A lawyer dies and when he meets St Peter at The Pearly Gates he says,

“I think there must be some mistake. I'm only 31 years old, living a healthy lifestyle and in peak physical fitness. I'm sitting in my garden relaxing then I dropped dead! Could you please check? I'm sure there has been a misunderstanding.”

St Peter opens his book. “Ah yes,” he says. “I see the what has happened. We went by the hours you billed your clients and according to those you’re at least 128.”

Yeah, right...

 

A rich man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside.

He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.
"I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, please come to my house!"
"But sir, I have a wife and four children..."
"Bring them along!" the rich man said.
They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."
The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!"