Farang and Thai woman with two teens. Marry?

[marko kok prong]

Currently building a house for my wife ,me and her 2 kids both nice polite kids boy 15 girl 12,however i have warned my wife these are the only people who will be staying there,she lives at her Mothers at present,i spent about close to 1 mil doing up the top storey of that and putting in a carport. I have already told her if she tries to <deleted> me over i will demolish the house,and the one opposite i own,both are new builds.As for her Mother who although i like i do not want living with us,she has assured me she will be okay at the old house which is 5 mins drive away and her Mums sister lives next door,having experience of this before when i lived in the village,my ex wife first imported her son a complete lazy little S#%* then her father who hated me from day one,and eventually tried to kill me,but that was her house not mine,this is mine okay the chanotes will be in her name but i will and she has agreed on a 30 year lease for both houses.

 So no cousins or brothers or sisters staying. Though i did mention any of her sexier girlfriends could stay,in the bed with the two of us if the need arose.Also agree with the poster about being alone with the daughter,not a good idea i can already see her daughter will be very beautiful,i just hope to God her mother has told her not to get pregnant at 18 or something,i have said i am quite willing to pay for her to go to Uni,the son is going to Japan to live with relatives and hopefully get a job with Toyota or other jap car company and eventually return here highly skilled.So at least this time i think i have a chance of it turning out okay . would hate to end up demolishing 2 houses worth about 7.5 mil combined  but i will if i have to,i have worked out Thai women want and need an iron fisted approach,they do not want a wishy washy sensetive man.Thai men are not like that,so they expect that the Husband has the final say on such things,she has her place ,i have mine in the relationship and i tell you Sirs i will brook no deviation from my set course.

[marko kok prong]

On 3/16/2018 at 8:08 AM, Colabamumbai said:

From my experience, a lady without children, never married and without living parents is always a good bet.

Yes but very hard to find.

[marko kok prong]

On 3/16/2018 at 10:56 AM, thesetat2013 said:

Something else to consider.  I read a thread about a foreigner husband and thai wife being forced to pay for the sons misdeeds even though the son lived elsewhere with the parental father. You will be as the most able to pay alot. Whether he gets into trouble or impregnated a girl. The son or daughter will run to mommy and mom will of course be coercing you to agree by any means

No my wife has about 400,000 i gave her as a wedding present i have made it clear if her son messes it up it is down to her to sort it.

[thaibeachlovers]

18 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

I was just trying to illustrate that there are more unknowns when you're dealing with step-kids. Was just giving the OP things to consider, not a background security clearance checklist. By the way, while renting will probably always be an option, the idea that there's an endless supply of available women who have never had children is somewhat debatable, especially as one gets older. Wikipedia says the average age for Thai females to marry is 21 [2010] and mean age at time of first birth is 23 [2013]. Thais, especially in the countryside, tend to start families earlier in life than in the West. So if a foreign guy in his late 30's to early 60's, after reading the many posts which scorn women with children, thinks there will be scores of bare-breasted childless women wading out into the surf to greet their arrival on the HMS Bounty, they may be in for a disappointment.

 

Earlier you sounded genuinely perplexed as to why anyone would ever marry someone with kids from a prior relationship, so I'll try to answer your question. Some people like the home environment that kids bring. Some guys never had kids of their own, think it's too late in life to start a new family, so the next best thing is being a step-parent. Some think being around young people keeps them young, provides a sense of purpose, and - if it turns out well - a sense of fulfillment.

Thank you for a well thought out and reasoned response to my question.

 

I mentioned renting as an alternative to getting into marriage with a solo mother, but that could also be living with a solo woman till the situation became undesirable, or one discovered that the children were so delightful that one was happy, desirous even, to form a proper family unit. 

I met a beautiful young Thai lady in the 90s, with a delightful 3 year old daughter that if I had met her 10 years ago I would be very favourably inclined to try a live in relationship, so I'm not totally opposed to the concept.

BTW, I'm not opposed to children per se, but I wouldn't even try again if they were "formed", as my experience of such with my first partner poisoned my life to such an extent that I try to forget that period of my life.

I guess I worded my post incorrectly, as I should have said that I don't understand why anyone would ever marry someone with OLDER kids from a prior relationship, so I apologise for that.

 

I agree that the chance of finding a Thai woman without children over 25 or so is limited, but, like my ex, they are out there, if one waits long enough to find them.

[marko kok prong]

On 3/16/2018 at 11:01 AM, thaibeachlovers said:

Of course I realise that, but we could get run over by a bus if we don't look before crossing the road. We can only do what we can to minimise the chance of catastrophe, but nothing in life is guaranteed.

As long as the man and girl are never in a room with the door closed, the man refuses to be left alone in the house with her, and stays in a room with other people while in the house, the chances of false accusation are reduced significantly.

Exactly,i have been requested to pick the girl up from school on several occasions in the wet season,i refuse to do so unless my wife is with me,the girl is very nice to me never really having a proper Dad,i gave her 500 baht and a big Teddy bear for her birthday,in full view of the rest of the family best to be safe.

[Lacessit]

29 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

????????????????

As we get older we all pick up emotional and physical baggage. It's inevitable as a part of living.

I would have thought that was self evident.

Normally, I would agree with you. However, I've noticed Thais live in the moment - they don't seem to accumulate emotional baggage the way Westerners do. As far as physical baggage goes, Thai women for the most part age a lot better than their Western counterparts.

[thaibeachlovers]

17 minutes ago, marko kok prong said:

however i have warned my wife these are the only people who will be staying there

I'm with you there, but from my experience, you can't allow anyone else to stay even one night, or it will become harder to stop it happening again.

Where I went wrong was allowing the nephew to stay whenever he felt like it. Hindsight is wonderful, but had I told my ex that if he stayed I'd be moving out ( and she could come with me ) the first time he wanted to do so, she might not be an ex today. It wasn't my house, which complicated things, but by allowing it to happen, it began the process that led to our break up.

[Lacessit]

30 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Introducing a "trap" subject which can't be answered to the satisfaction of anyone, depending on which side of the equation one is on, is not welcome in a thread in which it is completely off topic and contributes nothing to the actual subject of the discussion.

Need I point out that none of the threads are about us as individuals, no matter how much some would try to make it so.

I am suitably reproved. I would point out, however, that I was not the one who started casting aspersions.

[thaibeachlovers]

Just now, Lacessit said:

I am suitably reproved. I would point out, however, that I was not the one who started casting aspersions.

I wasn't addressing only you!

 

 

[marko kok prong]

Re the girl topic, lets not forget in rural Thailand it is not unknown that the natural Father of the girls who does not run off,consume's a large amount of Lao Khao and interfere's with his daughters,both my ex wife and her sister suffered this from the foul creature that was thier father,who tried to kill me and broke up our marriage.

 One day i saw the old bastard riding his motorcycle combination along a large deep ditch roadside beckoned,full of water,all it needed was a nudge he would have been in it no other traffic on the road,i still regret i didn't do it.

[Lacessit]

12 minutes ago, marko kok prong said:

Exactly,i have been requested to pick the girl up from school on several occasions in the wet season,i refuse to do so unless my wife is with me,the girl is very nice to me never really having a proper Dad,i gave her 500 baht and a big Teddy bear for her birthday,in full view of the rest of the family best to be safe.

We really are influenced by the customs of our home countries.

Picture this: My GF's grandaughter ( age 13 ) swanned off with a similar age girlfriend from Big C across the highway in Chiang Rai to Central Festival. Gone for 3 hours, regarded as normal by my GF.

That scenario would be almost unthinkable in Australia.

[marko kok prong]

5 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

We really are influenced by the customs of our home countries.

Picture this: My GF's grandaughter ( age 13 ) swanned off with a similar age girlfriend from Big C across the highway in Chiang Rai to Central Festival. Gone for 3 hours, regarded as normal by my GF.

That scenario would be almost unthinkable in Australia.

Totally agree,Thai women are far more highly sexed though when i lived in the village a girl of 14 over the road had a seperate shack ,one night her boyfriend came round and they did it,the stupid <deleted> instead of making his escape he fell asleep and was discovered in the morning,eventually i think 10,000 baht was agreed upon as compo.

[sanemax]

9 minutes ago, marko kok prong said:

Totally agree,Thai women are far more highly sexed though when i lived in the village a girl of 14 over the road had a seperate shack ,one night her boyfriend came round and they did it,the stupid <deleted> instead of making his escape he fell asleep and was discovered in the morning,eventually i think 10,000 baht was agreed upon as compo.

Lets not yet again talk about underage sex , its gives many guys on here the horn

[rumak]

48 minutes ago, marko kok prong said:

No my wife has about 400,000 i gave her as a wedding present i have made it clear if her son messes it up it is down to her to sort it.

reminds me of the saying :   I'm the boss in my family !   And i have my wife's permission to say so !

[rumak]

51 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I agree that the chance of finding a Thai woman without children over 25 or so is limited, but, like my ex, they are out there, if one waits long enough to find them.

The longer one is here , the more experience one has,  and the better one's language skills get....the more

chance of success.  (that is of course for all except the guys who come here knowing it all already).

I too have found a nice lady over 30 who does not have children and does not cause me any grief.  Actually, there are a lot out there ...BUT....refer back to my original sentence.

[OneMoreFarang]

18 hours ago, marko kok prong said:

Currently building a house for my wife ,me and her 2 kids both nice polite kids boy 15 girl 12,however i have warned my wife these are the only people who will be staying there,she lives at her Mothers at present,i spent about close to 1 mil doing up the top storey of that and putting in a carport. I have already told her if she tries to <deleted> me over i will demolish the house,and the one opposite i own,both are new builds

Are you happy living in a relationship like that?

 

I understand that you don't want other people living in your house. But there should be better ways to make sure your wife understands that point.

 

[scorecard]

5 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Are you happy living in a relationship like that?

 

I understand that you don't want other people living in your house. But there should be better ways to make sure your wife understands that point.

 

 

Wonder if this is a 'make her frightened' approach, not a good recipe for happiness. 

 

[BTB1977]

Don't marry. Do the buddha wedding. There is no sin sod for an old women with 2 kids. And make it very clear that her kids are not your kids. If the kids need money say that's between her and their father. 

[swissie]

19 hours ago, Pilotman said:

sorry, that is not quite correct.  A young girl, previously married, can re marry and sin sot is paid by the new husband.  It has happened twice in my own Thai family. 

Possible, as long as the young woman is without child, has good looks and is not from the poorest family in the village.
- There is something like "marrying-up". Having the chance to "marry-up", most Thai men will go into dept to cease the opportunity. At this point, the "sin-sod" becomes an investment. The "investor" hoping that the "sin-sod-investment" will be returned manyfold over time.

Don't know how far or close you are related to the 2 ladies that you mentioned. Possibly, the very fact that they are related to you (the rich Farang), makes them "sin-sod" worthy. If so, the element of "marrying-up" may have played a role.
--------------------------------
- Otherwise, I remain firm in my statement: A Thai Male is not prepared to pay for a "used-article", especially not, if the new queen of his heart brings along any "baggage".

Farangs are somewhat different. There is a reason why Farangs are quite popular in Thailand. I venture to say, that it is not because they have lost 76% of their hair and feature an impressive Beer-Belly. Some elderly Farangs seek "Family-Life" in Thailand. Convinced that their financial and emotional efforts, will be appreciated by wife, step-sons/step daughters by the time they get older and more fragile.

Sometimes it works out that way. Sometimes it does not. No way of knowing in advance.

Care to sit down at the Roulette Table anyone? Still a few seats unoccupied.
Cheers.     

[sead]

Why you need to marry? Dont fall for it if she is saying that family looks bad at her if she is not married and have bf bla bla. 

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, sead said:

Why you need to marry? Dont fall for it if she is saying that family looks bad at her if she is not married and have bf bla bla. 

I agree he doesn't have to marry her (now). But I think it's not fair to describe what actually happens as bla bla bla. It happens! Women are constantly asked why they are not married and/or why they have no children. This puts a lot of pressure on them. You can ask them to ignore this pressure or talk with her how to handle it. But the pressure exists - not only in her imagination.

[Ulysses G.]

On 3/15/2018 at 1:33 AM, OneMoreFarang said:

I get the idea what could happen but I am interested why you write he should never put himself into such a position. What do you think might happen?

1) the guy misbehaves

2) the girl misbehaves

3) independent of what may have happened: the mother will complain

4) independent of what may have happened: the daughter will use it against him

I would have though as long as the guy and his step daughter behave like they should there shouldn't be any problem. Or not?

A lot of Thai women have told me that some Thai men marry women with cute daughters and consider the girls part of the deal.

[OneMoreFarang]

5 minutes ago, Ulysses G. said:

A lot of Thai women have told me that some Thai men marry women with cute daughters and consider the girls part of the deal.

Yes, true. But unfortunately it is also true in some cases that the mother of the cute girl agrees to this kind of "arrangement".

[metisdead]

Some offensive bickering posts which were reported have been removed as well as the replies. 

[thaibeachlovers]

17 hours ago, scorecard said:

 

Wonder if this is a 'make her frightened' approach, not a good recipe for happiness. 

 

If one marries only to get sex "on tap", and a housekeeper, that approach works just fine.

If one marries because one is in "loooove", not so much.

[sanemax]

7 hours ago, Ulysses G. said:

A lot of Thai women have told me that some Thai men marry women with cute daughters and consider the girls part of the deal.

How many is "alot" ?

One drunk woman in a bar talking about her ex  ?

[thaibeachlovers]

23 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Are you happy living in a relationship like that?

 

I understand that you don't want other people living in your house. But there should be better ways to make sure your wife understands that point.

 

I doubt it. If my experience is in any way typical, what we want is irrelevant without some "big guns" to make it clear who's paying the bills and expects things to be a certain way. As long as that is made clear BEFORE getting married, it's up to her to accept it or not get married.

[Straight8]

On 3/16/2018 at 4:03 PM, sanemax said:

I havent read all the thread, but is the Woman in the O.P. requesting sinsot, or did you just make that bit up (and have the Children in question asked for gadgets and things ?) ?

Well when a farang gets married to a Thai, what do you think happens, most of the time. Good luck to the OP if this isn't the case, but really, marrying a woman with 2 teenage kids, and you're not expected to  provide.

 

Again, for the OP's sake hope it isn't the case, but I'm sure that hands will be put out in one form or another.

 

If you think otherwise, then keep your head in the sand.

[MaeJoMTB]

On 17/03/2018 at 1:23 PM, marko kok prong said:

 I have already told her if she tries to <deleted> me over i will demolish the house,and the one opposite i own,both are new builds...........  the chanotes will be in her name but i will and she has agreed on a 30 year lease for both houses.

........ . would hate to end up demolishing 2 houses worth about 7.5 mil 

Dead men demolish no houses. 

[sanemax]

33 minutes ago, Straight8 said:

Well when a farang gets married to a Thai, what do you think happens, most of the time. Good luck to the OP if this isn't the case, but really, marrying a woman with 2 teenage kids, and you're not expected to  provide.

Again, for the OP's sake hope it isn't the case, but I'm sure that hands will be put out in one form or another.

If you think otherwise, then keep your head in the sand.

Ah, OK, I misunderstood what you meant as "part of the deal" of the marriage