't know why I thought it was going to be open casket !
I have been to a few open casket funerals ( not in Thailand) and imagined here would be the same, that's a relief.

[KhunBENQ]

It can last three days or more. Depends on wealth and status of the deceased.

Usually three days.

Be aware that the party will be at the house.

Dozens of villagers helping with cooking etc., maybe hundreds coming by for tambun (merrit).

It can be crazy loud (huge loudspeaker truck) and a lot of alcohol involved for the male guests.

 

The corpse will be in the house in a sealed casket (refrigerated).

A big poster with a picture of the deceased and name/birthday/age down to number of days.

 

Just before cremation at the temple ground it WILL be an open casket and a ritual "bathing" ceremony will be done on the deceased (sprinkling water or whatever by the closest relatives). The corpse is wrapped in some cloth, only head and hands to see usually.

Not everybodys cup of tea.

 

Cremation nowadays done in a closed crematorium on the temple ground.

 

When the fire is started loud bangers/firecrackers will be ignited, maybe "rockets" started.

After that hundreds of wrapped presents (coins or sweets) thrown around being picked up by the waiting children. Quite a "hullabaloo".

 

Usually in the early afternoon of the last day.

 

Bloody hot and exhausting to watch at this time of year.

 

It might be difficult for you to stay in the back seat as the villagers might be after you to offer you (fill you up) with food and alcohol. Deny with a smile in case.

 

[p_brownstone]

9 minutes ago, Dmaxdan said:

I have attended many Thai, although none of then family. There is normally a few days wake before cremation day, and there should be food and refreshments laid on during each day and the evenings. I have never seen an open casket. From my experience the coffin is normally displayed at the front of the house of the deceased (or maybe the local temple) and is ornately decorated. There maybe photos and personal belongings there also.

On cremation day in the morning the monks come an do their bit, then everybody eats and after that everybody moves to the local crematorium normally walking in procession and there is another service involving monks and family members there.

 

As for you, just be yourself, Wear black, white or any dark colour shirt but don't wear shorts.

 

I generally think that Thai funerals are a well oiled machine. The whole local community will have done it so many times before.

 

As far as the "open casket" question is concerned this is not quite correct.

 

In most Thai funerals there is at least one day where the deceased is on open display and "bathing rites" are performed by family and well wishers. This basically involves pouring scented water over the deceased's hands - sometimes the face or neck too.

 

After that day's ceremony the body is placed in the casket and remains there until the actual cremation. The number of days before the cremation is dependent on the number of Sponsors who each want to support the ceremony for a day - and thus demonstrates the general respect accorded to the individual within their local society

 

Patrick

[KhunBENQ]

I only have seen the open casket and bathing just before cremation on the temple ground.

No one expects that you approach or participate.

 

Casket in the house:

(lived 80 years, 5 months and 3 days, they take that serious)

[Dmaxdan]

6 minutes ago, p_brownstone said:

 

As far as the "open casket" question is concerned this is not quite correct.

 

In most Thai funerals there is at least one day where the deceased is on open display and "bathing rites" are performed by family and well wishers. This basically involves pouring scented water over the deceased's hands - sometimes the face or neck too.

 

After that day's ceremony the body is placed in the casket and remains there until the actual cremation. The number of days before the cremation is dependent on the number of Sponsors who each want to support the ceremony for a day - and thus demonstrates the general respect accorded to the individual within their local society

 

Patrick

Well I'm happy to stand corrected. I very rarely attend on the first or second days, normally the cremation day. So I have probably missed the open casket. 

[KhunBENQ]

Ritual bathing ceremony.

Dipping some leafs in a bucket of (blessed?) water and pouring over the corpse right in front of the crematorium.

(granddaughter)

 

As member p_brownstone describes, details may vary.

[jeab1980]

All funerals in our village and the two closest villages are dry funerals ie no booze. Some do drink covertly bringing it in in lemonade or coke bottles. Wow betide you if the head man or other family members of the deceased catch you. Its usualy a bit more relaxed after dark.bodies are in a coffin inside an ornamental refrigerated casket. Food is provided 3 times a day for anyone who wants it. Cooked by the ladies in the village all the pots pans cups plates tables chairs gazebos gas cookers and gas are supplied by the village temple under the supervision of village head man. Only advise i can give you is be yourself many people will want to talk to you. Its generally quite a happy affair. As for what to wear as stated black or white shirt i wore shorts black or grey no problem as most men were wearing the same. On cremation day i did wear long trousers once   (big mistake) far to hot and it goes on forever. Next time i wore shorts.

[Andrew Dwyer]

Thanks for the advice fellas [emoji106]

[p_brownstone]

2 hours ago, jeab1980 said:

On cremation day i did wear long trousers once   (big mistake) far to hot and it goes on forever. Next time i wore shorts.

 

I really hope you are joking.

 

You wore shorts at a funeral?

 

Patrick

[jeab1980]

1 hour ago, p_brownstone said:

 

I really hope you are joking.

 

You wore shorts at a funeral?

 

Patrick

Correct as did most of the men in the village. Its only falang who sees anything wrong with shorts. A good pair of shorts and a shirt nothing wrong with it. If you want to wear long trousers thats your choice something i would judge over like yourself.

[Andrew Dwyer]

Well I did come in long trousers and a black shirt but the majority are in shorts and a shirt, but I guess it's the first day so maybe a little relaxed .

It was an open casket for a short while but by the time I had arrived she was already in the box ( for want of a better word).

Cremation day is Sunday so there's a while to go yet , I think the music ( she is in the temple) is going to get to me a bit and it's only been 3 hours !!

 

[p_brownstone]

1 hour ago, jeab1980 said:

Correct as did most of the men in the village. Its only falang who sees anything wrong with shorts. A good pair of shorts and a shirt nothing wrong with it. If you want to wear long trousers thats your choice something i would judge over like yourself.

 

Well OK, to each his own as we say.

 

To me it's simply a huge, jarring, disrespect to the deceased to wear shorts to a funeral or memorial service.

 

Patrick

 

 

 

[jeab1980]

32 minutes ago, p_brownstone said:

 

Well OK, to each his own as we say.

 

To me it's simply a huge, jarring, disrespect to the deceased to wear shorts to a funeral or memorial service.

 

Patrick

 

 

 

As you say each to there own no disrespect at all. Disrespect would be not to be there. Clothes are not a sign of respect being there is respect no matter what you wear. Went to my mom and dads funerals in jeans and shirt.. maybe your just a diffrent straight laced generation.

[Andrew Dwyer]

I prefer to be overdressed than underdressed.
I didn't have the nerve to take a photo of my leather-ish shoes and 40 pairs of flip flops, maybe tomorrow .

[dotpoom]

When I'm faced with situations I'm not familiar with.....I just follow the crowd.

  Your g/f should be able to guide you

 

Edited May 5, 2017 by dotpoom

[Andrew Dwyer]

When I'm faced with situations I'm not familiar with.....I just follow the crowd.
  Your g/f should be able to guide you
 

Yes sure, I too just follow the crowd and my gf does guide me but maybe there are some things she takes for granted which are very different.
So far it all seems very relaxed, almost a party atmosphere !
I must say I prefer this way rather than the dramatic, dare I say it, exaggerated mourning of some funerals I witnessed in Brazil.

If anything it's giving me a chance to meet my extended family all in one go.....Yikes !!

[Haso]

Be prepared to put your hand in your pocket to "show" respect


Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect

[Formaleins]

22 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Thanks for that, I don't know why I thought it was going to be open casket !
I have been to a few open casket funerals ( not in Thailand) and imagined here would be the same, that's a relief.

When you get to the crematorium they will normally open the casket before they set it alight - You and everyone else who wants to can go and take a look.  Not very dignified propped upright in your coffin for all to gawp at, and it does seem to be gawping, usually the family stays back and all the nosey villagers gather for a quick last look.

[jeab1980]

6 minutes ago, Formaleins said:

When you get to the crematorium they will normally open the casket before they set it alight - You and everyone else who wants to can go and take a look.  Not very dignified propped upright in your coffin for all to gawp at, and it does seem to be gawping, usually the family stays back and all the nosey villagers gather for a quick last look.

Not st all the coffin is opened so flowers and straw shaped into bows ect can be placed into the coffin and in my experiance family always goes uo to coffin first. Not propped upright at all but laying down as they were placed in the coffin when they died with hands bound upright.

[1FinickyOne]

14 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Well I did come in long trousers and a black shirt but the majority are in shorts and a shirt, but I guess it's the first day so maybe a little relaxed .

It was an open casket for a short while but by the time I had arrived she was already in the box ( for want of a better word).

Cremation day is Sunday so there's a while to go yet , I think the music ( she is in the temple) is going to get to me a bit and it's only been 3 hours !!

 

You can also just make an appearance and then go your own way... I don't often go to funerals, don't care for them much, but I most likely will just make an appearance and give my regards, then leave... nobody seems to care if I slip away...

[Lucky mike]

Funerals or " Fire" are different in different areas, as has been mentioned there is a period of morning period which is normally set by the monks at the temple "Wat" you dress should be either black or white no bright colours.  During the period of respect food is provided by family and normally there is a donation to family from about 200 to 1000 bt.  The body is in closed casket normally covered and sometimes gifts left for the afterlife....hope this helps a bit....

[Andrew Dwyer]

You can also just make an appearance and then go your own way... I don't often go to funerals, don't care for them much, but I most likely will just make an appearance and give my regards, then leave... nobody seems to care if I slip away...

It's in a city 3 and a half hours from where I live so I'm here for the duration , but will come and go at will , going to Nakhon Sawan now for a couple of hours then back to the funeral after lunch etc.

[Andrew Dwyer]

Edit:
She was 94, not 87 as I said earlier.

[jesimps]

I stayed with my wife at her family home for her mother's funeral. The casket was on display in the garden and there was a cooking area set up which seemed to be producing food day and night. Seemed like the whole village was camped in garden, with no intention of leaving until they took the body away.

 

The problem for me was that they had a massive massive great sound system set up, with enough wattage for a gig at Wembley Stadium. There was this dirge being played on a loop non-stop, day and night. The house was shaking because the bass was obviously set at maximum. I stuck it for two sleepless nights, but then had to leave. I'd have gone mad if I hadn't. The wife, knowing my dislike of loud, bass-heavy music was very understanding and didn't object to my leaving.

 

I think the whole thing went on for a week. The music didn't seem to affect the Thais, in fact they all looked and sounded like they were really enjoying themselves. Apart from the music, it was a bit like an Irish wake. 

 

Best just to send money along with your condolences.

[SpokaneAl]

I have been to several, including that of my mother in law most recently. While there is mourning it is also a family get together with much laughing and sharing. As others have said wear black. I suggest in taking part in it as much as possible including bathing of the hands, carrying the casket to the crematorium, etc.

 

I felt very honored and humbled to play a small part. When an older person passes it is a special event and, hopefully, you will look back at the ceremony with fond memories.

[Andrew Dwyer]

I stayed with my wife at her family home for her mother's funeral. The casket was on display in the garden and there was a cooking area set up which seemed to be producing food day and night. Seemed like the whole village was camped in garden, with no intention of leaving until they took the body away.
 
The problem for me was that they had a massive massive great sound system set up, with enough wattage for a gig at Wembley Stadium. There was this dirge being played on a loop non-stop, day and night. The house was shaking because the bass was obviously set at maximum. I stuck it for two sleepless nights, but then had to leave. I'd have gone mad if I hadn't. The wife, knowing my dislike of loud, bass-heavy music was very understanding and didn't object to my leaving.
 
I think the whole thing went on for a week. The music didn't seem to affect the Thais, in fact they all looked and sounded like they were really enjoying themselves. Apart from the music, it was a bit like an Irish wake. 
 
Best just to send money along with your condolences.

Yes it does seem to resemble an Irish wake ( although I'm only guessing have never been to one) with the constant eating and drinking.
The old gal is being laid to rest in the local temple but there is very loud music playing constantly making conversation difficult !
My wife's uncle speaks good English and was talking to me a lot yesterday but due to the music volume I heard very little . !

[Andrew Dwyer]

I have been to several, including that of my mother in law most recently. While there is mourning it is also a family get together with much laughing and sharing. As others have said wear black. I suggest in taking part in it as much as possible including bathing of the hands, carrying the casket to the crematorium, etc.
 
I felt very honored and humbled to play a small part. When an older person passes it is a special event and, hopefully, you will look back at the ceremony with fond memories.

I did get involved yesterday with the passing of the envelope on the tray to the monks and pouring of some water from a silver goblet.
Very small involvement so far but I do feel honoured to have been asked.

[henry15]

22 hours ago, KhunBENQ said:

It can last three days or more. Depends on wealth and status of the deceased.

Usually three days.

Be aware that the party will be at the house.

Dozens of villagers helping with cooking etc., maybe hundreds coming by for tambun (merrit).

It can be crazy loud (huge loudspeaker truck) and a lot of alcohol involved for the male guests.

 

The corpse will be in the house in a sealed casket (refrigerated).

A big poster with a picture of the deceased and name/birthday/age down to number of days.

 

Just before cremation at the temple ground it WILL be an open casket and a ritual "bathing" ceremony will be done on the deceased (sprinkling water or whatever by the closest relatives). The corpse is wrapped in some cloth, only head and hands to see usually.

Not everybodys cup of tea.

 

Cremation nowadays done in a closed crematorium on the temple ground.

 

When the fire is started loud bangers/firecrackers will be ignited, maybe "rockets" started.

After that hundreds of wrapped presents (coins or sweets) thrown around being picked up by the waiting children. Quite a "hullabaloo".

 

Usually in the early afternoon of the last day.

 

Bloody hot and exhausting to watch at this time of year.

 

It might be difficult for you to stay in the back seat as the villagers might be after you to offer you (fill you up) with food and alcohol. Deny with a smile in case.

 

Not in Nakhon Sawan. I attend a dozens of  funeral there included  that from  my own wife.  The coffin is put in an refrigated box in sala, nicely decorated  with  flowers. Every evening the monks make there  prayers. Afterwords  everybody go home. In  Nakhon Sawan the open  the coffin  before they slided in thhe oven. Peopke put flowerleaves on the body of  the deceased. It all happens in a very  serene atmosphere. In all the cremations in Nakhon Sawan there was no music, no alcohol and no gambling. What described above is the Isan  way, in  Central Thailand its not like that at all