Worst Joke Ever 2024

[VocalNeal]

14 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81?

He said "No".

 

If a German woman's response to intimate advances is No.......no.

She is not giving you marks out of 10

[ravip]

[ravip]

[owl sees all]

[owl sees all]

Tibbs has gone missing. Looked everywhere.

 

 

I love that kitten. I'm gonna cry. Where are the tissues?

 

 

So there you are!

 

[tomazbodner]

[Crossy]

7 hours ago, ravip said:

 

When I first played this as soon as the barking started our two canine security guards zoomed off towards the gate to deal with the interlopers.

 

They were not fooled the second time and gave me the dirty look dogs do when there's no treat.

[Susco]

[chickenslegs]

If you can’t think of a word say “I forgot the English word for it.” That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot.  

[chickenslegs]

My diet is going well.

Today I ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce, and cheese. FINE, it was a pizza.... OK, I
ate a pizza! Are you happy now? 

[tomazbodner]

[tomazbodner]

[chickenslegs]

I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.  

[tomazbodner]

That should keep it in place. Guaranteed.

 

[tomazbodner]

[tomazbodner]

[tomazbodner]

[tomazbodner]

[chickenslegs]

*1 Law of Mechanical  Repair*
 After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

*2. Law of Gravity *
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

*3. Law of Probability *
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

*4. Law of Random Numbers *
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

*5. Variation Law *
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

*6. Law of the  Bath  *
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

*7. Law of Close Encounters *
The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

*8. Law of the Result *
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

*9. Law of Biomechanics*
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

*10. Law of the Theater & Sports Arena *
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

*11. The Coffee Law *
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss/wife will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

*12. Murphy's Law of Lockers *
If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

*13. Law of Physical Surfaces *
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

*14. Law of Logical Argument *
Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

*15. Law of Physical Appearance *
If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

*16. Law of Public Speaking *
A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!

*17. Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy*
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!

*18. Doctors' Law *
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

[tomazbodner]

[tomazbodner]

[tomazbodner]

[tomazbodner]

[covidiot]

what do scholars eat when they're hungry?

academia nuts

[owl sees all]

7 hours ago, tomazbodner said:

 

29% of the audience got it wrong.

[ravip]

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

[ravip]

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdu Zim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

[ravip]

A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

[fangless]

1 hour ago, owl sees all said:

 

29% of the audience got it wrong.

Watt is wrong!

 

PS;  Just horsing around for some power!

 

Edited May 26, 2021 by fangless
PS added

[fangless]