Farang and Thai woman with two teens. Marry?

[BobBKK]

1 hour ago, sanemax said:

How many is "alot" ?

One drunk woman in a bar talking about her ex  ?

 

Ulysses has lived in Thailand and had business here many, many years and he would not say that if he had not heard it although it is, obviously, shocking.

[sanemax]

1 hour ago, Straight8 said:

Well when a farang gets married to a Thai, what do you think happens, most of the time. Good luck to the OP if this isn't the case, but really, marrying a woman with 2 teenage kids, and you're not expected to  provide.

 

Again, for the OP's sake hope it isn't the case, but I'm sure that hands will be put out in one form or another.

 

If you think otherwise, then keep your head in the sand.

When he stated "cute" daughters as "part of the deal" , sounded like he meant something other than just to financially provide

[BobBKK]

Just now, sanemax said:

When he stated "cute" daughters as "part of the deal" , sounded like he meant something other than just to financially provide

Hmm that's what I took it to mean to be honest otherwise why the 'cute' bit?

[sanemax]

3 minutes ago, BobBKK said:

Hmm that's what I took it to mean to be honest otherwise why the 'cute' bit?

And that is not a topic that I have ever discussed with anyone, male or female .

I would say that that topic is drunken bargirl talk

[BobBKK]

Just now, sanemax said:

And that is not a topic that I have ever discussed with anyone, male or female .

I would say that that topic is drunken bargirl talk

 

No I don't agree with you there and TIT, and many things go on, but we know you don't like the rosy picture challenged. Anyhow it may be a misunderstanding on this occasion.

[Gecko123]

10 hours ago, Ulysses G. said:

A lot of Thai women have told me that some Thai men marry women with cute daughters and consider the girls part of the deal.

@OneMoreFarang

@BobBKK

@sanemax

 

Children and step-children are abused and sexually abused by parents and step-parents all over the world. As is the case worldwide, only a fraction of cases are reported. I would not be surprised if due to poverty, education levels, policing, and poor child welfare infrastructure, the problem of under-reporting was higher in Thailand than in Western countries. But it is important to point out that under-reporting doesn't necessarily mean that incest or sexual abuse involving minors is more tolerated in Thai society than elsewhere. If the suggestion is being made that sexual abuse or incest is more tolerated here than in other countries, I would question the basis for that assertion.

 

In Thailand reports of abuse and sexual abuse committed by Thai parents and step-parents appear in the Thai media fairly regularly and are almost always treated as deserving of strong condemnation. Any women you have talked to about this subject are in all likelihood relying heavily on these same news reports to form their opinions, rather than speaking from direct first hand experience. While some Thai men probably clearly do harbor such fantasies, I seriously question whether the average lay person would be in a position to accurately quantify the number as "a lot."

 

The idea that other than in extremely isolated cases Thai women permit their daughters to be raped by step-fathers is outrageous misinformation.

Edited March 18, 2018 by Gecko123

[sanemax]

2 hours ago, BobBKK said:

 

No I don't agree with you there and TIT, and many things go on, but we know you don't like the rosy picture challenged. Anyhow it may be a misunderstanding on this occasion.

I am well aware that things do indeed go on , its just IMO that when you have a relationship with a woman , its isnt a regular occurrence to also have a relationship with her daughter .

[jenny2017]

OP, you want to marry a mother of two kids, but you haven't yet seen her daughter?

 

    First try to get to know her and all she's done before. perhaps you'll find some dead bodies under your bed?

 

          

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

The idea that other than in extremely isolated cases Thai women permit their daughters to be raped by step-fathers is outrageous misinformation.

Unfortunately it's not misinformation. Over the years I heard about several cases where I met the daughter, the mother and the accused guy. Do I have prof? No. Can I do something about it? Probably not.

 

In the latest case I know the daughter was 15 when I first heard about it and now she is 20. And it seems by now the guy changed from an relationship with the mother to a relationship with the daughter. The mother seems to think she can't do anything about it. She tells everybody she wants to go away from the guy since years but she doesn't do it. And it seems the daughter feels somehow privileged that now she is most important woman in the household and not her mother anymore. It's sick, but it's not my business.

 

All their neighbors and family must see what is going on but it seems nobody cares. Should I as a farang get involved and go to the police or what? It's sad but it is reality in Thailand.

[Ulysses G.]

14 hours ago, sanemax said:

How many is "alot" ?

 

10, 20... I did not count. There is a somewhat famous Thai movie with that info in the plot. I don't know the name, but saw it long ago with a hooker who voiced her own experiences as commentary.

[Gecko123]

8 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Unfortunately it's not misinformation. Over the years I heard about several cases where I met the daughter, the mother and the accused guy. Do I have prof? No. It's sad but it is reality in Thailand.

I'm not a Thai apologist who refuses to see any social evil here, gallantly defending Thai culture's virtue. The issue isn't whether or not this has ever happened in Thailand. I'm sure it has, as it has everywhere. But you're taking one maybe two examples and claiming it's a trend. I think it's dangerous to overgeneralize about this. Some guys might get the idea that this is the norm over here, might think, hey, maybe I can do the same thing. I'm saying this is far from acceptable behavior in Thailand, and it's inaccurate to say this happens "a lot" in Thailand.

 

3 minutes ago, Ulysses G. said:

10, 20... I did not count. There is a somewhat famous Thai movie with that info in the plot. I don't know the name, but saw it long ago with a hooker who voiced her own experiences as commentary.

Incest? Child-rape? Pretty dark and taboo conversation topics, wouldn't you say. How does that come up in a conversation? I've talked to plenty of Thais over the years. Subject's never come up. But you've talked to maybe 20 women? Some studies have shown that many prostitutes are victims of childhood sexual abuse, so maybe if it's prostitutes who are reporting this, that's something to consider.

 

I teach in an area with a lot of risk factors for child sexual abuse (poverty, rural isolation, alcoholism, drug addiction, light police presence, single parent households/absent parents). I've observed a few cases over the past 15 years. There's an older unmarried man who knocked up a developmentally slow young woman, who might be a family relation. The young Thai daughter of a Thai woman who married a foreigner in my area showed unmistakable signs of having been traumatized, possibly sexually. At school, I remember one girl showed signs of having been traumatized. I''m going to check at the local hospitals and police stations but just from day to day activities haven't seen or heard any evidence that it happens more than in other countries. A husband sleeping with his daughter would be viewed as scandalous and I can't imagine any wife in town tolerating this. IIt should also be noted that in the news, it is the mother of the abused child who usually reports the abuse to the police.

 

[greenchair]

The daughter is living with the father, so I don't know why you are talking about raising her. 

I hope you don't have plans to come barrelling in, rip her out of the home she has known for 13 years because you think you can do a better job. 

The boy is 15. he's already been raided. He's in a vocational school, which means he failed in the mainstream. He's living with the mother, you are highly likely to clash. 

If you lived seperate until he's up and gone or when he gets working, move her into your world, you'll be fine. If you move in, expect 5 years of misery and an empty bank. 

[thaibeachlovers]

33 minutes ago, greenchair said:

I hope you don't have plans to come barrelling in, rip her out of the home she has known for 13 years because you think you can do a better job. 

Well said.

The OP would have to be barking to think he can just move into an established situation with a woman he doesn't know well, and start changing people's living arrangements.

That's just asking for all sorts of trouble.

Whatever, the OP is just along for the ride, and has little say in it, even if he ends up paying.

[smutcakes]

On 3/16/2018 at 12:17 PM, sanemax said:

Why do you allow them to behave like that ?

When the ex Gf's family came to stay with me , they could use the aircon all day, costs was 100 Baht per day in advance paid to me  .

   They make a mess , THEY tidy up .

I will buy them a beer, if I choose to do so . 

This is MY house and MY rules , *If you dont like it, you can all <deleted> off*

Which they did , which is why she is now my ex

You charged you gf's family a 100 baht a day to use the AC? That is beyond pathetic and its posts like this which makes me understand why so many men have bad experiences with Thai women. i.e its the man who is the problem not the women. How you can cast aspersion in the behavior of anyone else when you behave like that is beyond me.

How is that acceptable behavior in any country?

You must be trolling.

[sanemax]

9 hours ago, smutcakes said:

You charged you gf's family a 100 baht a day to use the AC? That is beyond pathetic and its posts like this which makes me understand why so many men have bad experiences with Thai women. i.e its the man who is the problem not the women. How you can cast aspersion in the behavior of anyone else when you behave like that is beyond me.

How is that acceptable behavior in any country?

You must be trolling.

Making them pay for what they use ?

I was very generous allowing them to stay for rent free

I have had previous problems with cockroaches and rats in my abode

Managed to get rid of them

Last thing that I want is to have human parasites living off me in my abode

 

 

[Straight8]

1 hour ago, sanemax said:

Making them pay for what they use ?

I was very generous allowing them to stay for rent free

I have had previous problems with cockroaches and rats in my abode

Managed to get rid of them

Last thing that I want is to have human parasites living off me in my abode

 

 

Seems they already are living off you in your own abode.

 

100 baht a day, damn bargain.!!!!

[thaibeachlovers]

8 hours ago, Straight8 said:

Seems they already are living off you in your own abode.

 

100 baht a day, damn bargain.!!!!

They could get their own place for that much. Perhaps that is the plan.

[jackdd]

On 18.3.2018 at 4:36 PM, sanemax said:

And that is not a topic that I have ever discussed with anyone, male or female .

I would say that that topic is drunken bargirl talk

That mothers try to "sell" their daughters is really nothing special in Thailand, so these kind of deals wouldn't surprise me

[sanemax]

1 minute ago, jackdd said:

That mothers try to "sell" their daughters is really nothing special in Thailand, so these kind of deals wouldn't surprise me

Have you witnessed this happening ?

Or have you just heard bargirls talking about other bargirls ?

The bargirl that got married and all the other bargirls are suggesting that her husband only married her to get her daughter ?

[jackdd]

2 minutes ago, sanemax said:

Have you witnessed this happening ?

Or have you just heard bargirls talking about other bargirls ?

The bargirl that got married and all the other bargirls are suggesting that her husband only married her to get her daughter ?

I usually don't hangout with bargirls, and i just said "it would not surprise me" based on other experiences that i had, not that i know anybody in such a relationship personally.

[Goodwill Jones]

On ‎3‎/‎16‎/‎2018 at 3:04 AM, smotherb said:

And, who has the good job, the mother or the daughter? 

Dad is the father of the children, not her father.

 

[geriatrickid]

The people reporting horror stories brought their own mental health issues to the relationship. I would pay no attention to them as they are losers pure and simple. If the relationship is between two normal adults they can  discuss the situation and lay down some ground rules. This doesn't mean that there will not be ups and downs, but two  mature people should be able to work it out. The assumption that kids will be trouble is idiotic. Plenty of  kids  accept the new step parent, provided that person is decent.  I expect the  guys complaining  entered the relationship like a ton of bricks  "laying down their law" dictating and shouting etc. Money was always used as a weapon. Screw that.

 

I do caution that if a child has been streamed into vocational school at age 15 this suggests this family is low class and the boy isn't considered overly bright. That is a warning sign. The people who have the most problems are those who marry into the  Thai underclass.  

[Goodwill Jones]

Thanks for the information about schooling, Had no Idea. The son lives in an apartment on campus, the daughter lives with her biological father, some agreement they made on the divorce. My GF is from a farm family, her dad died years ago. So one brother runs the farm, the other brother is a permanent secretary in a province? Good looking guy. He looks Mid forties from photos , looks like an officer in a Military uniform? Reminds me of a cop  has a college education etc. On the personal side  has a lot of photos of him and his team in camo his face book page says open marriage I ask my GF about that she brings up food then... ?

[EVENKEEL]

Photos Please....

[smotherb]

8 hours ago, Goodwill Jones said:

Dad is the father of the children, not her father.

 

I did not ask who dad was. I asked, "And, who has the good job, the mother or the daughter?"  because you said, ". . . and a daughter 13 Living with dad? (I don’t understand that) she has good job."  Who is the "she" to which you referred?

 

If you would have said the daughter, I would have asked what sort of "good job" does a 13 year old girl have. I was wondering because my Vietnamese ex was a bookkeeper on her father's plantation when she was 13-15, because she was too young to be accepted to university.

[bwpage3]

On 3/15/2018 at 11:56 PM, thaibeachlovers said:

I understand what you are saying, but when a man marries a woman with her own children it's always a union of all, and not just the man and woman. There will not be a single day when the children do not impact the relationship in some way.

The OP has no obligation to take on another's children, so he has the opportunity to back off now, and from my experience, I advise him to do so. I made a huge mistake and my mission in life is to warn other men. NB I am WARNING, but they can make up their own mind.

 

I once got involved with a woman that had adult children, but when I found out that one of them was a gang banger I was out of there.

Why do you feel the need to warn other men?

 

 

Edited April 9, 2018 by bwpage3
spelling