9 hours ago, ballpoint said:

I took my cat to the vet and explained she was very listless and not moving.

The vet put a stethoscope to her chest and said “Say aaah”

“She can’t say aaah!” I said.

“I wasn’t talking to the cat", he replied, "I was talking to you. The cat’s dead”

I think it's just stunned...

 

 

Joe took his blind date to the Barnsley Feast. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.

"I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize. Next the couple went on the dodgems. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.

"I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his money. The couple walked around the Feast and again he asked where to next.

"I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"

Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Simpson became too furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde.

As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Simpson, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!"

Bewildered, Mr. Simpson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I...I...didn't pinch that girl."

"Of course you didn't," said his wife, consolingly.

"I did."

The farmer’s teenage son was tasked with leading their cow over to the neighboring farm to be ‘freshened’ by their bull. When he got there the teenage daughter was the only one at home. They put the bull and the cow in the corral together and leaned on the fence to wait for nature to take its course. The boy said,” That bull really seems to know what to do, doesn’t he?” The girl answered, “Yep.” Awhile later the boy said, “That cow doesn’t seem to mind, does she?” The girl answered, “Nope.” The boy said, “They both seem to be enjoying themselves, don’t they?” The girl answered, “Yep.” He turned to the girl, looked her in the eye and said, “I really wouldn’t mind doing what that bull is doing. What do you think?” The girl answered, “Go right ahead, it’s your cow.”

????