11 hours ago, roo860 said:

But the question is if he only ron farr or also ron fasstt

A Chinese man decides to move to Australia after 50 years of living in Shanghai. He buys a small piece of land near Mt Isa:
 
A few days after moving in, the friendly Aussie neighbour decides to go across and welcome the new guy to the region.

 

He goes next door but on his way up the driveway he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens. Not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese customs', he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.

The next day, he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees the Chinese man urinate into a glass and then drink it. Not wanting to interrupt another 'Chinese custom', he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.
 
A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the Chinese man leading a bull down the drive-way, pause and then put his head next to the bull's bum. 

 

The Aussie bloke can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says. "Jeez Mate, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighbourhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull's bum, it could just about 5h** on you."
 
The Chinese man is very taken back and says. "Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I doing, these Australian Customs."
 
"What do you mean mate?" Says the Aussie. "Those aren't Australian customs."

 

"Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me." Replied the Chinese man. "He say to become true Australian, I learn chase chicks, drink p155 , and listen to bull-5h**."

Meanwhile: spotted going north on the M6:

 

So , a couple of years ago as a joke i signed my dog up with a Twitter account and gave him my old mobile to play with.

 

Yesterday i found the mobile down the back of the couch  !!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Death of Cleopatra

 

 

 

Rabbit hutch salesmen. They'll give you a run for your money...

Mrs Cameron, a primary teacher, was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong.

 

"All right children, let's take an example," Mrs Cameron said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his wallet with all his money, what would I be?"

 

Little Tony raises his hand, and with a confident smile says, "You'd be his wife."

They say an Utopian laughs three times at a joke. The first time when everybody gets it, the second a week later when he thinks he gets it, the third time a month later when somebody explains it to him.
 

An Utopian went into a hardware store and asked to buy a sink.'Would you like one with a plug?' asked the assistant.

 

'Don't tell me they've gone electric,' said the Utopian.

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive casement type with shutters.

 

Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

 

Hellloo............ Just because I have fair hair doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.

 

So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

 

Hellloo? It's been a year! I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.

Paddy tells his wife "My bumhole is really burning, I've no idea what it is".
"Ring sting" suggests his wife.
Paddy replies "And how the heck will he know?"

I’m trying to remember a song about sheep but can only remember the first two bars.

I've just bought some bird seed.
Anyone know how long they take to grow?

When I saw my ex-wife yesterday with her new boyfriend, I couldn't believe just how much he looked like me when we were still together.
Miserable.

Not to brag, but l have this incredible talent in predicting what’s inside a wrapped present.
It’s a gift.