3 hours ago, Zyxel said:

Does that count as a "selfie"?

There's this black kid that goes to school and realizes teachers treat him differently than the white kids.

So, he goes home, paints himself white and shows his dad.

His dad beats the crud outta him.

He shows his mother, "Hey Ma, Look! I'm white!"

He gets beat by his mom too.

Lastly, he shows his Grandmother, "Grandma, Look! I'm white!

She beats him badly with her cane and sends him to his room.

Later, his dad comes into his room and asks,

"Son, did you learn anything out of this?"

 

The boy replies, "Duh! I've only been white for an hour and I already hate three of you black *******!"

Why did the liverpudlian go the Irish blokes car boot sale?

To get his stuff back.

In high school, my teachers told me I’d never amount to anything due to my procrastination.

I told them, “just you wait!”

A young boy was sitting on his front step eating Mars bars as fast as he could unwrap them when a man walking by said "Young man you shouldn't be eating that many Mars bars. You'll spoil your dinner, not to mention its unhealthy."

The boy replied "I don't think so. My grandfather lived to be 102"
" Wow" said the man "and he did that by eating Mars bars?"
"No" said the boy, "by minding his own business".

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, took out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless man replied.

"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food? the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a hot shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded.

"Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?" the man replied.

"That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf.