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15 hours ago, VBF said:

Nearly....realised in time!!! ????

Have a go, it could work.

A couple of rather nasty OTT joke posts have been removed

There were 3 men in a nursing home. The first guy says “I wish I could do pee like I used to, but all I can do is drips and dribbles". The second guy says “ I wish I could poop but I strain and strain and nothing". The third guy says “Every morning at 7:30 I pee a river, nonstop. At 7:35 I poop nice and easy, just comes out smooth.” The first guy says “Then what are you griping about?” The third guy says, “Well, I don't get up until 9:30!”

Actual news article from a French paper:

 

An elderly lady arrives at the train station to find there is a ten minute delay. To pass the time she wanders around and comes across a Speaking Weight Machine. She steps on the scale and the machine says " you weigh 47kgs and need to use the ladies bathroom ".
She steps off and sure enough the call of nature needs to be obeyed.
When she returns she again steps on to the scale and the machine says " you still weigh 47kgs and in twenty seconds you will break wind ". She steps off and proceeds to leave when Phrumphhhh.
Curious she steps on to the scale for the third time. The machine says " you still weigh 47kgs and with all this pissin' and fartin' around you missed your train."

8 hours ago, roo860 said:

That's no woman.  You can clearly see his nuts.

3 hours ago, carlyai said:

Have a go, it could work.

Now about this bridge I have for sale........????

1 hour ago, ravip said:

Sadly, all very familiar ????