74 year old uncle wants to buy home with (for?) 47 year old "fiance", what can I do?

[RichardColeman]

The fact that he is talking to you via e-mail and understanding spread sheets and trying to have a sensible debate with you shows he's Compes mentis or whatever, and flaws your argument. Sorry, he's enjoying his final years with someone 47 you say - hardly a 23 year old gogo dancer.

 

As for only known her 3 months ? I met my wife and married her in 10 days - married now 3 years and still happy. 

 

But yes - he should buy a condo. I trust my wife, but I never have and never will buy somewhere to live I cannot own outright.

[ncc1701d]

We all know it’s “when”, not “if”, but ask him if it does all go south and he looses everything - what’s his plan then?

[natway09]

Take a breath Get one of the kids to get out here (maybe the one he likes the best)

If they won't come ,,, well there's your answer

fill them in on the best deal from the replies above & talk to him.

If he refuses to do so then he has joined our ranks of having wives/girlfriends 30 years younger

& Lovin it !!!!!!

I have given my kids every thing to make it in life, now in my twilight years I 

will do a Frankie     (I did it my way)

Never expected nor got anything from my Mum & Dad except a wonderful upbringing.

Bit of gold digging going on ???

[Wake Up]

If you follow the advice of some to attempt to have him declared mentally incompetent then you will fail and will lose him and he will never speak to you again. He does not sound mentally incompetent. 

 

Second it is his money and it it appears that maybe just maybe he has decided he does not need to leave his kids or anyone else an inheritance. That is his choice. 

 

He is having fun and probably feels great which at age 74 is a good thing. 

 

As as long as he does not go broke he will be ok.  While you deny it I can’t help but believe some of your concern is driven by his money. I admit that may be a misconception and unfair to you on my part.  But there are many people posting they don’t trust thai women. I trust thai women more than I trust young adults worrying about how to stop older adults from spending their money. Nothing personal but take a good long look at why you were happy when he was not spending any of his money in a small room alone and now unhappy and concerned he is buying a home with his money for a woman that spends all day with him. If he gets a proper usfruct and does not blow all his cash then he will be just fine. ?

 

 

Edited March 7, 2018 by Wake Up

[natway09]

Wake up....... I like you style

[billd766]

If your uncle was living in the UK his family may well put him into a "retirement home" where for an even higher cost he may live comfortably or not. His family may visit him or not.

 

He will have to sell everything that he owns to fund the cost of living there and in the end there will be no inheritance for the family anyway.

 

From your post he seems to be functioning fairly well here with the Thai lady.

 

Will it work out? I have no idea and neither does anybody else who has posted doom and gloom on this thread. They are the doom and gloom merchants who themselves may have had a bad relationship with a Thai lady.

 
I am 73, married for the last 19 years to my Thai lady who is 21  years younger than and we have a 13 year old son. If my Thai wife IS playing the long game she has been playing it for nearly 25 years.

 

Do I care what my family in the UK think?

 

Not really as it is MY life to live and nobody elses.

 

I have about 30 farang friends, some older, some younger who have been married to Thai ladies and the divorce rate is less than 10% which is much lower than the divorce rate in the west.

 

They have families, businesses, land and homes, some in Thailand and some in their own country and most of them get on well with their wives, families, extended families etc. These are people who I know personally and not tales from the bar stools or other horror stories.

 

Posters often ask why there are so many bad stories about Thai women and foreign men. Mostly because good news is not always wanted and also because the good news stories about Thai women and foreign men usually get hijacked by the whiners and moaners on TVF that cannot accept that there are very many good Thai women around from all sorts of backgrounds. They want everybody to come down to their miserable level.

[DJ54]

Ask the Uncle if you can talk to fiancé to get an idea how the situation looks. Ask about education ie have they passed the eight grade and finished high school. A lot of people here in Northeast drop out of school in eighth grade which makes for bad decisions sometimes. Unfortunately there are people looking for gain but not all are this way. 

[terryofcrete]

My kid is in good shape financially, no worries and loads of Dosh, but he still reminds me from time to time that all my relationships with Thai women are transactions. Keep going (to Thailand) until you drop is his constant advice , be happy, but for god’s sake do not get married ! I’m only 70, but I know I do not have the keen edge mentally that I once had, and I listen to my kid. 

[NoshowJones]

3 hours ago, warriorbangkok said:

She'll dump him and grab it all for herself. If the house is in her name, then he has no rights whatsoever. Not even residency rights.

Love drunk and knocking on. She'll hang him out to dry and she'll make a nice profit from it. It's a classic trick.

You've tried your best. He won't listen. He'll learn the hard way or he'll die before he realizes what he's signed over.


Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

A few of my Farang friends have split with their wives or girlfriends, but I do not know of anyone whose wife has thrown him out after he bought the house. I know it happens, but I am only talking about my experience.

[Acemaker]

20 hours ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

It's his money and he has the right to spend it as he sees fit.

The point is hes not fit is he, mentally that is, thats the whole point of the OPs Post, Deary Me.

[Ninni]

The man is 74, let him live his life as HE wants! GOOD LUCK old man!

[david555]

As long he is not declared by court as not responsable for his actions he is free to do with his money what ever he likes....just let him be happy doing what he likes .......

 

Maybe some could be left over later..for the vulger family from him....

[mettech]

Let the old guy enjoying the fountain of youth and spend the money he worked for all his life and experience off hand becoming homeless later.

[billd766]

2 hours ago, Acemaker said:

The point is hes not fit is he, mentally that is, thats the whole point of the OPs Post, Deary Me.

 

How do you know he is not mentally fit? Because the OP said so? Is the OP a doctor or a psychologist or qualified in any way to declare that his uncle is unfit?

 

If he is qualified then he should stand down because of the personal relationship.

 

Are you saying that EVERY farang over a certain age is not compos mentos?

 

 

[AGLV0121]

On 3/6/2018 at 3:46 PM, theguyfromanotherforum said:

It's his money and he has the right to spend it as he sees fit.

Doesn't prevent family or friends from warning him about possible bad decision, foul play, or any mishap... If he doesn't want to hear, then what can one do? But must try.

[MyFriend You]

He's being played, come to Thailand and try to bring him home.........

[ericthai]

8 hours ago, robertson468 said:

My view exactly and I have to wonder what the OP's concern is.  His Uncle's or his own possible inheritance?  I am 73 and have been living in Thailand for over 12 years now.  We built Villas, a house for ourselves and an extra Town House.  I have thoroughly enjoyed living in our own House and the rentals have provided on average 100,000 baht per month.  I trust my Thai Wife 100%, but must admit that her Family have their own very comfortable life, so was not a "fortune seeker".  We lived together for over a year, then got married and three years after that, once I was totally sure of her I then turned the business over to her.  She is 47 years old now.  People need to understand.  Some relationships will work, some will not, but it is a matter of personal judgement of the other Party is you can trust them 100%.  No doubt at the moment he will be inclined to say yes, but he only needs to read of the other disasters that get published both on this Forum and the Papers.  If he lives to say 85+ one might think this is a fair thank you for her care of him?

good post!!!    It all comes down to choices.  Some of my friends keep choosing the wrong girl after girl. Some lost money others were smart.

[swissie]

Yes, a long OP post, but well worth reading. Assuming that OP reports the situation accurate and thruthfully, it descibes the thinking of a 74 year old "confused" man. There can be no doubt about it whatsoever.
2 questions:
- Does Uncle have some reliable monthly income from home-country?
- What is his total "net-worth"?

The fact, that he has been living frugally until he met the good woman and now suddenly feels the urge to invest in something that before he didn't even consider, makes me wonder who's idea this is.
To "keep it simple", by unconditionnaly putting everything in the ladies name raises the ultimate "red-flag". (Who's idea might that be?)

Some posters claim "It's his money, he can do with it as he pleases". That's correct.
It's just that I would rather see his money eventually go to his children instead of ending up in the pockets of some "Gold-Digging-Clan", 10'000 Km's away from his home-country. (Worst case scenario).

There is a reason why an increasing number of European countries limit the amount of pension money that can prematurely be taken out as a "lump-sum". Just too many pensioneers returning home broke and ending up on welfare.
Can only refer to statistics concerning my home-country. Most countrymen returnig home have had their last domicile in either Brazil or Thailand. Upon closer examination, in most cases, it is the "involvement" with "native females" that forced an unplanned early return.
Seems to me, above story has already all the necessary ingredients for a not "Happy Ending".
Cheers.

[sead]

no problem to buy house or condo in his name or yours for security. You have houses where 49/100 can be put in foreign name. She shouldnt be allowed to put her name in book. The best is that hes not married.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

4 hours ago, swissie said:

Yes, a long OP post, but well worth reading. Assuming that OP reports the situation accurate and thruthfully, it descibes the thinking of a 74 year old "confused" man. There can be no doubt about it whatsoever.

 

Has the OP met the lady?

 

Maybe she is a nice 47 year old woman, who just like him is lonely and needs companionship? Maybe he just wants to make her happy?

 

Or maybe she is a prostitute... who knows?

 

I am of opinion (even though some posters here call me old people hater) that it's no one's business how some guy who saved the  money all his life is supposed to spend it. Even if he is a complete basket case, it gives you no right to control his life and his money.... in fact it makes you look petty hoping for some kind of inheritance. 

 

As for him sending spreadsheets and supposedly making mistakes and not making sense..... perhaps he just feel guilty about spending his own money, so he tries to justify the purchase to you. Leave the man alone, for crying out loud.... this is probably the reason why he left for Thailand.

 

 

 

 

[Dionigi]

Are any of his relatives prepared to care for this man? Buying a house and having someone to look after him is probably much cheaper than it would cost him back home. Not all Thai women are in the business of ripping off farangs and there are a great many marriages here with the divorce rate probably the same as back home. So many people here only want to see the bad side of relationships here from where I stand all I see is men who run around with as many females as they can and wonder why their wives get annoyed and want a divorce. I would like to see the facts on marriages here against in the west to actually see what is happening anecdotes do not make facts.

[warriorbangkok]

My view exactly and I have to wonder what the OP's concern is.  His Uncle's or his own possible inheritance?  I am 73 and have been living in Thailand for over 12 years now.  We built Villas, a house for ourselves and an extra Town House.  I have thoroughly enjoyed living in our own House and the rentals have provided on average 100,000 baht per month.  I trust my Thai Wife 100%, but must admit that her Family have their own very comfortable life, so was not a "fortune seeker".  We lived together for over a year, then got married and three years after that, once I was totally sure of her I then turned the business over to her.  She is 47 years old now.  People need to understand.  Some relationships will work, some will not, but it is a matter of personal judgement of the other Party is you can trust them 100%.  No doubt at the moment he will be inclined to say yes, but he only needs to read of the other disasters that get published both on this Forum and the Papers.  If he lives to say 85+ one might think this is a fair thank you for her care of him?

 

I see elderly men with women two decades or more younger than them in Bangkok all the time.

 

One reason only: money.

 

It really is very simple.

 

The old man gets company, the woman gets money. It's a business deal.

 

 

[billd766]

11 minutes ago, warriorbangkok said:

 

Why would a 47 year old woman be interested in a 73 year old man?

One reason only.

You've built villas and a home and have a town house, and you're about to turn over the business to her because you're 'sure' of her.

I think I know why she's sticking around.

Think about it. Please. I see it all the the time in Bangkok - elderly men with women who are well over two decades younger. Do you really think that's workable, or normal?

A line from 'Private Dancer' (Steven Lawrence): 'Is as if all farangs leave their common sense with customs when they check in at the airport'

Do you have kids? Shouldn't they come first?






Sent from my iPhone using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

 

 

quote "Think about it. Please. I see it all the the time in Bangkok - elderly men with women who are well over two decades younger. Do you really think that's workable, or normal?"

 

Actually, yes I do think it is normal. My Dad was 15 years older than my Mum when they married in 1926 and their marriage only ended because my Dad died.
 

Why would a 28 year old Thai woman be interested in a 49 year old farang.

 

My Thai wife was, and still is even though she is 52 now and I am 73 and we have a son of 13.

 

I am quite happy in our marriage. Yes I bought land, a  house and a truck for her.

 

That was not much different to the UK when I was married before.

 

After the divorce I went away with all of my stuff that fitted into a Ford Mondeo estate plus my pensions while my ex wife ended up with the house, car and alimony.

 

Our son over there was 19 and working when we divorced so he wasn't a problem.

 

Neither of them expect anything when I die nor do I expect anything much other that some photos and momentoes when my ex wife dies.

[Dionigi]

President of the United States 71, wife 47, write to him and complain.

[Phil90]

On 3/7/2018 at 8:17 PM, swissie said:

Yes, a long OP post, but well worth reading. Assuming that OP reports the situation accurate and thruthfully, it descibes the thinking of a 74 year old "confused" man. There can be no doubt about it whatsoever.
2 questions:
- Does Uncle have some reliable monthly income from home-country?
- What is his total "net-worth"?

The fact, that he has been living frugally until he met the good woman and now suddenly feels the urge to invest in something that before he didn't even consider, makes me wonder who's idea this is.
To "keep it simple", by unconditionnaly putting everything in the ladies name raises the ultimate "red-flag". (Who's idea might that be?)

Some posters claim "It's his money, he can do with it as he pleases". That's correct.
It's just that I would rather see his money eventually go to his children instead of ending up in the pockets of some "Gold-Digging-Clan", 10'000 Km's away from his home-country. (Worst case scenario).

There is a reason why an increasing number of European countries limit the amount of pension money that can prematurely be taken out as a "lump-sum". Just too many pensioneers returning home broke and ending up on welfare.
Can only refer to statistics concerning my home-country. Most countrymen returnig home have had their last domicile in either Brazil or Thailand. Upon closer examination, in most cases, it is the "involvement" with "native females" that forced an unplanned early return.
Seems to me, above story has already all the necessary ingredients for a not "Happy Ending".
Cheers.

I see some very trollish replies that sound like they didn't read the whole post.  You got it though it sounds like.  Of course it's his money and he should spend it as he wants... but... he isn't making sense, he isn't being coherent or consistent, he was making tons of mistakes with his figures (sometimes order of magnitude mistakes), he didn't seek legal advice, he seemed to have no understanding and did no research on how the law applies to protecting his rights and so on.  That's the point.  Earlier in life he was extremely competent in all such matters. 

 

Anyway he has a small pension but not much and the home would probably represent around a third of his net worth although I don't know all the figures as far as net worth.

 

As you rightly pointed out, it's clear it's all her idea.

 

I don't care where the money ends up as long as it's not with the gold digger but it seems to be headed in that direction.  He could easily just rent a home without having the risk.

Edited March 8, 2018 by Phil90

[Phil90]

21 hours ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

 

Has the OP met the lady?

 

Maybe she is a nice 47 year old woman, who just like him is lonely and needs companionship? Maybe he just wants to make her happy?

 

Or maybe she is a prostitute... who knows?

 

I am of opinion (even though some posters here call me old people hater) that it's no one's business how some guy who saved the  money all his life is supposed to spend it. Even if he is a complete basket case, it gives you no right to control his life and his money.... in fact it makes you look petty hoping for some kind of inheritance. 

 

As for him sending spreadsheets and supposedly making mistakes and not making sense..... perhaps he just feel guilty about spending his own money, so he tries to justify the purchase to you. Leave the man alone, for crying out loud.... this is probably the reason why he left for Thailand.

 

 

 

 

Can't you read?  I said I'm not in line for inheritance, he has his own kids. 

What does making huge errors (even order of magnitude errors), have to do with "feeling guilty"?  Whatever his motivation, a man of his education level should be able to express himself clearly, concisely and consistently without making major mistakes in basic math if he is still in a right frame of mind.  You are ridiculous.

[billd766]

16 hours ago, Phil90 said:

I see some very trollish replies that sound like they didn't read the whole post.  You got it though it sounds like.  Of course it's his money and he should spend it as he wants... but... he isn't making sense, he isn't being coherent or consistent, he was making tons of mistakes with his figures (sometimes order of magnitude mistakes), he didn't seek legal advice, he seemed to have no understanding and did no research on how the law applies to protecting his rights and so on.  That's the point.  Earlier in life he was extremely competent in all such matters. 

 

Anyway he has a small pension but not much and the home would probably represent around a third of his net worth although I don't know all the figures as far as net worth.

 

As you rightly pointed out, it's clear it's all her idea.

 

I don't care where the money ends up as long as it's not with the gold digger but it seems to be headed in that direction.  He could easily just rent a home without having the risk.

 

Have you actually met the lady in question and talked with her?

[rickudon]

In my experience, about half the married men i know in Thailand are still married to the first wife they married here. Most of the rest were lucky second time round. A few just make the same mistakes again and again. I would say it has a 50/50 chance of working.

 

Most girls here when they marry want a house, and a small business if not in professional employment. Not surprising, most will not get a pension in Thailand sufficient to even buy enough food to live on. And if their husband is a lot older, they know he will not be able to provide for her in the future. So of course THEY want to secure their own future financially.

 

I understand the OP's concerns, but as said, it is his money, and although he is obviously a little bit confused  i doubt any doctor would say he was bad enough to not be able to look after his affairs. Yes, a condo would be a safer choice, and if he wants a house, try to suggest a smaller one (not sure of the area he lives in, but plenty of areas where a small modern house can be bought for under 3 million baht). And yes he needs a will.

 

You could suggest that he invests 50% of his money in the states to provide a larger income for him if his pension is small (small is a bit like a piece of string, but he does need about 40,000-50,000 baht a month income to avoid the savings eroding every month). A good income is better than a lump sum, if for no other reason, cynically, you could say better to be worth more alive to your wife, than dead!

[metisdead]

A post in ALL CAPS has been removed, please turn off your Caps Lock when posting. 

[sirineou]

 I just build a new home in Thailand. it cost about 2 million baht, a litle more than my pickup truck in the US.  

I did not read the whole OP so I might be missing a salient point  but the man is 74 years old, if he is to live to be 84 ( both my parent died to about that age) he has 10 years ahead of him. If he was buying an expensive car, that would be worth litle in ten years would anyone object?Why not let him enjoy these remaining years? build the house with a usecraft agreement, enjoy the companionship of a woman, look forward to the future with anything other than dying alone. .