Issues with my thai family

[davidst01]

 

 

I’m writing this thread to seek opinion on my current awkward thai family situation. Since meeting my wifes brother, he has been really unfriendly towards me. The facts on this guy are:

- He is a ladyboy

- His parents have said that they don’t click like on his facebook photos bc they are worried about their friends seeing photos of their son in strange clothes etc

- Late last year he was extremely rude to my wife and they stopped talking for 3 months. I was the one that helped them get back together (via khun yai). Stupid of me..

- My wife talks to her parents about him how he is a bit abrupt.

- In group situations he talks really loud. We all look at each other wondering why he is doing this.  

 

 In the first 20min of meeting him 5 yrs ago he was unfriendly to me. At my wedding he grabbed my arm to kind of assert his control over me. Its happened many times since. On the day of taking our baby home for the first time he grabbed me again in our lounge room. In family group photos he puts his arm around me and kind of touches my butt. I’ve complained to my wife about this many times and all I get is the ‘don’t think too much’. Its happened many times in the past 5 yrs and Ive told the guy in person not to touch me. Sometimes Ive responded quite angry.

 

The wife and I recently moved to a new city as we want to set up a business. The brother arrived with her father last Sunday. I thought all this B.S was over. But at a restaurant we were all talking and he leaned over and grabbed my arm in front of everyone and held it tight for 3 seconds. I regret not hitting him in the face this time as then this might stop it re-occurring. 1 hour later we got back to our house and I took him aside and moved into his space and got very angry again. I grabbed his arm and told him to stop. All he said was that he forgot that I don’t like it- and walked away. I think he was intimidated for the first time. I really think that I should have punched him at that moment but maybe thats what he wanted?

 

The next morning I spoke to the parents and they said sorry to me. I made the guy wait in the car and said he is banned to come back inside. The wife and the family all spent the night at a beach resort and left me alone. Its was all a bit awkard.

 

I kind of think that his agenda is to make the wife and I break up. He manipulates my wife who is too nice now to remember how bad he treated her. At the beach he said to my wife ‘family is so important’…. Despite the fact that he is trying to break up mine. Yesterday I asked my wife to remember months ago how upset she was when he disrespected her. All she says is 'he has improved'. Actually he is the same deranged guy.

 

I sent him a message via social media stating that if he does this in the future I will speak to an attorney and the police. I sent a copy of the message to his parents. Im thinking of contacting a family friend of the parents to talk about this so that the family loses a bit of face. I don’t want to put up with this shit year after yr.

 

Now I don’t know if I want to invest money in the wifes business. I don’t know if she is 100% loyal to me. I acknowledge that I rank very low well after her thai family and my baby. But the fact is that she has never really supported me on this issue and that’s why he continues. If we break up due to this issue he wins. I’m really starting to hate this guy.

 

 

[petermik]

You want this rubbish in your life....tell your wife it either stops or you walk,simple really.....

[HooHaa]

resorting to social media is a very adult course of action indeed.

 

[Sheryl]

From what you say, he is inappropriate with everyone, not just you,  and may be a bit mentally unstable.

 

I think you should stop taking this so personally, it is not specific to you alone.  The rest of the family has obviously opted to just put up with him, but if you do not wish to, then avoid him as much as possible, but indeed, as your wife said, in either case don't over-think the situation.

[GarryP]

2 minutes ago, Sheryl said:

From what you say, he is inappropriate with everyone, not just you,  and may be a bit mentally unstable.

 

I think you should stop taking this so personally, it is not specific to you alone.  The rest of the family has obviously opted to just put up with him, but if you do not wish to, then avoid him as much as possible, but indeed, as your wife said, in either case don't over-think the situation.

Spot on. I have known a few transgender people over the years and some of them are very touchy feely - grabbing your arm and holding on is quite common with some. Nothing is meant by it in most cases and they do it with everyone, particularly male friends and members of the family.  Obviously, it could be a problem if you have issues with transgenders. But like Sheryl I think you are over thinking it. 

[RichardColeman]

23 minutes ago, davidst01 said:

Now I don’t know if I want to invest money in the wifes business. I don’t know if she is 100% loyal to me.

Think you are answering your own question  ! 

 

I never really see the wife's family - occasional sister visit with BF and I get on well with them both. Father on the other hand is a right A hole. Virtually threatened to beat me up the first and only time I met him. Now I live in Pattaya with the wife and baby, he lives 900 km or so away in Nan. Hopefully the drunken bottom will be dead soon anyway. Wife does not talk to him.

Maybe you had the same issue as me - my wife was in a relationship with a hi-so before me that treated her badly, pulled her around by her hair, shouted at her in front of kids etc. I think her father preferred her getting beaten up than her leaving him - which she did. Now I guess I am not so hi-so in his eyes.

[Lacessit]

Walk away now. If your wife won't respect your wishes, what kind of relationship is that? Plenty of Thai women eager to replace her.

[RichardColeman]

15 minutes ago, Sheryl said:

From what you say, he is inappropriate with everyone, not just you,  and may be a bit mentally unstable.

I vote wanting someone to cut your willy off in Thailand as highly mentally unstable !

[Dmaxdan]

28 minutes ago, petermik said:

You want this rubbish in your life....tell your wife it either stops or you walk,simple really.....

What!  Walking away from your wife and child because of an annoying brother in-law?  That's real marital commitment for you. 

At least the OP has tried to make it work with his in-laws  unlike many who dismiss them simply because of the drivel that they read on certain forum websites. The OP wife is most likely caught between a rock and a hard place with a situation like this, so her perspective is probably the most difficult of all because she has to try and keep both sides happy.

 

[BEVUP]

Haven't I read this before 

You haven't had a good run (a bit like me )

I would be keeping an I on the house papers, ect. Because I reckon the Katoey will be wanting 

 

 

[KittenKong]

I sometimes wonder just how empty and pointless my life would be if I was worried about my gay brother-in-law touching my arm.

Now I know.

[BEVUP]

10 minutes ago, Dmaxdan said:

The OP wife is most likely caught between a rock and a hard place with a situation like this, so her perspective is probably the most difficult of all because she has to try and keep both sides happy.

She certainly is

Sounds a bit like mine

Most thais Thai's just go with the flow or bear it out (depending upon nature )

She is also a very soft business person who is to trustworthy ( that's when they usually get done over by anyone who doesn't give a crap.Also includes family )

 

So you built a house on family land or right next door

[Thai Chi]

21 minutes ago, BEVUP said:

Haven't I read this before

First thing I thought when reading.

Almost verbatim to a post I am sure I read 2 or possibly more years ago (?)

Either that or my paranormal powers are up.

[stevenl]

Who cares, just ignore the guy.

[BEVUP]

4 minutes ago, stevenl said:

Who cares, just ignore the guy.

Exactly

He's most probably the ugly Katoey that can't find one with money 

[Gecko123]

I'm guessing that what might be driving the brother-in-law's behavior is that he feels disrespected for his sexual orientation and is deliberately antagonizing the OP in retaliation.

[BEVUP]

1 hour ago, KittenKong said:

I sometimes wonder just how empty and pointless my life would be if I was worried about my gay brother-in-law touching my arm.

Now I know.

You see, he's an Auss like me 

I once seen 2 Asians on a construction site walk down the road & one had his arm around the shoulders of the other ( you see it here sometimes )

To Asians they're just friends 

To Aussies, I will quote a comment by the guy who was standing next to me 

" If he did that to me he would be on the floor "

So I told him not to worry as he wouldn't, they're just friends 

[mogandave]

I think he’s just starving for attention. He gets a rise out of you, so it continues.

I agree you should do your best to ignore him. When he puts his arm around you for a photo and grabs your butt, laugh and grab one of his tits...he’ll get the message.

Why give him all the power? Don’t let a hateful a-hole ruin your family. “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for someone else to die.”

Your sister has known and loved her brother for (I’m guessing) 20-30 years.

Don’t get caught up thinking it’s you or him, it’s you or her entire family, and that is a no-win for everyone.

“Blood is thicker than water.”

[rumak]

this does not answer your specific question (about dealing with brother)........but the biggest question and one that we argue about forever is ......... Are you happy with your wife ?  

The second biggest thing is learning how to win " the thai way".    It is not punching someone and especially not making people lose face as you suggest to do.  

Sounds like you have a lot to learn...... I don't say this to belittle you, just trying to get you to think about what i just wrote

[FritsSikkink]

He touches your arm and you want to get a lawyer and police involved?

If he does it again just grab his arm and remove, it ain't that difficult.

[bwpage3]

You obviously haven't put the fear of god in this boy. 

 

 

[faraday]

He wants attention from, & you give it to him. So, he keeps doing it. He's winding you up, & you respond.

 

Ignore everything he does.

 

Post #18 explains it very well.

[AntDee]

17 hours ago, RichardColeman said:

I vote wanting someone to cut your willy off in Thailand as highly mentally unstable !

Exactly. It's never talked about out of our Western PC culture. But, there is no doubt that Thailand is full of people born as men but who would rather be women. And, it's a sign of significant national mental instability in the male population. 

 

I'd recommend the OP to cut losses and get out of that pathetic sounding family. Gross. 

[cornishcarlos]

17 hours ago, stevenl said:

Who cares, just ignore the guy.

 

Ignore the Op ? Bit rude, its his thread :)

[Kadilo]

Can't help thinking you're overreacting if all he's doing is grabbing you're arm etc. Annoying for sure but saying things like you wish you had give him a good hiding before sounds like you have actually have a problem with ladyboys as opposed to what he's doing.
The social media move was a bad one. There are far better ways of communicating in these situations. That will just inflame.



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[Suradit69]

20 hours ago, davidst01 said:

I’m writing this thread to seek opinion on my current awkward thai family situation.

Part of the problem is that you think of them as your Thai family and Thai wife rather than your family and your wife.

 

Problems with inlaws is pretty common anywhere.

 

Maybe you should have taken the time to get to know the family before you got married. Suggestions from several posters that you walk away from your wife and child are really irresponsible. They are not disposable or object you can tire of and easily replace. 

[cms22]

My wife's family also has a young ladyboy. He is also over the top and touchy feely. That's how many are, and indeed he has been with me. Get over it.

[Juan B Tong]

Screw him!

[cornishcarlos]

2 minutes ago, Juan B Tong said:

Screw him!

 

Just don't let the wife catch you....

[geronimo]

If the wife is forced to choose between foreign hubby and family, the former usually loses out.

 

Good that you involve the rest of the family, and hopefully he (she) will realise where the line is.

 

Good luck