Greenhorn's guide – Relationships with Thai young lady's

[Once Bitten]

I live in a rural location near a small town , so having these regular local expat shindigs gives me both the opportunity to meet others and converse in my own language . On the last meet up one regular gang member brought along an old friend who recently retired and after taking a couple of holidays in the land of smiles he had decided to move here permanently .

 

The newcomer is currently living in Pattaya . He had been in Thailand now for nearly four months and surprise surprise he's all ready met the love of his life.  Looking at the photograph he handed around of his new darling young Thai girlfriend and him self relaxing on the Pattaya beach sipping coconut juice they looked very happy .As the photograph went around the table one comment made was about the Thai girlfriends numerous tattoo's and her bleached blond streaked hair .

 

Nothing wrong with enjoying your self in the company of a young lady or tattoo's and hair styles and I'm sure she may be a very nice young lady , but when the newbie happened to mention that he was planning to buy the new girlfriend a large gold necklace for her coming birthday  we old timers all just started to roll our eyes and smile at each other , the type of knowing smile that says he's still new to all the pitfalls that are waiting for a newly arrived  guy in Thailand 

 

When pushed on the subject of the coming birthday and the large gold necklace the comment was made that they had all ready both spent time trawling the Pattaya gold shops in search of a design the girlfriend liked . Well like many of the old hands sitting around the table that had all ready been there done that and had both the emotional and financial scars to prove it .  I thought about chipping in with what I thought may be good advice for this newbie to Thailand . 

 

As the evening wore on and after hearing that a trip out to see the girlfriends parents who by pure chance have a lovely plot of land for sale ,  was planned .  It soon became obvious that the newcomer was so enamored with his new Thai love  he would more than likely be going down that well worn expat path leading to a roller coaster wallet draining experience that many sat around the table had all ready endured 

 

So after that recent encounter  with the smitten newbie it got me thinking .

 

What sort of advice would be beneficial to a newbie guy who is recently arrived in Thailand and embarking on a new relationship with a Thai young lady . 

 

Personally Ive got a few general simple thoughts that I picked up along the way while living in Pattaya 

 

 

The temptations for a newly arrived greenhorn can be some times  over whelming , bit like a child let loose in a sweet shop. One occurrence I came to see on a regular basis was what I ended up calling the flash cash , here the obvious expat newcomer would be sitting in a bar surrounded by attractive attentive young lady's when the newbie would open his wallets and pull out a thick bundle of Baht notes then lean over the bar top and ring the drinks all around bell. 
 

In my mind even if your flush with cash and you think every thing is cheaper than back home and you don't mind paying the price what ever it is , throwing your money around in public can attract the wrong type of attention.

 

Ive lost count of the newcomers ive bumped into who on first meeting a Thai young lady go straight into confessional mode , they seem to be hell bent on pouring out their past history , their expensive trips to exotic destinations , fancy cars or property they own back home . Along with their current financial status along with their some times grandiose plans to make Thailand their permanent home.

 

My advice would be keep shtum , yes promoting your self may make you feel better and inflate your ego and of course the young lady's will be impressed , but you could be laying the rocky foundations for future trouble .

 

 

 A few times  ive been in a line waiting to use an ATM and from listening to conversations there in front of me is a newbie with his young Thai love by his side .  My thoughts on seeing this type of thing is keep your ATM and banking transactions private , never go to an ATM or bank with some one else especially a new girlfriend.

 

Many times I have been sitting at a bar and struck up conversations with an obvious expat newcomer and his new Thai young lady , after the where are you from and how long have you been hear formalities are over.   Then nine times out of ten the conversation swings around to hearing about their future plans together and of course the inevitable  building a house near the girls mother and how life is going to get better out in the country side far away from Pattaya.  Its at times like these that sound advice and suggestions I'm sure would have been of great benefit to many  newcomers .

 

One thing that I saw many times that made me feel some what sad was while sitting in a restaurant there on another table would be a newbie with his Thai young lady. It nearly all ways became obvious that the guy could not speak any Thai as he started to make  hand gestures and his voice starts to get louder when trying to communicate. The girl then tried her best with one or two words of broken English to keep the man happy.  My advice would be if you planning to make Thailand your home and to get the most out of relationships with the locals  learning at least basic Thai language is a must .

 

Another area where I known newbies get them selves into trouble , they meet the new love of their life and for some strange reason the guy starts to makes promises , promises that the young lady takes for real and then she tells all her friends and family about all these wonderful things that the new foreigner boyfriend has promised  . The trouble starts when these promises are not kept . My advice would be don't make promises you don't intend to keep. 

 

One area where I personally made a mistake when starting a relationship with a Thai lady was by not first setting any ground rules especially where money is concerned . My advice would be to start from early on in the relationship the way you mean to all ways carry on in the future . Changing the ground rules at a later time caused me some stress . 

 

 

So going on your own past experiences what snippets of wisdom and advice would you offer to a newly arrived greenhorn guy who is intending to make Thailand his new home and may be embarking on his first relationship with a young Thai lady 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[chickenslegs]

My "snippet of wisdom" is - let the guys learn from their own mistakes. If you give them advice they won't listen anyway. I didn't.

[StreetCowboy]

2 minutes ago, chickenslegs said:

My "snippet of wisdom" is - let the guys learn from their own mistakes. If you give them advice they won't listen anyway. I didn't.

Look and learn, listen and win

[chickenslegs]

1 minute ago, StreetCowboy said:

Look and learn, listen and win

The sound of hormones rushing through one's body drowns out the voices of reason.

 

I'm not complaining. Things worked out very well for me, but more by luck than good judgement.

[StreetCowboy]

1 minute ago, chickenslegs said:

The sound of hormones rushing through one's body drowns out the voices of reason.

 

I'm not complaining. Things worked out very well for me, but more by luck than good judgement.

To quote Scott Adams IDilbert) "It's obvious you won't survive by your wits alone"

I didn't get to where I am today by relying on my wit and charm, nor my common sense

[Been there done that]

Know and stay loyal to yourself. At any cost.

[swissie]

Well, it's mostly older Farang "newbee's" that are "victimized".

No rocket science: An older Farang, that has been ignored by the female-gender in his home country for years, all of a sudden he finds himself surrounded by young(er) ladies, telling him "you handsome man" etc, etc,etc.
As long as there is a rest of testosterone flowing thru his veins, any "advice" given is an exercise in futility.
This artificial old-age happyness comes at a price. As long as it is only a Gold-necklace, no problem.

But when I hear of an other "old-timer", selling out in his home-country to launch a veritable "investement-offensive" on "family-land" in a remote corner of Thailand; this is when my stomach starts to turn and I feel like crying in my pretzels.

As long as above mentioned constellation remains in place, the story must repeat, over and over again.
Cheers.

[giddyup]

Some people just beg to be burned. They are beyond listening to advice.

Edited December 16, 2017 by giddyup

[flynn]

Just enjoy the ride , you only live once,

[Capt Rob]

A cogent post which should be required reading for all visa applicants.

It is all part of the learning experience and if you have never been exposed to the 'wallet with legs' effect, it can be a heady experience.

A quiet word to a new friend may be spurned, but can be be seen as a random act of kindness by most.

[realenglish1]

This love story sound all well and good but I would never take up with a bar girl No values of any kind other than trying to role a farang for all he has in the name of fake love

 

You guys need to smell the coffee here Many have tried this on me and come up against a brick wall with me

[ICECOOL]

When I first came here I had a guide who told me of his and others experiences. Everyone should spend time listening and learning. At least as you make mistakes its with some knowledge 

[GreasyFingers]

If anyone asks me for advice about living/holidaying in Thailand they are told to read Stephen Leather's "Private Dancer". Fiction, I know, but a good guide for any newbie who would not believe you if you told them it really can be like the book.

[Ulic]

My advice would be the same many give regarding real estate. Rent don't buy. 

[tonray]

1 hour ago, flynn said:

Just enjoy the ride , you only live once,

 

The only problem with Flynn is that he was a known pedophile. Aside from that...he had a lot of fun.

[klauskunkel]

you can't teach wisdom

[Golden Triangle]

Always take advice from those that know.

 

I was extremely lucky on my first trip here back in 2005 or thereabouts, I had guidance from 2 guys who had extensive knowledge of all things Thai, don't get me wrong, I still made mistakes, but it didn't cost me my savings and come 2011 when I was ready to retire I knew all the tricks that could be played on an unwary soul.   

[PerkinsCuthbert]

Yes, but relationship with Thai young lady's - what? Why have a relationship with only part when the whole will be so much more satisfactory - or unsatisfactory?

 

[pby92]

I have been newby too even read an other French forum and Thaivisa.I loose 300 k baths in business for GF( not bargirl ex multi shop owner bankruptcy) and 200 k in other expenses in 2 years. In Thailand there is always a parameter not come to your mind as everything is not same as farangland . So lesson learn i still want retire there in less 6 months but now i see real Thailand and not the fairy tall every newby see.

As for positive view for all time i spend with her it doesn't cost me more than GF for holidays and car renting.

So the lesson was priceless.

Only thing i can tell it's not easy to find a good partner even if you spot civil servant.

[Thaidream]

The problem is universal and it involves thinking with the little head rather than the one that should be used.  When someone is in that mode- they will not believe what one is trying to tell them.  They are the one who is different. The girl wouldn't do that to me.  Ad infinitum.

 

Best advice I give- learn passable Thai. But be warned....what you hear is not what you may want to hear...but when you hear it...that is what is really happening!!!  Not the phony smiles or the mask that is being worn or the fake interest. Reality bites but there is always hope and not everyone is the same.  Choose wisely and keep a hand on the wallet. The good is out there but there is a lot of bad that may look good but isn't

[Purdey]

Any old guy above 50 thinking he is suddenly charming and handsome could look in the mirror to know if his "young lady" is after him or his money. Ask yourself some questions.

1. Did you meet her in a bar? 2. Does she live with her brother? 3. Do you feel you should be generous because she tells you she is poor? 4. Do members of her family get sick and require hospital treatment now and then? 3. If you don't speak Thai, do her friends seem to giggle and laugh a lot when you are there? 4. Do her friends "come on" to you? 5. Have you ever lent her money, even a few hundred baht, that she has never returned? 6. Does she snuggle up to you as you enter your ATM password?

 

Answer yes to any three questions and you are going to have a problem later.

[MaeJoMTB]

On 12/15/2017 at 8:52 PM, Once Bitten said:

What sort of advice would be beneficial to a newbie guy who is recently arrived in Thailand and embarking on a new relationship with a Thai young lady . 

Enjoy, but don't overpay.

Also remember Thais don't sell land to their children, they give it.

And gold has no sentimental value to a Thai, it's just money they can wear, you want to give them a keepsake, buy silver.

 

As for promises,

After nearly 10 years here, I can lie as well as them, they have no moral problem with lying to me, and turnabout is fair play.

Edited December 17, 2017 by MaeJoMTB

[The Deerhunter]

The number of guys I know of who were told all the advice and were still seen in a gold shop with a BG within 3 days of landing here on their first visit.

[ericthai]

4 hours ago, Purdey said:

Any old guy above 50

Can happen to a young guy too.  Seen it happen a few times, age does not matter. 

[473geo]

Who needs advice, people enjoy their own experiences, why taint them with yours and the experiences of others.

Enjoy, and guess what, making mistakes is just part of life, most of us learn by them and move on.

[Bigfarang1948]

This is so rich that even the author of the book knows it is a lie.

[Thaidream]

Young or old- they don't think with their head... go ahead buy the gold or whatever.  It's your money spend it.  However, if you are looking for love- forget about it. Most Thais have no concept of love in a Western sense. Their concept is- I love you ..but how much?  After 50 years in Thailand- I am not cynical just realistic. No more advice... you won't listen anyway!!

[catman20]

18 hours ago, GreasyFingers said:

If anyone asks me for advice about living/holidaying in Thailand they are told to read Stephen Leather's "Private Dancer". Fiction, I know, but a good guide for any newbie who would not believe you if you told them it really can be like the book.

or money number one, a great paper back read, it saved me 

[catman20]

1 hour ago, Thaidream said:

Young or old- they don't think with their head... go ahead buy the gold or whatever.  It's your money spend it.  However, if you are looking for love- forget about it. Most Thais have no concept of love in a Western sense. Their concept is- I love you ..but how much?  After 50 years in Thailand- I am not cynical just realistic. No more advice... you won't listen anyway!!

good post written by a man with a lot of experience here in Thailand.

Edited December 17, 2017 by catman20

[Peterw42]

Be aware , you may be buying a fake/copy product.

In Thailand, you can buy copy/fake watches, handbags, iphones "and" relationships. They look and feel like the real thing. Even the experts have trouble telling them apart. 

The copies can be great and lots of guys are quiet happy to buy the copy. The problems arise when you forget its a copy product and try and convince yourself or others, its the genuine item.