Educated Western Guy Settling With Minimally Educated Thai Girl: Can It Ever Work?

[jumbo]

3 hours ago, Berkshire said:

To the OP, I'd say about 99% of the time, these "communication problems" between farang/Thai have NOTHING to do with education, shared interest, or even culture.  It's simply the language problem.  If you're not fluent in her language and/or she's not fluent in yours, you will have communication problems. 

 

I will say that back in the USA, we have many, many couples who speak the same language, are roughly the same ages, same level of education, shared culture/values/beliefs, etc., etc., and still end up divorcing.  So what does that tell you? 

It tells me that supposing they are both fluent in the language, they still don't understand each other. So language is not the problem.

 

[JAZZDOG]

3 hours ago, SCOTT FITZGERSLD said:

Son (may i call you son? cause i'm a real troll), education is not the number of years you studied or 

the degrees you hold. education is something else.

look at donald trump. he never read books and his wife was a nude model and they

get alone just fine.

I know some well educated foreigners who married not so educated thai woman and  are

still happy after all those years, but what's common to all the success stories is that

they were focused around their work and business, and not

each other.

To put It in other words, the more time you will spend with your thai partner, the less chance

you have to survive together. and the more time you / she will spend in work, and work you like - the better

your relationships will be.

 

ohh and one more thing - make sure your woman is a real woman, or in other words, not a ladyboy.

Can someone translate what this means?

[BritManToo]

6 minutes ago, jumbo said:

they still don't understand each other.

It's hard to understand women.

I don't even pretend to try any more.

[cardinalblue]

It's all about your interest levels  compared to hers....not about educational achievement...unfair to compare Thailand's education to the West...

 

the problem lies in "a have" westerner is at a different level on maslow's hierarchy of needs vs " a have not" Thai...

 

very difficult to find an intersecting point of understanding or empathy.... 

[transam]

6 minutes ago, JAZZDOG said:

Can someone translate what this means?

He's a loner....

[janclaes47]

On 6/18/2018 at 5:18 PM, somtamlao said:

Ok, so seeing as this is my first post I'll possibly be assumed to be a troll, but trust me, that's not the case.

 

For a newbie you seem to be very well informed about how you will be considered for your post.

 

I stopped reading after that first sentence

[spidermike007]

There is no simple answer to this dilemma, but many will attempt to offer you one! My woman has a high school education. But, she is whip smart, has a nearly photographic memory, thinks on her feet like no Western woman I have ever met, and can come up with solutions very quickly. But, like most Thai people, she does not have a philosophical bone in her body, is not intellectual, and cares alot about what others think of her. Initially, I thought those qualities (or lack thereof) were going to be an issue.

 

When we were first getting involved I asked a rather intellectual friend of mine, what was his take on the intellectual vacuum that we faced, and he laughed. He said, when you need intellectual stimulation, call me up and we can go to dinner. It was some of the best advice I ever got. I love spending time with my woman (now my wife), as she is funny, smart, light hearted, kind, always has my back, caring, affectionate, and always fun to be around. Alot of the Western women I dated (and one I was married to) were not like that, on any level, though many had the intellectual component the post speaks of. If anything, that was an obstacle to a good relationship. Many of the really smart, intellectual Western women I have met, are also combative, argumentative, incredibly masculine, and not easy going, on any level, nor are they light hearted on any level. Nor are they fun to be around!

 

I will take what I have, without the intellectual stimulation, over what I used to have, a million times over, thank you very much. That is what my friends are for.

[oldrunner]

More than 50 years ago I took up with a young lady who became my apartment cleaner, and it moved on from there. She spoke minimal (read zero) English. Fifty years later I'm sorry, (kidding) she learned English so well, but we are still  happily married. To answer the question, Yes, it is possible for such an arrangement to work out. Her two sons treat me as their father as do all the family. I do not speak Thai but again, not a major stumbling block.

[Berkshire]

32 minutes ago, jumbo said:

It tells me that supposing they are both fluent in the language, they still don't understand each other. So language is not the problem.

 

Is that why people break up in the west?  For me, it was never that we "didn't understand each other."  It was because I wasn't in love and wanted to move on.

[JAZZDOG]

4 hours ago, SCOTT FITZGERSLD said:

Son (may i call you son? cause i'm a real troll), education is not the number of years you studied or 

the degrees you hold. education is something else.

look at donald trump. he never read books and his wife was a nude model and they

get alone just fine.

I know some well educated foreigners who married not so educated thai woman and  are

still happy after all those years, but what's common to all the success stories is that

they were focused around their work and business, and not

each other.

To put It in other words, the more time you will spend with your thai partner, the less chance

you have to survive together. and the more time you / she will spend in work, and work you like - the better

your relationships will be.

 

ohh and one more thing - make sure your woman is a real woman, or in other words, not a ladyboy.

Can someone translate what this means?

[elgenon]

You have to value her and treat her in a way she can see you value her. Everyone wants respect. Do you respect her?

[JAZZDOG]

Had relationships with four girls who spoke zero English, two Costa Ricans, one Brazilian and a Thai girl. Everything was going along perfectly until they started learning English. All four relationships augered in from there. No need to communicate with girls dumber than a bag of rocks. A man needs a maid, a cook and a good lay not necessarily in that order. If I need to talk I call over my dog.

Edited June 20, 2018 by JAZZDOG
typo

[JLCrab]

The Thai GF as of now almost 10 years does not speak English except for Wow! and bee-yoo-tee-fuh.  She wants money; I want sex. And the rest we work out as necessary.

[connda]

Use that intellect of yours and you will quickly come up the the answer you're looking for.

[Boon Mee]

Of course it can work. Steer clear of conversations about Shakespeare and Great Books ? (no sarc) and enjoy the things that you mutually share. 

[marc651]

You keep repeating over and over again that you are so highly educated and she is not. This becomes a problem when you make it a problem, which seems to be the case.

 

Second, for being that highly educated, how come you did not learn Thai the part 3 years? You complain about her English being not up to your level... She is Thai, you are in Thailand, it is you who should learn Thai and it's she who should complain that you did not do this the past 3 years!

 

It's full of language schools, takes about 6 months of daily classes to become fluent, that's the least you can do, and it will help with your intellectual level understanding Thai people and their culture, you need it.

[tubby johnson]

Most Thais are minimally educated (Thai universities ? ) ... It's not much of a problem in relationships. We cope. This is a great country to live if you manage expectations.

[Hardie]

Learn the Thai language: read books, the whole shmear. It can be done. It's not all her responsibility to adapt, you know...

[InMyShadow]

The massive high post counts by men living up country with uneducated village women leaves them no choice but to exist in a virtual world via keyboard. 

 

They will tell you though they are deliriously happy ?

[federico]

The only thing I could say  :  I would never exchange my uneducated isan Thai wife for any educated over qualified woman from anywhere in the world. Married 7 years now, and no regrets about a lack of conversation on the current economic climate...

My first farang wife was of this kind, and man, she gave me hard hard times...

[KhaoYai]

You might think you'd have a better chance of a lasting relationship with an educated girl but that is not necessarily true.  Thai's often have different interests to westerners so you might find major differences no matter who you settle with. If you enjoy playing farm games on your phone or gossiping, you may be lucky.

 

Also, you might find an educated girl and she might speak fluent English, however, fluent English and academic English are two different things.  It is very unlikely that you will find a Thai girl who's English skills are such that she can converse with you at an advanced level.  Its even less likely that you will learn Thai well enough to make such converstaion.  I have a friend who I would say is fluent in Thai, both written and verbal but he would be the first to admit that he struggles with technical or any other advanced verbal communication.

 

So, no matter who you meet, you are unlikely to be able to converse on the same level as you would with an educated western girl.

 

I would put genuine love and a caring nature above any yearning for educated conversation.

[jumbo]

1 hour ago, Berkshire said:

Is that why people break up in the west?  For me, it was never that we "didn't understand each other."  It was because I wasn't in love and wanted to move on.

I did not provide a reason, I commented on a provided reason.... 

[gunghang]

My wife has no formal education. We've been married for 13 years.

[lovelomsak]

It really comes down to you not her. What is in it for you?Does she give you what You want.I know a few highly educated engineers who married simple Thai farm women. Works great for them. The wife keeps house,the men go out and do men things no problem.The wives are kind considerate,loving etc These are good men most women would love to have.good family men. They feel Thai women make good mothers and wives they so married them..The men have arm candy and a good domestic.. 

  

[Megasin1]

Why would you question something that you have already, this I don't understand. Let me assure you that the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence, you should live in the moment and for the moment the future is never something that you can truly control. If you are happy now, then enjoy that happiness and be thankful for what you have.

[The Deerhunter]

On 6/18/2018 at 6:00 PM, Tacuisse said:

The intellectual compatibility issue is only an issue if you make it one. Bear in mind your GF may be street-smart in Thai ways at a level you cannot hope to achieve.

If she is good in bed, a good cook and not lazy that is a lot better than can be achieved with many Western women. The hell with conversation.

 

Agree with above. But do think about your  financial future and where you can base yourself to earn the best money for when you are older.   From your family description you are not going to inherit big time so your future finances are on you.   In short spend the next 20 + years earning overseas level income then possibly retire here where it is cheaper.  I have internet, Youtube and Kindle to keep me sane here with odd visits to Asia books for a paper & ink fix.   Good communication, good sex & a caring attitude along with shared long term goals will see you better off than a lot of western girls would offer, but it depends on you two.  Good luck.  You can do it if you both want the same things. 

P.S.  I don't think you mentioned kids.  You need to be both on the same page for that biggie.

[Rc2702]

2 hours ago, oldrunner said:

More than 50 years ago I took up with a young lady who became my apartment cleaner, and it moved on from there. She spoke minimal (read zero) English. Fifty years later I'm sorry, (kidding) she learned English so well, but we are still  happily married. To answer the question, Yes, it is possible for such an arrangement to work out. Her two sons treat me as their father as do all the family. I do not speak Thai but again, not a major stumbling block.

Really? So how old were you both at time of meeting?

[Toscano]

A lot depends on where you might choose to live together ; living in Thailand your girlfriend will learn nothing . As  an Australian ambassador once commented to a friend in Bangkok ; that if he spoke perfect Thai there is little or nothing to talk about as even academically educated Thais know next to nothing . Living together in your home country you could send her to school , technical college to learn English and perhaps a job skill . In Thailand I have found that only some university professors might have some comprehensive knowledge of Thailand , its politics and the outside world . You mention that your girlfriend has worked in a massage parlour , but currently she is a waitress in a restaurant ; there is no stigma in Thailand to girls/women doing sex for money . In general I would advise not to marry a bargirl , because after a bit they never change , just money grubbers . Thai women's interest in foreigners is just money and security , when they say they love you it is just your money and perhaps a little more .  I am elderly , married to a middle aged Thai woman who has two bachelor degrees and is head teacher of a school .  I regret that my Thai is minimal and after 14 years together my wife's English is very limited , we have little to talk about beyond the mundane .  I am not an academic but come from a highly educated and intellectual family ; I have many interests I am not able to share with my wife .  A disproportionate number of Thai girls and women are very pretty with beautiful bodies ; which is what appeals to western men .  Apart from bar girls , escorts and prostitutes who do sex for money , Thai women are generally not very sexy at all . Girls tend to develop younger in Thailand and the menopause may come earlier , after which many women don't want sex at all .

I would have to say that intellectual compatibility is VERY important in a longterm relationship , the more so that you are young and have many years before you .  For me the lack of an intellectually compatible companion is distressing at times , but at 81 I have a nice home and very attractive wife , boisterous grandchildren to take care of , my future might be 10 years at best .  

[donmuang37]

Hi,

Not sure if you'll ever get down to this reply, but I'll give it a go.  One gentleman asked the important question: is she intelligent?  One way I can judge that is whether people can grasp concepts or not.  If she isn't intelligent, it won't work for long even if she is very nice.

 

I met my wife through mutual friends in Berlin, Germany where she was working hard at Burger King to support 3 daughters. She had only finished 11 1/2 years of schooling while I was a senior director of program management at a telecom company.  And I hold a BA & an MBA from US universities. To make matters worse, I'm 18 years older than her.  She and her youngest daughter moved to the US where we got married.  (Her older daughters were out of high school and attending university, so they stayed put.)  After 4 years, I retired and we moved to Thailand because I wanted her to get an education.  Her English conversation was OK, but it wasn't academic English.   After we settled in here in Bangkok, we were shocked to learn that she had to attend Koh Sor Nor (spelling?) to get her high school diploma.  So she did and attended an open university in parallel.  To make a long story short, she did well in her BA, so continued for a master's degree and then a Ph.D.  Amazing what poor kid can do if given a chance.  

 

If she doesn't dump me before November, we'll celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary.  During her education, her Thai got better and her English got worse.  She "went native" as it were.  But we are still doing OK and I'm very happy she got an education.

 

If your girlfriend is qualified and willing to get an education, then I think you'll do well.  If not, better think very carefully.  Just my humble opinion.

Best of luck,

Don

[wolf81]

I'm just gonna share my POV. I'm a guy 37 years of age and I kinda know what I want in life by now. 

 

I am in some ways educated as well, though I never finished my studies. I'm a software developer, freelancer, earn really well compared to most people in my country. I like to read as well, can enjoy museums, keeping up with the news, learning new things, etc...

 

My GF is Thai and she worked prior in a massage shop (and furniture shop and factory and possibly some other places as well). She is in this regard quite the same as your GF. My GF is also really sweet and takes good care of me and is a little bit older than me. 

 

But she doesn't share all of my interests. And to me that is fine. I know there are plenty of things we can enjoy together and some stuff could be nice to do with other people. I already figured out my GF doesn't like to go to museums and learn about history and such and that is fine. These are activities I could enjoy well enough on my own. She also can't swim as of yet and even if she could, I doubt she would enjoy it as much as me. 

 

But there are plenty of things we can enjoy together. Went with her to some zoo's and she really enjoyed those days. She also enjoys going to cinema together and watching some comedy or action flick and I can enjoy those as well. 

 

We've had a relationship for about 2.5 years now by the way. 

 

By the way my GF enjoys pretty much the same activities as your GF. Watching Thai soap opera's (I sometimes watch with her, just to share the moment with her). My GF didn't know about 9/11 either (I think most Thais probably don't know and don't care - part of Thai culture). Her English isn't great either but good enough for now. For me it's not a big deal. Soon I hope to live in her village and not care too much about the outside world either. I like that aspect of Thai society. And as for communication, I will learn to speak, read and write proper Thai, because I enjoy learning and will make the communication easier. 

 

So I guess it depends very much what you want in your relationship. But I think it can work out fine.