To snitch or not to snitch that is the question

[Once Bitten]

well a smaller turnout this time but never the less one interesting topic made every one think , one of the regular guys did not turn up , I was told he was back home attending to some personal business , this guy I will call Tom .

 

Tom has been married to a Thai woman for a few years . Many of us had seen Tom's wife when she brought him to the ex pat get together as Tom did not want to drink and drive. 

 

Tom in every body's view is a kind decent likable retired local ex pat guy who seems to be more than happy to go out of his way to offer help and advice to other local expats in any way he can. 

 

When I inquired about Tom's return date one guy made the comment in about three weeks and then added how he felt sorry for Tom.  Of course I had to ask why .

 

It seems that the guy who made the comment that he felt sorry for Tom , had found out that it looks like Tom's Thai wife is being un faithful .  This guy is a big bike enthusiast and regularly goes on motorbike trips to other parts of Thailand . While Tom is away the guy went on a long bike trip and on his first night  he decided to stay at a rural resort . It was late at night when the guy arrived and paid for 2 nights in one of the cabins. The following morning the guy went to eat breakfast at the resorts food place . As he sat alone eating his food in strolled Tom's wife accompanied by a Thai gentleman . In the guys words it  soon became obvious that they were  more than just good friends , and Tom's wife seemed not to recognize the guy . 

 

The guy went back to his rented cabin and waited to see where the couple went next . The couple came out of the resorts food place and strolled further along from the guys cabin and then went into another cabin , there parked down the side of that cabin was Tom's car that has an unmistakable distinctive side stripe logo on it and  parked next to it was pickup with a Bangkok number plate.

 

So after being told that story every one who sat around the table including my self wondered what if any thing should they do , should the guy who actually saw Tom's wife at the resort and by the way took a photograph of Tom's wife with the mysterious Thai gentleman together , tell Tom what he saw or should he just keep mum or should the next time we all meet up together along with Tom , just tell him what had been seen .

 

Personally I would more than appreciative to be told by a friend some thing that is going on that I am oblivious to especially where partner relationships are concerned . Some may think its none of any ones business but Tom's and let things run their natural course or don't stick your nose in sort of attitude. 

 

 Having said that every one sitting around the table that had listened to the guys story of Tom's wife felt in some way sorry that Tom such a nice kind man is being made a fool of . 

 

In the end we all just said our see you next time goodbyes and nothing really was concluded about what if any thing should be done . 

 

 So if you were sitting around the table with us and heard that same story about some one you personally know what would you do or suggest 

 

 

[StreetCowboy]

Snitch is a pejorative word.

I think you've already made up your mind and you're just looking for vindication.

 

If it was the other way round, would you tell his wife?

 

Maybe it was her brother, or her uncle, or her father.

Maybe she's trying to earn his medical bills.

Maybe whatever.

 

Maybe your acquaintance was exaggerating. 

Would you be happy at a friend of your spouse taking the word of an acquaintance over their faith in your honour and fidelity?

 

SC

 

[Kadilo]

Don't make assumptions and keep my nose out of other people's business.


Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect

[Air Smiles]

Quote

In the guys words it  soon became obvious that they were  more than just good friends ,

 

Since its unlikely they were performing pda what exactly did he see?

 

Quote

When I inquired about Tom's return date one guy made the comment in about three weeks and then added how he felt sorry for Tom.  Of course I had to ask why .

 

And, Tom's off doing what exactly? ...and you're 100% sure he is not banging a girl on the side and steadfastly avoids hookers and happy endings etc?

[Gruff]

I would say nothng

[OneMoreFarang]

Experience tells me that often the person who wants to "help" and tell his friend the "truth" will not get any thanks for telling.

 

Tom will possibly first say that can't be true for various reasons. Then maybe he will accuse the messenger that he wants to break up his wonderful relationship. And if it is obvious that it was really the wife and he asks his wife and she tells him it was an uncle or whatever then the accuser is again the bad guy.

 

Personally I don't think I would want to know under the above described circumstances. If my gf would do it in a place where we are both known then I would want to know. Because lots of people will know anyhow and talk about it behind my back.

If my gf would go on a trip far away where nobody knows me or her I don't think I want to know. Because if I go somewhere far away I also don't want that she will hear all the details.

 

I think the guy who reported the story to all his friends should think about why he did that. Did he want to help a friend? Or tell everybody how bad the wife of someone is (like I told you so) or why does he tell?

 

I think sometimes it's best to just shut up.

[simoh1490]

This is Thailand, what would a local do if the roles were reversed.....in a second they would snitch, they would be falling over themselves to do so. 

 

When in Rome........!

[VocalNeal]

If one lives in a very small village, everyone knows mostly everything about everybody but nobody says a word. This is to preserve the tranquility, if you will, of village life.  

Maybe this Tom knows already? Sh1t happens all over the world. 

[BobbyL]

Any photos of Tom's wife? She seems an easy one. 

[MaeJoMTB]

Post Tom the photo anonymously.

That way nobody blames you, and you did Tom a good turn.

[OneMoreFarang]

7 minutes ago, MaeJoMTB said:

Post Tom the photo anonymously.

That way nobody blames you, and you did Tom a good turn.

I don't think that will work now after a couple of Tom's friends heard the story already.

Tom will likely suspect that one of his friends sent him the picture. And then Tom will ask himself who might have done that and he will probably ask himself who else knows already.

 

I think now it's too late that a couple of people pretend they never heard the story.

[Gecko123]

On the surface grateful to you, but deep down angered and humiliated, the husband confronts the wife who demands to know the source of these malicious lies. The husband coughs up your name, the wife threatens revenge, and next thing you know you're fearing for your safety, especially if they break up, the husband leaves town, and the wife's still around giving you the evil eye. I fear the unfaithful wife's reaction more than the cuckolded husband's.

Edited February 9, 2018 by Gecko123

[pgrahmm]

That picture is worth a thousand words....

It's too bad he didn't take some of the cabin, the two vehicles together, & one of the lodge itself.... 

 

If it were me, I'd want to know and the picture(s) would be enough.....Especially if she was to be at "mama's" house or some such that day.....

You'd have to assume they're in contact online somehow....

 

Hopefully, he's not actively selling off his assets in his country so to further her/their lifestyle....

 

He sounds like an amiable and decent guy - too bad.....

[thaibeachlovers]

Every time I "tried to do the right thing" by inserting myself into things nothing to do with me I have regretted it.

Personally, I expected my ex to be having it off when I wasn't there for a long time. She was a young healthy woman with all the normal desires of such.

Loyalty?  I have no illusions about people.

 

I never found out if she had done so, and it wasn't a factor in our divorce.

[twix38]

I would tell him.

 

He deserves to know the truth rather than to continue being decieved and milked financially.

 

It's up to him what he does with the knowledge but I prefer to know than live in oblivion. Plus eventually this thai partnership will seek to extract money or worse, when the lady obviously has finance as a motive for deceipt to stay, rather than be with her thai bf. If kids are involved is the only issue for pause for thought, otherwise tell him the facts/truth.

 

Let him know and then whatever action he decides is his and then stay out of it completely .

 

I would want to know even though it would be painful. It would probably be more painful later on when he finally gets to realise.

Edited February 10, 2018 by twix38

[Proboscis]

On 9/2/2018 at 2:02 AM, Kadilo said:

Don't make assumptions and keep my nose out of other people's business.


Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect

Amen to that, Kadilo.

 

She may have a twin sister that you don't know about. Or a non-relative who looks just like her. I had one spectacular issue with mistaken identity once and have never forgotten it.

 

Even if you are correct in your assessment that she is playing away, you don't know the inner workings of their relationship. maybe it is part of the falang man's and thai lady's arrangement that she can play while he is away but he does not want to know any details.

 

For sure, if you tell him and things blow up, you will have made one enemy, the Thai lady. You may also find that you make another enemy too, the falang man. No one likes to be told that their wife/GF has got something going on and often it will be the informant who will take some heat if he does not believe the news. 

 

And while we are at it, if the tables were turned and you saw the falang man with another lady not his wife. Would you tell his wife?

 

Does the spouse/partner have a right to know everything? Imagine you ran into an old GF with whom you had some "unfinished business." You slept with her for old times sake and maybe even you regretted it afterwards. You go back to your wife and everything is fine until some numpty tells her.

[Colabamumbai]

Whoever took the photo should or should not tell your friend, other wise it is here say.

Edited February 10, 2018 by Colabamumbai
spelling

[crazykopite]

Unless you witnessed it with your own eyes I would let it be for all you know it could be just hear say and you never know Tom and his wife may well have a long standing agreement that when the cats away it’s alright for the mice to play ?

[Once Bitten]

Tom is a well respected and genuine guy that in my view should be alerted to what was recently seen , should nothing be pointed out to Tom right now then at some future date things could get even worse for Tom not only in the relationship area but all so with the financial aspect of things .

 

The guy who saw Tom's wife at the resort is convinced that there was no mistake , the couple spent the night together in a cabin and from their obvious actions  they were not just good friends or family relatives. 

 

 How are we the guys who knew all about what was obviously going on regarding Tom's wife going to feel because we decided to keep it to our selves and then Tom finds out that all along we all knew but did not tell him.

 

Tom's not only going to feel betrayed by his wife but by his friends as well 

 

[catman20]

On 2/9/2018 at 10:15 AM, MaeJoMTB said:

Post Tom the photo anonymously.

That way nobody blames you, and you did Tom a good turn.

similar to what i was thinking, if you tell him you will possible lose him as a friend cos if he says something to his wife which of course she will say NO its not true he will want to believe her hence make you the trouble maker, let he know anonymously letter dates time pictures locations she been seen etc.

[coppywriter]

Maybe Tom knows already and is quite happy with the situation. Maybe Tom and his wife have a reciprocal agreement which is none of anyone else's business.

[thaibeachlovers]

1 hour ago, twix38 said:

I would tell him.

 

He deserves to know the truth rather than to continue being decieved and milked financially.

 

It's up to him what he does with the knowledge but I prefer to know than live in oblivion. Plus eventually this thai partnership will seek to extract money or worse, when the lady obviously has finance as a motive for deceipt to stay, rather than be with her thai bf. If kids are involved is the only issue for pause for thought, otherwise tell him the facts/truth.

 

Let him know and then whatever action he decides is his and then stay out of it completely .

 

I would want to know even though it would be painful. It would probably be more painful later on when he finally gets to realise.

Often, people suspect but don't want to know as it would force them to do something they don't want to do, like get divorced.

IMO, stay out of it, unless the man is a good friend and one knows what he would like.

[thaibeachlovers]

38 minutes ago, Once Bitten said:

Tom is a well respected and genuine guy that in my view should be alerted to what was recently seen , should nothing be pointed out to Tom right now then at some future date things could get even worse for Tom not only in the relationship area but all so with the financial aspect of things .

 

The guy who saw Tom's wife at the resort is convinced that there was no mistake , the couple spent the night together in a cabin and from their obvious actions  they were not just good friends or family relatives. 

 

 How are we the guys who knew all about what was obviously going on regarding Tom's wife going to feel because we decided to keep it to our selves and then Tom finds out that all along we all knew but did not tell him.

 

Tom's not only going to feel betrayed by his wife but by his friends as well 

 

Which is why one should never let on that one knew. That secret goes to the grave.

[csabo]

Just cut and paste this into an email for Tom. 

"Hey Tom do you have any naked pictures of your wife? Would you like some?" 

Next case. 

[pgrahmm]

23 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Which is why one should never let on that one knew. That secret goes to the grave.

But - given recent headlines - - who's grave.....That usufruct (if he has)  is not much use or protection.....Really - they never were or could be = a suckers bet.....

 

He deserves to know....

 

Sounds like his wife might just be on a long term loan/assignment until until time to cash in.....

 

Wondering if Tom met/rescued her from BKK.....

Edited February 10, 2018 by pgrahmm

[quandow]

MYOB.

[jacko45k]

Stay clear, he ether knows about it already or will find out.

My  concern would be if the lady and lover were making some plans to defraud or push him out.

Personally though, I would like to know!

 

[Nice Boyd]

Tell him , Now, I wish somebody would have told ME, my exgf has a Thsi bf cannot Break him , Now, he Poor I’m not, Ridiculous , these girls are getting away with Murder

Edited February 10, 2018 by Nice Boyd

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, twix38 said:

I would tell him.

 

He deserves to know the truth rather than to continue being decieved and milked financially.

 

It's up to him what he does with the knowledge but I prefer to know than live in oblivion. Plus eventually this thai partnership will seek to extract money or worse, when the lady obviously has finance as a motive for deceipt to stay, rather than be with her thai bf. If kids are involved is the only issue for pause for thought, otherwise tell him the facts/truth.

 

Let him know and then whatever action he decides is his and then stay out of it completely .

 

I would want to know even though it would be painful. It would probably be more painful later on when he finally gets to realise.

Why do you think money has to be involved? Maybe it is, but it does not have to be involved.

I remember a friend who had a hot sexual relationship with the girlfriend from someone else. He told me she told him her boyfriend's idea about sex is a hand-job under the shower, that's it, nothing else. But apart from that she really loved him.

So she had sex with my friend (no money involved) and a relationship with the guy she loved.

I guess that is not a solution for everybody but some people find interesting solutions to interesting problems...

[sanemax]

7 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Why do you think money has to be involved? Maybe it is, but it does not have to be involved.

I remember a friend who had a hot sexual relationship with the girlfriend from someone else. He told me she told him her boyfriend's idea about sex is a hand-job under the shower, that's it, nothing else. But apart from that she really loved him.

So she had sex with my friend (no money involved) and a relationship with the guy she loved.

I guess that is not a solution for everybody but some people find interesting solutions to interesting problems...

Way too much information here