On 5/4/2023 at 9:00 AM, scottiejohn said:

What do you expect when you take your car to a garage for a tune up?

You are bound to get a score or two!

I'll make a note of that.

Hey I was Just watching the Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra on telly and half way through the bloke on the triangle disappeared.

A man leaving his apartment building runs into his woman neighbour in the elevator.
"Good morning, what are you up to today?" he asks.

She replies, "I'm going down to give blood."

"How much do you get paid for giving blood?" he asks.

"About $20 a pint." she says.

"Hmm ...," the man says. "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100 a tablespoon."

The woman is left with a questioning expression on her face as the man leaves the elevator.

The next day they meet in the elevator again.

The man asks, "So, where you off to today?"

-
"Fmerm mank," she says.

A married couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary.

At the party everybody wanted to know how they managed to stay married so long in this day and age.

The husband responded "When we were first married we came to an agreement. I would make all the major decisions and my wife would make all the minor decisions.

And in 60 years of marriage we have never needed to make a major decision."

Police have arrested a group of racist pigeons and chickens.

A spokesman said "we're very disappointed that The Coo Clucks Clan has made it to this country".

There is a fine line between a fisherman and a fish.

Little Jonny and Little Billy are playing catch in the garden when the ball bounces into a Rose bush. Little Billy puts his hand in to get the ball and he gets a thorn stuck in his hand. He has a bit of a cry and shows Jonny.

 

“Don't worry buddy, I know a trick to make it better “.says Jonny.

 

Jonny goes into the house and comes out with a cereal bowl and a can of cider. He pours the cider into the bowl and says to Billy. “Put your hand in the bowl of cider,that should help".

 

“How does that help?” Asks Billy

 

“I'm not sure “ replies Jonny ,”I overheard my big sister once , she was telling her friend that whenever she got a prick in her hand then she would put it in cider".

Needs more Parmasan?