Farang and Thai woman with two teens. Marry?

[sanemax]

2 minutes ago, 4MyEgo said:

 

on second thoughts your not worth it, 

 

Fark it.....TOSSA  

You will be sorry when you get a suspension 

[rumak]

3 minutes ago, possum1931 said:

in most cases, you treat people right and they will treat you right in return, of course there are exceptions.

and of course,  that is why there are so very few problems in the world ...

[4MyEgo]

1 minute ago, sanemax said:

You will be sorry when you get a suspension 

So Nutter is ok then is it, suspend away !

[sanemax]

6 minutes ago, possum1931 said:

I will repeat myself again. "Think common sense". My wifes two teenage kids were living with us, when we all moved in together, and they still are, she is working, she has her money and I have mine. We have three AC units, I contribute to the bill every month, and so do her son and daughter.

That is different if they are paying the bill .

In my case, I paid for everything

I dont/didnt even want the aircon on , I prefer warm, if I want to be somewhere wheres its 17 C , I would go back home 

[Lacessit]

I suspect the OP is only inquiring on the subject because the GF has asked him to marry her. IMHO he should provide for her as necessary, keep control of the purse strings, and not get married. Thai women crave security, for which I can't blame them. However, marry and there is a high risk of being thought of as an ATM by both the wife and the son.

[thaibeachlovers]

4 hours ago, scorecard said:

On the other hand we also have a farang in our outer circle, from day one, years back, he worked hard to slowly show the now wife's two kids (then around 8 and 10) that he respected them, cared, and he made sure they were included in every situation, he made food specifically for them. If they went to a Pizza restaurant he insisted that the kids order the food, and more.  At first they were terrified (and they had been conditioned by other family members, mostly a vicious old spinster aunt, that: farang are bad, farang are dangerous, farang are violent, farang want many mistresses, farang want to touch little kids, etc. The farang slowly got the kids to accept him and respect him. Today they are a happy balanced family, both kids in uni in Bkk, they come home often, step-dad always waiting for them at the bus station or airport (because he wants to).  

I must be a bit slow, but I always thought that a guy married a woman to have sex with her, and have a companion for his life. I don't understand why a guy would get married to support some other man's children and bring them up.

I made a mistake and thought I could have the woman, and her children would just get old enough to go off and have their own life somewhere else. I was wrong, of course, but had I understood I'd be bring up some other guys kids I'd never have got to the point of moving in together.

Like I say, I must be a bit slow not to understand why any guy would want to do so if he knew what was involved.

[thaibeachlovers]

3 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

I've always been very receptive towards women with children from a prior marriage. After you get to a certain age, do you really have much choice? If you exclude everyone who has had children from a prior marriage what are you left with? Infertile, unattractive, old maids? Pathetically chasing after girls young enough to be your grand daughter? But with that said, the truth is that in Thailand there are more risks associated with becoming a step-parent than you would likely encounter back home, and more caution is warranted. 

 

Let's say for purposes of discussion you're involved with a girl from a village who has children from a prior relationship. We'll leave the discussion of where you met this girl for another day. Chances are the father of her children was her childhood sweetheart from the local area. What happened to him? Is he in prison? Did he die prematurely from drug addiction, alcoholism, suicide, an at-fault accident? Did he have any traits like low intelligence, a mood disorder, impulsiveness, hot-headedness, or criminal inclination that contributed to his early demise or imprisonment? Have any of those traits been passed onto his offspring? Sure, some hidden personality disorder could emerge down the road with step-kids anywhere. Doesn't matter whether you're here or in the West. But in Thailand, there are more unknowns, less information is available. Chances are you're not going to meet the biological father, or be able to review medical and school records, or interview people who know the child's history. In many cases, at least early on, even having a meaningful conversation with the child might be a struggle. Because of all the language, logistical (travel), and cultural barriers (expectations of what the role of the father even is), the unknowns are higher in Thailand than they would be in your home country and a good understanding of the situation you are getting yourself into is going to take a longer time to develop.  For these reasons, taking extra time and being more cautious is well-advised.

WOW! Simpler to stay single and just rent than go through all that hooha to get married to a woman with children. In the end, it could amount to a waste of time anyway, as people break up for all sorts of reasons, none of which are considered while in the throes of lust with a new woman.

In my experience, children are a cause of breakup, rather than a beneficial presence. They add too much stress to an already stressful relationship- different culture and all that.

In my first relationship with a solo mother, I wouldn't have considered any of that, and after we broke up I would never have even considered anyone that had young children. The only situation I might have considered a mother with children would have been if they no longer lived with her.

 

 

[rumak]

New topic ??   Reason for my break-up with my beautiful thai gf/wife :

 

just a thought...................

[smotherb]

On 3/15/2018 at 3:50 AM, champers said:

The kid's dad or her dad?

And, who has the good job, the mother or the daughter? 

[OneMoreFarang]

5 minutes ago, smotherb said:

And, who has the good job, the mother or the daughter? 

The daughter is 13 years old...

[smotherb]

On 3/15/2018 at 11:56 AM, thaibeachlovers said:

As someone that had a partner with 2 teenage kids ( when I left them ), unless they both live elsewhere, RUN.

My Thai wife didn't have her own kids, but her ratbag nephew decided to make our home his own, and never did anything to contribute, except leave a mess for us to clean up ( her when I refused to do so anymore ).

 

You will never have a life where it's just you and her.

You will always come after her own children .

Is that what you really want?

You will also come after her family, her friends, her friend's children, her countrymen, the pet hamster and the soi dogs, but that is normal for most farang husbands.

 

 

If you do go ahead, make sure you're never in a position with the daughter where you could be compromised ie, never be in a room with just the 2 of you and the door closed. I'm sure I don't have to explain that.

While I tend to agree most farangs play a lower ranking part in the hierarchy of their wife's  preference list; I think that stems from the fact that they do not have an equitable reciprocal relationship.  However, I think the problem is marrying anyone with a lot of baggage--children, exes, bad habits, needy family, etc. Of course the older the woman is, the more likely baggage is associated.

[smotherb]

6 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

The daughter is 13 years old...

Yes, but that does not mean she does not work. However, the point is the lack of ability to properly write. The OP discusses two females, the mother and the daughter; then says "she," as if we know who he is talking about. Similarly, he did not explain which "dad." Such mistakes are commonplace.

[smotherb]

9 hours ago, Colabamumbai said:

From my experience, a lady without children, never married and without living parents is always a good bet.

Yes, indeed. A deaf, dumb, oversexed, 18 year old, virgin, orphan is at the top of the list. If only you could find one who is wealthy too.

[scorecard]

5 hours ago, possum1931 said:

What about the brothers, uncles and especially "cousins"? Most will be looking for their share

from the walking ATMs.

From the very start, make it clear that your partner must be responsible financially for herself, although that's not to say you won't give financial help sometimes, but that will be when you decide.

 

Well there's a million stories about this subject, many negative but the positive stories often not seen.

 

My Thai son and his uni. sweetheart were planning their full wedding. Both were aware that demands for money from gf's brothers and sisters could be a problem, also from the outer circle family could be a problem.

 

My son looks very Thai, his first name is very Thai but his family name is very western and didn't take long for the whole family to realize there's a farang link.

 

They asked for a meeting with his gf's parents and her brothers and sisters, and they told her parents in advance the theme of an announcement they planned to make and the amount of the planned sin sod and son also mentioned, as a secret not to be discussed, that in the event of serious sickness of gf's mother or father he would foot the bills.

 

The full meeting went as follows, my son announced 'I will give my wife's parents a good sin sod, a bit more than usual, details are already agreed, but the details will be private, and there can never be any further requests for money or gold or property, and nobody else in the family will have any details of the sin sod and it's not their business.

 

He then asked gf's parents 'Is the sin sod generous and acceptable and do you agree there can never be any further requests for money etc., etc., from any member of the family?'

 

Both of gf's parents spoke up and strongly agreed that the sin sod is very generous and agreed the subject will never come up again and said other members of the family are bound by this agreement.

 

All went silent.  Son waited for 10 minutes before thanking his future in-laws for permission to marry their daughter etc., son and gf got in their car and left.

 

My son was waiting for some calls, 'but what about me... etc.' 12 years on, subject has never come up.  

 

But I guess it could well have turned out differently. 

 

 

Edited March 16, 2018 by scorecard

[thailand49]

Sounds like this is a subject you might want to discuss with her regardless of you being in Thailand? 

[Lacessit]

1 hour ago, smotherb said:

Of course the older the woman is, the more likely baggage is associated.

Eh? You have anecdotal or statistical evidence of this assertion?

[Gecko123]

2 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

WOW! Simpler to stay single and just rent than go through all that hooha to get married to a woman with children. In the end, it could amount to a waste of time anyway, as people break up for all sorts of reasons, none of which are considered while in the throes of lust with a new woman.

In my experience, children are a cause of breakup, rather than a beneficial presence. They add too much stress to an already stressful relationship- different culture and all that.

In my first relationship with a solo mother, I wouldn't have considered any of that, and after we broke up I would never have even considered anyone that had young children. The only situation I might have considered a mother with children would have been if they no longer lived with her.

 

 

I was just trying to illustrate that there are more unknowns when you're dealing with step-kids. Was just giving the OP things to consider, not a background security clearance checklist. By the way, while renting will probably always be an option, the idea that there's an endless supply of available women who have never had children is somewhat debatable, especially as one gets older. Wikipedia says the average age for Thai females to marry is 21 [2010] and mean age at time of first birth is 23 [2013]. Thais, especially in the countryside, tend to start families earlier in life than in the West. So if a foreign guy in his late 30's to early 60's, after reading the many posts which scorn women with children, thinks there will be scores of bare-breasted childless women wading out into the surf to greet their arrival on the HMS Bounty, they may be in for a disappointment.

 

Earlier you sounded genuinely perplexed as to why anyone would ever marry someone with kids from a prior relationship, so I'll try to answer your question. Some people like the home environment that kids bring. Some guys never had kids of their own, think it's too late in life to start a new family, so the next best thing is being a step-parent. Some think being around young people keeps them young, provides a sense of purpose, and - if it turns out well - a sense of fulfillment.

Edited March 16, 2018 by Gecko123

[LukKrueng]

7 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Of course I realise that, but we could get run over by a bus if we don't look before crossing the road. We can only do what we can to minimise the chance of catastrophe, but nothing in life is guaranteed.

As long as the man and girl are never in a room with the door closed, the man refuses to be left alone in the house with her, and stays in a room with other people while in the house, the chances of false accusation are reduced significantly.

You kinda missed the point. Let me try to explain. Would you do business with someone you suspect or think he is about to cheat you? Would you go into any venture if you think there is a chance for you to be screwed coz you don't trust the other person / people??

The advise you give the OP here is something like: sure, go get married with the women, but take into consideration you might be screwed by her or her family members...

In real life of a family there is no way to avoid being left alone with another member of the household. Do I have to paint some unavoidable scenarios for you? 
1. You are home a lone when the kid comes back from school. So what would you do? tell the kid to go somewhere till the mother gets back? You leave the house and come back when it is "safe"?

2. You are all at home, you are sleeping, wife needs to get something from 7/11. So every time she should wake you and send you for this? Must she always take the kid with her??

3. School is finished for today, wife can't make it in time to get the kid. You refuse to pick the kid up?

 

Need any more such scenarios?? 

 

Apart from all that, if the women wants to make a false accusation she can say anything she wants even if you managed to never be left alone with the kid. She can say you went into the bathroom when the kid was in the shower even if you were actually siting in the kitchen with her at the time. Unless of course you bring a mate to be with you 24/7 as a witness....

 

So the point is that: If you are worried to be accused of any wrong doing because you don't trust the person,  don't get involved with that person in the first place

[NoshowJones]

1 hour ago, scorecard said:

 

Well there's a million stories about this subject, many negative but the positive stories often not seen.

 

My Thai son and his uni. sweetheart were planning their full wedding. Both were aware that demands for money from gf's brothers and sisters could be a problem, also from the outer circle family could be a problem.

 

My son looks very Thai, his first name is very Thai but his family name is very western and didn't take long for the whole family to realize there's a farang link.

 

They asked for a meeting with his gf's parents and her brothers and sisters, and they told her parents in advance the theme of an announcement they planned to make and the amount of the planned sin sod and son also mentioned, as a secret not to be discussed, that in the event of serious sickness of gf's mother or father he would foot the bills.

 

The full meeting went as follows, my son announced 'I will give my wife's parents a good sin sod, a bit more than usual, details are already agreed, but the details will be private, and there can never be any further requests for money or gold or property, and nobody else in the family will have any details of the sin sod and it's not their business.

 

He then asked gf's parents 'Is the sin sod generous and acceptable and do you agree there can never be any further requests for money etc., etc., from any member of the family?'

 

Both of gf's parents spoke up and strongly agreed that the sin sod is very generous and agreed the subject will never come up again and said other members of the family are bound by this agreement.

 

All went silent.  Son waited for 10 minutes before thanking his future in-laws for permission to marry their daughter etc., son and gf got in their car and left.

 

My son was waiting for some calls, 'but what about me... etc.' 12 years on, subject has never come up.  

 

But I guess it could well have turned out differently. 

 

 

That's a good story, but to my knowledge, in most cases involving sin sods, it is returned after the wedding. None of my wifes parents, three brothers and sister have ever asked me for any money, and again as far as I know sinsod is only paid where the wife does not have any children, so that would have ruled me out.

[SOTIRIOS]

.....no sir...

 

...we imagine emotions being returned.....we only imagine them....

 

...my opinion...

 

...many ...with good intentions have been outdone.... and undone...

 

[OneMoreFarang]

 

46 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

2 hours ago, smotherb said:

Of course the older the woman is, the more likely baggage is associated.

Eh? You have anecdotal or statistical evidence of this assertion?

More time = more time to collect baggage. Isn't that obvious?

[scorecard]

2 hours ago, possum1931 said:

That's a good story, but to my knowledge, in most cases involving sin sods, it is returned after the wedding. None of my wifes parents, three brothers and sister have ever asked me for any money, and again as far as I know sinsod is only paid where the wife does not have any children, so that would have ruled me out.

 

I asked my Thai son about this, he quickly confirmed that sinsod is sometimes quietly returned after the wedding. 

 

I asked him about '...sinsod is only paid where the wife does not have any children...' He asked me to repeat the words, he thought about then said that he's never heard this and said it's returned / not returned case by case, not by any 'rules'. 

 

[smotherb]

5 hours ago, Lacessit said:

Eh? You have anecdotal or statistical evidence of this assertion?

More like sensible logic. Older, more chance to have had men, children, bad habits.

[smotherb]

4 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

 

More time = more time to collect baggage. Isn't that obvious?

Yeah, but some simply don't have a clue.

[sanemax]

2 hours ago, scorecard said:

I asked him about '...sinsod is only paid where the wife does not have any children...' He asked me to repeat the words, he thought about then said that he's never heard this and said it's returned / not returned case by case, not by any 'rules'. 

As far as I am aware , sinsod is only paid to previously non married, no child and sometimes no previous boyfriend, girls .

[swissie]

1 hour ago, sanemax said:

As far as I am aware , sinsod is only paid to previously non married, no child and sometimes no previous boyfriend, girls .

Absolutely correct. No Thai would pay Sin-Sod for a "used article" unless she is truly Hi-So.
Farangs having payed Sin Sod (unreturned after marriage), have been taken for a ride right at the beginning.
Ignorance is bliss, but not for Farangs in Thailand.
Cheers.

[swissie]

As I gather, pre-existing kids/family can become a major problem. To eliminate the kids/family risk factor and therefore increasing the "success-rate" of a Farang/Thai marriage DRAMATICALLY, I suggest the following:
- Sneaking around Female Buddhist Temples as part of a clandestine operation, trying to pick a "monkess" that was raised in an orphanage before. Having isolated one: Kidnap her!

I could imagine, that this could even be considered as an illegal act in Thailand. (not sure).
If yes, would the punishment/fine be more or less severe than a Farang dropping a cigarette butt on a Thai beach?
Cheers.
PS: In a country where a 22 year old Female without child is being considered as "strange" in rural Thailand (what's wrong with her?), obviously it's hard to find a Lady without "baggage". Unless we can come up with creative alternatives as mentioned above, we will have to take what's around. Take it or leave it, I guess.

[Pilotman]

7 hours ago, swissie said:

Absolutely correct. No Thai would pay Sin-Sod for a "used article" unless she is truly Hi-So.
Farangs having payed Sin Sod (unreturned after marriage), have been taken for a ride right at the beginning.
Ignorance is bliss, but not for Farangs in Thailand.
Cheers.

sorry, that is not quite correct.  A young girl, previously married, can re marry and sin sot is paid by the new husband.  It has happened twice in my own Thai family. 

[thaibeachlovers]

18 hours ago, Lacessit said:

Eh? You have anecdotal or statistical evidence of this assertion?

????????????????

As we get older we all pick up emotional and physical baggage. It's inevitable as a part of living.

I would have thought that was self evident.

[thaibeachlovers]

34 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

Possibly so. However, at the risk of going off topic, I would point out calling me clueless, or claiming you are logical is a bit rich when you passionately defend the right to bear arms, while children are being routinely slaughtered in US schools. Or is routinely slaughtered a sweeping generalisation? The evidence says otherwise.

People in glass houses should not throw stones.

Introducing a "trap" subject which can't be answered to the satisfaction of anyone, depending on which side of the equation one is on, is not welcome in a thread in which it is completely off topic and contributes nothing to the actual subject of the discussion.

Need I point out that none of the threads are about us as individuals, no matter how much some would try to make it so.