19 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

From Taco Bell or KFC?

From Taco Bell or KFC?

Free with Happy meal for rednecks !!

1 hour ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Free with Happy meal for rednecks !!

You mean as a Scotsman I would have to pay real money?

????

PS;  What is a "Redneck" and are you one?

Edited February 23, 20197 yr by scottiejohn
ps added. as usual- alxzim........ Oh I forgot

Paddy and Mick go to London to donate sperm. 
It was a disaster! 

Paddy missed the tube and Mick came on the bus!

Paddy is on a nude beach in Spain. 
Out of manners and to prevent sunburn, he keeps a hat over his privates. 
A woman walked past sniggering and says, If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat'. 

Paddy replies,

 

'If you weren’t such an ugly wart faced old slag it would lift itself!'

Edited February 23, 20197 yr by scottiejohn

Wife: Look at that drunk guy. 
Husband; who is he? 
Wife: 10 yrs back he proposed to me & I rejected him. 
Husband: Oh My God He's still celebrating his rejection.

 

And like all digital "Nomads" has no visible means of support and is a non flyer by night!!

Would be a dead duck if the correct species!

OK. You can stop groaning, I have stopped typing!

Edited February 23, 20197 yr by scottiejohn

You mean as a Scotsman I would have to pay real money?
[emoji24]
PS;  What is a "Redneck" and are you one?

I don’t consider myself a redneck Scottie.....


......but I’ll get there one day !!

A very successful, arrogant young barrister from London is up in Yorkshire, playing golf.

 

His ball goes out of bounds into a farmers field. Just as he is about to climb over the fence to retrieve his ball an elderly farmer shouts out to him ”Hey, keep off my land. You can’t climb my fence without asking my permission first”.

 

The barrister says “You obviously have no idea who I am. I am a top London barrister and you are just some dumb farmer. If you prevent me from retrieving my ball I can sue you for every penny you have”.

 

“I don’t know how you fancy southerners settle things” says the farmer, “but around here we use the one-punch rule”.

 

“What is that?” asks the barrister.

 

The old farmer explains “First I get to give you one punch, then you get to punch me, and so on until one of us gives up”.

 

The barrister looks at the old farmer and thinks there is no way he can lose a fight against such an old man so he agrees to the contest.

 

The old farmer draws back his fist and, with all his strength, punches the barrister square on the nose, knocking him to the ground and drawing blood.

 

After taking a few minutes to recover the barrister says “Right you old bumpkin, now it’s my turn”.

 

“No need” says the farmer, “I give up, you can have your ball”.

Oops! wrong thread

Edited February 23, 20197 yr by chickenslegs

14 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

I don’t consider myself a redneck Scottie.....


......but I’ll get there one day !!

Are you on the left or the right ----- of the picture?

Are you on the left or the right ----- of the picture?

That’s me on the right, with the 6 pack abs and all the cool tats !!

That fat doofus to the left is just a wannabe who’s jealous of my properties !

Two men were arrested for masturbating in my local newsagents...
It was all over the papers.

 

Just been in hospital having a large mole removed from my penis.
Won't be sh*gging one of those again!

 
I went to the doctor and he told me "Don't eat anything fatty."
I asked: "What like - pizzas or burgers?"
He replied: "No. Just don't eat anything you fat b*stasrd."
 

Two Irishmen Paddy and Mick are having a drink and watching the football around Mick's house. At full time Paddy gets up to go home but notices it is p8ssing down with rain outside.
"Stay the night here Paddy," says Mick. "I'll go and make up a bed for you."
When Mick comes back down the stairs Paddy is standing there drenched to the bone.
Mick says, "What the bleeding hell happened to you?"

Paddy replies, "I went home for me pyjamas."
 
 

Two men were arrested for masturbating in my local newsagents...
It was all over the papers.
 
Just been in hospital having a large mole removed from my penis.
Won't be sh*gging one of those again!
 
I went to the doctor and he told me "Don't eat anything fatty."
I asked: "What like - pizzas or burgers?"
He replied: "No. Just don't eat anything you fat b*stasrd."
 

I nearly got fired from my job as a roofer for masturbating but my boss let me wipe the slate clean !!

Two Eskimos went out fishing in their kayak.  The weather turned for the worse and it started to ice over, so one of them lit a small fire, which burned a hole through the bottom and made it sink.  While floating in the freezing water he turned to his mate and said "I guess what they say is true.  You can't have your kayak and heat it too."

 

A vulture boards a plane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

 

I went to the zoo the other day, but the only animal it had was a single dog.  It was a shitzu.

 

 

Well, You may groan, but

A correction?

 

I went to the doctor and he told me "Don't eat anything fatty."
I asked: "What like - pizzas or burgers?"
He replied: "No. Just don't eat anything fatty."

 

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