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Scotland gets independence.????

 

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A Polish man moved to the US and married an American woman. Although his English was far from perfect they got along very well.  

 

But one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.  The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and this conversation followed:

 

 "Have you any grounds?" 

 “Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.” 

"No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?"  

“It’s made of concrete.” 

“I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?" 

 “No, we have carport, and not need one.” 

 "I mean what are your relations like?"  

“All my relations still in Poland.”

 “Is there any infidelity in your marriage?" 

 “We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.”

 “Does your wife beat you up?" 

 “No, I'm always up before her each morning.” 

"Why do you want this divorce?" 

 “She going to kill me.” 

“What makes you think that?" 

“I got proof.” 

 "What kind of proof?" 

 “She going to poison me.

 

She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.

 

 I can read English pretty good, and it say “POLISH REMOVER”

A young Italian immigrant came to America with one burning desire. He wanted to become successful enough to one day fly back to Italy and meet the Pope.

Twenty years later, he had achieved his goal. He bought himself a custom tailored $2,000 dollar suit and accessories, along with a first- class ticket to Rome on Alitalia.

He scalped himself a ticket to the Papal greeting line at the Vatican.

So; there stood the Italian man, dressed impeccably, in a long line of people waiting to be greeted by the Pope.

Suddenly; horrified at what he was seeing, the Italian man, looks to his right and notices a filthy smelly bum wearing ragged clothes and no shoes, also waiting to see his Holiness.

As the Pope was walking down the receiving line in their direction, he completely ignored the sharply dressed Italian man, and instead come over and gave the bum a big papal hug whispering private words in his ears.

The Italian man was devastated. How could the Pope have missed him in his expensively tailored suit?! But, then he realized the Pope must feel sorry for the poor, and that’s why the bum got the attention.

The Italian man taps the bum and says, “Hey, this is a you lucky day. How would a you like a to change clothes with a me?”

The bum responds, Of course, It’s a miracle. Thank a you so much.

They switch clothing.

A few minutes later, the Pope had reached the end of the reception line, turned around, and was now heading back when he spots the Italian, now wearing the bum’s ragged clothes.

The Pope walks up to the Italian man, giving him a huge Papal hug and says, “Hey. Isn’t dis the second time I tella you to get the ...... out here?

Happy Bladensburg Day everyone.

 

“Don’t look back in Asda.”