Wedding Costs - Is This Too Much

[Spiff]

Interesting reading..I whis I had joined this forum before.

Now Hastings!! It seems like you don't post here anymore but I really hope that you do read what everyone is saying. I really wish I could sit down with you and tell you my story. Reading your posting and answer allmost made me cry. YOU ARE BEEING SCAMMED!! Take it from a man who knows!!

Now if you don't want to listen to what people write then do yourself a big favour. Spend some money on a privateeye. Let him/them check her story..It's smal money compared to what you will loose the next years. (No I am not in the business and do not make any money on this). If you are really really lucky they will say everything is ok and all of us where wrong but really man! We are not!! If we are I will suck you dry! I give you my word!

Before I did not care about all these stupid farangs throwing money after a girl but now I have just been there myself. Perfect girl..University..Known her for two years..perfect family..allmost no questions for money..oh..there is so much moore.. but I loved her and trusted her 100%. The reality hit me like a hammer. And when I started checking..man! it just got worse and worse and worse..it's like it's never ending. They are "just" poor Issan girls but man are they clever!

Hastings PLEASE! I can't watch this anymore!!

SPIFF

[mcgill]

Hi everyone....... this is my first time here and i am going to have Thai wedding soon.

I am doing the 9 bhat gold and 99999 bhat cash thing........

However i am looking for someones eperiance as to how much would the wedding ceremony(s) cost over and above that already mentioned. My future wife currently working on guest lists etc and i am working on managing our finances.

The area i will be doing this is chantaburi......

[hastings]

Interesting reading..I whis I had joined this forum before.

Now Hastings!! It seems like you don't post here anymore but I really hope that you do read what everyone is saying. I really wish I could sit down with you and tell you my story. Reading your posting and answer allmost made me cry. YOU ARE BEEING SCAMMED!! Take it from a man who knows!!

Now if you don't want to listen to what people write then do yourself a big favour. Spend some money on a privateeye. Let him/them check her story..It's smal money compared to what you will loose the next years. (No I am not in the business and do not make any money on this). If you are really really lucky they will say everything is ok and all of us where wrong but really man! We are not!! If we are I will suck you dry! I give you my word!

Before I did not care about all these stupid farangs throwing money after a girl but now I have just been there myself. Perfect girl..University..Known her for two years..perfect family..allmost no questions for money..oh..there is so much moore.. but I loved her and trusted her 100%. The reality hit me like a hammer. And when I started checking..man! it just got worse and worse and worse..it's like it's never ending. They are "just" poor Issan girls but man are they clever!

Hastings PLEASE! I can't watch this anymore!!

SPIFF

Spiff I do read this daily but had no reason to respond. Tell me (and the others) your story. I am interested. Maybe you will be right (although I have no reason to change my view as of yet).

Edited January 24, 2007 by hastings

[Neeranam]

I think that guys really need to find girls like this. They exist in the universities of Isaan. Not so much Rajabhat for some reason - the girls I've met there - a hundred? Seemed to have money on the brain. That's just my experience. Other college girls I met in Isaan that go to good schools - they are girls that haven't seen the inside of a bar.

Do you know the %age of Isarn college and uni. girls that finance their eduction by giving sexual favours outwith the bar? Ask your gf.

[Spiff]

Spiff I do read this daily but had no reason to respond. Tell me (and the others) your story. I am interested. Maybe you will be right (although I have no reason to change my view as of yet).

Ok. You are right. I should tell my complete story but the main problem is that it is so long, and english is not my original language so it's going to take me many hours just to write it. I know it sounds stupid but it is the truth. I have told my story to lots of people so it's not that it's a secret or anything it's just so much easier to tell it and answer any questions directly. My experience with message boards is that way to often people misunderstand what you write or read it different than what you meant so you end up getting tons of questions regarding everything from misspelling to questions regarding my dicksize, if you know what I mean..Therfore I whish I could sit down and have a talk and hopefully you would understand that most people here write their answer to you based on their experiences in Thailand. It is to help you and not just to say that we know something you don't. I think you would understand that the way you feel about this girl and the fact that you know that you love her and you probably feel that other don't understand because they have not meet this girl and don't know her like you, is just the same experience as too many of us have allready had.

I have not deceided to not write my story..I will think about it but as I said, it's going to be very long and in a way there is nothing special about it. The fact is that it is too common and maybe that's the mainpoint. These things happen all the time..in most relationships involving thais/farangs I would think. I really don't think there are many relationship between a Thaigirl / westernmen that are based on love from both sides. Just after I found out about what my gf was doing I spent one month holloday in Thailand and I told my story to many of my friends living in Thailand and their friends again. What I learned was that I was lucky. I found out before I got married and before I lost to much money. It was scaring talking to these people because they have been here so long and seen so much. They knew the reality. One of the guys have run a resturand/hotel for many years. He meet thai/farang couples everyday and had hundreds of "friends" who had been married or where supposed to get married over the years. When I asked how many he knew that lived happily he and he's friends just laughed..after a lot of arguing they agreed that they knew about 5 couples that they knew about where the man (hopefully wife too)was happy and in the rest of the cases, most eneded in disaster..someone lived together and the man was happy not knowing the girl was ######ing around or had not yet realised how much money the girl was milking of him. The story was allways the same. They tried to tell the man what whas going on but he allways knew best. "This girl is special", "She loves me", "You don't know here like I do". I know beccause I said just that about my girlfriend. She was the best! Perfect! For two years we had no fighting and I never once caught her lying. Now when I know the truht and have been able to get in touch with ceveral of the other guys she stayed with (Some of them are my friends now) I have found out what really happened and it is just unbelivable. Anyway..that's the story I have not written yet.. What I'm trying to say is..ehh..I forgot but I hope you get the point..People here are saying this to help you! You asked and you got true answers. Try doing something about it before it is to late. Check as much as possible and see the reality now mater how hard it is. If not you will soon be joining the club saying "I should have seen it!"..

SPIFF

[true blue]

mine wanted a diamond ring a car a house money for dad mum daughter 4 baht gold and god nos how much a month i refused and a irish man come along 3 months later and give her every penny she asked for and he sends her 60000 amonth and only comes to thailand twice a year to see her

[jaede]

consider myself lucky - my wedding ceremony for the closest family and friends (40 pax) at my mother in law house was some 15k baht + 9k wedding rings, no special outfits, no pictures, a symbolic 1 or 2k dowry.

that way we were able to build a house for us for the future retirement.

my wife is a peasant with aristocratic maners, perfect english (no farang partner before) and she is not a young chick. I know she loves me not for the money

Hi All

This is like my situation.Whats the rush to get married??? why not build/set up a home/farm first??

I have been asked to provide 150k dowry but my fiance and her family understands that all money I have,Ihave to work hard for and they DONT take the p*ss. Our Thai wedding will be modest but the House party we had last year was a blast.600 strangers dining/drinking 'on me'. START AS YOU MEAN TO GO ON HASTINGS. ARE YOU REALLY A WEALTHY MAN MARRYING A WEALTHY WOMAN becouse thats what your friends in Thailand think

D the D (currently near Hastings,E Sussex)

My gf and I, I will be paying 50K baht, no prty, no gold.... Again like others here nice family, no money hassels

[jaede]

I've bought her 2 phones. One was 1500 b. The latest was 4500 2nd hand and we traded in the old phone for 1000 b. She felt BADLY about me buying her the new one - because someone stole the old one out of her backpack at the BANK of all places...

If the old phone was "stolen" how could you trade it in for 1000Baht?

[SnakeBite]

Pay NOTHING except for the party, the rest is all just a show.

[Lickey]

On the other hand, why get married atall? my gf and i have been together 2years now, we did talk about getting married once, but decided against it, if you feed and give drink to 2/3/4/5/600 people in 1 day, thats probaly what you would eat in 1 year, and an needless piece of paper!!

[Jared]

You can always get married without having a wedding, thats what me and my wife done

[hastings]

UPDATE: Thought this string was dead. Thanks for all the kind words and meaningful advice. Now that I have it, I will do what I intended to do in the first place (isn't that what people that go on these forums are supposed to do, lol). Seriously, we are getting married at the end of April, and everything is arranged. The expansive wedding will now cost as follows: 2-4 cows gift to in-laws (instead of 10 buffalo as drought conditions have apparently worked in my favor) about B35-50k or USD $1500; outfits and photos from BKK photographer still B40 -50k or USD $1,500 (had approved those previously); 4-5 baht gold (no diamond for US wedding saving myself $$$$ on the US phase of wedding) about B50k about USD $1,500; Wedding reception in village auditorium 75-100 people about B35k or USD $1,000 (costs less because people decreased and no longer being robbed by hotel). Total B160k to B185k or $5-6,000 USD. Still bringing B150-200k in show money (all still to be returned) to keep up appearances.

So approximately half of original estimates. Still a lot based on comments here (but I can readily afford it, and it will make her happy on "her" special day). Plus, expenses I thought I would have for US Wedding are far less when the ring is excluded (she does not want one). According to male friends in my profession they have paid from $10,000 to $40,000 based on a bs formula of two months salary (and I was probably going to have to "keep up with the Jones" so to speak). I am lucky to escape that trap. Now I am only stuck with costs of a civil ceremony and reception (which my friends say that they will cover). Life is good right now.

More good news, she apparently owns several rai of farmland, and has built a small western style house (yes, I will probably pay for some improvements (especially if I decide that I will eventually retire to Thailand) and I realize I will be up **** creek if we eventually part ways).

Edited March 27, 2007 by hastings

[chrisspursbkk1]

I am marrying a 28 y.o. TG from Issan in a couple of months. She speaks perfect English, has a university degree but comes from an Issan farming family. We have also applied for a fiancée visa and will have a small ceremony followed by a bigger reception in the United States. The traditional Thai wedding in Issan is for her family and friends, and will not be registered for months (so as not to screw up our visa application). Suffice it to say I am concerned that the cost of the two ceremonies and travel expenses are already going to be very expensive without the little extras I am told are required in a Thai traditional marriage. I am wondering if the costs that my fiancée proposes for the Thai wedding are reasonable. While my in-laws do not want a dowry (they are apparently happy that their daughter and I are in love), my fiancée indicates that a present from me to them s appropriate. She proposes that I give her parents a gift of 8-10 cows or buffalo for the farm (approximately B150k or US 4,500). Additionally she proposes that I give her 10 baht of gold (approximately B120K or US 3,400); pay for wedding outfits and photos (B50k or US 1500); and pay for the ceremony and reception at a hotel for 150 - 200 guests (approximately B75K or US 2,100). Grand total is approximately B495K or US 12,400 for the Thai wedding alone. Additionally, she wants me to put up B200K for show money which will be returned after the ceremony and reception.

I think that 2 to 4 Buffalos or cows are generous and reasonable, as is 3 to 6 baht of gold. I do not know whether the costs for the photos or ceremony are unreasonable although I suspect they are ok (although the photos and outfits are already a done deal since I already told her that it was ok). Overall, I think that what she proposes might be too much? Any thoughts, comments or advice would be appreciated.

BTW the US ceremony and reception will be approximately US 5,000 to 7, 000 (not including the travel expenses).

Please Don't do this!! Is this a joke?

Please don't think i'm having a go but it just sounds to me like a lot of money. If your rich and can afford it then what the hel!, but please be carfull.

If i'm wrong then i wish you all the luck in the world and a BIG congrat's.

[jaede]

More good news, she apparently owns several rai of farmland, and has built a small western style house (yes, I will probably pay for some improvements (especially if I decide that I will eventually retire to Thailand) and I realize I will be up **** creek if we eventually part ways).

Do you mean her ex-farang used to own (and now she does) several rai of land with the farang house ?

Thats alot of money you are paying for a 'second hand' bride(no disrespect intended). No thai man would ever be asked to, and would never pay for this situation.

But like others have said, if you have the money to blow and you dont care then throw it away. Next time you wanna blow a load of cash you'll never see again. Give it to charity at least it will go to good use!!!

Good luck

[cdnvic]

Why is it better to give it to a charity than to family?

[jumnien]

"Love and do what you will" St. Augustine

Hastings, Go for it and don't think about the money so much. Give what you can give and feel good about. I gave 500,000 baht and a bit of gold, but that's only about 2 weeks salary in my case. Don't compare with other people and copy them. Don't pride yourself on having the most expensive wedding or the cheapest wedding. Pride yourself in your ability to allow happiness in others and maintain your own.

[jaede]

"Love and do what you will" St. Augustine

Hastings, Go for it and don't think about the money so much. Give what you can give and feel good about. I gave 500,000 baht and a bit of gold, but that's only about 2 weeks salary in my case. Don't compare with other people and copy them. Don't pride yourself on having the most expensive wedding or the cheapest wedding. Pride yourself in your ability to allow happiness in others and maintain your own.

I understand, and can agree in principle with what you are saying... BUT!!! Farang in thai as we all know have to keep our eye open for scams... Especially when getting married. (i wont teach member with much more knowledge and exp. here to sucks eggs on this issue)

If read this thread fully... The intial demands were extremely excessive even to the intial authors admittance.

My words were meant to be cautionary

[technocracy]

I have read this thread mainly with my mouth open at some of the figures for a wedding being thrown around!

My Laos wedding totalled $2500 ~ 87,500baht. This was for 200-250 folk complete with band, 100+ cases of beer, about 10 bottles of whisky, traditional handmade Lao wedding outfits and to save on the hotel costs it was held on the land opposite my aunts (parents both deceased) house under marquees in part of this bargain the whole of the ground floor of her aunts house was refitted.

We rented the gold to go with the outfit, the dowry was down as $9,999 - however in reality it was 50,000baht - my wife is now 24 (I am 33) never married, no children had a Korean and an Australian boyfriend prior to me, never worked as a BG when I met her was learning to be a dressmaker.

The dowry is still very much a part of a Lao wedding and it is announced in front of the village head and police at your engagement. If your not aware it's illegal in Lao for foreigners to sleep with a Lao citizen without being married. Lao are very proud of there culture and to be honest I have total respect for them in this pity the England (where I am from) don't have a similar level of respect.

As for the wedding it was a total roaring success - still talked about to this day as a the best wedding people have attended. Everyone was thoroughly p*ssed and here we are 2 years on still happily married currently building a house in Lao.

All that can be said is make sure it's for real as the amount of money being discussed would make most allow most Issan family live happily for many years!

[gummy]

A new bride and the costs should be treated like purchasing a Rolls Royce. If you have to ask the price you can't afford it. Therefore give what you can afford and both be happy.

[hastings]

More good news, she apparently owns several rai of farmland, and has built a small western style house (yes, I will probably pay for some improvements (especially if I decide that I will eventually retire to Thailand) and I realize I will be up **** creek if we eventually part ways).

Do you mean her ex-farang used to own (and now she does) several Ari of land with the fa rang house ?

Thats alto of money you are paying for a 'second hand' bride(no disrespect intended). No Thai man would ever be asked to, and would never pay for this situation.

But like others have said, if you have the money to blow and you dint care then throw it away. Next time you wanna blow a load of cash you'll never see again. Give it to charity at least it will go to good use!!!

Good luck

No, I meant what I said. Why is it always the people that say "no disrespect intended, " that state the most disrespectful things. She is not a second hand bride, but you seem to be a first hand ass. While no explanation is needed, she purchased the land from her grandmother at a family discount, and the land has been in her family for decades. As I have explained before, my fiancée is well educated and has made a lot of money as a result. She built the house, not an "ex-farang." It's a modern house because she is a modern girl. If I were to put some money into the house, I would find a way to recoup the money spent through my US taxes and LLCs (I have a great tax attorney). Notwithstanding even if I could not, she will be my wife and if the money spent makes her happy it is well worth it -- not charity. I would exchange a little money for a happy wife every time.

As for the chip on your shoulder (i.e., "no Thai man would be asked ...," or in a later past "Farang in thai as we all know have to keep our eye open for scams..."), you demonstrate a palpable lack of self worth. Why do you care whether you, as a farang, are treated like a Thai man? I have heard countless farang guys in Thailand make similar complaints, yet I have never heard a one of them state that they would be willing to trade places with a Thai man. As for women scamming men when it comes to marriage or relationships, that is not a concept exclusive to Thailand (despite the protestations of many persons on this board who seem to forget about the reasons for break-ups and growing percentage of divorces in their own countries). Certainly, you have had a positive experience with a woman, Thai or otherwise, who did not try to scam you. If not, I guess it puts your comments in perspective.

BTW good luck with the B50k wedding, I am certain you will make your bride very happy.

Edited March 28, 2007 by hastings

[jaede]

I have only had one bas experience with a girl(non-thai) long long time ago. I have a very positive experience with my gf... As for my THB50k wedding, I am sure we will be very happy. My gf and her family are not using me and my wedding as ATM machine, nor as a ticket to a better life... Which means a great deal as they are a very very simple poor family.

It shows their moral fibre and that they are happy in their simple isaan life and feel no need to fleece a farang to be happy.

Anyways sincere good luck & best wishes

[Naam]

As for me I am an attorney, and relatively well off. Again,I hope this clears up some misconceptions and puts the post in context.

not really Hastings. assuming the above mentioned information is correct my question is "then what's the big fuss about spending 25k (or more) dollars?"

after all you marry only once in your lifetime

[hastings]

As for me I am an attorney, and relatively well off. Again,I hope this clears up some misconceptions and puts the post in context.

not really Hastings. assuming the above mentioned information is correct my question is "then what's the big fuss about spending 25k (or more) dollars?"

after all you marry only once in your lifetime

Quick answer, my post was not meant as a big fuss. You are right this is (and hopefully will be) my only marriage. More importantly, it is my fiancées only wedding (and to be honest, she wants to be treated like a princess on her special day which I understand).

I had spoken to some friends (Thai and US) who told me they thought the wedding estimates were high for Thailand. Since I had no experience with a Thai wedding, an Issan wedding, or general costs in Issan, I wanted to get some comments. I also knew little about sin sot, gifts of livestock, Thai traditions, Issan culture,etc. Again, I just wanted some comments. Boy did I get comments. 5K, 10K, 25K, 50K -- the money itself is not that important. That said, I am not completely foolish with my money. If the costs were so over the top for that area that they would be unconscionable, then I would have had an issue. As it was, people commented that the numbers were high, I talked to the fiancée, and some changes (based on some of the comments here) were made although the wedding is still expensive for the area (but not out of line). Weddings I have attended in the US lately have been 10x the cost or more. Bottom line, I wanted to know what I asked: were the estimates out of line.

Edited March 28, 2007 by hastings

[jaede]

Me thinks this thread has been exhausted!! Hastings has struck a deal he is happy with... Right or wrong is for him to decide I guess... we should all just wish him the best for him and his bride... and move on to another topic

[jay-uk]

Hastings,

Stay together in Thailand first with your bride to be before marriage. Get to know your future wife first for a year or so before taking her back home to the USA, if possible. It worked for me and I'd had that many failed relationships before I married so I wanted to really know for sure that everything was genuine before I jumped in with both feet. The worst of relationships that I have seen between Thai ladies and farangs are the rushed ones where the guy can't wait to get her back home usually to find she is not all he thought on or soon after arrival. Take your time and meet the family first if you don't like them your in the shit anyhow. See what your first impressions are of family 'cause instincts are usually right. If they are clean living farmers they won't want for much but if mom, dad, sister brother and uncle tom cobbly have your arm up your back for shopping trips, cows, loas whiskey for friends and show off constantly for face value etc... run a mile.

Jay

[Luckydog]

My friend married a decent girl from Hat Yai. Accountant, virtually no English. She asked for sin sot of 150,000. My friend just a poor English teacher flatly refused. Negotiations continued for 2 years. In the end, they settled on him paying for a lovely reception for 80 guests at a Nonthaburi hotel. This cost him 45,000. Other bits and bobs, cake, transport, etc took the total to 60,000.

The parents then divvied up the money in the envelopes from the guests. Over 100,000. They promptly gave him back his 60,000 much to his surprise. All parties happy.

Bet you could count the stories like Briggsy's on one hand and have two fingers left over!

My EX-Wife's Mama wanted 250000bht for the Village bash. I offered 75000bht. So we didn's have a village bash. Suited me.......

Edited March 28, 2007 by Luckydog

[Loz]

Having seen a farang loose everything and be left literally holding the baby ( homless, car-less,bike-less and girlfriend-less) I would say be careful. Not just with your money but with your heart.

Confession Time:

I don't care much for hanging out with Farang as the frequent verbal assaults on Thai people/culture/women etc... irritate me. But having seen a guy who mocked other "loosers" who paid silly sums (dowery of $75k US!!) for distinctly average "wives", loose his home, his car his girlfriend, any credibility that once had and all his self respect, I have to say, be careful. Everyone thinks there are on to a winner until they loose.

Seen so many guys with butt ugly tattooed bar girls talking about how she really loves him and its not like the others. He's right every time, its not like the others, in as much as he is not as far down the time line. When the time comes, he'll be gutted like a fish and won't see it coming.

Staying single works for me. Don't care what people think, I didn't come for a wife. I came for adventure and I've certainly had that.

THis guy I am talking about bought everything to make the life "Look" like a fairytale. Here's the rub, He was creating a fairtale for the guy that had been boning his girlfriend for the last two years of their 4 year relationship... When 50 yr old man is not having sex with his wife who is half his age then there's a better than average chance that someone else is.

Might sound harsh but, if you have sense enough to question the price of "marriage" Don't be a Mug, get out now.

As Yoda said it best, "Where there is doubt, there is no doubt".

Edited March 28, 2007 by Loz