A guy goes to see his doctor.

 

D. .d..doc. I..I..I n..n..need he..he..help w..w..with m..m..my st..sta.. stammer.

 

The doctor carries out some tests and tells the guy that his huge penis is preventing the blood flow to his brain.

 

The only cure for the stammer is a penis reduction, 6 inches will have to be amputated.

 

The guy agrees for the doctor to carry out the operation, which is successful in curing the stammer.

 

However, after a few months the guy starts to regret having the operation as it having a negative effect on his sex life.

 

He goes back to the doctor and requests a reversal of the operation.

 

The doctor says “S.. s..sorry, th..th..the op..operation c.. can..can’t b.b.be re..rev..reversed.

I raced a Harley today. I was riding through the twisting sections of a back country road with no straight sections to speak of and where most of the bends have warning signs that say "40 ARAF". I knew if I was going to pass him, it would have to be a place where handling and rider skill are more important than horsepower alone.

I saw the guy up ahead as I exited one of the turns and knew I could catch him. I concentrated on my braking and cornering. A few corners later, I was on his rear wheel. Catching him was one thing; passing him would prove to be another.

Two corners later, I pulled up next to him as we sailed down a hill. I think he was shocked to see me next to him. I almost got by him before he could recover. Next corner, same thing. I'd manage to pull up next to him as we started to enter the corners but when we came out he'd get on the throttle and outpower me.

My only hope was to outbrake him.

I held off squeezing the lever until the last instant. I kept my nerve while he lost his. In an instant I was by him. Corner after corner, I could hear the roar of his engine as he struggled to keep up.

Three more miles to go before the road straightens out and he would pass me for good.

But now I was in the lead and he would no longer hold me back. I stretched out my lead and by the time we reached the end of the twisties, he was more than a full corner behind. I could no longer see him in my rear-view mirror.

Once the road did straighten out, it seemed like it took miles before he passed me, but it was probably just a few hundred yards. I was no match for that kind of horsepower, but it was done. In the tightest section of road, where bravery and skill count for more than horsepower and deep pockets, I had passed him.

I will always remember that moment.....

Cos I don't think I've ever pedalled so hard in my life........

The Scottish Government is rightly concerned about the health of its citizens and encourages them to eat five portions of veg a day.

 

In Scotland this is boiled potatoes, chips, sautéed potatoes, baked potatoes and a bag o crisps.

 

Optionally replace sautéed potatoes with Mash.