Q: Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?

 

A: So that the men can think of a solution in silence.

3 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

He is yelling: AND THIS ONE IS MINE!

1 hour ago, roo860 said:

It's Carnival day in Notting Hill ????????

All joking aside for a short while.

 

Good work from the carnival organisers and for the disabled in wheelchairs. 

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally,the doctor

asks him what happened.

"Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows."

"We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it-- stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt."

"That's when I made my big mistake."

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the cow's tail again and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours!"

"I don't remember much after that"!.......

A young boy, about eight years old, walks into the local

grocery store and picks our a huge box of laundry detergent.

The grocer walked over, and trying to be friendly,

asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.

"Nope, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog!"

"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very

powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick.

In fact, it might even kill him."

But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent

to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still

tried to talk him out of washing his dog.

About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some

candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.

"Oh, he died," the boy said sadly.

The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was

sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use

that detergent on your dog!"

"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent

that killed him."

"Oh? What was it then?"

"I think it was the spin cycle!"

Just got back from holiday. No, I don't wish to discuss it.